To you...

My brothers and sisters,
What you are about to read is the result of God working and speaking to my heart in recent times. I’ve been convicted that I am holding back my words and in turn, holding back His glory, and I am not going to do that anymore. In a lot of ways, this could be different than things you have read from me before. But in this, I choose to be God inspired and allow Him to speak through me, and because the character of God bears many attributes, this entry may bear different tones. These are not my words, but rather His; I am but a mere vessel for these words. Know that I am a woman continually being shaped by Christ and I have flaws of my own. I come to you in humility but also in earnestness to implore you to allow God to speak to you. All I desire out of this is two things: one, that I will do what God is calling me to do in releasing these words to You, and two, that God will speak to you through this. If you wish to talk to me about anything, I am here, just let me know. Know I am praying for you all and it is out of love that I say these words.
In His Power,
Elise

Seeking the Better Way
“As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all of the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!’ ‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42

Mary sought the better way. She remained at Christ’s feet for she knew that was where she belonged. All of these gifts we have been blessed with are nothing if we aren’t willing to surrender them for His doing. As Martha was so busy with distractions, though she was operating out of her gifts, she wasn’t choosing the better way. She wasn’t allowing God to flow through that gift; instead she allowed herself to become frustrated with others things. We should not worry and become upset, for we choose the better way. It must be this in our lives.

Jealous God
“Do not worship any other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God.” Exodus 34:14

In the relationship we have with God, there is no room for selfishness on our part, only obedience and worship. All the glory and honor is unto Him and all we do is out of obedience and reverence to Him. For what would this relationship be if each were jealous? We submit to God because He is God. We worship Him because He is God. He is intolerant of unfaithfulness; this is shown all over the Old Testament. “The Great God Almighty that fills the universe and overflows into immensity can never be surrounded by that little thing that we call our brain, our mind, our intellect—never, never, never! Never can we rise to face God by what we know and by what we are, but only by love and faith are we lifted thus to know Him and adore Him!” (Tozer) Therefore all selfishness and self must flee on our part because there’s no room for it in loving Him. The only thing we seek and desire is Him and in that, all other things will come.

Blessings
The LORD will establish you as his holy people, as he promised you on oath, if you keep the commands of the LORD your God and walk in his ways. Then all the peoples on earth will see that you are called by the name of the LORD, and they will fear you. The LORD will grant you abundant prosperity - in the fruit of your womb, the young of your livestock and the crops of your ground - in the land he swore to your forefathers to give you. The LORD will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty, to send rain on your land in season and to bless all the work of your hands. You will lend to many nations but will borrow from none. The LORD will make you the head, not the tail. If you pay attention to the commands of the LORD your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top, never at the bottom. Do not turn aside from any of the commands I give you today, to the right or to the left, following other gods and serving them. Deuteronomy 28:9-14

The things I hold onto the most are the blessings God has given me. Yet He is telling me that blessings do not come in place of Him and His plan; rather, they accompany it. We must step out in faith and when we do so, we will be blessed beyond anything we could ever imagine. To be “selfish” we must be unselfish. To receive the blessings that are of Him and more sweet than we could ever imagine and the ones we desire so much of, we must be unselfish in our response to Him. We must be unselfish in how we live our life and let it always be an offering to Him.

Sacrificing All
“Then he said to them all: ‘If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self? If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels. I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the kingdom of God.” Luke 9:23-27

“Our fathers worshipped in this mountain; and ye say, that in Jerusalem is the place where men ought to worship. Jesus saith unto her, Woman, believe me, the hour cometh, when ye shall neither in this mountain, nor yet at Jerusalem, worship the Father. Ye worship ye know not what: we know what we worship: for salvation is of the Jews. But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him. John 4:20-23

The times are changing, and it’s up to us how we choose to respond. Revival is beckoning, and we can choose whether or not we want a part. This revival that is coming is different than anything we will ever know. It will shake the heavens and its power will be unleashed upon this world. Such is God’s desire for His people to know Him, and He will do anything it takes to bring His people back. With the power of the Lord comes great things, such as large multitudes of people being saved and baptized, people being healed, and our entire schema of the world changing before our eyes.
After reading reports about the revival happening at UCLA, God was asking me tough questions I either needed to answer or remember my answer to. The following is from a journal entry of mine that I wish to share with you.
“After reading these reports by Jaeson Ma of revival at UCLA, something stirred inside me that I haven’t felt in a long time, or ever. As he talked about this dying generation that is so stuck in rituals and the church game, and how we must take it by force, for the Kingdom of Heaven suffers violence, I knew this is what You’ve been needing to break through to me for quite some time. As I read this, I was uncomfortable, for it scared me in some ways. Lord, this revival coming is different than anything we will ever know. It will shake the heavens and its power will be unleashed upon this world. Such is Your desire for Your people to know You, and You will do anything it takes. At UCLA, people were being healed and saved, and Lord, I know this is Your plan, but do I really believe it? Do I live and breathe it every moment of every day that it literally becomes the source of life on which I depend? Do I not only rest solely in Your presence and on Your promises, but have the bold faith to know that You will fulfill those in ways unimaginable to the mere human mind? Lord, we’ve been talking about how we can pray and pray and pray for revival, but unless it comes as a result of the heart desperately seeking and crying out for revival, it won’t do much. I say I want revival, but You are convicting me of whether or not I am willing to sacrifice ALL for it. But as You say in Your word, whoever seeks his life will lose it, but whoever loses it for Your sake will find it. Everything I have is Yours, but am I willing to give it all back to You if You so call me to do so? Everything I am, everything I do, everything I have? Such is the cost that is so necessary to reach a dying generation, O Lord, and if I am to be a chosen one, I must decide what I am going to choose. In everything I do, will I make the sacrifice necessary at the given time, to die to self and desires, to die for the sake of knowing You? You are leading me into uncharted territory, Lord, this I know, and this scares me. More so than ever I feel this now.

But as I came to You in the quiet yet raging depression I was stuck in five and a half years ago, You renewed me, restored me, called me as Your own. It was there I found life and found something worth living for. I found a God who gave me purpose, One who would fight for me, One who loved me in the way I had been seeking all my life. It was there I found myself, there I knew I was a chosen one of You. It was there I found something worth living for. But here I am at the point of finding someone worth dying for. Am I willing to die to myself, to all the things I know, all the things I cling to, all my ideas, hopes, and dreams in order that Your kingdom be advanced on earth, that this dying generation will come to know the One who gave me life? It’s not a choice I make and change day after day, it’s a life modeled after the One who showed me how to live, it’s a journey of attaining wisdom from the Giver of knowledge, it’s a pursuit of a love more fulfilling and tempting and sweet than ever thought possible, and it’s a walk in the dangerous side, for You are not safe and we are in a battle for not only our hearts but all the souls of men.


Falling Away
“Here is my servant, whom I uphold, my chosen one in whom I delight; I will put my spirit on him and he will bring justice to the nations. He will not shout or cry out, or raise his voice in the streets. A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out. In faithfulness he will bring forth justice; he will not falter or be discouraged until he establishes justice on earth. In his law the islands will put their hope. This is what God the Lord says—he who created the heavens and stretched them out, who spread out the earth and all that comes out of it, who gives breath to its people and life to those who walk on it: I, the Lord, have called you in righteousness; I will take hold of your hand. I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people and a light for the Gentiles, to open eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison, and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness. I am the Lord; that is my name! I will not give my glory to another or my praise to idols. See, the former things have taken place, and the new things I declare; before they spring into being, I announce them to you. Sing to the Lord a new song, his praise from the ends of the earth, you who go down to the sea, and all that is in it, you islands, and all who live in them. Let the desert and its towns raise their voices; let the settlements where Kedar lives rejoice. Let the people of Sela sing for joy; let them shout from the mountaintops. Let them give glory to the Lord and proclaim his praise in the islands. The Lord will march out like a mighty man, like a warrior he will stir up his zeal; with a shout he will raise the battle cry and will triumph over his enemies. For a long time I have kept silent, I have been quiet and held myself back. But now, like a woman in childbirth, I cry out, I gasp and I pant. I will lay waste the mountains and hills and dry up all their vegetation. I will turn rivers into islands and dry up the pools. I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them. But to those who trust in idols, who say to images, ‘You are our Gods,’ will be turned back in utter shame. Hear you deaf, look you blind and see! Who is blind but my servant, and deaf like the messenger I send? Who is blind like the one committed to me, blind like the servant of the Lord? You have seen many things, but have paid no attention; your ears are open, but you hear nothing. It pleased the Lord for the sake of his righteousness to make his law great and glorious. But this is a people plundered and looted, all of them trapped away in pits or hidden away in prisons. They have become plunder, with no one to rescue them. They have been made loot, with no one to say ‘send them back.’ Which of you will listen to this or pay close attention in time to come? Who handed Jacob over to become loot, and Israel to the plunderers? Was it not the Lord, against whom we have sinned? For they would not follow his ways, they did not obey his law. So he poured out on them his burning anger, the violence of war. It enveloped them in flames, yet they did not understand; it consumed them, but they did not take it to heart.” Isaiah 42

Something that’s greatly been disturbing me as of late is how so many Christians are falling away as a result of going into the world unequipped. Instead of pulling others up to their level and being the leader, they go down to the other level and accept the fact that it’s easier to meet the other where he/she is at instead of bringing him/her up to where they are. Then, they remain in that lower level. There is a time for going to meet people where they are at, but it must not come at the price of our relationship with Him! Look at Christ with His ministry…it was only for three years. There was so much time beforehand in which He was being prepared for the three years in which He ministered. In order to go into the world, one has to be so strong not to be of it. Why are so many people not at this point? Why are so many people going into the world without any good sense and then coming out so blindly, having lost their first love and purpose for whom they live? It can’t be like this! I’m tired of seeing people “falling away” from Christ, thinking that in time, they will return. NO! The time is NOW to be with Christ and if they are fully in His presence, there’s no way they can escape. By becoming a Christian, they were accepting the gift of salvation that is free to us, but it came at a price. In becoming a Christian they are saying that they will leave their old ways behind and follow after Him. This is the sacrifice that so few make. How can one who has tasted and seen the ways of God live among the world and not see its fallen nature and be disgusted with it? This shows that so few Christians have had the encounter with Him that we so desperately need, for when we are completely captured by Him a passion will burn out of that, so as long as we dwell in Him and the Holy Spirit, it should never wane. Out of ourselves and this world, we can do nothing, but out of Him and His kingdom, we can do everything, for “the Christian who goes out without faith in ‘wonders’ will return without fruit. No one dare to be so rash that as to seek to do impossible things unless he has first been empowered by the God of the impossible. The power of the Lord was there is our guarantee of victory!” (Tozer). We must realize that we can no longer live by the ways of the world if we wish to truly live!

Choices
“When all these blessings and curses I have set before you come upon you and you take them to heart wherever the LORD your God disperses you among the nations, and when you and your children return to the LORD your God and obey him with all your heart and with all your soul according to everything I command you today, then the LORD your God will restore your fortunes and have compassion on you and gather you again from all the nations where he scattered you. Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach. It is not up in heaven, so that you have to ask, "Who will ascend into heaven to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?" Nor is it beyond the sea, so that you have to ask, "Who will cross the sea to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?" No, the word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so you may obey it. See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. For I command you today to love the LORD your God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess. But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods and worship them, I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess. This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.” Deuteronomy 20:1-3, 11-19

The other day I was walking through the UU and I had been for a couple of days looking to that corner in which we prayed during our prayer week and wondering why there was no one there anymore, wondering why everyone was gone. Why are we so quick to leave what we experienced that week and move on, treat it as a lost memory? I know in a lot of ways it was a preview of what is to come, but still, more than ever, we must carry that with us in every moment. If we forget how God brought the body of Christ together and how we united in prayer and how sweet our worship was, we have lost sight of the essential part of the revival. We have lost sight of the church gathering in the temple courts, the church of Acts, the church of believers, that when they came together God was able to use them in ways unimaginable to add thousands to the number saved daily. I’ve been discouraged in this fact, not just in others around me, but also in myself. Why am I so quick to leave and move on? We must always be pressing forward, yes, but we can’t lose sight of the vision. For if we are trying so desperately to always move forward to attain the vision, we get so close that we lose sight of what the vision is and get ahead of ourselves, get ahead of God. And another possibility is if we are trying to move forward, we can get off on the wrong path, thinking we are where we need to be, when in actuality, we’ve strayed and also lost sight of the vision in a different way. God has set before us life and prosperity and death and destruction. What path are we currently on? Which will we choose?


Lack of Mediocrity
Are all these words to go unanswered? Is this talker to be vindicated? Will your idle talk reduce men to silence? Will no one rebuke you when you mock? You say to God, 'My beliefs are flawless and I am pure in your sight.' Oh, how I wish that God would speak, that he would open his lips against you and disclose to you the secrets of wisdom, for true wisdom has two sides. Know this: God has even forgotten some of your sin. "Can you fathom the mysteries of God? Can you probe the limits of the Almighty? They are higher than the heavens-what can you do? They are deeper than the depths of the grave -what can you know? Their measure is longer than the earth and wider than the sea. "If he comes along and confines you in prison and convenes a court, who can oppose him? Surely he recognizes deceitful men; and when he sees evil, does he not take note? But a witless man can no more become wise than a wild donkey's colt can be born a man. "Yet if you devote your heart to him and stretch out your hands to him, if you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil to dwell in your tent, then you will lift up your face without shame; you will stand firm and without fear. You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by. Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety. You will lie down, with no one to make you afraid, and many will court your favor. But the eyes of the wicked will fail, and escape will elude them; their hope will become a dying gasp." Job 11

I know that when I became a Christian, I didn’t sign up for a mediocre thing to do; rather I decided to seek after the One who so passionately sought me. In this comes great sacrifices, but when one truly looks at it from a Godly perspective, they will see that all these things they have seemed to have “lost” actually brings so much gain. For no longer do we have these things of the world holding us back, but rather we are being crucified from the inside out, allowing ourselves to be identified with Christ. It is there we walk in the path of life. So no more mediocrity! No more stating, “this is the way things are because that’s how they are”! No more saying “well things will change in time, but for right now…” No! If one wishes to live the life passionate (passion meaning whatever a person is willing to suffer for), it starts here and now, with them coming to Christ seeking Him out fully and completely, for “outward circumstances may hinder for a time, but nothing can long stand against the naked power of God!” (Tozer). It is time for us to take up the power of the Holy Spirit and dwell in that, allowing it to dictate everything we do and everything we say. “One of the reasons we exhibit so little spiritual power is because we are unwilling to accept and experience the fellowship of the Savior’s sufferings, which means acceptance of the cross. How can we have and know the blessed intimacy of the Lord Jesus if we are unwilling to take the route in which He has demonstrated? We do not have it because we refuse to relate the will of God to the cross” (Tozer). I think often times people are content to live in passivity. Okay then- you want to just let things happen as they wish? Well I can guarantee that if one lives this way in the world, he/she will be swallowed up whole before they ever knew what hit him/her. The only way to live in safe passivity is to be active in our pursuit of God. We must get our life into accord with his. “Are we willing to hear the voice of God and obey His bidding and do what He wants us to do?” (Tozer). After this question is answered with a resounding yes and our lives are in accord with His will for us, then we can live in a sense of passivity, for we will be completely surrendered in every single aspect to what He wishes to do. Nothing will have a hold on us anymore. Yet, so few really reach that place. There always seems to be something holding us back. It is so dangerous to think that we are in the right place and therefore we can be passive about who we are and what we do. It is so dangerous to claim “spiritual perfection.” Can anyone fully claim this on this earth?

Radical Obedience
This is what the LORD says- he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, who drew out the chariots and horses, the army and reinforcements together, and they lay there, never to rise again, extinguished, snuffed out like a wick: "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
The wild animals honor me, the jackals and the owls, because I provide water in the desert and streams in the wasteland, to give drink to my people, my chosen, the people I formed for myself that they may proclaim my praise. Isaiah 43:16-21

It is time for some radical obedience on our parts as Christians. We must be willing to give up everything we have, everything we know, everything we are. If we truly want life and Christ, we must lose everything for that sake. If we truly want Him and His revival we must be so in tune with Him that our hearts beat the same as His, our hearts must hurt in the same way as His does for these people surrounding us. We must be moved to power as He moves in power, determined that through Him we will reach this dying generation. “The power of God is at our disposal, waiting for us to call it into action by meeting the conditions which are plainly laid down. God is ready to send down floods of blessing upon us as we being to obey His plain instructions.” (Tozer). Clear? Uncomfortable? Oh yeah. But worth it? A thousand times yes. As Tozer states, “[he] earnestly believes that God is trying to raise up a company of Christians in our day who are willing to be completely separated from all prejudices and all carnal desires. He wants those who are ready to put themselves at God’s disposal, willing to bear any kind of cross-iron or lead or straw or gold or whatever—and to be the kinds of examples He needs on this earth. The great question is: Is there a readiness, an eagerness among us for the kind of cross He wants to reveal through us?...As individuals we often say that we want revival to come. Revival will come to us and within us when we really want it, when we pay the price. Have you come to the place of heart-searching, of travail in the Spirit, the place of blessed pain and trouble for Jesus’ sake?”

I love you all too much to allow you to remain in the state you are currently in. It is now that I implore you to truly seek after the One who seeks you and leave everything behind! Stop making excuses, do what He has called you to do, starting right this very moment!!! I wouldn’t be the true sister in Christ to You if I just patted you on the back and said, “it’s okay, I’ll pray for you, hopefully it’ll get better in time.” I’ve done that far too long. I am going to be real with you and in this I am going to take hold of God’s power and call you to leave this state that you are in! Quit being satisfied with where you are at! There’s so much more than we can ever imagine and you are limiting yourself and not receiving His blessings by holding yourself back. You are a crucial part of the body of Christ and we cannot function without you. You’re not just hurting yourself, you’re not just grieving God, but you are crippling the body of Christ by holding yourself back. Be released from your chains of bondage. No longer will you be a slave of this world, but only a slave for Christ! You want a life of purpose? You want a life of blessings? You want a life of passion? Well GO! Seek it out NOW! Don’t waste any more time sitting around thinking it’ll come one day! THE TIME IS NOW! COMMIT YOURSELVES FULLY TO THE LORD AND TAKE HOLD OF HIS AWESOME POWER!

YOUR LIFE IS NOT YOUR OWN!
YOUR LIFE IS SOLELY FOR HIS GLORY!
HE WANTS TO USE YOU IN WAYS UNIMAGINABLE!
But will you?
The choice is yours…

“Let it be remembered that no one ever received the Holy Spirit’s power without knowing it. He always announces Himself to the inner consciousness. God will pour out His spirit upon us in answer to simple faith, but real faith will be accompanied by deep poverty of spirit and mighty heart yearnings, and will express itself in strong crying and tears” (Tozer).

Forever in Love with You

I'm enraptured by the beauty You've shown

As time elapses it increases evermore

For I see what You do in the hearts of men

And this heart of mine beats fervently

Your breath has come upon this place

To Your love we awake

Chorus

How can I fully sing my praises to You?

Give You all the glory that is due?

I will live my life in awesome wonder

Captured by Your splendor

Forever in love with You

I sit still in the silence of You

Hear Your voice calling to me

For I'm consumed by Your promises foretold

And I wait in eager anticipation

Your presence has come upon this place

To Your reverence we awake

Illusion of Beauty

There's a lot I could say and talk about now, but much needs to be developed between God and me before I say anything about those, but there is one thing in particular God's calling me to share.

Lately I've been struck by the concept of beauty, in many different ways, but here I will focus on that of women. Looking around me, especially at school in the spring, I see the concept of beauty and its understanding of it so warped. It saddens me so much to see girls dressing the way and acting the way they do. Do they not realize how beautiful they are, and how the clothes they choose and their actions only tarnish that beauty? I heard recently that when you think someone ugly or unattractive, you are only insulting God's creation, and it's so true. If we can find beauty in everyday things, then how much more should we in everyday people, for God's incredibly beautiful design is revealed so much in people. This is why I've made it a mission of mine this year to tell the girls around me, even those I don't know well, how incredibly beautiful they are.

I had the chance of hearing one of my sisters in Christ pray this past week...and I haven't been moved by the beauty that comes from the heart in such a long time. She allowed Christ to break her as she prayed and she confessed her sins before her fellow sisters and before the Lord, and in that vulnerability, she displayed a beauty far beyond anything this world could display. It has been amazing to see her grow this year, but the most precious thing of it all is how much more beautiful she becomes every moment as she seeks after the Lord with all her heart. There is a beauty that can only be found in Christ alone, the beauty of the heart.

This afternoon I helped another friend of mine get ready for a formal she had. I love getting ready and especially getting friends ready for fancy events, for it's always so much fun to dress up and have the excuse to. My friend is absolutely gorgeous on the outside but she has had some wounds on the inside, that Christ is in time healing, but the scars remain. As I did her hair and makeup in the time of two hours, I saw her natural beauty being accentuated, yet I saw something more. I saw the little girl inside of her who is longing to be beautiful and be told she is beautiful, the innocent one pretending she is a princess and in turn is valued. The scars didn't exist in that world, for she hadn't been wounded. Yet in contrast now, she is one of those girls I talked about earlier.

In my Bible Study this past Monday, we talked about the first chapter of Song of Solomon, and it brought up something I hadn't noticed before. The beloved worked in the fields, so she was deeply tanned and strong. Well in that time, the concept of a beautiful woman was one that was fair-skinned and delicate. Yet she comes to her lover and tells him that this is who she is and the tan is part of her, and the lover delights in that beauty, once stating she is a lily among thorns. What would it be like if the girls and women in this world realized they were beautiful in the way God intended them to be and fully embraced it? What would it be like if they came before people and stated this is who I am and if you will love me, you must love me the way I was created?

So often we are narrow minded in our definitions of things, and I think beauty has been one for far too long. We need to look at it from a different angle; we need to look at it from God's. I encourage my sisters in Christ to love our fellow sisters and delight in their beauty, spurring one another on in Christ because that is where our ultimate beauty comes from. I encourage my brothers in Christ to make princesses out of the women around you, make them feel beautiful and show them this in the purest way. I think we will find our concept of beauty redefined.

Source of Life

I hiked up to the P tonight in a solemn retreat of mine and found myself in the midst of abundant life, and so I picked off various blades of grass and other plants that are prospering, wanting a memory of tonight. Yet as I hiked down I realized these blades of grass will only be green for a short time before they will wither away and die, for they are away from their source of life. I am these blades of grass, without my source of life, Christ, I wither away...and as I head into uncharted territory in just about every realm, how much more necessary is it that I remain rooted to Christ, my source in only whom life I can find...

I’m wondering why no matter how hard I try
To seek and find the fullness of life
It always leaves me unsatisfied
And there I lift my eyes and seek
The One, in His presence, leaving me meek
Falling on my knees, in silent tears I weep

In all this wondering my heart cries out for more than I’ve seen
More than I know, more than all I need
I realize that no longer can this world satisfy me
For I am a chosen one, a Daughter of the King
His abundant blessings I must keep
And there the fullness of life I will find

In the Midst of Tears

A prayer of mine..

"Dear Lord, I come before You on behalf of those who don’t know You. As the tears fall down my face I know Yours are numerous, for Your heart breaks for those who have turned away. Lord, though I don’t understand their actions, self-destructive patterns, or sins, I know that You who created me is the same God who created them and loves them ever so. I pray that they will allow themselves to be enveloped in Your grace and see how Your love is better than life, than anything they have ever known or ever will know. I know that often times people must come to You in pain and though it breaks my heart to see that, I take rest in knowing Your purpose will always be realized in the only way You intend, the best way.

I pray that I will not become stagnant but always will seek You passionately to the end of my days. Let Your light shine through me before men here, O Lord. As You have placed me here among these people, I pray You will use me in ways I can’t even comprehend. I pray for those I am in contact with and those I have yet to have contact with. I pray that my heart will always be in the right place in order that they may receive from me the gifts You have given me. Let them see the full measure of joy through me that only comes from You. Lord, I pray that I will not be selfish and hold myself back in their lives, that I will dive in regardless of the obvious consequences, and love in abandon in the way You love us. I know that people of this world will always disappoint me in one way or another, but I am not here to get my reward on earth, for I seek my reward in Heaven. You are the only One that can truly satisfy. Let Your name be fully engraven upon me that all who see me may know that I am Yours.

Though my heart breaks for all those who don’t know You now Lord, I know You are working in the midst of my discouragement, for I only see a fraction of the picture. Lord, that they may come to know You even more intimately than I do…that is the cry of my heart. Let me see Your beauty revealed as they repent. ‘Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know you have sent me. I have made You known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them’ John 17:25-26."

Musings

The Time has Come
Do you see the movement of sinners turning to repent?
Open your eyes for you’ve been gone too long
Away from this world that’s holding you down
Lift up your hands and come back to the only love You’ve known

Do you see the consuming fire ablaze in this place?
Open your heart and allow it to burn inside
Give an offering to the one who paid the greatest price
Lift up the name of the one who deserves your praise

bridge
For the time has come in which we no longer wait
There’s a movement of revival in this place
It requires your all, are you willing to give
Finally die so you may find that you can truly live?

chorus
Let your love flow uninhibited
Surrender all to the feet
Of the One whom we meet
In mercy at his throne
Receive his power without restraint
Go out to the nations to declare His name
For your time has come
Yes, the time has come
There’s a revival in this place

You see the spirit of the One
As the spirit flows through this place
A beauty untainted, pure
The movement of a sweet sweet song
As we surrender all
They come to His name


Quiet Strength
She moves uninhibited
An air of confidence and grace
Radiant with beauty
Her smiles fill the place
A gentle heart increasingly pure
Eyes lifted to the Lord
Every word off her tongue intentional
Filled with praise forevermore
All those around captured by her presence
For quiet strength is her song

In the Refiner’s fire
Consumed by only One
Clay in the Potter’s hands
Form begins to take shape
The layers of a petal pulled away
Revealing the blossom within
To fear the Lord
Is where one must begin
In the grip of grace
Singing praises all the day long
I evermore look to His face
For quiet strength will be my song.

One by One

From here
Right now
Your Cross
Carried out
One by one
They come to raise
Lift up Your name
In everlasting praise
See them gather, hear them sing
To join the cause of the One whom we see
And here it starts
And here it begins
The rushing of a pent-up flood
That brings sinners to repent
One by one they come
Gather in Your name
To take up Your cross
Leave behind their shame
One by one they come
Strip away burdens, leave them behind
Hearing Your call screaming "You are mine"
And one by one they come
Men who fear Your name
To take up Your cross
Carry it out to the land

And one by one
The tears fall down my face
As I remember what You revealed
Beautiful glimpses now reality
O Lord of prophecies
Who am I that You allow me to see?
One by one I offer these words
Give You all the glory!

Revival

Voices harmonizing
Single breath in song
Hymns of loudest praise
Offering as one
See the beauty in our hearts
Spirit of God in this place
All we have we bring
All we are we give
Sacrifice upon the altar
Die so we may live
Lay our lives down
For the sake of knowing our King
Yet still, we are called to more
To bring our everything
Countless souls wandering
Hidden from His face
Prone to wander, still they run
Rejecting the merciful grace
Will we come? Seek Your face?
Sacrifice all for Your praise?
O Spirit of God, move in this place
Revival bring glory to Your name!

Dwelling in Words

This is kind of an addendum to what I wrote earlier...that was rushed and hurried and so I'm wiping the slate clean and starting over.

"We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. No, we speak of God's secret wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him" but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words." (1 Corinthians 2:6-13)

God's been teaching me today especially that words have no purpose if they are not edifying or positive in some way. Words shouldn't be spoken just to be spoken. So much of communication in this world is of a worldly spirit that can only further the flesh. Yet, as Christians, we have received the Holy Spirit in which all words should flow from. We speak in an edifying manner. I was presented with the stark contrast between conversations that contain this manner with the manner of worldly conversation in our study lounge this week. i had the choice to partake or not to partake in conversations occuring there. So often I did not. Who are we to think we have the right to blaspheme others? If we are speaking out of the Spirit, in words taught by the spirit, I know God's kingdom will be advanced in ways we never thought possible.

"My heart is stirred by a noble theme as I recite my verses for the king; my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer. You are the most excellent of men and your lips have been anointed with grace, since God has blessed you forever." Psalm 45:1-5

I've been looking back to hymn writers and reading their words, finding that I crave what is being spoken for the hymns contain such purity and beauty, and I've been wondering why we don't see that more today, even with myself as a writer. In society today we have so many resources and means to communicate with the seemingly limitless media and freedom of expression we experience. Yet in this, I think this is where we have lost the purity and beauty of words. These aformentioned hymn writers wrote out of the fullness of the Spirit and it is through that power that those words still move people today. I think about how many books I've read over the years and thinking about how many I actually remember. Not many. Just because one has the ability and means to communicate does not mean one should. I think society gets too caught up in the “practice of communication” that we have lost sight of the “art of communication.” When one thinks about the word art, it implies something that has taken shape over time, with many iterations and deliberateness, intention and vision, that eventually comes out to be something that evokes emotion or opinion, and the best art is often one that challenges people to look at life in a different way or see newfound beauty or gain inspiration. Why shouldn’t communication be the same?

Do we ever sit in silence anymore? I found myself yesterday with a half hour of time before meeting some friends and I was searching for someone to talk to or something to do, when all I needed to do was be still. Out of this seamless praise flowed because it was the result of allowing the Holy Spirit to move. There's such a beauty in allowing our hearts to be stirred by a noble theme as we recite our verses for the King...

"She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue." Proverbs 31:26

God continues to refine me and in that He's been teaching me a lot about myself lately, things that perhaps I didn't think were relevant to the time I am in now. I'll only speak of one area here, and that is how I need to return back to my roots as an encourager. Back home I was known as the "sweet one" who was the one who everyone went to talk to about whatever needed to be shared, for God's given me the ability to listen and grace that goes along with it. God's changed me a lot this year, but there are things He has created me to be that I must not leave. I want to be a vessel of encouragement, for I don't think I've been doing that near my capacity at all. I want to be intentional with my words and things I say to others, in that they may contain wisdom and faithful instruction.

With all of this I am reminded of the conversations I have and treasure with my brothers and sisters in Christ for they are so edifying and God uses them so much. As we are real and open with one another we see the grace of God move through it. I see a glimpse of what meaningful communication is and should be...and I pray that it will become such that through our words hearts are lit on fire by the Holy Spirit, for the words of the Holy Spirit being spoken through us are piercing their hearts. And it is also my prayer that I will be intentional with my words, not speaking just to speak, but with purpose and intention behind it. Let "my lips be anointed with grace, since God has blessed me forever."

Delight

How good it is to delight in God...in His time, I will write more about what this has all entailed, but I wanted to share some powerful works from Gerhard Tersteegen, a 18th century poet/hymnist. These words express everything far better than I can.

Hidden in God’s Heart
How good it is, when weaned from all beside
With God alone the soul is satisfied,
deep hidden in his heart!
How good it is, redeemed, and washed, and shriven,
To dwell, a cloistered soul, with Christ in heaven
Joined, never more to part!

How good the heart’s still chamber thus to close
On all but God alone—
There in the sweetness of His love repose
His love unknown!
All else forever lost—forgotten all
That else can be;
In rapture undisturbed, O Lord, to fall
And worship Thee.

No place, no time, neath those eternal skies
How still, how sweet, and how surpassing fair
That solitude in glades of paradise
And, as in olden days, God walking there.
I hear His voice amidst the stillness blest
And care and fear are past
I lay me down within His arms to rest
From all my works at last.

How good it is when from the distant land
From lonely wanderings, and from weary ways
The soul hath reached at last the golden strand,
The Gates of Priase!
There, where the tide of endless love flows free
There, in the sweet and glad eternity
The still, unfading Now.
Ere yet the days and nght of earth are o’er,
Begun the day that is forever more—
Such rest art Thou!

Within the Holy Place
His priest am I, before Him day and night
Within His holy place
And death, and life, and all things dark and bright
I spread before His face.
Rejoicing with His joy, yet ever still,
For silence is my song
My work to bend beneath His blessed will
All day and all night long
Forever holding with Him converse sweet
Yet speechless, for my gladness is complete

The Royal Priesthood
The race of God’s anointed priests
Shall never pass away
Before His glorious face they stand
And serve Him night and day

Though reasons rave and unbelief
Flows on, a mighty flood
There are, and shall be until the end
The hidden priests of God

His chosen souls, their earthly dross
Consumed in sacred fire
To God’s own heart their hearts ascend
In the flame of deep desire
The incense of their worship fills
His temple’s holiest place
Their song with wonder fills the heavens
The glad new song of grace.

At the Foot of the Cross

Walking in the fields of green when something gleams
Taken aback I turn around and see
Your cross stretched out, fallen upon the ground

No longer in its full glory

Over the fence I climb, stretching to reach
The grace upon which I stumbled so greatly
Moved by love I was compelled
To take up Your cross once again

Lifting it up, glimpses of Simon of Cyrene
Appalled by the weight of which You bore
In the midst of excruciating pain
How was this cross carried that day?

Not by my own strength but Yours
The cross was lifted up from the floor
And crucified You were again
For me my sins You bore

Up in its full splendor, never have I been so moved
To hug the cross so dear to me
Looking to where Your ankles bound
To where Your pierced hands lay
To where Your head bowed
In the midst of excruciating pain
Love of the Father present still
At the foot of the cross I lay

Barbed wire pierced my hand
Like the nails You bore
A drop of blood, a single tear
At the price You paid
Ever still I stumbled upon a coil of wire
The crown of thorns You wore
What did You go through for me, my Dear Lord?

The fence broken through
Gates open wide
The door to heaven remains
A gift to those who accept the price He paid
Released from all bondage still
A free and released soul
In the presence of Our Dear Lord

Walking in the fields of green when something gleams
Taken aback I look up and see
The love of the Father, shining from the sky
The price He paid in all its full glory

Promises

I've been realizing something as of late in regards to words and mine never fully being able to praise God in the way He deserves. Last night in my Bible Study we talked about the Bible being the promises of God. As I read the Bible in this way last night, a new vitality was brought to my thirst for His word and what He speaks through it. Though I know God has given me a gift with words, I am so thankful that I can turn to His word and know it gives such an accurate representation of Him. I'm struck by the beauty of the Psalmnists, the words of wisdom from the prophets, the amazing testimonies by historians, and the encouragement and commands of Paul, John, and others. More and more my eyes are being open to His incredible promises, and it leaves me with a thirst like no other.

"Then God said to Noah and to his sons with him: 'I now establish my covenant with you and with your descendants after you and with every living creature that was with you--the birds, the livestock and all the wild animals, all those that came out of the ark with you--every living creature on earth. I establish my covenant with you: Never again will all life be cut off by the waters of a flood, never again will there be a flood to destroy the earth.' And God said, 'This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature to come: I have set my rainbow in the clouds and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life" (Genesis 9:8-15).

"Praise be to the Lord, who has given rest to his people Israel just as he promised. Not one word has failed of all the good promises he gave through his servant Moses. May the Lord our God be with us as he was with our fathers; may he never leave us nor forsake us. May he turn our hearts to him, to walk in all his ways and to keep the commands, decrees, and regulations he gave our fathers. And may these words of mine, which I have prayed before the Lord, be near to the Lord our God day and night, that he may uphold the cause of his people Israel according to each day's need, so that all the peoples of the earth may know that the Lord is God and that there is no other. But your hearts myst be fully committed to the Lord our God, to live by his decrees and obey his commands, as at this time" (1 Kings 8:56-61).

"Remember this, fix it in mind, take it to heart, you rebels. Remember the former things, those of long ago; I am God and there is no other; I am God and there is none like me. I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say: my purpose will stand, and I will do all I please. From the east I summon a bird of prey; from a far off land, a man to fufill my purpose. What I have said, that I will bring about; what I have planned, that I will do" (Isaiah 46:8-11).

Passionate

“Where can we go? Our brothers have made us lose heart. They say, “the people are stronger and taller than we are; the cities are large, with walls up to the sky. We even saw the Anabites there.’ Then I said to you, ‘do not be terrified, do not be afraid of them. The Lord your God is going before you and he will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the desert. There you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place” (Deuteronomy 1:28-31).

How the Lord spoke to me through this passage this weekend. It’s interesting because as I go off to a new place or something unfamiliar, I find myself in fear for I don’t know what to expect, even if it’s just for a couple of days. I relate this back to what God has for me and realize that these little “weekends” are nothing compared to what He has in store for me. In the fear I feel, I want to cling to what is familiar and what I know. There are times when I find myself clinging to the little idea of home that I have left, to eventually find that really, I have no home anymore except for in Christ. This is the way it should be, however foreign the idea may be at the present. As Christians we are called to be strangers of this world and that resonates more and more in my life daily. So as I no longer belong to this world, I cling to Christ, my Lord, and there I find rest.

I learned about fear in two other ways this weekend as well. As I sat and talked with other girls this weekend at the retreat, over and over again I saw their heart to know God intimately and embrace who He has created them to be, yet fear has seemed to paralyze them from moving. I was so moved by this fact that I had the opportunity to get up and share this with the group of about 150 girls. I have been in that place where fear paralyzes you from moving closer to God, and it leaves one in the state of passivity. It is my heart’s cry that those He has called by name will hear His call and simply run to Him, leaving all fears behind. We can’t be so afraid and uncertain of the things God is doing and will do that we remain paralyzed; instead, we bring that fear to Him. Boldly we approach the throne with confidence. But, we approach. As the passage from Deuteronomy states, God goes before us and He fights for us, yet at the same time, He carries us in His arms. We have a remarkable God on our side! Will we allow Him to be that God in our lives? Will we fully realize that God has not given us a spirit of fear?

“The Lord did not set his affection on you and choose you because you were more numerous than other peoples, for you were the fewest of all peoples. But it was because the Lord loved you and kept the oath he swore to his forefathers, that he brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the land of slavery, from the power of Pharaoh, King of Egypt. Know therefore, that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations to those who love him and keep his commands” (Deuteronomy 7:7-9).

The last way I am learning about fear is true fear of the Lord. His power is so unbelievably great and honestly, the plans He has for me scare the heck out of me at times. For a long time I struggled with the fact of what it meant to truly fear the Lord. I thought that it seemed to be such a contradiction with what everything else said; such as God loves you, He wraps you in His arms, etc., etc., and then we are to fear Him? Why do we fear someone we love? I’m finally starting to realize that fearing is being in total reverence and awe of His power, knowing full well that He is God and will do whatever He wishes. It is the fear of Him that brings us to the foot of His throne, not away from Him.

“You hem me in-behind and before, You have laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain” (Psalm 139:5-6).
On somewhat of the opposite spectrum of fear, I find myself in a place I’ve never been before. Never before do I remember being so passionately in love with the Lord my God and having it consume me. He has brought me so far yet I know I haven’t seen anything yet and that is something I can’t comprehend. For how can my life be more blessed? How much closer to Him can I be? His thoughts are much too lofty for me! I am stunned and remain in this constant state of worship. After all that has happened over the last two weeks, I felt as if things were finally going to spill this weekend, all of my words and emotions and everything. I had a three hour block of time on Saturday in which I sat on a wooden suspension pedestrian bridge over the river in the midst of a redwood valley, just drinking in the sunshine. How sweet was that time, in which I could pour out my heart fully and uninhibitedly to Him…yet at the end I felt no more “spilt” than at the beginning. I’ve always been able to express myself and what is going on fully in words, and I’m now in the place where I can’t. I am experiencing what it is like to have life to the full, and in that, all this that dwells in my heart will always be brimming over. I pray that will never cease, because it is in this state that I remain in true, constant worship of Him! In the place where I am at a loss of words yet so full of praise that I never have enough time to fully praise Him. In the place where I can’t stop letting Him pour through me and teach me. In the place where a smile never leaves my face and I never cease to be moved by Him. In the place where I so beautifully see Him in every single moment. In the place where I know He has me in the grip of His hand and He has called me by name. In the place that I never want to leave because I want to remain in His presence all the days of my life!


This consummation that burns inside my heart
The flames ablaze, Your passion runneth over
I have never been so moved by You
So deep in love with You
And my heart can’t contain

This love song arising from my heart
This love song scripted in my soul
This love song from my lips depart
This love song that has captured me still

Crucified

The Lord Jesus Christ was sent to die
All may count their sins as loss
Nailed to a cross, He was crucified
Always in step with the Father's will
We live because of the sacrifice
Walking by the purpose that
The glory of God is man fully alive
Here I am...

Chorus
Be crucified in me
Be crucified through me
Waking me up so I can see
I am free, I am free
Your sacrifice allows me to be
Caught up in Your beauty
I am free, I am free
I am free

The cross testifies of grace
When we survey the splendor still
For one man died to take our place
An act of love difficult to comprehend
Overcoming the world of hate
In doing so He raises us up
On His promise He commands us to wait


I've wanted to write so much over the last few days but I simply haven't been able to because of lack of words. There are no words close to adequate enough to express what God is doing and thus my quiet. Coming from a writer like me, I think it says a lot when I can't even find the words to say. That's what God's doing and that's who He is. He's bigger, much bigger than anything anyone could ever say. And for now, I am going to drink it all in. In time I will write more. See the beauty of God, my friends. Allow Him to reveal Himself to You and then be astounded.

Escape these Borders

I had the blessing of having a conversation with one of my best friends and accountability partner here today and it was amazing. Can I just say how much of a blessing you are to me? You know who you are, and I love you to death!

God has been lacing His love through every moment and I've seen it so much today. In this He's showing me my desires that are coming from His heart. I'll only speak of one here, and that is how I don't want to be in the United States for much longer; I know I'm probably here for 5 years at least though. As I get more distant from the culture, the closer I get to Him, and I know there is so much more He can do with me and through me if I am away from the United States.

I know I need to be in prayer about this, but frankly I am tired of the attitudes we "privileged" Americans have. I wonder why in a country blessed with so many resources such as money, we use it so poorly. I wonder why with all of the media we have, we continue to see it portray more and more worthless and sinful messages. I wonder why with all of the information we have, especially with Christianity today, why there aren't many, many more souls turned over to Christ. I keep coming back to the fact that this is a nation riddled with sin and pride, far from the roots the Founding Fathers had. I'm reminded of Jesus in the marketplace/temple area and how He threw over tables and told the people there that His house is a house of prayer (Matthew 21:12-13). At this point, I know there is going to have to be a lot of God's wrath shown in order to bring this country and its people to repent for denying the God of existence.

And though I know God will use me here in whatever time He wishes me to be here, I want to share the Gospel to the ends of the earth...it's a longing difficult to put into words. I want to escape these borders and escape the box that this country puts on God. I want to go to those countries that have next to nothing because they realize they have so much more to gain in Christ, for "how hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!" (Luke 18:24).

There is much to be seen and much to be done in the time I am here in the United States, but how I do long for the day in which I can leave these borders.

Psalm 24
The earth is the LORD's, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it; for he founded it upon the seas and established it upon the waters. Who may ascend the hill of the LORD ? Who may stand in his holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to an idol or swear by what is false. He will receive blessing from the LORD and vindication from God his Savior. Such is the generation of those who seek him, who seek your face, O God of Jacob. Lift up your heads, O you gates; be lifted up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in. Who is this King of glory? The LORD strong and mighty, the LORD mighty in battle. Lift up your heads, O you gates; lift them up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in. Who is he, this King of glory? The LORD Almighty- he is the King of glory.

Universal Need

God is on the move and nothing can get in the way of that, a fact in which we can rest contently in. After Crusade last night and having lunch with my next door neighbor and various conversations with people, He continues to show me that there is no stopping the movement of the Holy Spirit here. It's truly remarkable how not just on a college campus that is diverese with different types of personalities and people, but also in the world, how there is a common thread that runs through each of us. We all have a longing for and to know our Creator and Savior, whether it is apparent or not. This remains universal no matter what position of life or any circumstances that have come about.

I find myself smiling because though some people around me may not see it in themselves quite yet, God is revealing it to me. It's incredible to see where they are at now and where God will bring them to. Such is my next-door-neighbor. There's a lot of anger and resentment that determines her actions and mood. However, deep down inside, she is longing for that all to be stripped away, to find the joy that comes only from knowing the One who passionately loves her when everyone else fails her.

And once again forgiveness and freedom was brought up again, this time at Crusade last night. I can't even begin to imagine what it is going to look like when these souls and hearts are released from their bondage holding them back and they begin to walk in freedom and righteousness. Again, it comes back to the universal need.

God is on the move and I can't wait to see what will happen!

End of the Rainbow

A state of awe and contentment only begins to describe the state I have been in lately and am in now...God is so good. As my hands are opened to receiving His blessings, He is pouring them out abundantly, and I urge you to do the same. Don't miss out on the glorious gifts only He can give to you!

The end of the rainbow...blazes so bright and vivid that one is drawn to look at its splendor in its finality. However, the end of a rainbow is purely an illusion to the eye, for a rainbow is actually a full circle and completes itself. I was so struck by the beauty of this rainbow over the hills today. God loves to bless us and speak to us in the ways that are most personal to us. For me, it is through His creation, from the beauty in the simple things to the glorious, most magnificent sights. And though there was a lot that happened with that rainbow, there's one thing in particular I would like to share. In a rainbow there's refracted light, which is the deflection of light from its source to reflect on something nearby, passing from one medium to another. In a rainbow all of the colors of light are displayed. There is no end to it. There is always a source consisting of water which creates the rainbow due to the refraction.

Do we fully realize the gift God has given to those who believe in Him and choose to walk in His freedom and power? He is the source, and we are the rainbow. The light comes from above and refracts in the water, creating and displaying all of the colors of light. Not one can be excluded from that spectrum, it is not inclusive and displays full splendor. As we allow His light to refract from Him and onto us, we have the amazing position of displaying all the aspects of His character. As Galatians 5:22 states that "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control," we possess all of these qualities as a result of walking in the spirit. They are not inclusive, we have all of these gifts, and this only reflects His glory more. As we choose to allow the Holy Spirit to be our source, we will never have an end to truly reflecting the character of God, and in that, be a source of beauty and inspiration in a stormy world.

Will you make that choice? Will you keep it? The source is always there, possessing so much beauty and many gifts, but you must choose to bear that and refract it. Will you be a reflection of God?

Uprising

Can you see the movement of the response people make to the beauty of God as He calls them to return to His arms? Can you hear the melody of a sweet song as voices harmonize to give Him praise? Can you feel the uprising of the Holy Spirit as it comes to spread over this land and through the hearts of men? Can you see a generation redeemed as they return to the promise of the Lord? Can you see the dancing in freedom that comes only from the sacrifice on the cross? Can you see...? Open your eyes and see how good God is. Turn to Him, and walk in freedom! Feel the uprising...

The Chosen Path

After a crucial night and place God brought me to, I was able to spend some time out in His creation today to allow Him to speak to me and bring me to where I need to be. There were many different things God showed me and I can't even begin to describe how refreshed I am. Today I needed to choose the path on which I wanted to walk on. I could choose to make myself a slave and continue to hold myself and God back by not forgiving myself and taking my hands off the reins, or I could choose to walk in the path of freedom in which He has always laid out before me. I think so often I start on that path of freedom, but then I try to diminish the power that comes with walking on that path, saying that it'll take time to eventually get on that path of freedom, and as soon as I take that attitude, I begin the retreat back into slavery. I either walk on the path, or I don't! No longer can I attempt to tread the fine line of both, trying to receive the benefits of each. God's purpose for me is not to walk on a trapeeze line of sorts, but to set my feet firmly upon the rock and embrace the freedom that has always been there!

Down in the canyon today, there were all of these dead leaves, still hanging onto the branches of the trees. I was struck by the fact that so often in our lives, we are so much like those trees. I know for me, God has been crucifying many different things for His greater glory, but the full process of crucification involves the letting go of the dead so birth of beauty can take place. I haven't been letting go of those leaves that have died and because of that, I haven't been allowing rebirth to take place. How much more beautiful is the coming of new blossoms upon a tree rather than the stubborn dead ones of a season past?

So today I did something to make this release more concrete for me. I literally stripped off the leaves of the branches and let them go, into the light of my Father. Let the leaves that I was once holding onto so tight be released as I opened up my hand and let the breeze take them away.

And then, let my empty hands be lifted up to my Father so He can fill them up. Let me lift my hands in worship and praise, no longer holding onto something that is so dead and barren. Let the fruit come forth.

No longer will I entangle myself in a mess of things, when the path of freedom is laid out before me.
Instead, I will climb up onto the rock that is higher than I and let that be my dwelling place.
I will live a life of expectation, knowing that God wishes to give me much more than I could ever imagine. I will keep my eyes open in watchful expectation, and I will receive those blessings. Our God is too great not to expect amazing things from Him! I will take those promises and use them to the full.

And yes, the path is narrow but the light of Christ will always lead me on.

My faith will no longer be that of a fragile one, such as the ice that cracks as the result of any burden placed on it.

Let the rushing of the Holy Spirit come forth.

God has given us all free will because He doesn't want us to be forced to love Him and worship Him. Instead, we as Christians, should exercise our free will by saying that His is better than our own. So today, I say and do this and I'm not turning back. I've been walking on the path of slavery far too long. I know this road isn't an easy one, but I think I made the path of slavery so much harder for myself. I kept myself in bondage. Let the God of the Universe who created me before I was known delight in me, His creation who is running into His arms.

Psalm 119:169-176

May my cry come before you, O LORD ; give me understanding according to your word. May my supplication come before you; deliver me according to your promise. May my lips overflow with praise, for you teach me your decrees. May my tongue sing of your word, for all your commands are righteous. May your hand be ready to help me, for I have chosen your precepts. I long for your salvation, O LORD , and your law is my delight. Let me live that I may praise you, and may your laws sustain me. I have strayed like a lost sheep. Seek your servant, for I have not forgotten your commands.

Forgiveness

I need to forgive myself. I think by not forgiving myself I am letting this cycle of bringing myself to the foot of His throne to surrender and then retreating at once because I'm unable to fully surrender continue. What’s my own heart condition? And how much have I held back from my Lord! How do I forgive myself? I need His grace in that desperately. I hold myself back from experiencing the freedom He fully has to give because I won’t forgive myself for things. I hold myself back from experiencing the gifts He has to give because I won’t forgive myself. I pretend these things aren't issues and try to push them aside, but sweeping it under the rug won’t do anything. How much is the hypocrisy I have shown in talking about freedom and still not experiencing it fully for myself? I think when I am able to forgive myself I will then be able to fully surrender to Him. I can't live any longer by my standards or the world’s, for those only pull me down more. And still I wonder why I’m not experiencing everything He has to give. I’m putting myself in the way. When I forgive myself I will be releasing myself from the control I have on myself, on my plans, and on my life. I will then have no choice but to walk fully in freedom, for I believe that is the only thing holding me back. I need to face up to my sins and instead of being so ashamed of them that I don't come to His throne in them, I need to realize those are already forgiven by His blood. I need to learn how to fully embrace who I am, who God has created me to be, and instead of letting it cause a downfall, be able to use it fully for His glory. I can't wallow in the fact that I don't deserve His mercy, the fact is, I don't, but humility is accepting that which we cannot earn. I struggle with this.

All of my life I have done amazing things and had many significant accomplishments, and until I came to know Christ, I didn't see that it really is Christ working through us, and He deserves all the glory. And in the last year, with a lot of significant accolades bestowed upon me, I found myself tiring of the fact that I was being glorified rather than Christ. Yet, the fact hasn't changed that I am a doer, that is how I am a leader in a lot of respects, but that is also how I get in the way of what He wishes to do. I find it incredibly ironic tonight that by being a "doer," it is an attempt on my part to make myself less vulnerable, when in actuality, it makes me the most vulnerable. I place myself and my heart in precarious positions, when it is not meant to be there. And by being a doer, I attempt to cover this up.

I also realize tonight that I struggle with fully accepting His grace, for I think myself unworthy. I can never earn His grace, it is a gift. I see how Satan has been lying to me in trying to get me to not let God's grace be sufficient for everything, not just what I wish to expose. Satan doesn't want me to fully accept His grace because when I do, when I fully forgive myself, then Christ has won the battle, for his purpose that "I have come so they may have life and have it to the full" (John 10:10) will be realized.

Somehow, the root of all my struggles seems to come back to forgiveness. I need to forgive myself...

Father

Fallen over yet another rock in the ground
Wondering what it is that keeps bringing him down
Is it because of his lack of good works or ability to do?
Perhaps something that happened in a life before?
Oh the illusion drawn that proves so fickle
Unable to open his heart and mind
Too hurt by the scars that have lingered over time
Father, I pray he will be able to embrace You in the way he never has
For the longing knaws at him so deep inside
Yet after all these years he can’t escape his pride
Father, I pray You will break down the fortress walls in his life
For he keeps seeking yet always hides
He attempts to find in the comfort what he can only find in the exposed
The source of life inside he believes is already there
Father, I see You are working in his mind yet there is a bitter enemy to his soul
Casting an illusion on what really is
Father, I pray for him that You will always fight
Show him your mercy made new every day, show him
That You are the Way, the Truth, and the Life.
Father, I pray that you will open his eyes, allow him to see
The love that burns for him within Your heart
Father, I pray You will speak to him as a father
Fill the extreme void left by his earthly one
Bring him to a place where he falls on his knees and worships only You
Let him accept the gift You so freely give
I’ll stand and watch the transformation of a renewed soul
As You give him what only You can give.
Heavenly Father, bless my father
As You have blessed me immensely with him.
Thank you, O my Father, You are worthy of all praise!

Radiance

Amazed

This Plan I am Humbly a Part of...

What to say, though there's much on my heart and mind. I have been struck today by this plan God has that I am humbly a part of, a plan in which I know and see parts of and some remain unknown. Things are going to be different. I must not be afraid to walk against the tide. I must walk by the Spirit and go as it leads me, even when it argues with my logic. Why He chooses to use me as an instrument of His grace I don't understand, because I am the least deserving. Yet He has huge plans for me, some of which scare the heck out of me, but in the beginning and end, I will be able to say, "Yes, this is my God, to whom all praise is due."

And the battle continues to rage. Satan does not want me home this week. I am seeing bits and pieces of why, but I know the bigger picture will be revealed as God wills. Be praying. Be praying for me that I will completely dwell in His strength and not my own. Be praying that the enemy will not get a foothold on the acts of God that are to happen and are happening. But in all this prayer, be praising. He is ever deserving of our praise, no matter what the circumstances. Our God is good. Our God is faithful. Our God is infinite in every way.

Take Me Deeper Still
The infinity I will never be able to grasp
Impossible to wrap my mind around who You are
And all the love You have given to me
But still You take me to a place
Far beyond anything I could ever dream
Allow me to come beside quiet waters and drink
Drink to the full

Like a lamb lost in the pasture
Seeking my shepherd, He’s the One I’m after
Knowing He’s called me to be wrapped in His care
O Lord, bring me there
Lovingly I dwell in the presence of the One whom I seek
Knowing all I need to bring is my heart so meek
So I seek

Chorus
Take me there, far beyond the pasture gates
Take me to where I know my Savior awaits
Bestow on me the crown of splendor I don’t deserve
In all my moments, in all my days, in every breath of praise
I long to glorify You forever, my Dear Lord
Take me deeper still

Take me deeper still (refrain)

Consumer of My Heart

Stirring up this hunger deep inside my soul
The one that I try over and over to put into words
But how can I stand before You and not let my words be few?
No longer remain on my feet and not be moved by You?
O Heavenly Father, You are the consumer of my heart

Let my praise be dear
Let my praise be true
Let my praise be ceaseless
Let my praise be pure
Let my praise be
Ever so pleasing to You

Stilled and Quieted My Soul

"My heart is not proud, O Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore " Psalm 131.

Being weaned from a mother's breast isn't an immediate act, but rather the baby lays fitful in his mother's arms as he craves that which satisfies him. Yet the mother knows that it is best for her child for him to be no longer dependent or crave that of which satisfies him for the present; she knows there are bigger and better things. When the child is finally weaned, he is able to rest securely in his mother's arms without a fitful rest or flood of crying. The soul has been stilled and quieted.

How young am I in certain ways, such as depending so much and finding so much stock within myself, when it is no longer I who lives but Christ who lives in me. Instead of depending on that which is right in front of me, the things of this world, how much more should I look to my nurturer, Jesus Christ! How I should always look to Him!

Yet how faithful is God still in melting my haughty heart and the more I see His grace the more I am humbled. And how much better is it still when I don't concern myself with the things I am not meant to understand.

A walk by faith. The walk in the Spirit. This is what I am meant to live for, nothing else. No longer will I allow myself to get in the way; I pray earnestly that He will do whatever it takes to push me aside for His will to be done.

Leave the things I once knew. It's all rubbish, all I count but loss. The routines that nullify my heart so effectively will cease. Instead let the uprising of a love that swells so fervently in my heart pour out and determine my attitude, my actions, my life.

"But I have stilled and quieted my soul..."

A Lily Among Thorns

The yearning to be set apart only resonates stronger within
With every blink, every breath, every note of praise sung
To take me deeper to a place where I’ve never been
A lily among thorns, beauty that radiates in a world so torn
Bearing a message of hope to be birthed in desolate hearts
Only, still, in the Shepherd’s hands I am
The illusion of outward charm be gone and true passion take its place
Do I dare? I do…
The unfolding of petals brings a fragrance so sweet
An offering of honesty and vulnerability
Brings a beauty incomparable to any other
For the illusion of the tender flower fosters the image of my Savior
The source of resplendence I bear...
A lily among thorns may I be
In a world so torn let beauty radiate from me

Simplicity

There's a beauty in simplicity, in letting your words be few. There's a beauty in being still before Him and knowing He is God. There's a beauty in the heart of worship in which praise overflows. And there's such a beauty in surrender...there I will remain.

Wonder Begins

Sitting on the grains looking into the mystery
Of that which is present but difficult to see
And the wonder begins…
Reaching out to touch the fog with a slender hand
Wondering what brings the mist that sweeps across the face
And the wonder begins…

Running barefoot with bundles of energy
Bounding carefree across the endless sand
And the wonder begins…
Endless means to discover what’s unknown
New worlds to explore and to call one’s own
And the wonder begins…

The hand upon the shoulder that guides one so innocent
Allows one so naïve to throw caution to the wind
And the wonder begins…
Looking into the eyes filled with the kind of love impossible to understand
Knowing there we rest securely in One’s hands
And the wonder begins…

Breaking

A breaking of the mind, body and spirit all in one week...kind of exhausting...and I need to be careful about defining this process to be over simply because it's Friday, because it could very well continue. I think this past week was the hardest week I've had at Cal Poly since I've been here for so many different reasons. And yet I'm still standing, barely, not by my will and strength, but rather His. It's been an incredibly convicting week for me, and through this I keep my eyes on the words of Paul in Philippians, "that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion in the day of Christ Jesus" (ch 1 vs 6).

In my Architecture studio today the question was asked of us, "why are you here?" I need to wrap my mind around that fact so much more. Why am I here at Cal Poly when I could be so much closer to home? I know the answer to that is a stretching of myself and Him placing me here among all the people around me because He wants to use me for something great and be a part of something unbelievable. Why am I studying Architecture this year when I will eventually be switching majors? So far this year has been unbelievable in what I have done, but more importantly, what I have learned, and they are things that will help me in education and life forever. And for one who's used to getting good grades with little effort, failing when I try so hard is another learning experience. I don't really understand how I am going to get through the next five years school wise, especially with grades, but I'm brought back to the fact that learning is so crucial and so necessary, and as long as I am learning and doing my best, then that's all I can really ask of myself.

But most importantly, as long as the one who began a good work in me continues to complete it and I embark on that journey every day, led by His paths and plans for me, then I am where I need to be, regardless of any circumstances that may transpire...

Dwelling in a Strength that's not my own

“There’s far more to this life than trusting in Christ. There’s also suffering for him. And the suffering is as much a gift as the trusting.”
Philippians Ch 1, The Message.

In the midst of the past 3 weeks or so, I've felt pretty lousy physically...a lot of different things have been going on, but I find it amazing that I can still be doing so good as a result, the result of God in my life and working in all of my circumstances. And in how I feel, I am constantly blown away by how He continues to strengthen me, because trust me, it's His strength, not my own. I'm still doing well with just about everything, which is such a paradox. However, I've come to learn that the Christian faith consists of so many paradoxes and this is just another.

I’m thinking about why I must feel so icky and exhausted and I think a part of it is God continues to do this so I will not rely on my own strength but rather His. It’s so weird because I think I do this and to a point I do, but how much more I need to, especially with what is to come? How much pride and stock do I take in myself that I still rely on myself somewhat? But how amazing is it to see Him carry me through…And still with this, if I can rejoice in my sufferings and praise Him all the while, that will be worth it, worth the cause. Whatever I go through, let it bring glory to His name. Though on the outside I don’t like feeling like this, on the inside I know it’s exactly where I need to be and I trust Him in it. And there is so much more to this life than trusting Him. While that is all well and good, there’s so much more depth than that. And I think it’s in the sufferings that He brings us through that allow us to experience and know Him on such a deeper level. Yes, one can trust a person for what they say on face value and have that surface level relationship, which is a bond, don’t get me wrong, but when you suffer with one another, it is there you realize and see the love, self-sacrifice, barriers down, everything. The mask comes off. And still I think mine is coming off. Let people see I don’t have it all together. I don’t. But even more, let them see that I praise Him as a result, and always will.

And though I may not see directly who this may be affecting, it is my prayer that God will use this for His glory, somehow, in some way. Though I may not see clearly at the present, I eagerly anticipate when it will all become clear, because I know, I know that all of what I'm going through will seem so small in comparison to what He does, and beautiful it will be...it always is.

Sanctification

Words of the world
painful, excruciating
drones on and on as the ache increases
only brings one farther away
from what is good, true

For in the silence beauty is spoken
sweetly, tenderly
the language of love blossoms in purity
only brings one farther away
from what is tainted, false

Revel in the solitude of sorts
in the quiet that brings peace of mind
for the silence brings sanctification
know that now is the time
for the renewal that's one of a kind


Close to your breaking point but trusting and praising God ever still brings a battle Satan wages in...and though I am spent, still I press on allowing Him to do as He wishes...I feel as if I am mucking through the mud, sluggish and barely able to see through the fog at some points, but like a boat in the harbor in the storm, I see the lighthouse on shore and that keeps me pushing on...prayers are much needed and appreciated as the storm persists in this uncertain time.

Destination Set, Journey Unsure

Have you ever driven at night and you know where you're supposed to end up, but because it's night, you really don't know where you are at the present time? However, you know you're on the right road to get you to where you ultimately need to be, so you trust in that though the journey is unsure. And one thing that gives you security is looking up at the stars, and how they are always there and unchanging despite your location, no amount of clouds can disprove their existence nor light of day.

Such is my situation at the present. I know my destination and that I am on the path I need to be on, but my journey is a bit unsure. I'm in the dark a bit as to where I am at the present is going to get me closer to where I need to be...but still I know I am on the right road and I will trust in that. And still I will trust in my God who is like the stars above...ever present, unchanging, and no matter what my circumstances, they will never hide the fact He exists. In fact, they only prove that more. This is why in the situation I am in now I will not stop or run away from because in these trials I only see clearer and know God better as a result. My prayer is that He will bring whatever He wishes, because though my journey is unsure, my destination is set.

Adventure

How often do we truly branch out of our comfort zone, not just in our surroundings, but within ourselves? I found myself pondering that question the past couple of days as I came down to San Diego with my roommate for the long weekend. Not a big deal, it may seem, as I always want to experience new places and am open and adventurous, but there's always that slight tinge that makes me wonder what am I doing when I do so. A new place is unfamiliar and so it causes me to be hesistant at first...a strange reaction for one who dreams of such adventures. And as I got the chance to spend the entire day with an atheist, that proved to be an adventure as well. For how can two people so opposite come together in the other's company and find a common ground of sorts? Only by the grace of God...to let His love speak louder than any words I could possibly say, and that is what moves people. I praise Him for this friendship that is beginning that is such an answer to prayer.

And as for adventure? Yesterday as I found myself in this hesistant state, God asked me, "where's your sense of adventure?" and to that I replied, "It's always here as long as I know I am in Your arms, Dear Lord." He stated, "My Child, You always are...embark with me." And so I embark, not just today, but starting today for the rest of my life. Let me always embark on the adventure He has for me, for I can rest securely in the knowledge that I am always in His arms...

The Children Come

I had an absolutely incredible interaction with God tonight...there's much I want to say but I must refrain a bit for there are some things that must be left between Him and me, at least for the time being. But as for what I can say...

I can't fully stress enough what honesty will do, and I don't just mean honesty in the areas you want to be open in. I'm talking about honesty in every single area, even those you don't want to be open about. I am not saying that we should be hasty and rush out and tell everyone all of our secrets, that's not what I mean at all. We should be guarded and careful about what we do say, but when God calls you to open a door previously locked and expose what is within, we must obey. And this kind of obedience is not burdensome at all--none of God's commands are burdensome--but in particular, this, because when we are honest about the things we don't wish to be, it is freeing beyond belief and no longer gives Satan any opportunity to get a foothold there. The reason I talk about this and stress this is because of the experience I've recently had with my parents. To make a long story short, I wrote a letter to my parents and basically told them everything about me, the things I've been through, how I came to Christ, and most importantly and most difficultly, my struggles and defeats, especially in the past, and how God triumphed and conquered my sin. Never has exposing something been that difficult, but also never has God moved so much in that. Be honest...be open and obedient to what God wishes.

As for tonight...I kick myself in a sense because I know that when I am still and silent in the presence of God it is when He speaks to me the most and the most clearly. Yet I rarely shut up enough to listen. Luckily we have a God that overcomes my human stupidity, thank goodness. So tonight I was finally quiet enough to hear and hear I did...hear I did. The running dialogue between our Father and His children is so beautiful and untainted, and to hear Him speaking and directly responding to you in a conversational manner...amazing. And this I must remain reserved about until/if He tells me not to, but basically God professes His love for us constantly, and I mean constantly...we just don't listen to hear it. And what we pray for and by faith ask in His name, He will answer, in fact, He longs to. We must breathe and allow Him to be our source for we are nothing apart from Him and nothing will come as a result of holding our breath.

And the time is coming, in beauty, sweetness, and purity, when His children come...


Children Come
You're moving too fast
sit a while, slow your mind
be still and there I promise you will find
the clarity that results in time
You're holding your breath
breathe, take it in
let me fill you from within
your source on which you depend
You're listening poorly
tune your ear and hear
I say You are my child, have no fear
always will I be here
You're seeing vaguely
Open your eyes and see
those who stand on their feet
the time is approaching when they will worship me
The Children are coming...

How it Ought to Be

How it Ought to Be

Full hands lead to contented hearts
Amazing what a box of chocolates can do
Possessing some power to view the world through rose-colored glasses
Supposedly professing one’s love so true
But is this how it ought to be?

Cupid’s arrow flying through the air
Piercing those with open hands and leaving them lovestruck
For one touch claims to change the world that previously existed
Leaving one in infatuation
But is this how it ought to be?

For empty hands lead to broken hearts
Stunning what a lack of admiration can bring
Leaving those left in the dust to wallow in their tears
Wondering if they will ever be chosen
This isn’t how it ought to be.

For empty hands lead to broken hearts
In desolation, despair, suffering
And it is there we fall at the feet
Of the One who went through what happens now
Leaving our hearts in the presence of the One who knows how to keep

For full hands lead to contented hearts
Beauty revealed, hope reinstated, the rose-colored glasses needed no more
Satisfied desires because of the One who so freely gives
Crown of glory restore, empty love needed no more
This is how it ought to be.


Ah Valentines Day. First of all, let me state that I don’t have any problem with the idea of Valentine’s day. I think it’s a fine idea with a good motive behind it. However, I do have a problem with what it has become. It’s almost kind of amusing to me in a way now. All of the commercialization is ridiculous, with every kind of product offered and carpet companies making advertisements with a tie to Valentine’s day. There are sales for Valentines Day, pizzas made in the shape of hearts, flowers, flowers, flowers, and more that I can’t possibly remember at this time because it’s simply EVERYWHERE!

I think a lot of the problem I have with it is the focus of Valentine’s Day and how it has become so skewed. Valentine’s Day is based on love; that’s really the only point of the day. Yet the kind of love that is celebrated on Valentine’s day makes me disgusted and frankly, kind of sad. How materialistic has society become? How blind are we to what love, in the way it was created, really is? It’s not about how many cards you get or how big your box of chocolates is or how blooming the roses are or how many carats are in that diamond necklace you receive. And still, love is not about what gifts you receive, especially not in the materialistic way.

I walk down my hall today and you see the ones who have a boyfriend or special someone, for they are beaming and dressed up waiting to go on the surprise adventure and be showered with gifts. On the contrary, you see the ones who don’t have a boyfriend or special someone, for they are dressed in sweats, eyes riddled with disappointment, shoulders and head hung low. They are not in expectation of anything, and they remind themselves of that fact simply by their state of being.

I have a severe problem with this. I hate the fact that girls base their entire sense of self worth on the fact of whether or not they have a boyfriend, and even more, I hate how that penetrates their hearts. All this world has to give is temporary and will never satisfy them and still they long for that, because it’s all they know of that will relieve the longing they feel to be loved. Girls’ hearts are so fragile and though we are created to be sensitive and will be, we as girls put ourselves out there and allow ourselves to be broken. The fault doesn’t come with what we don’t receive but rather our expectations are too high of this world, and they will never be met. This world will never give what the heart truly desires and we can’t search for it here. And as a result, days like Valentine’s Day only magnify this problem ever more.

I remember what it is like to be broken as a result of constantly seeking in this world what my heart truly desires. I remember that feeling and I remember how hollow it left me. I remember these because it was not too long ago for me…roughly five and a half years ago. But though these memories linger and remain vivid, I know they remain vivid because in their vividness, how much more I appreciate and realize the grace and love of the one I now hold so dear in my heart, my Precious Lord, my Heavenly Father. The brokenness that once riddled me, my heart, and my life no longer remains, for a beauty far greater than I could ever explain has been birthed in its place. And that is a love worth singing about…

Still this mission before me remains to allow myself to be a vessel to restore the hearts of the girls before me. Yes, some progress has been made, but it’s not an easy task, for hearts have been so broken and mishandled. It’s so bad to the point that I know some girls question whether anything good could ever come out of it, because it’s been that way for so long. They’ve never seen any different so why should they think any different? The hope is gone. Yet, by the grace of God, I know this doesn’t have to be and won’t be reality…for outside of my understanding He works and uses me in ways I don’t see. I do not boast about myself but I rather boast at what Christ has done in me. I know who He is and what He’s done in my life and I know the words I say, the attitude I have, and the way I act, people take notice of. And the reason why it is so different is because my hope is not here, not in the things of this world, but rather my Heavenly Father and He NEVER disappoints. It is this that allows me to smile and still find the joy in every day, even when things may not be going as desired, because I know the Lord and I know how good He is. I desire this so much for the girls around me, because He is so healing…incredibly healing. He really is the only one that can heal completely, and oh, when He does, how much beauty is revealed and bursts forth!

And lastly, on what love should really be…yes, I know it’s become somewhat cliché, but it still remains ever true; 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. But expanding on that, I’ve come to believe that love is being willing to die to oneself in order for the good of the other. Love is not based on the emotions that we feel, for those prove to be fickle and unreliable, though not always bad. It is not that we can’t feel love, for I believe we do and it’s a gift from God that we can experience, but love is so much deeper than that. Love is serving one another, the offering of self-sacrifice. Imagine what this world would look like if people loved in this way…

Beggar's Grace

There's a beggar by the side of the road
asking for any change I can spare
and perhaps a ticket home to the life he once knew
but do I care? or do I dare?
To open up my hands and let him come in?

Told to push away my selfish desires
for the benefit of the common man
after all, who am I
to withhold the grace apportioned to me, to do what I can
to open up my arms and let him come in?

I forgot the roots I once bore
when i was beyond nothing and no one seemed to care
yet by the mercy of God I was plucked out of the miry pit
into the presence of my Daddy, the one so fair
I ran in to His open arms and let him come in

So the beggar I was, the beggar I let in
Sharing the grace given so freely
For who am I to forget what has been done for me?
It is this that beckons me to be welcoming
After all, the beggar was once me

Longing to Serve

Such a longing to serve, one which is difficult to put into words. Such a burden on my heart for those lost or in the temporary darkness, one that wants to give everything. Such a renewal and restoring by my Lord that needs to be poured out. Such are the many in need but don't want or realize the healing power of Christ. Such is the love I have inside that aches for others that makes me want to serve ever more. And the bitter taste in my mouth of a kind of stagnation--I can't bear. I am called to love. I am called to serve. And I will be there for my brothers and sisters in Christ and all those who don't know or follow Him. Because this love that I bear is much too strong and powerful for me to bottle up. It is my prayer that these opportunities will abound, because at the moment, I see few and I need more. I pray that those in need will come or allow me to serve them, because that is my heart's cry, and I know the goodness and mercy of the Lord will always be present.

Uprooted

In Which I Boast

Olympics…all of these different countries and athletes come together and unite for a common purpose. It does not matter where they are from but instead there is a respect among all, for all have toiled and sacrificed much in order to gain this great goal: the privilege of competing in an Olympic Games. While there is pride in each’s home country it is not the arrogant type of pride (at least not in the norm), that states “my country is always better than yours,” but rather the kind of pride that is “I believe in my country that helped me to get here and I know I can bring glory back to it in return.” One often finds that the best athletes are the most humble ones.

How often do we take pride in ourselves in an arrogant way? The only thing we can ever boast in is that of Christ Jesus! Galatians 6:14 states “May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me and I to the world.” And I also wonder how often we truly humble ourselves and look at other people and cultures and see not the differences but the thing that brings us together. We let petty differences separate us far too often and this is one of Satan’s strategies. We must not fall prey to it, for we “are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:26-28).

Praise Him in the Storm

Casting Crowns: Praise You in this Storm

I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

It’s interesting how when we conquer one spiritual battle and one area in which Satan gets his foothold in, that he takes us to another level more difficult to battle. And still it is a process, in which we conquer and go to the higher battles. We’re always fighting for a cause, and the cause in my life is Christ. Lately after finishing a good book, Waking the Dead, God’s shown me how critical having my heart strong and completely with Him is, because His glory is revealed when we are fully alive. So after realizing and conquering that battle, Satan’s brought another one, which is casting me down with feeling pretty crappy so I don’t want to do anything, the most of all these, praise God in the midst of this storm. The last two days have been such a paradox in so many ways, because I feel so lousy yet I am doing so good. My heart is in the right place and I can’t help but praise God for all He’s done. I come to Him with all that I am and all that I have, and at this moment, it’s basically nothing, but still I come and He rewards that. I can’t tell you how sweet it is. I am not sufficient on my own to fight these battles; it is only by His power and strength that I can, and so when I am stripped away to nothing, I must fully rely on His strength and that is when I see His glory revealed in such a significant way. It is no longer I but Him who does these things through me. He overcomes in huge ways, and He will always overcome. It’s come to the point that I don’t really care if I feel crappy the rest of my days, because so much more in these times I realize and know who God is and rely on Him alone. That is what I long to live for and that is who I long to be, a woman after His own heart. So let Satan bring on the battles, them ever increasing in their difficulty. It is through these battles that my God will be glorified ever more. I know that I can’t fight these on my own, but I always have the Lord on my side and that is more than sufficient for me. I am here and I submit to Him alone. And still I will sing at the top of my lungs, still I will dwell in His goodness, still I will spread His love, and still, I will praise Him in this storm.

Praise God

Praise Him in the midst of joy. Praise Him in the midst of shame. Praise Him in the midst of healing. Praise Him in the midst of pain. Praise Him in the midst of sunshine. Praise Him in the midst of rain. Praise Him in the midst of smiles. Praise Him in the midst of tears. Praise Him in the midst of battles. Praise Him in the midst of conquered fights. Praise Him in the midst of sickness. Praise Him in the midst of suffering. Praise Him in the midst of lack of clarity. Praise Him in the midst of revelation. Praise Him because of His grace. Praise Him because of His love. Praise Him because He is faithful. Praise Him because He is merciful. Praise Him because He is jealous. Praise Him because He is hallowed. Praise Him because He is above all. Praise Him because we have the privilege of doing so.

"I will praise You, O Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High" Psalm 9:1-2.

Flight

Ah...He continues to inspire me and I can't help but let praise flow forth and allow myself to be a vessel for His words...

Release
Inspirational dreamer
There’s something inside
Let it take root
And allow it to fly
Little girl
Seeking more
Let His love
Upon you pour
Innocent one
Shelter your eyes
Childlike faith
Always hold inside
Beautifully blissful
Nothing holds you down
His arms lift you higher
From the hallowed ground
See that tear
That rolls from your eye
Caught by His hand
Homesick you cry
Radiant joy
Beams from your smile
Light in this world
Make it worth your while
Treasured one
He’s called you by name
Ransomed your heart
Never the same
Redeemed one
Look inside
See His wings
That enable you to fly

Feather
Feather of crow, the raven of the night
Haunts its prey as it takes flight
Rule over the darkness and lure more in
Feather of crow, lands upon the ground
There it will remain
Feather of dove, the bird of the light
rules those willing as it takes flight
Restore and expose those who wallow still
Feather of dove, sweeps across my face
Ever still, Your presence will remain
Feather of the light

Above All, Trust in the Slow Work of God

This is a poem I received in my Bible study last week...I love it.

Above All, Trust in the Slow Work of God
Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are quite naturally impatient in everything
to reach the end without delay
We should like to skip the intermediate stages
We are impatient of being on the way
to something unknown
something new.
Yet it is the law of all progress that is made
by passing through some stages of instability
and that may take a very long time.

And so I think it is with you.
Your ideas mature gradually. Let them grow.
Let them shape themselevs without undue haste.
Do not try to force them on
as though you could be today what time
--that is to say, grace--
and circumstances
acting on your own good will
will make you tomorrow.
Only God could say what this new Spirit
gradually forming in You will be.

Give our Lord the benefit of believing
that his hand is leading you,
and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself
in suspense and incomplete.
Above all, trust in the slow work of God,
our loving vine dresser.
Amen.