This is a full season of life to say the least—and there are moments of reflection throughout. The times of longer reflection are fewer and further between, but God is so good to make those times of reflection substantial…what food for the soul they are, and how much reason they bring to give thanks and praise to my dear Lord!
Tonight I read one of my blogs from this time a year ago, and it really was truly amazing. It provided so much context for what the Lord has been doing in me this year.
The following is from my long typing conversation with Tine last week. We talked for 2.5 hours on Skype. It was a wonderful blessing of how to process—I was able to verbally with another, a needed thing in this season, but able to process through the written word. God blessed the time tremendously and really brought words and lessons forth. I thank Him for that. It was sweet to talk to her because I had to sum up what has happened in the larger part of the year. God has done much, and it is sweeter than it ever has been because this time, I am coming to understand for the first time that it is not dependent or contingent upon me.
It's been such a different year, in so many different ways. I would say the biggest theme is that God has shown me who He is and what He does apart from myself. There have been times I have had so little to give in the ways that I am used to with Him...such as being in the Bible, journaling, etc., but God has been teaching me what it looks like to quiet myself before Him in each moment, look to Him to sustain and provide, and then let Him do it. Nothing of what He does, both for me and for others and for Himself, depends on anything that I do. This is something that I've known head knowledge wise, but not really truly begun to understand until this year.
God is faithful apart from me. He is sovereign apart from me. His will will be done with or without me. All I need concern myself with is to be in His presence, look to Him to lead, and heed the quiet whisper and leading...
1 Kings 19: And he said, “Go out and stand on the mount before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper."
It's been a quiet year as to what is happening "outside of me" as far as what I am doing, but it has left this immense amount of room for God to work on my inner heart…
That the truths that I know, the truths that I have followed, would not be just what I know in my head and what I do, but rather rooted deep within the core of my being. That the actions I take would become instinct, a response, rather than a conscious point of action.
God, in His sweet tenderness, really has wooed me. There is so much more peace and quietness in my spirit, and it's only due to His grace. It's a good way to live.
I love this passage too-after Jeremiah 29:11, which everyone loves, but this is so crucial: Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
We so often look at just one side or the other: What is our responsibility? Or what does God do for us? Yet, it is an exchange—a relationship—living, breathing and active. It is not a set of rules we are to follow or something in which we seek God only for our own benefit.
Christine Watson: Yes. It's about the relationship that is formed. The day in and day out communion with him, not about what you do for him or what he does for you. All of those things come out of the relationship with him.
Exactly. I don't think I've really understood that until this year, but I'm finding that more and more. I've always been a person who has felt this sense of responsibility, especially in reciprocating what is done for me. And yes, I should reciprocate what God has done and does for me...but it needs to be a response and action out of love for Him, rather than a sense of responsibility.
And oh grace! How grace is given freely!
It's been a process this year too in learning and growing into one with John—much change there. It is amazing how much of a shift happens in an individual relationship with God as one prepares for marriage. Because, one, I can't necessarily process or understand everything as an individual. A lot of processing and learning is done through an active exchange with him! It's a very interesting thing. It is teaching me a lot about respect and submission. Another, when to speak and when not to speak. Though I may want to be heard on something, I don't necessarily need to be heard. My opinion doesn't always matter; I can just let him lead.
Marriage is amazing. But if I had to pick one word for it though, I would say it is humbling. It's humbling for many reasons...one, because you are definitely more aware of your own shortcomings when with another and vice versa, humbling in that a marriage depends on God being in the center of it for it to thrive. But mostly, humbling in that God desires to give a gift so great as to spend your life with another, through the ups and downs and all that life brings...and it is the ultimate reflection of the love Christ has for His church; an illusion of what we will experience in heaven. God has deemed marriage in His good purposes to benefit us most here on this earth for us to learn what we will one day experience.
…
My Lord, You are God. And there is no other. There is none like You.
I become overwhelmed when I am with You…overwhelmed by You and who You are. It is a good overwhelmed! You are faithful. Sovereign. Loving. Gracious. And so many more things. I love You. I love this life I get to live with You.
It is my prayer that as I have been given much, that I would give much in return. Lord, may I always offer myself back to You, and allow You to pour me out where You wish me to be. It is better that way. You know people’s needs far better than I do.
But Lord, more than anything, may I be yours. May I be a willing bondservant of You, the Lord Jesus Christ.
It will be good to come back to this tomorrow and hopefully structure it up a bit for a blog entry. May it be a testimony to You, dear Lord.
I’ve had this thought as well, and that is what You are doing in our lives currently generally is a preparation for what is to come. Lord, You will be working greatly! There is a reason for this season. Each season in itself is so purposeful, and it is amazing how it is also a foundation for what is to come.
Faithful, sovereign Lord, I love You so.
