Oh

boy.

Here

we

go.

The God of Glory is in Our Midst

I don’t think there has ever been a time when I’ve come to write just like this. But I feel God moving me to. You see, I am outside on my covered deck at home in CO where I have been watching a thunderstorm for the past hour, and it continues to grow stronger and stronger….

It all began when I was eating dinner and watching a movie with my mom and I saw the watercolor wash of the sky as the sunset began. The dark clouds loomed overhead bringing the presence of an impending thunderstorm. I couldn’t not go outside. As I went, I saw lightning flashes begin as they started over the mountains, perfectly set against a bold, colorful sunset. I set out with my camera determined to get a picture or two of the lightning on the mountains. These moments seem so few in my lifetime now. It was such a challenge to get a picture when that was my goal. When I began to surrender the purpose of getting a picture and just observe God’s majesty before me, things started happening…

You see the pictures on here that I did capture. Let me tell you, that is nothing compared to what I see now. Then it was just over the mountains, here and there, a clean bolt, relatively easy to guess the timing. There was no thunder and it painted so much beauty. Since that time, however, I have ceased trying to get the perfect picture. The skies are lighting up all around and above me wherever I can see. As I set in to my covered deck, I asked God why I wasn’t hearing any thunder with this lightning.

The thing is, God has been showing me that the time is now for some specific things. Some radical, unbelievable things that will showcase God’s power for all to see. I told God that I know now is the time, for He has shown me so. I asked Him to further confirm and show that through thunder. Well, the thunder hasn’t stopped…and just now as I typed it, roared as loud as it has all night.

We have for far too long ignored God and His power or haven’t been willing or able to believe that He bears that power. The power to heal. The power to change. The power to renew and restore. The power that is so indescribable just as I can’t describe to you in words the thunder that I hear roar now.

I just had to move inside. The rain has begun to pour. Quite ironic, don’t you think, as I begin to speak of God’s power? It’s been looming above like thunderclouds waiting to be released…and now the time is here.

We have been in disbelief and ignorance for far too long. Just as God is displaying his splendor now, it has always been there. We have lacked faith grossly.

I come before you all tonight to declare that my heart has changed. This thunderstorm is a confirmation. My unbelief is no longer, for my eyes and heart have been opened by the living God who makes Himself known to all who receive. I see that Jesus is the only answer to all of life’s questions, and I set out tonight acting upon that truth. I see that doubts and insecurities are a mask of our unbelief of who God is and not believing the truths about Him. I see those masks still ever present in the people around me. The people who attempt to answer their questions and satisfy their desires with other things besides the one answer-Jesus.

Have we not seen that mediocrity doesn’t get us anywhere? We have been trudging along in it far too long, not allowing the living God to reveal Himself to us. Look at the lightning and hear the thunder-He is before us, a God in our midst!

There are many things that are coming for me to speak of soon, but for tonight, God is leaving me to say this:

Awake from your lack of faith.

See His glory and power.

Know that Jesus is the answer, the only answer!

Faith

Faith in God is not about the knowing, it’s about trusting Him in the not knowing. If we knew, we would have answers, not faith. Answers take the place of something so critical, our faith. It is our faith in who God is that holds us as we go through the process of being sanctified, refined, renewed. With full knowledge, we would miss out on so much. If we find ourselves concerned with answers, it is because we truly lack faith in who God is.

I'm Amazed...

I'm amazed at the refining that God can do in a short time.

I am also amazed at Satan's power and how he preys on us.

I'm amazed at this God of mine who pursues my heart endlessly, no matter how fickle or selfish it has been and can be.

I'm amazed at what He can do in the course of nine months, even three weeks.

I'm amazed at how wretched a sinner I am.

I'm amazed at His redemptive work within me.

I'm amazed at the level of fear that once lived within me.

I'm amazed at how He ordains things so perfectly.

I'm amazed at the blessings He gives unabashedly when we don't deserve them at all, and how he keeps on giving.

I'm amazed with the intricacies He creates our hearts with and knows what makes them beat fervently and what makes them pause.

I'm amazed that He knows every tear we've cried and is the giver of all joy that we have.

I'm amazed at this God who somehow deemed me worthy to send His son to die for me, and who has given His Holy Spirit to live within me.

I'm amazed at the fact that I can see and understand in part what the future holds, yet at the same time, have absolutely no idea.

I'm amazed at the gift of prayer in which we can deeply commune with Him.

I'm amazed by so many things...

Things I have seen...

Things I am seeing...

And the fact that I have seen nothing yet.

It's my God that leaves me

Simply amazed.

An End and a Beginning

I title this An End and a Beginning for many reasons...one being that it's the end of my second year of college and beginning of summer (duh), another being that it's the end of a certain kind of writing and beginning of another, and mostly that it's the end of a season in my life and the beginning of another.

I was in the car today with my family driving from Colorado Springs to Taos, NM for a 3 day family reunion on my dad's side. I found myself so overwhelmed at God's goodness and faithfulness as I looked back on what He's done and what He's doing and where He's leading. Driving down to Taos today , as well as in Colorado right now, everything is flourishing. I not only saw the visible flourishing but the flourishing in my heart that I haven’t seen and felt in quite a long time. I find my heart and mind overflowing with so many different things to say. To be in His presence is so good. So good. With this, I find this past winter passing and such a beautiful summer coming.

The ice of my heart has been melted, the one that dripped tears all of the time as God thawed it out over this year. Now the moisture or tears that I now cry come as a result from above. I saw this today as we drove...unspeakable majesty as the thunderclouds built up over the mountain ranges, deep blues and greys and more. The rain began to fall but it was peaceful, simply an overflow of what has been built up from above. The rain only makes things flourish more, causing the grass to remain green and wildflowers to bloom.

I think back to when I was home last, with the three blizzards and how that described my spiritual state so well at that time. There were so many storms within my own heart that I simply didn’t know how to recover from. It would die down for a period only to rage again and never fully melt in between. Like the snow physically took a long time to melt, so did the ice in my own heart. The sun shined after the storms to begin the process but it would take some time…

My dad said today that the 10 year drought we've had in Colorado is over. The reservoirs are finally full again and the rivers are flowing very highly. There are no more watering restrictions like there have been for so long. No more restrictions, an overflow...How beautiful it is to see that time of lack has passed and I have moved onto the season of growth…that the flowers are popping up, rivers are flowing, and life is flourishing, every mark of the Creator obviously shown. How I reside in a peace and overwhelming joy that used to seem like a distant memory. How I long to never cease praying to and praising my dear Lord who has fully and beautifully redeemed...

No one but Him

I've been so incredibly scattered and seemingly out of it lately. I even sit here tonight unable to fully grasp where I am and what I am doing. I am fully unable to sustain myself; instead, I am being sustained by the Sustainer of life. There's a newfound simplicity amidst newfound complexity right now...a paradox I am unable to explain at this time.

The end of the year is upon me and I sit here in my room just as I am before my Creator. I sit here and realize there is much I am not supposed to grasp just yet. I can't take it all in...

But what I can take in is that I am to be in the presence of my Father all the time...He beckons me into His arms. I come to somewhat of a harsh realization tonight in realizing that it has been no one but Him that has brought me through this year and taught me what I've learned. There is no other credit or praise due to anyone but Him. He has been the ultimate ordainer, but above all, the preserver of my heart...

No one but Him knows what I've been through. No one but Him knows fully what I've been taught. No one but Him knows fully my desires; He created me with them. No one but Him fully knows what's best for me. No one but Him fully understands what it is I am doing. No one but Him knows what refining and reworking in my heart has happened this year. No one but Him fully knows my struggles and pulls me out of them when I am unable. No one but Him knows every single tear I've cried, for He's counted them all. No one but Him knows what fully brings me joy, for He's the creator of such.

No one but Him fully knows me, fully understands me...

I say this not to minimize the people He's placed in my life, but to magnify His presence in my life. Without Him, there is nothing...I am nothing. I sometimes wonder why I try so hard to explain who I am, my struggles, my desires, my thoughts, etc., when there is no one but Him who will fully understand. I know the reason that I attempt to explain is that I desire for people to know me, to dive into who it is I am that God has created, to discover the mystery He has placed within. I know there is no one but Him who has placed the levels of depth within me as He has. Those levels within even daunt me at times. But I wonder what it will look like when/if someone attempts to discover what lies within...

There's no one but Him who has made me who I am today. There's no one but Him who will refine me into who I will be.

And I wonder if we often avoid levels of depth with people because we are afraid to get a bigger picture of our Creator's deeper workings, more intricate refinings and shapings...

But until that question is answered, I will rest in this...there is no one but Him in whose presence I can fully reside; who knows me full well, and sees me for who I am and what I will be and displays His love all the same. Simply...

There is no one but Him.

A Season of Change, Regeneration

I wrote this first poem on the first day of November. It came back to my mind this morning when thinking over this past year and what has been done. God has fulfilled what I wrote back in November in such beautiful ways, and I felt compelled to rewrite the poem in light of today. The November one is first; the June one is second.

The morn' of November

A crisp chill lingering in the stillness

Can you feel the season of change?

A regeneration

Old leaves fall and the new ones will come

Yet it's all in its own time

Ordained by the Creator of all

One must be tossed and turned about

Eager to escape its stem, root of life

But ever more, must cling stronger still

Are we so adamant to hang on to what is dying?

Or do we desire a rebirth

A regeneration

Blossoms on the brink but hearts must mend

In this season of winter to come

Finding a new joy in the creator of all

The morn' of November and season of winter very soon shall pass

On the brink of the revival of spring

Can you feel the season of change?

A regeneration?

June 9, 2007

The morning of June
A warm breeze breaking the stillness
Can you feel the season of change?
A regeneration
The leaves have come and the flowers push forth
Yet it was all in its own time
Ordained by the Creator of all
One has been tossed and turned about
No longer eager to escape its stem, root of life
For it is through that living water has been found
We are no longer so adamant to hang on to what is dying
For we have seen the rebirth
A regeneration
Blossoms in full presence and hearts mended still
After this season of winter has passed
We have found a new joy in the Creator of all
The morn’ of November and season of winter has soon passed
We have entered into the revival of spring
And we feel the season of change
A regeneration

Not to be Served, but to Serve

"He must become greater, I must become less." John 3:30

"But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first." Matthew 19:30

"Then the mother of Zebedee's sons came to Jesus with her sons and, kneeling down, asked a favor of him. "What is it you want?" he asked. She said, "Grant that one of these two sons of mine may sit at your right and the other at your left in your kingdom." You don't know what you are asking," Jesus said to them. "Can you drink the cup I am going to drink?" "We can," they answered. Jesus said to them, "You will indeed drink from my cup, but to sit at my right or left is not for me to grant. These places belong to those for whom they have been prepared by my Father." When the ten heard about this, they were indignant with the two brothers. Jesus called them together and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave-- just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Matthew 20:20-28

I've been thinking and praying a lot regarding serving lately. It's come up countless times through conversations, scripture I've been reading, and opportunities I have. What I've been realizing is a simple truth but one so important that I neglect it at times.

It's easy for me to serve those whom I love, those closest to me in my life and most important. It is through the love I have for them that is the source of the desire to give my all for them and do what I can.

And there are others that when opportunities come to serve them, I feel more a sense of obligation to do so, rather than the same joy that I feel with those closest to me. I sometimes don't take those opportunities I have to serve them; other times I do, but with an attitude of heart that can be described as a mix between prideful and begrudging.

What is wrong in this is that Jesus must become greater and I must become less. When I truly see others and life through His eyes all the time, then my heart will be changed for those around me, reverberating with a love that is only of the Creator God. Out of that, how can I not help but be compelled to serve and give my all to those around me?

Our culture says that we should only look to other's interests when we can benefit from them in return. As Christians, we are to be radically different from the culture's crooked ideals. Jesus came not to be served, but to serve. If the One most High would humble Himself in that way, we have no reason not to do so ourselves. Why do we not see more people on their knees washing feet, taking on the lowly servant position? We do not work for a status in this world...our utmost desire should be to glorify our Savior, and we do this by denying ourselves and our own selfish nature and look around, outside of ourselves. The opportunities are countless to serve. But is our love great enough to compel us to do so?

He must become greater, I must become less. Through this...it is possible, if we turn our hearts and are willing to let His love be manifested in us in a way we could never do ourselves.

Through this simple truth I believe and pray that the eyes of the world around us will be changed when they see Christians acting in the manner of the One whose name they bear, the One whose truths they preach, and the One whose love they claim to have and share.

Are we willing?