Escape these Borders

I had the blessing of having a conversation with one of my best friends and accountability partner here today and it was amazing. Can I just say how much of a blessing you are to me? You know who you are, and I love you to death!

God has been lacing His love through every moment and I've seen it so much today. In this He's showing me my desires that are coming from His heart. I'll only speak of one here, and that is how I don't want to be in the United States for much longer; I know I'm probably here for 5 years at least though. As I get more distant from the culture, the closer I get to Him, and I know there is so much more He can do with me and through me if I am away from the United States.

I know I need to be in prayer about this, but frankly I am tired of the attitudes we "privileged" Americans have. I wonder why in a country blessed with so many resources such as money, we use it so poorly. I wonder why with all of the media we have, we continue to see it portray more and more worthless and sinful messages. I wonder why with all of the information we have, especially with Christianity today, why there aren't many, many more souls turned over to Christ. I keep coming back to the fact that this is a nation riddled with sin and pride, far from the roots the Founding Fathers had. I'm reminded of Jesus in the marketplace/temple area and how He threw over tables and told the people there that His house is a house of prayer (Matthew 21:12-13). At this point, I know there is going to have to be a lot of God's wrath shown in order to bring this country and its people to repent for denying the God of existence.

And though I know God will use me here in whatever time He wishes me to be here, I want to share the Gospel to the ends of the earth...it's a longing difficult to put into words. I want to escape these borders and escape the box that this country puts on God. I want to go to those countries that have next to nothing because they realize they have so much more to gain in Christ, for "how hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!" (Luke 18:24).

There is much to be seen and much to be done in the time I am here in the United States, but how I do long for the day in which I can leave these borders.

Psalm 24
The earth is the LORD's, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it; for he founded it upon the seas and established it upon the waters. Who may ascend the hill of the LORD ? Who may stand in his holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to an idol or swear by what is false. He will receive blessing from the LORD and vindication from God his Savior. Such is the generation of those who seek him, who seek your face, O God of Jacob. Lift up your heads, O you gates; be lifted up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in. Who is this King of glory? The LORD strong and mighty, the LORD mighty in battle. Lift up your heads, O you gates; lift them up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in. Who is he, this King of glory? The LORD Almighty- he is the King of glory.

Universal Need

God is on the move and nothing can get in the way of that, a fact in which we can rest contently in. After Crusade last night and having lunch with my next door neighbor and various conversations with people, He continues to show me that there is no stopping the movement of the Holy Spirit here. It's truly remarkable how not just on a college campus that is diverese with different types of personalities and people, but also in the world, how there is a common thread that runs through each of us. We all have a longing for and to know our Creator and Savior, whether it is apparent or not. This remains universal no matter what position of life or any circumstances that have come about.

I find myself smiling because though some people around me may not see it in themselves quite yet, God is revealing it to me. It's incredible to see where they are at now and where God will bring them to. Such is my next-door-neighbor. There's a lot of anger and resentment that determines her actions and mood. However, deep down inside, she is longing for that all to be stripped away, to find the joy that comes only from knowing the One who passionately loves her when everyone else fails her.

And once again forgiveness and freedom was brought up again, this time at Crusade last night. I can't even begin to imagine what it is going to look like when these souls and hearts are released from their bondage holding them back and they begin to walk in freedom and righteousness. Again, it comes back to the universal need.

God is on the move and I can't wait to see what will happen!

End of the Rainbow

A state of awe and contentment only begins to describe the state I have been in lately and am in now...God is so good. As my hands are opened to receiving His blessings, He is pouring them out abundantly, and I urge you to do the same. Don't miss out on the glorious gifts only He can give to you!

The end of the rainbow...blazes so bright and vivid that one is drawn to look at its splendor in its finality. However, the end of a rainbow is purely an illusion to the eye, for a rainbow is actually a full circle and completes itself. I was so struck by the beauty of this rainbow over the hills today. God loves to bless us and speak to us in the ways that are most personal to us. For me, it is through His creation, from the beauty in the simple things to the glorious, most magnificent sights. And though there was a lot that happened with that rainbow, there's one thing in particular I would like to share. In a rainbow there's refracted light, which is the deflection of light from its source to reflect on something nearby, passing from one medium to another. In a rainbow all of the colors of light are displayed. There is no end to it. There is always a source consisting of water which creates the rainbow due to the refraction.

Do we fully realize the gift God has given to those who believe in Him and choose to walk in His freedom and power? He is the source, and we are the rainbow. The light comes from above and refracts in the water, creating and displaying all of the colors of light. Not one can be excluded from that spectrum, it is not inclusive and displays full splendor. As we allow His light to refract from Him and onto us, we have the amazing position of displaying all the aspects of His character. As Galatians 5:22 states that "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control," we possess all of these qualities as a result of walking in the spirit. They are not inclusive, we have all of these gifts, and this only reflects His glory more. As we choose to allow the Holy Spirit to be our source, we will never have an end to truly reflecting the character of God, and in that, be a source of beauty and inspiration in a stormy world.

Will you make that choice? Will you keep it? The source is always there, possessing so much beauty and many gifts, but you must choose to bear that and refract it. Will you be a reflection of God?

Uprising

Can you see the movement of the response people make to the beauty of God as He calls them to return to His arms? Can you hear the melody of a sweet song as voices harmonize to give Him praise? Can you feel the uprising of the Holy Spirit as it comes to spread over this land and through the hearts of men? Can you see a generation redeemed as they return to the promise of the Lord? Can you see the dancing in freedom that comes only from the sacrifice on the cross? Can you see...? Open your eyes and see how good God is. Turn to Him, and walk in freedom! Feel the uprising...

The Chosen Path

After a crucial night and place God brought me to, I was able to spend some time out in His creation today to allow Him to speak to me and bring me to where I need to be. There were many different things God showed me and I can't even begin to describe how refreshed I am. Today I needed to choose the path on which I wanted to walk on. I could choose to make myself a slave and continue to hold myself and God back by not forgiving myself and taking my hands off the reins, or I could choose to walk in the path of freedom in which He has always laid out before me. I think so often I start on that path of freedom, but then I try to diminish the power that comes with walking on that path, saying that it'll take time to eventually get on that path of freedom, and as soon as I take that attitude, I begin the retreat back into slavery. I either walk on the path, or I don't! No longer can I attempt to tread the fine line of both, trying to receive the benefits of each. God's purpose for me is not to walk on a trapeeze line of sorts, but to set my feet firmly upon the rock and embrace the freedom that has always been there!

Down in the canyon today, there were all of these dead leaves, still hanging onto the branches of the trees. I was struck by the fact that so often in our lives, we are so much like those trees. I know for me, God has been crucifying many different things for His greater glory, but the full process of crucification involves the letting go of the dead so birth of beauty can take place. I haven't been letting go of those leaves that have died and because of that, I haven't been allowing rebirth to take place. How much more beautiful is the coming of new blossoms upon a tree rather than the stubborn dead ones of a season past?

So today I did something to make this release more concrete for me. I literally stripped off the leaves of the branches and let them go, into the light of my Father. Let the leaves that I was once holding onto so tight be released as I opened up my hand and let the breeze take them away.

And then, let my empty hands be lifted up to my Father so He can fill them up. Let me lift my hands in worship and praise, no longer holding onto something that is so dead and barren. Let the fruit come forth.

No longer will I entangle myself in a mess of things, when the path of freedom is laid out before me.
Instead, I will climb up onto the rock that is higher than I and let that be my dwelling place.
I will live a life of expectation, knowing that God wishes to give me much more than I could ever imagine. I will keep my eyes open in watchful expectation, and I will receive those blessings. Our God is too great not to expect amazing things from Him! I will take those promises and use them to the full.

And yes, the path is narrow but the light of Christ will always lead me on.

My faith will no longer be that of a fragile one, such as the ice that cracks as the result of any burden placed on it.

Let the rushing of the Holy Spirit come forth.

God has given us all free will because He doesn't want us to be forced to love Him and worship Him. Instead, we as Christians, should exercise our free will by saying that His is better than our own. So today, I say and do this and I'm not turning back. I've been walking on the path of slavery far too long. I know this road isn't an easy one, but I think I made the path of slavery so much harder for myself. I kept myself in bondage. Let the God of the Universe who created me before I was known delight in me, His creation who is running into His arms.

Psalm 119:169-176

May my cry come before you, O LORD ; give me understanding according to your word. May my supplication come before you; deliver me according to your promise. May my lips overflow with praise, for you teach me your decrees. May my tongue sing of your word, for all your commands are righteous. May your hand be ready to help me, for I have chosen your precepts. I long for your salvation, O LORD , and your law is my delight. Let me live that I may praise you, and may your laws sustain me. I have strayed like a lost sheep. Seek your servant, for I have not forgotten your commands.

Forgiveness

I need to forgive myself. I think by not forgiving myself I am letting this cycle of bringing myself to the foot of His throne to surrender and then retreating at once because I'm unable to fully surrender continue. What’s my own heart condition? And how much have I held back from my Lord! How do I forgive myself? I need His grace in that desperately. I hold myself back from experiencing the freedom He fully has to give because I won’t forgive myself for things. I hold myself back from experiencing the gifts He has to give because I won’t forgive myself. I pretend these things aren't issues and try to push them aside, but sweeping it under the rug won’t do anything. How much is the hypocrisy I have shown in talking about freedom and still not experiencing it fully for myself? I think when I am able to forgive myself I will then be able to fully surrender to Him. I can't live any longer by my standards or the world’s, for those only pull me down more. And still I wonder why I’m not experiencing everything He has to give. I’m putting myself in the way. When I forgive myself I will be releasing myself from the control I have on myself, on my plans, and on my life. I will then have no choice but to walk fully in freedom, for I believe that is the only thing holding me back. I need to face up to my sins and instead of being so ashamed of them that I don't come to His throne in them, I need to realize those are already forgiven by His blood. I need to learn how to fully embrace who I am, who God has created me to be, and instead of letting it cause a downfall, be able to use it fully for His glory. I can't wallow in the fact that I don't deserve His mercy, the fact is, I don't, but humility is accepting that which we cannot earn. I struggle with this.

All of my life I have done amazing things and had many significant accomplishments, and until I came to know Christ, I didn't see that it really is Christ working through us, and He deserves all the glory. And in the last year, with a lot of significant accolades bestowed upon me, I found myself tiring of the fact that I was being glorified rather than Christ. Yet, the fact hasn't changed that I am a doer, that is how I am a leader in a lot of respects, but that is also how I get in the way of what He wishes to do. I find it incredibly ironic tonight that by being a "doer," it is an attempt on my part to make myself less vulnerable, when in actuality, it makes me the most vulnerable. I place myself and my heart in precarious positions, when it is not meant to be there. And by being a doer, I attempt to cover this up.

I also realize tonight that I struggle with fully accepting His grace, for I think myself unworthy. I can never earn His grace, it is a gift. I see how Satan has been lying to me in trying to get me to not let God's grace be sufficient for everything, not just what I wish to expose. Satan doesn't want me to fully accept His grace because when I do, when I fully forgive myself, then Christ has won the battle, for his purpose that "I have come so they may have life and have it to the full" (John 10:10) will be realized.

Somehow, the root of all my struggles seems to come back to forgiveness. I need to forgive myself...

Father

Fallen over yet another rock in the ground
Wondering what it is that keeps bringing him down
Is it because of his lack of good works or ability to do?
Perhaps something that happened in a life before?
Oh the illusion drawn that proves so fickle
Unable to open his heart and mind
Too hurt by the scars that have lingered over time
Father, I pray he will be able to embrace You in the way he never has
For the longing knaws at him so deep inside
Yet after all these years he can’t escape his pride
Father, I pray You will break down the fortress walls in his life
For he keeps seeking yet always hides
He attempts to find in the comfort what he can only find in the exposed
The source of life inside he believes is already there
Father, I see You are working in his mind yet there is a bitter enemy to his soul
Casting an illusion on what really is
Father, I pray for him that You will always fight
Show him your mercy made new every day, show him
That You are the Way, the Truth, and the Life.
Father, I pray that you will open his eyes, allow him to see
The love that burns for him within Your heart
Father, I pray You will speak to him as a father
Fill the extreme void left by his earthly one
Bring him to a place where he falls on his knees and worships only You
Let him accept the gift You so freely give
I’ll stand and watch the transformation of a renewed soul
As You give him what only You can give.
Heavenly Father, bless my father
As You have blessed me immensely with him.
Thank you, O my Father, You are worthy of all praise!

Radiance

Amazed

This Plan I am Humbly a Part of...

What to say, though there's much on my heart and mind. I have been struck today by this plan God has that I am humbly a part of, a plan in which I know and see parts of and some remain unknown. Things are going to be different. I must not be afraid to walk against the tide. I must walk by the Spirit and go as it leads me, even when it argues with my logic. Why He chooses to use me as an instrument of His grace I don't understand, because I am the least deserving. Yet He has huge plans for me, some of which scare the heck out of me, but in the beginning and end, I will be able to say, "Yes, this is my God, to whom all praise is due."

And the battle continues to rage. Satan does not want me home this week. I am seeing bits and pieces of why, but I know the bigger picture will be revealed as God wills. Be praying. Be praying for me that I will completely dwell in His strength and not my own. Be praying that the enemy will not get a foothold on the acts of God that are to happen and are happening. But in all this prayer, be praising. He is ever deserving of our praise, no matter what the circumstances. Our God is good. Our God is faithful. Our God is infinite in every way.

Take Me Deeper Still
The infinity I will never be able to grasp
Impossible to wrap my mind around who You are
And all the love You have given to me
But still You take me to a place
Far beyond anything I could ever dream
Allow me to come beside quiet waters and drink
Drink to the full

Like a lamb lost in the pasture
Seeking my shepherd, He’s the One I’m after
Knowing He’s called me to be wrapped in His care
O Lord, bring me there
Lovingly I dwell in the presence of the One whom I seek
Knowing all I need to bring is my heart so meek
So I seek

Chorus
Take me there, far beyond the pasture gates
Take me to where I know my Savior awaits
Bestow on me the crown of splendor I don’t deserve
In all my moments, in all my days, in every breath of praise
I long to glorify You forever, my Dear Lord
Take me deeper still

Take me deeper still (refrain)

Consumer of My Heart

Stirring up this hunger deep inside my soul
The one that I try over and over to put into words
But how can I stand before You and not let my words be few?
No longer remain on my feet and not be moved by You?
O Heavenly Father, You are the consumer of my heart

Let my praise be dear
Let my praise be true
Let my praise be ceaseless
Let my praise be pure
Let my praise be
Ever so pleasing to You

Stilled and Quieted My Soul

"My heart is not proud, O Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore " Psalm 131.

Being weaned from a mother's breast isn't an immediate act, but rather the baby lays fitful in his mother's arms as he craves that which satisfies him. Yet the mother knows that it is best for her child for him to be no longer dependent or crave that of which satisfies him for the present; she knows there are bigger and better things. When the child is finally weaned, he is able to rest securely in his mother's arms without a fitful rest or flood of crying. The soul has been stilled and quieted.

How young am I in certain ways, such as depending so much and finding so much stock within myself, when it is no longer I who lives but Christ who lives in me. Instead of depending on that which is right in front of me, the things of this world, how much more should I look to my nurturer, Jesus Christ! How I should always look to Him!

Yet how faithful is God still in melting my haughty heart and the more I see His grace the more I am humbled. And how much better is it still when I don't concern myself with the things I am not meant to understand.

A walk by faith. The walk in the Spirit. This is what I am meant to live for, nothing else. No longer will I allow myself to get in the way; I pray earnestly that He will do whatever it takes to push me aside for His will to be done.

Leave the things I once knew. It's all rubbish, all I count but loss. The routines that nullify my heart so effectively will cease. Instead let the uprising of a love that swells so fervently in my heart pour out and determine my attitude, my actions, my life.

"But I have stilled and quieted my soul..."

A Lily Among Thorns

The yearning to be set apart only resonates stronger within
With every blink, every breath, every note of praise sung
To take me deeper to a place where I’ve never been
A lily among thorns, beauty that radiates in a world so torn
Bearing a message of hope to be birthed in desolate hearts
Only, still, in the Shepherd’s hands I am
The illusion of outward charm be gone and true passion take its place
Do I dare? I do…
The unfolding of petals brings a fragrance so sweet
An offering of honesty and vulnerability
Brings a beauty incomparable to any other
For the illusion of the tender flower fosters the image of my Savior
The source of resplendence I bear...
A lily among thorns may I be
In a world so torn let beauty radiate from me

Simplicity

There's a beauty in simplicity, in letting your words be few. There's a beauty in being still before Him and knowing He is God. There's a beauty in the heart of worship in which praise overflows. And there's such a beauty in surrender...there I will remain.