No Wonder People Everywhere Fear Him

"Look, God is all-powerful. Who is a teacher like him? No one can tell him what to do. No one can say to him, 'You have done wrong.' Instead, glorify his mighty works, singing songs of praise. Everyone has seen these things, but only from a distance.

"Look, God is exalted beyond what we can understand. His years are without number. He draws up the water vapor and then distills it into rain. The rain pours down from the clouds, and everyone benefits from it. Can anyone really understand the spreading of the clouds and the thunder that rolls forth from heaven? See how he spreads the lightning around him and how it lights up the depths of the sea. By his mighty acts he governs the people, giving them food in abundance. He fills his hands with lightning bolts. He hurls each at its target. The thunder announces his presence; the storm announces his indignant anger. "My heart pounds as I think of this. It leaps within me. Listen carefully to the thunder of God's voice as it rolls from his mouth. It rolls across the heavens, and his lightning flashes out in every direction. Then comes the roaring of the thunder—the tremendous voice of his majesty. He does not restrain the thunder when he speaks. God's voice is glorious in the thunder. We cannot comprehend the greatness of his power.

"He directs the snow to fall on the earth and tells the rain to pour down. Everyone stops working at such a time so they can recognize his power. The wild animals hide in the rocks or in their dens. The stormy wind comes from its chamber, and the driving winds bring the cold. God's breath sends the ice, freezing wide expanses of water. He loads the clouds with moisture, and they flash with his lightning. The clouds turn around and around under his direction. They do whatever he commands throughout the earth. He causes things to happen on earth, either as a punishment or as a sign of his unfailing love.

"Listen, Job; stop and consider the wonderful miracles of God! Do you know how God controls the storm and causes the lightning to flash forth from his clouds? Do you understand how he balances the clouds with wonderful perfection and skill? When you are sweltering in your clothes and the south wind dies down and everything is still, he makes the skies reflect the heat like a giant mirror. Can you do that?

"You think you know so much, so teach the rest of us what to say to God. We are too ignorant to make our own arguments. Should God be told that I want to speak? Can we speak when we are confused? We cannot look at the sun, for it shines brightly in the sky when the wind clears away the clouds. Golden splendor comes from the mountain of God. He is clothed in dazzling splendor. We cannot imagine the power of the Almighty, yet he is so just and merciful that he does not oppress us. No wonder people everywhere fear him. People who are truly wise show him reverence."

Job 36:26-33, 37:1- 24 (New Living Translation)

Sifting Continued

For some reason I feel compelled to share my heart on what God is “sifting” through me right now. I’ve spent the past two days in a lot of silent prayer and reflection, but I really feel the call to write about it and share it…Bear with me in this, I don’t know how fluent or how much sense this will all make. I’m just going to allow God to go through this.

A large part of being in Santa Monica means being surrounded by the temporal things that consume our society, and I see just about every form here. Yesterday I wanted to scream. I felt so confined by this world that has been fabricated around me, a world that is toiling after nothing in an effort to fulfill their deepest desire only Christ can. Yet at the same time I’m still in the midst of this city, in the midst of all of these people, and my heart breaks for them because they don’t know the reality of knowing Christ and how He fulfills every need. However, the God of this world has blinded the unbelievers to such an extent that they are apathetic or angry or defensive or many other things, so that they don’t want to hear of a Savior; the “Savior(s)” they have “created” or “formulated” for themselves is sufficient. Anyways that’s a whole other tangent for another time, but basically it’s a world full of idols and sin...and I am no longer bound to this world or desire any of this! Praise the Lord for doing this revolution in my heart!

Over this summer Matthew 24:14 has been referred to quite a bit. “And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all the nations, and then the end will come.” This has been such an exciting verse to me, and has been one that God has used in part to strengthen my heart and call to missions…that I can take an active part in this!? How sweet is that!?! I desire that, to make an impact on this world for Christ in ways I can only dream of now. This verse came to mind in our bible study on Tuesday, for what reason I don’t remember right now, but I read the context surrounding it. All of Matthew 24 is part of this, but the selected part is:

4Jesus answered: "Watch out that no one deceives you. 5For many will come in my name, claiming, 'I am the Christ,F104 ' and will deceive many. 6You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. 7Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. 8All these are the beginning of birth pains. 9"Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me. 10At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, 11and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. 12Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, 13but he who stands firm to the end will be saved. 14And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.

I see signs of this. Prophecies and the whole starting to be fulfilled. On the surface…it’s exciting, amazing, wonderful…deep within…it’s uncomfortable, terrifying perhaps.

God has been asking me, “what do you truly desire?” and “what are you really waiting for?” After doing a hard heart evaluation, I found my answer to be that I no longer desire the temporal things of this world, man, I am ready to be out of America. But in this I asked myself, if I don’t desire the temporal, do I truly desire the eternal, above all else? Do I truly desire to see all of these things fulfilled in my lifetime?

It’s been a hard answer. I think that to some extent I do desire these things because I know eternity is lasting and is far far better than the temporal, but I also think that I desire the eternal on a condition: that it won’t affect the “blessings” God has for me here on earth.

See, I want to passionately pursue Him and live my life completely soled out for Him; He’s only strengthened that this summer. With this, I know God will bring blessings for that’s the kind of God He is! He blesses those who choose Him and choose His ways—not because He has to but because He desires to!

But I think so often I live for those blessings He has more than the eternal.

I have never been fully comfortable or willing to accept the fact that Christ could return in my lifetime. I’ve wanted life to the full here, as He promises it when we seek Him (John 10:10), but have I truly set eternity in my heart, knowing it is infinitely better than anything He has to offer on earth?

Yet, as Matthew 24:14 continues to resonate throughout project, I find more and more that this is what God is calling me for: that I will participate in preaching the gospel to all the nations, and then the end will come.

Notice that last part? It’s contingent on the first. If I’m to be participating in preaching the gospel to all the nations, shouldn’t I be more than willing to accept its result? Shouldn’t that be what I desire above all else, to see all that has been talked and preached about forever fulfilled? To see the end come, Christ in full power?

I don’t know why it scares me so much. In my head I know that eternity and Heaven and the returning of Christ is infinitely better than anything on earth…but I’ve never gotten that into my heart. I think it’s been one of those situations in which I’ve been using the art of ignorance in an effort to push the issue aside in an attempt to deal with it later.

God says the time to deal with it is now.

So many of my desires are good, God-given desires…this I know. I just can’t let these desires for blessings overtake the desire to see and embrace eternity, to fully live for it alone! There needs to be a certain order there. For so long God has been teaching me to seek Him first and then the rest will flow.

I need to desire eternity above all else…to live that life knowing I am taking an active part in the end coming, and let that be the source of my flame. And I need to do it with a smile on my face, peace in my heart, feet ready to move, and hands willing to serve. I need to leave my fears and ignorance behind.

Steadily God is changing this and will continue to do so, this I know and hold fast to. It’s not a change I can do on my own. It’s not an easy one either, but I praise the Lord that He is so faithful and willing to ceaselessly shape me so I can be the woman He desires me to be, one that will be ready to participate in the fulfilling of Matthew 24:14.

Um yeah…I just feel the need to be honest before you all about this. I trust that God is using this in some way, I know He is at least for me.

John, perhaps this helps shed some light about what is going on…I think that I can talk with you more in detail about it when God so ordains it. There’s a lot to say right now that God’s laying on my heart, but I’ll wait on His timing.

I’m in His grip no matter where I am, I’m in His arms and that’s where I will remain.

Sifting

Sifting through the sands to reveal the treasure hidden within
A movement to dispel the unnecessary grains
Bringing it to the source of where true beauty lies
In all that remains

Sifting through my heart to reveal its deepest desires within
A movement to dispel the assumed needs
Bringing it to the source of where true beauty is found
In only One I see

In this, my Dear Lord, You are asking of me
What is your deepest desire
And what should it really be?
I ask for the sifting to persist as hard as it is
I ask for this revolution in my heart so it may be fully pleasing to You

Inadequate

O Lord, my words are inadequate
Unable to depict the yearnings residing deep within
That I will never be able to grasp the infinitude of You
Yet glimpses are given as a gift to see what is to come
Indescribable, incomparable, astonishing beauty
Leaves me lingering in its presence forevermore
Compelled by the light I venture forth into uncertainty
But remarkable brilliance displaying splendor
O wonderful maker, beautiful Savior
Whose marvelous works are displayed for all to see
Before my Lord, I desire to dance passionately
Sing songs of endless praise to my King
Fulfill the promises You have set before me
That through it to You all glory will be due
O Lord, my words are inadequate
Bring beautiful melodies to my ears
O Lord, my words are inadequate
Unable to depict the fullness of You

Steady Flame

John was talking to me yesterday, rather it was God speaking through him, and he brought up a verse from 2 Thessalonians 5:19, stating "do not put out the spirit's fire." He went on to say that a fire can be put out two ways; one by extinguishing it with water or something similar, and the other, by putting too much fuel on it too fast, not allowing a flame to develop. I went to church pondering this and what it meant for me.

I was wondering if I was trying to put too much fuel on the fire too soon, for I knew I wasn’t trying to put it out with water. There were these candles on the floor in the prayer room and I was watching them burn, fixated on the flame, asking God to reveal what it was I needed to learn from this. These flames were rather steady. Of course, there were times they were tousled about a bit, but they remained rooted to their wick, its source and presence. There was a candle next to me. I watched that one for a bit, until I decided to pull it closer for a better look. As I did, the wax contained in that tube, melted and liquefied, sloshed about, and then I saw it so clearly…

The flame is ignited by something outside of itself, the outpouring of the spirit when we accept Christ into our lives. It is contained on the wick, the foundation we have in the Word and all of God’s truths. It is a flame burning above all of this wax which is below it. The wax is hard at the beginning, but as the flame persists, the wax begins to soften and then liquefy. As we grow in our walk with God and keep the flame steady, then in time, those around us will be affected by us, and as time elapses, will become more and more so. Then either the pool of liquid wax at the top overflows or is shaken about, causing the wax to spill over, sending forth a rushing only to land someplace and harden. Once the wax is hardened, it leaves a lasting impression on wherever it landed. One looks around at all of these drops of hardened wax and sees that it came as a result of the flame.

None of this can happen without a steady flame. It takes time for the wax to soften and then liquefy. We can’t rush the Spirit and we can’t try to make the wax stir when it is not ready. If we try to move the candle too much, the flame will extinguish itself as a result of too much activity. We must be diligent in keeping our flame steady and only move it when the Spirit is calling. It is the steady flame that causes the eventual outpouring of the wax that leaves a lasting impression wherever it lands. It is our steady persistence in seeking after God that will cause the eventual outpouring of our gifts, affecting others and sending them out to leave a lasting impression.

And lastly, a flame can be transferred to another wick without diminishing its strength. From one flame can come another, and both can burn equally strong. Such is the picture of discipleship. Let us light many candles.

Hear My Cry, O Lord

Lord I pray You will stir a fire in all of us, that we will be willing to break free of these mediocre lives we are living! Let us desire to seek after You earnestly, with reckless abandon, with consuming passion! Lord, I desire to see You move in ways I never could’ve dreamed were possible, that as the skies display the work of Your hand, that Your people will show the work of redemption and be ministers of reconciliation. I am not satisfied and I want more for my brothers and sisters! In a life where we possess the eternal let us cease living for the temporary but always desire the eternal. I pray that You will reveal to us that any riches here on earth are rubbish compared to Your everlasting Kingdom. And Lord, I ask that You put on their hearts the question, “do I desire to be branded with the mark of my Lord? Do I desire to live a life of complete sacrifice and declare the glory from above?” Lord, let their answer be a resounding yes! Let us run forth as the body into the marvelous light, the wonderful light, and never turn back. I want more, Dear Lord, and I can’t help but be discouraged. Show me how I can spur my brothers and sisters on to this, O Lord. It’s fully You, completely You, always You. To you be the glory forever and ever. Amen.

I Am Sin, He is Righteousness Alone

Passages taken from Tozer's I Talk Back to the Devil

"O Lord, Thou art my righteousness, I am Thy sin!"

"Every time you take a new step forward for God, the devil will have some means of communicating to you that God is proud of you-and that You are wonderful. As soon as he can get you interested enough to say, 'yes, I guess that is true,' you have had it brother!"

"It is good for us to remember how strong He is--and how weak we are."

"Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselevs to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God." 2 Corinthians 3:4

This describes perfectly the humbling week I have had. I knew it was coming and though it's been extremely difficult at times, I praise God for it. I am sin, He is righteousness alone. Over this project I have grown so much and God has done so much with it all, but I was struggling with pride in that. For how do we have confidence in what Christ has done in us and created us to be and not be prideful? Throughout this week I've been learning so much of what it is to boast in Christ alone. I am nothing, nothing apart from Him! I have no right or anything to boast in myself! I think for a while, I was like, "well it's God working through me, but it's me allowing myself to be a vessel for Him." That's all wrong! Who is the one who paid my ransom when I was in the miry pit? Who has been the one who has taken me from sin and brought me into the marvelous light? ONLY him, ONLY! I have nothing to do with it except complete surrender and give Him all the glory! We have confidence in Christ, not ourselves. We boast in Him alone.

"Now Lord, if I do the things I know I should do, and if I say what I know in my heart I should say, I will be in trouble with people and groups, but there is no other way! Not only will I be in trouble for taking my stand in faith and honesty, but I will certainly be in a situation where I will be seriously tempted by the devil! Almighty Lord, I accept this with my eyes open! I know the facts and I know what may happen, but I accept it. I will not run. I will not hide. I will not crawl under a rug. I will danre to stand up and fight because I am on your side-and I
know that when I am weak, then I am strong!"

"Therefore since we have such a hope, we are very bold...Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God. And even if our gosepl is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. The god of this age has blinded the minds of unvelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gosepl of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of darkness,' made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side but not crushed; perplexed but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that His life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. It is written: 'I believed, therefore i have spoken.' With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therfore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs theym all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is uneseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 3:12,17-18, 4:1-18

I have seen a transformation in my heart this summer in the fact that I am becoming much more bold. It still scares me out of my mind at times to ask God for certain things, but He's been putting the question on my heart, "dare I ask?" "Dare I ask to see God's glory fully revealed in my life?" And with such a boldness comes a lack of understanding at times from those around me. However, I am no longer satisfied with the mediocre Christian life...there is so infinitely more if we are willing to claim it! We are being transformed into the likeness of Christ? Is that enough to put our hope in, to be bold? More than enough!

So often as we go out sharing the gospel here in Santa Monica and Los Angeles it becomes so apparent that the God of this world has blinded the minds of unbelievers. It's been getting to me quite a bit, and that's something that I will have to speak more on in time.

And no matter what my circumstances are or what they entail, wheteher I am hard pressed, perplexed, persecutred, or struck down, I have this treasure in jars of clay that shows the power of God! It is from Him and not from us! No matter what my circumstances are, they are light and momentary troubles. I fix my eyes on the unseen, the eternal...I have seen the temporary world in an extreme light this summer and it leaves me with such a longing for the eternal, the unseen.

With all of this comes a lot of spiritual warfare. But as I found myself in prayer the other night, I found myself accepting this with my eyes open. I prayed in earnest for God to continue to stretch me and mold me and break me, no matter how difficult it will be. I know it will be, but we are called to maturity in Christ! I want all that Christ has for me, and it doesn't matter what means He uses to do so. Above all, He is sovereign, and that is enough!

There's so much I want to write about because I have learned so much this summer, but due to the current circumstances, I wlll have to wait until after project. I am so looking forward to the 2 weeks of solitude I will have at my aunts house to be able to process all that has happened not just this summer, but this year! It's been a time of living in the moment in light of eternity. It's been a time of plunging head-first into every situation and walking by faith. But how GOOD it has been! How good! I can't wait to see what He has for me in these next 5 weeks before I go home because I know there are many more lessons and transformations of heart to occur. And when I do go home, how sweet it will be to tell of what God has done and experience the fruitful blessings He has in store...I'm really excited because God is the author of our lives and writes it far better than I ever could!

Blessings to all, and continue to seek out Christ for who He is! He is good! He is sovereign!

Of all these sinners, the worst is me
Selfish ambition to hold back the glory due
Consumed with rights and all my pride
The dictator of how I spend my time
A harsh lesson in humility
And still my praises must flow

To the One everlasting, steady and unchanging
Who is the same eternally
That for my sins He gave His life, paid the price
Laid down His everything
Now He opens my eyes and allows me to see
I am sin, He is righteousness alone

Did you know...

that in the Jewish language/culture there is no word for spiritual, because everything is viewed as spiritual?

I think that's pretty sweet...

Cockroaches and Moths

I know the title doesn't sound overly appealing...but read on. Trust me, God's in this.

About a week or so, Mike, our head staff project guy, gave a talk about 2 Corinthians (it's what we studied with the staff here) and the fragrance of God either being appealing or not to people. He then used the analogy that we are the light of Christ, and people are either like moths, drawn to the light, or like cockroaches, dispelled by the light. This metaphor has been on my heart for a while and I've been praying for God to reveal Himself in this. He is...

As for the cockroach story...it's a bit unpleasant, but like everything, God uses it and speaks through it if you listen. I woke up this morning for class and pulled back the sheets to find about half of a squashed cockroach uncomfortably close to my leg. I pulled back the sheets more to find another portion of it closer, and then was wondering where and how he got squashed, only to find the remains on the back of my pj bottoms...basically it was creepy and disgusting and my bed mate and I got rid of those sheets in record time. As I and Amber were sleeping, this cockroach was probably crawling all over us, without us being aware. We woke up shocked at the remains of what had been happening all night and the light exposed what happened in the darkness. As I walked to class and relived the experience, I thought about these cockroaches being creatures of the darkness. How much this experience is an analogy for what Satan does with us. Satan attempts to catch us off guard, while we are "sleeping" in our spiritual walks, and then crawls all over us without us being aware. During the time we are unaware of such actions, but then when light is shed on the darkness, we are shocked at the fact that this was going on without any knowledge on our parts. How often do we do this, how often are we unaware of Satan's schemes because we are resting and not on our guard for his attacks? And then when light is shed, why are we so surprised? When God is at work in our lives and the Holy Spirit's power is displayed, we need to expect these attacks and not be blind to them! And as my behind crushed the cockroach at some point last night, we must realize that we always have Someone stronger on our side, Jesus Christ! He has overcome all and possesses all the victory! So let us flee the things of the darkness and walk fully into the light!

As for the moth analogy goes, it has definitely been something developing this summer. God has been showing me how contagious the light of Christ within us is. He has shown and is showing me how that draws people in and they desire to know what it is. It leaves people in awe of its beauty and they seek after it. Christ is my #1 consummation and all things are of Him, not me! I hate the sinner I am, how selfish I am, but Christ has overcome it all! It's been amazing to experience and go on the path God is leading me, to be in the refining fire and come out pure silver...knowing that it is all Him and not me. I have begun to understand that God is going to use His beauty within me to draw others to Him in significant ways. I am not worthy, but God is still choosing to do so! People are like moths to me, attracted only to the light of Christ within me. This is good, in the fact they can be around the flame, experiencing its warmth and light and know that it is good, desiring more of it for themselves. It is one of the cries of my heart that people would see Christ within me and it would only draw them more to Christ.

Yet, as I think about this analogy, I think about when the moths get too close. Their wings or feet get caught in the flame and it injures them. In one situation I feel that I burned someone and caused him pain. I find myself thinking that I don't want to hurt people, so therefore, either they can't get too close or I need to change something. Here's the thing though-it is Christ within me, not myself! The question I've been asking myself is how do I fully allow Christ to live within me and impact others without them "getting too close and getting burned?" I don't want any other guys attracted to me because I don't want to burn them. The path before me is clear and I'm not going to waver in that. I have full confidence that I did what God called me to do and know that and hold fast to that; I just don't like the fact that pain was inflicted as a result. I was talking to one of my friends here on project tonight about this and he said that perhaps I am getting a taste of what God feels and goes through. Sometimes in growing closer to God there is pain. Sometimes there are trials that injure us and we don't understand. God knows what is best for us and knows that these things help us to grow; that is why He doesn't prevent them. It breaks His heart that we are sinners and must go through this, but it's all necessary to know Him! Perhaps this is the situation now. Perhaps it was necessary that in showing him Christ he was burned, because this will only make him stronger. This is my prayer!

Let us choose to walk in the light, regardless of any consequences or any creatures of the darkness trying to pull us back. We must always press on to His glory!

The Angels are Rejoicing!!!

Because my mom is a BELIEVER!!! Oh my goodness, how amazing it is!!!!!!!!!!!! That God is so faithful to His promises and His word and everything, that the power of prayer has been realized and put into action and oh my goodness!!!!!

I knew, I knew that having my mom come out here in the middle of summer project was going to be amazing and that God was going to use it in big ways...and He has! We had a great day, driving up to Malibu and spending time there and just sightseeing throughout the morning and then talking all afternoon and evening. My mom wanted to know so much of what I've been doing here and what God has been teaching me, and so I told her about just about everything as of late, and it was really good...I could see in that she was trying to understand everything and so I started asking her questions and found out that she prayed the prayer to receive Christ at the Easter production (the Thorn) and has been believing since then. In all of the training and everything I've learned and God has taught me this summer, I talked to her about the Gospel and all of the points of Christianity; for a while now I've felt the Holy Spirit leading me to do so. I went over it all to see where she was at and to see if it was genuine and she agreed with it all and there's definitely been a change in heart with her...it's so sweet. We talked about the implications of it all and where to go from here and oh my gosh, I'm so excited!!!

That God is so faithful to His promises and everything!!!! Please be in prayer for my dad though, as he doesn't believe yet and my mom hasn't talked to him yet about her decision. But God has it all ordained so perfectly and prayers for 6 years and of so many people have been answered! Praise the Lord!!!

Mystery

In the vast seas lies a mystery
astoundingly deep is His love
ever present throughout all time
limitless, held by no bounds
and the ocean sways and it swells
giving an indication of what is to come
captivated by the infinite mystery
of the Father's love in which to dwell
held afloat by no other strength but His
and the ocean rises and the ocean stirs
bringing about remarkable change
purest of water leading to rebirth
speechless of the infinite mystery
of the Father's presence which enraptures
when struggling to breathe and survive
the sinner's heart He captures
and the ocean gathers and it breaks
sending forth a rushing of power
beyond the depths of hell and grips of man
astounded by the infinite mystery
of the Father's strength beyond any other
carrying on and carrying forth onward to shore
propelled by the force set in motion, time will reveal
the infinite treasures of the deep that lie in store

Times of Silence

Times of silence prove necessary in our growth and diligence in seeking after God, for in those times God is at work in a way we are seemingly unaware of, only to have it revealed in time. It was so wonderful to talk to my best friend from SLO today after almost a month of basically silence. How faithful God was in that time and how sweet it was to talk to her! We were in silence for quite a while because we didn't know where to begin with what God is doing and has done! The question was asked, "what has God been doing?" and we found the appropriate question to be "What hasn't God been doing?" Our God is a mighty God doing amazing things!

I think one of the biggest lessons for me this summer and in particular right now is to wait in those times of silence and hold fast to truth, combating all spiritual warfare that may come my way in that time. By God's strength it is doable! And how much more blessed are things in His perfect, untainted, beautiful timing!

"Be silent before me, you islands! Let the nations renew their strength! Let them come forward and speak; let us meet together at the place of judgment. Who has stirred up one from the east, calling him in righteousness to his service? He hands nations over to them and subdues kings before him. he turns them to dust with his sword, with windblown chaff with his bow. He pursues them and moves on unscathed, by a path his feet have not traveled before. Who has done this and carried it through, calling forth the generations from the beginning? I, the Lord, with the first of them and with the last--I am He. I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, You are my servant; I have chosen you and not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:1-4, 9-10

Choices

I've never seen things so clear yet somewhat blurry at the same time...

A choice between comfort and security, and against complete abandon

A choice between one steady and one passionate

A choice to stay and a choice to go

A choice to live on the safe side or a choice to dive deep in

A choice to follow the standard expectations or one to break free

A choice to no longer be of myself but fully His

It's funny how God brings things full circle, with so many similarities but one distinct difference: God wasn't in one, God is in the other.

And amazing how He redeems us and gives us a second chance...

And oh, my words do such injustice to Him!

Truth

"For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the Amen is spoken by us to the glory of God. Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set His seal of ownership upon us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come." 2 Corinthians 1:20-22

I sit amazed at how God provides abundantly and reveals Himself through the Word. The Word is living and active, a sword to any falsehood or deceit we face from the world and our bitterest enemy, Satan.

For all of God's promises will be fulfilled through Christ...that no matter what the devil attempts to do to try to foil it, we know that he will never win. We hold onto the promise that all promises will be fulfilled, and know that is to come.

The "amen" comes at the end of an offering of prayer or praise, and is given by us to the glory of God...we say Amen because of what He has done, and so I tell you, the streets should resound with cries of Amen because of all that He's done and all He has yet to do! Let us fully give Him the glory!

Only in Christ can we stand firm...it is by His strength, not our own.

Anointed is such a cool word...meaning "spiritual endowment given for serving God." We have been anointed so we can preach the good news! It's a deliberate act by God, as all are, in a part of His beautiful plan!

God has set His seal of ownership upon us...we are branded by His name, called His children, fully His own! Who else would I rather be?

He has placed the Holy Spirit in our hearts so that we may serve Him, and it serves as a deposit that guarantees what is to come. Guaranteed! AMAZING!

And lastly a passage from Tozer..."But some of us want God's blessing and God's stirring and God's best for our lives at any cost! We have the Savior's Word that the Holy Spirit has come to us in our present world. He is mine and He is yours, our sweet possession! No man can set up the rules as to how much you can have of God. The Lord Himself has promise that as far as He is concerned He is willing to keep the candles of your soul brightly burning."

Like a Dream

Sometimes life seems like a dream...and it seems to be becoming more and more so...

Where I am, who I am becoming, what God is doing, who is around me, why I am here...the beauty and goodness of it all words fail to describe.

Circumstances are only the beginning of the intricate plan He is executing and has in store.

How good it is to know I have a God who is for me and not against me, and that His grace and mercy do not depend on my actions; they always exist and are always abundant.

How good it is to know the Gospel and to make it the cornerstone of which I live and breathe...that the Cross, the greatest act of love and redemption of all time, may be at the center of my life.

How blissful is communion with our Savior and how full His blessings are...and to know this is only the beginning...

May I never awaken from such a state...!

The Question

This summer has been much about redefinition in a lot of ways and seeking out my Savior first and foremost, to set a level path beneath my feet for what lies ahead of me. It's been a summer in which I haven't been seeking out friendships but seeking Him only and allowing Him to bring those friendships He wishes. He definitely has in a lot of ways.

I see all of these circumstances in which God has placed me in, with the way my day is spent. Much of my day is spent in solitude, though surrounded by people. I go to class in the morning and listen to a two-hour lecture, come back, plan meals, go get lunch, shop for food, cook, serve dinner, listen to meeting for the night, and then at this point I am exhausted from the day. Throughout the day I am surrounded by people, whether at the grocery store or in class or whatever, and God has placed me in this time of intentional conversation, so I may have no distractions whatsoever from Him. I love it. I feel this is my time to be a spiritual weed and grow exponentially, by going straight to the Source of the living water I seek. I know I have grown so much just over the last three weeks. Throughout the day I have limited but good time to spend with people here on project, but the key social time, after our meetings at night, I'm exhausted, so I am often in my room journaling and reading the word. This is what fills me up. Do I feel that I am missing out on friendships? Perhaps. But do I feel that overall, I am missing out? Not at all!...for my God is more than sufficient and I love not relying on people at all, and only on my Father; how wonderful it is that He is all we need!

I read these two passages from Tozer last night and it spoke so much to me, for this is where I am at.
“Bretheren, when we finally have our meeting with God, it has to be alone in the depths of our being. We will be alone even if we are surrounded by a crowd…I know that people do not want to be alone with God, but if your longing heart ever finds the living water, it will be alone. We humans want to help each other and that is good insofar as we can, but God wants us to press through to His presence where there is no natural or artificial help…He asks that we come with a naked intent unto God. We must want God Himself—and nothing more!”
“ In our day there are still the crowds and the meetings and opportunities to reach out to Jesus in simple faith and love. But we have meetings where people revel in the crowd—and ignore the Lord. In the midst of our assemblies, isn’t Jesus always waiting for someone to disregard the crowd and the circumstances and the traditions—and to push through in love and in faith to touch Him for His healing wholeness?”

This week is Ohana week, in which we focus on community and family. It was a hard night because I felt so conflicted--do I go with the norm, dictated by spiritual leaders and authority God has placed? Or do I go with the knowledge my Savior has graced me with, in realizing and knowing that I am to be radically different?

The question. Is there more in those friendships that I need to be pursuing? I know God has gifted me with much wisdom and grace that I can share with other women and lift them up, and I know I haven’t been doing that in the way I can. I did have the opportunity to do that with Amber tonight and it was so good, for God spoke through me to encourage her and say what needed to be said. Yet there is a time to act and a time not to. Is it time that I take the initiative or not? I know God can use me in amazing ways with these girls but do I seek that out or allow God to bring those opportunities? Am I being selfish in just desiring God and not giving of myself to these girls around me?

Yet, at the same time, I am giving a lot of myself this summer in a different way, with cooking. I know I am operating out of my gifts in a different way; I am not neglecting them by any means. I feel this summer is one of redefinition, in which I don’t do the same thing I’ve done just because it’s what I’ve done, but instead, let God define and dictate what I am to do. This is a season, and I’ve felt so clear on what has been expected of it, but now I’m questioning a bit, with this whole Ohana week. Do I do what I know I’m capable of doing?

Tonight we had these cards that we had others fill out about us stating what our strengths and obstacles were in communion. Amber filled one out for me, on obstacles, and she stated this: “I see a lot of compassion and wisdom in you. I’d like to see you share it in pursuing other women more. You also need to teach me how to pray in the Spirit like you do!" Here’s the irony here. She’s encouraging me to pursue other women to share in my wisdom, and in that, talks about having me teach her how to pray in the Spirit. The reason why I pray in the Spirit is because of the communion I have with my Lord! I’m in tune with Him and the Spirit because I am alone with Him!

So because God has gifted us with gifts to be used for His glory, do we always have the responsibility to use those, and must do so? Or is it when God calls us to use those gifts that we use it solely then? Are there times we should...hold back, in a sense? I'm so much about being Spirit-led. To be Spirit-led we must be Spirit-filled.

I keep going around in circles with this. O Lord, I pray You reveal to me what it is You wish me to do!

God's Provision

Just have to share this:

About half of the project went out to dinner tonight for one of the girls' birthdays in Westwood, about 20 min away. I drove and we found a good parking spot on the street so we just had to pay the meter for 2 hours, instead of 5+ dollars. We went and enjoyed a good dinner and then it had been past two hours and so we're hightailing it back to my car so I won't get a ticket. Well on the way back, I realized I didn't have my keys; I couldn't find them, for they weren't in my purse, and I figured they had to have been dropped somewhere. We kept walking back because we would at least put more money in the meter so I wouldn't get a ticket and praying my keys would show up somewhere. We get back to my car, and I looked inside to see if they had been locked in and they weren't; I looked around to see if they had been dropped and didn't see anything, and then I look to my windshield. There, tucked under my wipers, were my keys. I must've dropped them by my car and someone found them and put them there. My car could've easily been stolen in the two hours we were gone, but God totally watched out for me.

It comes back to something God's been teaching me as of late: don't concern yourself with trifle things, for God is bigger, more sufficient, and will always provide. He always does!

How good it is to be the child of a Father who watches out for us constantly! :-)