There is so much that weighs heavily on my heart...
Could it be that I am running ahead
Or could it be that I am crawling behind
When you have called me to simply walk?
I see the beginning of the path you have laid
But I don’t know how to walk this road
I look to you, my saving grace
And pray You will show me to walk in the way You desire
Lord I am fully broken and unable
These tears that roll down my face testify so
I desire Your holiness and fullness above all else
But I keep looking around
I don’t know how to count all but loss for the sake of knowing You
And not leave any severe ramifications behind
So foreign is everything You are calling me to do
Nothing is the same
You have called me to trust in You and let You ordain
And I know I have not fully surrendered
I fear You.
I fear what You will do in the full surrender
I fear the unexpected and uncertainty of walking by faith
I am not to feel the weight of the world upon my shoulders
I am not to bear the sins of others
For that is what You came to do
How do I shun this responsibility that I’ve always bore
And have no worries that You are more than sufficient for bearing it all?
Lord I am fully broken and unable
These tears that roll down my face testify so.
I am lost and fully alone without You to guide my heart
Without You to light my path
I see the beginning of this path
But I don’t know how to walk this road
I cry out to You, my everything
And pray You will show me how to walk this road
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Memories, Images, and Glimpses
I know what it is to run and I know what it is to hide
I know what it is to hurt and I know how it is to cry
I know what it is to fail and I know how to retreat inside
But these are memories of a distant life
I know what it is to trip and I know how it is to fall
I know what it is to stretch and I know how to call
I know what it is to hold on and I know what it is to surrender my all
But these are memories of a passing life
I know what it is to speak and I’m learning how to be still
I know how it is to be empty and I’m learning how to be filled
I know how to trust in God and I’m learning to surrender to His sovereign will
Yet these are images of a present life
I’m learning not to be in control and I will learn to fully yield
I’m learning of His healing and I will learn that it will consume me still
I’m learning to fall in love and I will learn the deepness of His love that completely fills
Yet these are images of a future life
I will learn what it is to go and I will see His people returned
I will learn what it is to worship and I will see a love that burns
I will learn what it is to be His and I will find a passion that yearns
And these are glimpses of eternity
I know what it is to hurt and I know how it is to cry
I know what it is to fail and I know how to retreat inside
But these are memories of a distant life
I know what it is to trip and I know how it is to fall
I know what it is to stretch and I know how to call
I know what it is to hold on and I know what it is to surrender my all
But these are memories of a passing life
I know what it is to speak and I’m learning how to be still
I know how it is to be empty and I’m learning how to be filled
I know how to trust in God and I’m learning to surrender to His sovereign will
Yet these are images of a present life
I’m learning not to be in control and I will learn to fully yield
I’m learning of His healing and I will learn that it will consume me still
I’m learning to fall in love and I will learn the deepness of His love that completely fills
Yet these are images of a future life
I will learn what it is to go and I will see His people returned
I will learn what it is to worship and I will see a love that burns
I will learn what it is to be His and I will find a passion that yearns
And these are glimpses of eternity
Won't You Give In?
You dream of things bigger than life itself
Yet come to find that life has let you down
You lift your hands in desperation
Only to find that in your misery you drown
I can see that you’re beginning to look at the light
I can see that the truth is washing you inside
I can see a man beginning to surrender
Surrender his whole life
He is beckoning, drawing you in
To a place more tempting and sweet than you’ve ever been
Light and love are coming, Christ is penetrating within
Won’t You give in?
Come to know the One who bore our sin?
Your arguments that once were aplenty now are few
The resilience in denying is beginning to fade
You are beginning to accept the cost of love itself
You’re getting a touch of endless grace
I can see that you’re no longer condemning
I can see that you know you’ve tried
I can see a fire beginning to stir so deep
So deep inside
He is beckoning, drawing you in
To a place more tempting and sweet than you’ve ever been
Light and love are coming, Christ is penetrating within
Won’t You give in?
Come to know the One who bore our sin?
Bridge: Look to His face, be washed in the marvelous light. Hold your breath, you’re going deep inside. Out you will come washed clean, and there you will see. In His face, endless grace, love such a mystery
Yet come to find that life has let you down
You lift your hands in desperation
Only to find that in your misery you drown
I can see that you’re beginning to look at the light
I can see that the truth is washing you inside
I can see a man beginning to surrender
Surrender his whole life
He is beckoning, drawing you in
To a place more tempting and sweet than you’ve ever been
Light and love are coming, Christ is penetrating within
Won’t You give in?
Come to know the One who bore our sin?
Your arguments that once were aplenty now are few
The resilience in denying is beginning to fade
You are beginning to accept the cost of love itself
You’re getting a touch of endless grace
I can see that you’re no longer condemning
I can see that you know you’ve tried
I can see a fire beginning to stir so deep
So deep inside
He is beckoning, drawing you in
To a place more tempting and sweet than you’ve ever been
Light and love are coming, Christ is penetrating within
Won’t You give in?
Come to know the One who bore our sin?
Bridge: Look to His face, be washed in the marvelous light. Hold your breath, you’re going deep inside. Out you will come washed clean, and there you will see. In His face, endless grace, love such a mystery
Monday, December 18, 2006
Audience of One
You know...I was going to blog tonight. But it is not the question of whether or not to blog, I find it to be who am I writing for? Am I writing for an audience of One, or for many?
I am not supposed to answer those questions tonight. God is quiet in His love, and I will rest in Him, as I have been. It's sweet. It's simple.
Even in the midst of thoughts, that's how it should be. I will rest in Him alone, and let my quietness speak until and if He dictates otherwise.
He alone is worthy, and He deserves my audience. Praise be to Him alone.
"14 Shout for joy, O daughter of Zion! Shout in triumph, O Israel! Rejoice and exult with all your heart, O daughter of Jerusalem! 15 The LORD has taken away His judgments against you, He has cleared away your enemies. The King of Israel, the LORD, is in your midst; You will fear disaster no more. 16 In that day it will be said to Jerusalem: "Do not be afraid, O Zion; Do not let your hands fall limp. 17 "The LORD your God is in your midst, A victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy. 18 "I will gather those who grieve about the appointed feasts-- They came from you, O Zion; The reproach of exile is a burden on them. 19 "Behold, I am going to deal at that time With all your oppressors, I will save the lame And gather the outcast, And I will turn their shame into praise and renown In all the earth. 20 "At that time I will bring you in, Even at the time when I gather you together; Indeed, I will give you renown and praise Among all the peoples of the earth, When I restore your fortunes before your eyes," Says the LORD." Zephaniah 3:14-20
Friday, December 15, 2006
View from Above
Oh Lord, my God, You reign forever
In the highest of heights and depths of the sea
Your love envelopes my heart
Like a blanket of fog embracing the mighty oceans
From the peaceful hues of blues to the penetrating crimson red
Your majesty is displayed for all to see
The hills roll on while the seas roar on
While still humbled by your splendor
Oh Lord my God, You are in Heaven
And I am but a mere speck on earth
Your presence moves me beyond comprehension
Stirs up my heart into one of praise
Therefore I will bow down and worship you
And humble my heart so my words may be few
Oh Lord my God, there is none like You
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Roots
"Yet suffer me to speak unto Thy mercy, me, dust, and ashes. Yet suffer me to speak, since I speak to Thy mercy, and not to scornful man. Thou too, perhaps, despisest me, yet wilt Thou return and have compassion upon me. For what would I say, O Lord my God, but that I know not whence I came into this dying life (shall I call it?) or living death. Then immediately did the comforts of Thy compassion take me up, as I heard (for I remember it not) from the parents of my flesh, out of whose substance Thou didst sometime fashion me. Thus there received me the comforts of woman's milk. For neither my mother nor my nurses stored their own breasts for me; but Thou didst bestow the food of my infancy through them, according to Thine ordinace, wherby Thou distributest Thy riches through the hidden springs of all things. Thou also gavest to me to desire no more than what Thou gavest; and to my nurses willingly to give me what Thou gavest them. For they, with a heaven taught affection, willingly gave me, what they abounded with from Thee. For this my good from them, was good for them. Nor, indeed, from them was it, but through them; for from Thee, O God, are all good things, and from God is all my health. This I since learned, Thou, through these Thy gifts, within me and without, proclaiming Thyself unto me. For then I knew but to suck; to repose in what pleased, and cry at what offended my flesh, and nothing more.
Afterwards I began to smile; first in sleep, then waking; for so it was told of me of myself, and I believed it; for we see the like in other infants, though of myself I remember it not. Thus, little by little, I became conscious where I was; and to have a wish to express my wishes to those who could content them, and I could not; for the wishes were within me, and they without; nor could they by any sense of theirs enter within my spirit. So I flung about at random limbs and voice, making the few signs I could, and such as I could, like, though in truth very little like, what I wished. And when I was not presently obeyed, (my wishes being hurtful or unintelligible,) then I was indignant with my elders for not submitting to me, with those owing me no service, for not serving me; and avenged myself on them by tears. Such have I learnt infants to be from observing them; and, that I was myself such, they, all unconscious, have shwen me better than my nurses who knew it.
And lo! My infancy died long since, and I live. But Thou, Lord, who for ever livest, and in whom nothing dies; for before the foundation of the worlds, and before all that can be called 'before,' Thou art, and art God and Lord of all which Thou has created: in Thee abide, fixed forever, the first causes of all things unabiding; and of all things changeable, the springs abide in Thee unchangeable; and in Thee live the eternal reasons of all things unreasoning and temporal. Say, Lord, to me, Thy suppliant; say, all pitying, to me, Thy pitiable one; say, did my infancy succeed another age of mine that died before it? Was it that which I spent within my mother's womb? for of that i have heard somewhat, and have myself seen women with child? And what before that life again, O God my joy, was I any where or any body? For this have I none to tell me, neither father nor mother, nor experience of others, nor mine own memory. Dost Thou mock me for asking this, and bid me praise Thee and acknowledge Thee, for that I do know?
I acknowledge Thee, Lord of heaven and earth, and praise Thee for my first rudiments of being, and my infancy, whereof I remember nothing; for Thou hast appointed that man should from others guess much as to himself; and believe much on the strength of weak females. Even then I had being and life, and (at my infancy's close) I could seek for signs, wherby to make known to others my sensations. Whence could such a being be, save from Thee, Lord? Shall any be his own artificer? Or can there elsewhere be derived any vein, which may stream essence and life into us, save from Thee, O Lord, in whom essence and life are one? For Thou thyself art supremely essence and life. For Thou art most high and art not changed, neither in Thee doth today come to a close; yet in Thee doth it come to a close; because all such things also are in Thee. For they had no way to pass away, unless Thou upheldes them. And since Thy years fail not, Thy years are one today. How many of ours and our father's years have flowed away through Thy today, and from it received the measure and the mould of such being as they had; and still others shall flow away, and so receive the mold of their degree of being. Thou art still the same, and all things of tomorrow, and all beyond, and all of yesterday, and all behind it, thou has done today. What is it to me, though any comprehend not this? Let him also rejoice and say, 'what thing is this?' Let him rejoice even thus; and be content rather by not discovering to discover thee, than by discovering not to discover thee."
St. Augustine's Confessions 7-10
Afterwards I began to smile; first in sleep, then waking; for so it was told of me of myself, and I believed it; for we see the like in other infants, though of myself I remember it not. Thus, little by little, I became conscious where I was; and to have a wish to express my wishes to those who could content them, and I could not; for the wishes were within me, and they without; nor could they by any sense of theirs enter within my spirit. So I flung about at random limbs and voice, making the few signs I could, and such as I could, like, though in truth very little like, what I wished. And when I was not presently obeyed, (my wishes being hurtful or unintelligible,) then I was indignant with my elders for not submitting to me, with those owing me no service, for not serving me; and avenged myself on them by tears. Such have I learnt infants to be from observing them; and, that I was myself such, they, all unconscious, have shwen me better than my nurses who knew it.
And lo! My infancy died long since, and I live. But Thou, Lord, who for ever livest, and in whom nothing dies; for before the foundation of the worlds, and before all that can be called 'before,' Thou art, and art God and Lord of all which Thou has created: in Thee abide, fixed forever, the first causes of all things unabiding; and of all things changeable, the springs abide in Thee unchangeable; and in Thee live the eternal reasons of all things unreasoning and temporal. Say, Lord, to me, Thy suppliant; say, all pitying, to me, Thy pitiable one; say, did my infancy succeed another age of mine that died before it? Was it that which I spent within my mother's womb? for of that i have heard somewhat, and have myself seen women with child? And what before that life again, O God my joy, was I any where or any body? For this have I none to tell me, neither father nor mother, nor experience of others, nor mine own memory. Dost Thou mock me for asking this, and bid me praise Thee and acknowledge Thee, for that I do know?
I acknowledge Thee, Lord of heaven and earth, and praise Thee for my first rudiments of being, and my infancy, whereof I remember nothing; for Thou hast appointed that man should from others guess much as to himself; and believe much on the strength of weak females. Even then I had being and life, and (at my infancy's close) I could seek for signs, wherby to make known to others my sensations. Whence could such a being be, save from Thee, Lord? Shall any be his own artificer? Or can there elsewhere be derived any vein, which may stream essence and life into us, save from Thee, O Lord, in whom essence and life are one? For Thou thyself art supremely essence and life. For Thou art most high and art not changed, neither in Thee doth today come to a close; yet in Thee doth it come to a close; because all such things also are in Thee. For they had no way to pass away, unless Thou upheldes them. And since Thy years fail not, Thy years are one today. How many of ours and our father's years have flowed away through Thy today, and from it received the measure and the mould of such being as they had; and still others shall flow away, and so receive the mold of their degree of being. Thou art still the same, and all things of tomorrow, and all beyond, and all of yesterday, and all behind it, thou has done today. What is it to me, though any comprehend not this? Let him also rejoice and say, 'what thing is this?' Let him rejoice even thus; and be content rather by not discovering to discover thee, than by discovering not to discover thee."
St. Augustine's Confessions 7-10
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Carrying in the Silence
So Won't You Let Him Carry You
I can feel the pain of your soul in anguish
Fighting so hard against the truth
And into your desolation you sink further deeper
You lie there in the shadows, covered by a robe
In the darkness you linger still
You've heard that grace is knocking at your door
You find yourself empty looking for more
You can hide inside as long as you desire
But look at yourself, see you're weary and tired
And if you won't open the door now
Would you take a look through the peephole and see who is waiting for you?
In Christ alone can all things be found
He is abundant for every want and need
In only Him can peace be found
He is more than enough if you will choose to see
So won't you let Him carry you
Carry you away from the depths of your angst
So won't you let Him carry you
Carry you from the presence of your pain
So won't you let Him carry you
Carry you away
So won't you let Him carry you
Carry you away?
I wrote these words as I was in the emergency room with one of my friends, Kalen. The Spirit poured from me as I wrote, describing everything I was feeling during that time. As I felt part of his battle as he slept while letting the pain medicine kick in, I found myself amazed at what people go and put themselves through without Christ. I have not been as exhausted as I am now in a very long time. This is what he has been going through day in and out. I pray that he will surrender and find in Christ a peace that can only be found in Him. It's so hard to watch him keep fighting and refusing grace.
And overall, I find myself so utterly thankful and in praise for what God is doing and how faithful He is in every aspect. He has answered every prayer in the best way. I look back to the past couple of months and realize I missed the ways He was faithful because I didn't choose to look. He is faithful over and over again. I am so utterly blessed. I don't have to go on this road that we call life alone; I have Him by my side!
I praise Him for this newfound simplicity in my life. My words are becoming much fewer. That is good. It is due time for me to be quiet and let Him work! All praise and glory go to Him, and it has nothing to do with myself. That is so good. After all, as my friend Paul puts it, I am a "foolish, frivolous, and forgiven failure found-in-Christ." I like it that way. God is in Heaven, I am on earth. I will let my words be few.
I can feel the pain of your soul in anguish
Fighting so hard against the truth
And into your desolation you sink further deeper
You lie there in the shadows, covered by a robe
In the darkness you linger still
You've heard that grace is knocking at your door
You find yourself empty looking for more
You can hide inside as long as you desire
But look at yourself, see you're weary and tired
And if you won't open the door now
Would you take a look through the peephole and see who is waiting for you?
In Christ alone can all things be found
He is abundant for every want and need
In only Him can peace be found
He is more than enough if you will choose to see
So won't you let Him carry you
Carry you away from the depths of your angst
So won't you let Him carry you
Carry you from the presence of your pain
So won't you let Him carry you
Carry you away
So won't you let Him carry you
Carry you away?
I wrote these words as I was in the emergency room with one of my friends, Kalen. The Spirit poured from me as I wrote, describing everything I was feeling during that time. As I felt part of his battle as he slept while letting the pain medicine kick in, I found myself amazed at what people go and put themselves through without Christ. I have not been as exhausted as I am now in a very long time. This is what he has been going through day in and out. I pray that he will surrender and find in Christ a peace that can only be found in Him. It's so hard to watch him keep fighting and refusing grace.
And overall, I find myself so utterly thankful and in praise for what God is doing and how faithful He is in every aspect. He has answered every prayer in the best way. I look back to the past couple of months and realize I missed the ways He was faithful because I didn't choose to look. He is faithful over and over again. I am so utterly blessed. I don't have to go on this road that we call life alone; I have Him by my side!
I praise Him for this newfound simplicity in my life. My words are becoming much fewer. That is good. It is due time for me to be quiet and let Him work! All praise and glory go to Him, and it has nothing to do with myself. That is so good. After all, as my friend Paul puts it, I am a "foolish, frivolous, and forgiven failure found-in-Christ." I like it that way. God is in Heaven, I am on earth. I will let my words be few.
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