Abundance of Joy

abundance of joy
caressing my heart
washing cares away
beautiful One sing
a new melody
new song in my life
a composition
of praise to the One
who deserves my all
abundance of joy
in You will I find
love that is deeper
and consumes my life

If...

by Amy Carmichael...AMAZING book! Here are some excerpts, more will probably come later.

If I do not feel far more for the grieved Savior than for my worried self when troublesome things occur, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If in dealing with one who does not respond, I weary of the strain, and slip from under the burden, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I cannot catch the sound of noise of rain (1 Kings 18:41) long before the rain falls, and, going to some hilltop of the spirit, as near to my God as I can, have not faith to wait there with my face between my knees, though six or sixty times I am told "there is nothing," till at last "there arises a cloud out of the sea," then I know nothing of Calvary love.

Disoriented

Disoriented describes lately the best of all the words I can think of right now...

I seem to get thrown curveball after curveball lately, when things are not what I expected at all. Things, at least in part, can be so prophetically clear yet so vague at the same time.

Since coming back to school in particular, I find myself in one of the hardest places I have personally ever been. Life seems so radically different in every way, with no constant except for God.

I see the things I do. I see the things I should do. I see so much more than I ever have before in my surroundings and in people. Yet at the same time, I find myself feeling completely blind and unaware of so much.

In my car tonight I was worshipping at the top of my lungs because God is so good, even in the midst of this disorientation and difficulties. During that time I was thinking about what I have grown in since coming back to school in particular.

And right now, I have no idea.

It feels like so much has changed yet so much hasn't. It seems I am living in two different worlds; what those are, I don't know right now. I really don't know what exactly I should be doing right now, yet I do.

God answers prayers in extraordinary ways. Ever since the second to last week of project, in which I prayed in earnest for God to do whatever He desired in me to bring me closer to Him, no matter how hard it would be, He has answered to the fullest. It's been a seemingly endless stretching with so many different things.

But here are the keys that I must remember tonight: God answers prayer in extraordinary ways. God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. God will never give me more than I can bear. God knows my inmost being and heart. God is faithful. God is a giver of extraordinary blessing. God weaves together things that I find myself astounded to see. God is...fully sovereign, as He displays it day in and out. And that's the thing...God just is. He is the I AM.

And I know that things have changed, I just can't see it yet. I know that in this disorientation, God is the constant. I know that this is achieving for me a glory that will outweigh these present "troubles."

And above all, I know that in this season, God is continually bringing me to a place where I can only rely on Him, and enter into a deeper, fuller, more abundant relationship with Him.

That is good.

Constant

When all around me seems to be stirring, still, crazy, unpredictable, uncertain, and unexpected, how much I desire a constant in my life...

Praise be to Christ who is that constant, being the "same yesterday, today, and forever."

What would I do without a Savior?

In the Path of Moses

Not just to sympathize, but to empathize...
to feel the pain of another...
to be placed in their shoes in an attempt for me to understand
And pull them deeper into a relationship with the One who pursues them first

But this hurt...
this pain...
proves almost too difficult to bear
Where do I go
and what do I say?
How do I keep walking on
In light of their pain?

In the path of Moses
who answers His call
So afraid and feeling unable
But "I AM" leads the way

Through the desert leads the way to the Promised Land

Compelled

Dare I try to give this justice?
Try to describe it through my mere words
I know my words will fail
But try I must
For I am compelled
To go beyond the limits of what I see now
Reaching for infinitude that can never fully be grasped
I stretch out my open hand
A mere portion to which I cling
Yet just a glimpse proves better than life
The sands of time slide through my fingers
Bringing an ever-changing season
I can’t stop here for that would fail even more
Faces becoming more vivid still
A world so different than the one I know now
A revolution about to emerge
The tribes coming together in adulation
Every tongue dripping with praise
I come today
Ready to answer the call
I know my efforts will fail
But try I must
To go beyond the limits of what I do now
Doing the things that answer the call of eternity
I stretch out my open heart
A mere portion of which I see
Yet just a feeling proves better than life

Reaching to His Grasp

Sweetness of a song
To which we move and sing along
Caught up in the melody that refrains
Yet in fully praising we often abstain
Could it be that the words we hear
Can ring true to our hearts and push away fear
Why do we remain in the background still
Knowing the pursuer of our hearts and His sovereign will
What is it that makes us abstain
Are we content to live in apathy evermore
These chains that riddle us and pull us down
Keep us in twisting efforts to freely abound
Yet these chains we must break free and fly
Open our mouths and leave the sighs behind
The enemy of our souls prowls to make us fall
Let us overcome and answer the call
Our God is glorious, praise is more than due
Oh Father in Heaven, we come to worship You

Thoughts to be continued...

I'm learning that...

An abundance of time equals an abundance of thoughts, which in turn equals a lot to write about the abundant amount of things God is teaching me and doing...

Yeah.

But for now, how often do we struggle to be content in where and what situations God has placed us in? How often do we let present troubles, doubts, and fears keep our head down from viewing and fully experiencing the marvelous light of Christ? Why is it that we must experience the bad in order to truly appreciate the good? And why is it that there will always be questions and always a search for answers?

How I pray tonight that though I desire and want these answers because I know I will gain a greater understanding of His will, that this quest for wisdom will never keep me from coming before God just as I am, an ignorant woman who fails in many things, and worshipping Him with all the praise I have to give...

Though often it seems like my life is a series of questions and answers, I must not forget what it should truly and always be...

A life of Worship.

Die Trying You Cauldron of Glass

A poem written by my friend Ben from Summer Project...I think it's beautiful.

Die Trying You Cauldron of Glass
Raise my fist and shout to the sky
“Die trying” will be my exit
To fall in flames of battle is
better then unfrayed on the sidelines
A rescue mission is better with a
full boat then a solo on shore
So crash me waves and make me
drown, just as long as I grab
a hand on my way sinking
Die trying will be my anthem. For it
is better then I kept MYself safe

For it is better then one clean jar
inside and out.
That can be seen through and respected
but problem of the lid remains
Twist till it pops and it is ready to
receive all that need an open-clean friend.
Hold them till they are clean, then send them
to the world uncapped and ready to
take in another who’s drowning.

Capped with the lid tight will
stay a float for a time
One day the glass will crack and
the jar will die floating
Not much of a requiem to sing;
not much left behind
But to die trying on a rescue mission
how great are the efforts,
How great the heart of the jar that let the Savior in first
Die Trying You Cauldron of Glass,
Die Trying

Beautiful Sister

Oh the beauty of which I see
Of your transforming heart
The freedom that you are beginning to receive

Oh the beauty of which I see
Of your branching ways
The confidence in Him you are beginning to receive

Beautiful sister, it’s your time
Spread your wings and leave your cares behind
Beautiful sister, it’s your time
Trust His strength and begin to fly

Oh the joy of which you bring
Through your gracious serve
The embracing of Him you are beginning to know

Oh the joy of which you bring
Through your genuine nature
The love of Christ in You fully beginning to flow

Beautiful sister, it’s your time
Spread your wings and leave your cares behind
Beautiful sister, it’s your time
Trust His strength and begin to fly

Oh the beauty of which I see
Of your transforming heart
The freedom that you are beginning to receive