There's a ticking clock showing a measurement of time
Ever so surely it persists in the back of my mind
For I find myself watching, waiting, anticipating more
Not yet fully realizing You've called me to get up off the floor
It's time to proclaim the day of vengeance, the year of favor of Our Lord
There's a steady beating in my heart showing a measurement of love
Ever so surely it presists deep within my soul
For I find myself on my knees, listening, praying ever more
Not even close to praising You in accordance to what I feel
It's time to proclaim the goodness of His love, His presence ever so real
Chorus
And I kneel... to give You the praise You deserve
And I weep... at the beauty of You, Lord
And I sing... consuming love songs reigning in my heart
And I stand... to proclaim the glory of You, Lord
And I live... to worship, worship You alone
There's a river flowing showing the movement of You
Ever so surely it flows over the bumps and bends
For we find ourselves coming together as one
Not able to comprehend all You are yet to do
It's time to proclaim the fullness of You, the Gospel ever so true
Saturday, December 31, 2005
Friday, December 30, 2005
I Stand Amazed
Exultation, Adoration, Holy Father You are
Admiration, Devotion, Our Savior You are
Honor and Praise, endless glorification
Our lives pay tribute to Your praise
I stand amazed
Holy Spirit, as You move in this place
I stand amazed
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Caution
Jeremiah 23:9-40
9 Concerning the prophets: My heart is broken within me; all my bones tremble. I am like a drunken man, like a man overcome by wine, because of the LORD and his holy words. 10 The land is full of adulterers; because of the curse the land lies parched and the pastures in the desert are withered. The prophets follow an evil course and use their power unjustly. 11 "Both prophet and priest are godless; even in my temple I find their wickedness," declares the LORD . 12 "Therefore their path will become slippery; they will be banished to darkness and there they will fall. I will bring disaster on them in the year they are punished," declares the LORD . 13 "Among the prophets of Samaria I saw this repulsive thing: They prophesied by Baal and led my people Israel astray. 14 And among the prophets of Jerusalem I have seen something horrible: They commit adultery and live a lie. They strengthen the hands of evildoers, so that no one turns from his wickedness. They are all like Sodom to me; the people of Jerusalem are like Gomorrah." 15 Therefore, this is what the LORD Almighty says concerning the prophets: "I will make them eat bitter food and drink poisoned water, because from the prophets of Jerusalem ungodliness has spread throughout the land." 16 This is what the LORD Almighty says: "Do not listen to what the prophets are prophesying to you; they fill you with false hopes. They speak visions from their own minds, not from the mouth of the LORD . 17 They keep saying to those who despise me, 'The LORD says: You will have peace.' And to all who follow the stubbornness of their hearts they say, 'No harm will come to you.' 18 But which of them has stood in the council of the LORD to see or to hear his word? Who has listened and heard his word? 19 See, the storm of the LORD will burst out in wrath, a whirlwind swirling down on the heads of the wicked. 20 The anger of the LORD will not turn back until he fully accomplishes the purposes of his heart. In days to come you will understand it clearly. 21 I did not send these prophets, yet they have run with their message; I did not speak to them, yet they have prophesied. 22 But if they had stood in my council, they would have proclaimed my words to my people and would have turned them from their evil ways and from their evil deeds. 23 "Am I only a God nearby," declares the LORD , "and not a God far away? 24 Can anyone hide in secret places so that I cannot see him?" declares the LORD . "Do not I fill heaven and earth?" declares the LORD . 25 "I have heard what the prophets say who prophesy lies in my name. They say, 'I had a dream! I had a dream!' 26 How long will this continue in the hearts of these lying prophets, who prophesy the delusions of their own minds? 27 They think the dreams they tell one another will make my people forget my name, just as their fathers forgot my name through Baal worship. 28 Let the prophet who has a dream tell his dream, but let the one who has my word speak it faithfully. For what has straw to do with grain?" declares the LORD . 29 "Is not my word like fire," declares the LORD , "and like a hammer that breaks a rock in pieces? 30 "Therefore," declares the LORD , "I am against the prophets who steal from one another words supposedly from me. 31 Yes," declares the LORD , "I am against the prophets who wag their own tongues and yet declare, 'The LORD declares.' 32 Indeed, I am against those who prophesy false dreams," declares the LORD . "They tell them and lead my people astray with their reckless lies, yet I did not send or appoint them. They do not benefit these people in the least," declares the LORD . False Oracles and False Prophets 33 "When these people, or a prophet or a priest, ask you, 'What is the oracle F46 of the LORD ?' say to them, 'What oracle? F47 I will forsake you, declares the LORD .' 34 If a prophet or a priest or anyone else claims, 'This is the oracle of the LORD ,' I will punish that man and his household. 35 This is what each of you keeps on saying to his friend or relative: 'What is the LORD's answer?' or 'What has the LORD spoken?' 36 But you must not mention 'the oracle of the LORD ' again, because every man's own word becomes his oracle and so you distort the words of the living God, the LORD Almighty, our God. 37 This is what you keep saying to a prophet: 'What is the LORD's answer to you?' or 'What has the LORD spoken?' 38 Although you claim, 'This is the oracle of the LORD ,' this is what the LORD says: You used the words, 'This is the oracle of the LORD ,' even though I told you that you must not claim, 'This is the oracle of the LORD .' 39 Therefore, I will surely forget you and cast you out of my presence along with the city I gave to you and your fathers. 40 I will bring upon you everlasting disgrace-everlasting shame that will not be forgotten."
False prophets tell lies because they haven’t heard the word of God though they claim to and speak anyways. God didn’t send the prophets yet they still prophesied about him, they ran with a false message. God states “His anger will not turn back until he fully accomplishes the purposes of his heart” (vs 20). Yet, if these same prophets had stood in the council of God, they would’ve been able to do something good and turned the people away from evil. God fills Heaven and earth so we have no excuse not to turn to Him and hear. “Let the prophet who has a dream tell his dream but let the one who has my word speak it faithfully” (vs 28). Visions, prophesy, all things of the similar nature, are nothing unless rooted in the word of God. We have full freedom to speak the Word, but only the word, for the word is like fire. When we talk and proclaim the things of God that are not rooted in the word we are leading people with reckless lies and it becomes more dangerous to the people rather than help to them. God casts those who profess lies out of His presence and puts everlasting shame upon them. So it is CRITICAL that we must stay in the word of God, and stay in prayer. We must not speak unless it is God, the Holy Spirit, and founded in the word. It is better to say nothing than to say something false, for false words are more dangerous than silence.
We have so much power in the Holy Spirit and like any power, it can be used for good or evil, though I know that the Holy Spirit won’t move us to do evil. Basically because we know this power it is easy to think that we’re doing fine all the time and continue to talk and talk as if the power is moving through us, but it’s possible to think that it is when it really isn’t, and so we profess as if the Holy Spirit was moving within us and we instead say false things. We can do so much damage and we must be extremely careful as to what we say. For example, I shouldn’t make something spiritual just to make it spiritual; I need to be honest with myself and others for out of God's grace and truth the most will be done for His kingdom. And also, the prophesy and visions aren’t bad; You spoke to some of the greatest leaders in the Bible through such things, BUT it MUST be rooted in the word, if it’s not of the word, it’s crafted of us and is not of You, thus if we proclaim those visions and prophesy without any solid ground in the word confirming those things, we can bring so much harm.
It’s kind of like God is the premium bottle of wine…His taste and abundance lives up to the label, and that’s why no other wines can truly be of the same wine as Him. Yet there will be some who try to claim they do and produce a similar wine, saying that it is as fruitful and as abundant as this premium wine, and they will probably jack up the price similar but slightly less expensive than the premium because if it’s expensive, it must be good, right? So people buy the slightly less expensive one because it’s supposed to be as good as the expensive one, yet it’s cheaper, it won’t cost as much. And when they try it, they think it is wonderful because it was expensive and is supposed to be as good as the other one, but how do they know, because they haven’t tried the premium wine? So they fool themselves into thinking they had this premium wine for it cost so much yet they really had a knockoff and completely missed out on the experience of the premium. And they won’t know this until they try the premium, but after having the “supposedly premium,” why would they have any reason to try the more expensive stuff if it’s exactly the same? Following Christ costs so much because He has called us to lay our lives down for Him. But as we pay that price, we experience the fruit of Him and His abundance and know that it was worth it to pay that price. Nothing else is close to the same level as Him. Yet often times we try the cheaper brand that claims to be of the same quality and if we don’t experience the high quality, we never know what we’re missing out on. And so as messengers of the Word, with the power we have in the Holy Spirit, it is very possible for us to present the “comparable quality” God instead of the real thing. This is what we do when we speak and act without it being rooted in the word of God. We have authority as Christians, authority God given, and people look to that and see it. They will take what we say to be the real thing because how do they know otherwise? And so when we speak and act without it being rooted in the word of God, we are in a sense presenting them with the cheaper brand of God that is supposedly comparable and because they don’t know any better, they take it to be the premium and don’t see reason to seek more or don’t even know that there is so much better. We don’t want them to experience the knockoff, we want them to experience Him to the fullest.
So we must make sure that we are rooted in the word in everything we say and do. We don’t want to lead people astray because we lack the Word when it’s right there in front of us. We need to present the gospel to the fullest, and not water it down and say that it’s all going to be easy and life will be perfect and everything, because that’s presenting them with a lesser God. We need to be true to the word, and one of the most critical things about the Gospel I believe is in Matthew 16:24-25: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.” We must die to our lives in order to come after Christ and that’s not going to be easy. It’s a road that few fully go on, but one that reaps rewards beyond anything we can comprehend. So in presenting the Gospel out of truth and in the word, we are showing them how though it will be difficult, it will be more than worth it. This is just one example of how we talk to people and can use it for either harm or good. We must be extremely careful as to what we say and profess and make sure it is of Him. It is better to be silent than to say false words that will lead people astray.
9 Concerning the prophets: My heart is broken within me; all my bones tremble. I am like a drunken man, like a man overcome by wine, because of the LORD and his holy words. 10 The land is full of adulterers; because of the curse the land lies parched and the pastures in the desert are withered. The prophets follow an evil course and use their power unjustly. 11 "Both prophet and priest are godless; even in my temple I find their wickedness," declares the LORD . 12 "Therefore their path will become slippery; they will be banished to darkness and there they will fall. I will bring disaster on them in the year they are punished," declares the LORD . 13 "Among the prophets of Samaria I saw this repulsive thing: They prophesied by Baal and led my people Israel astray. 14 And among the prophets of Jerusalem I have seen something horrible: They commit adultery and live a lie. They strengthen the hands of evildoers, so that no one turns from his wickedness. They are all like Sodom to me; the people of Jerusalem are like Gomorrah." 15 Therefore, this is what the LORD Almighty says concerning the prophets: "I will make them eat bitter food and drink poisoned water, because from the prophets of Jerusalem ungodliness has spread throughout the land." 16 This is what the LORD Almighty says: "Do not listen to what the prophets are prophesying to you; they fill you with false hopes. They speak visions from their own minds, not from the mouth of the LORD . 17 They keep saying to those who despise me, 'The LORD says: You will have peace.' And to all who follow the stubbornness of their hearts they say, 'No harm will come to you.' 18 But which of them has stood in the council of the LORD to see or to hear his word? Who has listened and heard his word? 19 See, the storm of the LORD will burst out in wrath, a whirlwind swirling down on the heads of the wicked. 20 The anger of the LORD will not turn back until he fully accomplishes the purposes of his heart. In days to come you will understand it clearly. 21 I did not send these prophets, yet they have run with their message; I did not speak to them, yet they have prophesied. 22 But if they had stood in my council, they would have proclaimed my words to my people and would have turned them from their evil ways and from their evil deeds. 23 "Am I only a God nearby," declares the LORD , "and not a God far away? 24 Can anyone hide in secret places so that I cannot see him?" declares the LORD . "Do not I fill heaven and earth?" declares the LORD . 25 "I have heard what the prophets say who prophesy lies in my name. They say, 'I had a dream! I had a dream!' 26 How long will this continue in the hearts of these lying prophets, who prophesy the delusions of their own minds? 27 They think the dreams they tell one another will make my people forget my name, just as their fathers forgot my name through Baal worship. 28 Let the prophet who has a dream tell his dream, but let the one who has my word speak it faithfully. For what has straw to do with grain?" declares the LORD . 29 "Is not my word like fire," declares the LORD , "and like a hammer that breaks a rock in pieces? 30 "Therefore," declares the LORD , "I am against the prophets who steal from one another words supposedly from me. 31 Yes," declares the LORD , "I am against the prophets who wag their own tongues and yet declare, 'The LORD declares.' 32 Indeed, I am against those who prophesy false dreams," declares the LORD . "They tell them and lead my people astray with their reckless lies, yet I did not send or appoint them. They do not benefit these people in the least," declares the LORD . False Oracles and False Prophets 33 "When these people, or a prophet or a priest, ask you, 'What is the oracle F46 of the LORD ?' say to them, 'What oracle? F47 I will forsake you, declares the LORD .' 34 If a prophet or a priest or anyone else claims, 'This is the oracle of the LORD ,' I will punish that man and his household. 35 This is what each of you keeps on saying to his friend or relative: 'What is the LORD's answer?' or 'What has the LORD spoken?' 36 But you must not mention 'the oracle of the LORD ' again, because every man's own word becomes his oracle and so you distort the words of the living God, the LORD Almighty, our God. 37 This is what you keep saying to a prophet: 'What is the LORD's answer to you?' or 'What has the LORD spoken?' 38 Although you claim, 'This is the oracle of the LORD ,' this is what the LORD says: You used the words, 'This is the oracle of the LORD ,' even though I told you that you must not claim, 'This is the oracle of the LORD .' 39 Therefore, I will surely forget you and cast you out of my presence along with the city I gave to you and your fathers. 40 I will bring upon you everlasting disgrace-everlasting shame that will not be forgotten."
False prophets tell lies because they haven’t heard the word of God though they claim to and speak anyways. God didn’t send the prophets yet they still prophesied about him, they ran with a false message. God states “His anger will not turn back until he fully accomplishes the purposes of his heart” (vs 20). Yet, if these same prophets had stood in the council of God, they would’ve been able to do something good and turned the people away from evil. God fills Heaven and earth so we have no excuse not to turn to Him and hear. “Let the prophet who has a dream tell his dream but let the one who has my word speak it faithfully” (vs 28). Visions, prophesy, all things of the similar nature, are nothing unless rooted in the word of God. We have full freedom to speak the Word, but only the word, for the word is like fire. When we talk and proclaim the things of God that are not rooted in the word we are leading people with reckless lies and it becomes more dangerous to the people rather than help to them. God casts those who profess lies out of His presence and puts everlasting shame upon them. So it is CRITICAL that we must stay in the word of God, and stay in prayer. We must not speak unless it is God, the Holy Spirit, and founded in the word. It is better to say nothing than to say something false, for false words are more dangerous than silence.
We have so much power in the Holy Spirit and like any power, it can be used for good or evil, though I know that the Holy Spirit won’t move us to do evil. Basically because we know this power it is easy to think that we’re doing fine all the time and continue to talk and talk as if the power is moving through us, but it’s possible to think that it is when it really isn’t, and so we profess as if the Holy Spirit was moving within us and we instead say false things. We can do so much damage and we must be extremely careful as to what we say. For example, I shouldn’t make something spiritual just to make it spiritual; I need to be honest with myself and others for out of God's grace and truth the most will be done for His kingdom. And also, the prophesy and visions aren’t bad; You spoke to some of the greatest leaders in the Bible through such things, BUT it MUST be rooted in the word, if it’s not of the word, it’s crafted of us and is not of You, thus if we proclaim those visions and prophesy without any solid ground in the word confirming those things, we can bring so much harm.
It’s kind of like God is the premium bottle of wine…His taste and abundance lives up to the label, and that’s why no other wines can truly be of the same wine as Him. Yet there will be some who try to claim they do and produce a similar wine, saying that it is as fruitful and as abundant as this premium wine, and they will probably jack up the price similar but slightly less expensive than the premium because if it’s expensive, it must be good, right? So people buy the slightly less expensive one because it’s supposed to be as good as the expensive one, yet it’s cheaper, it won’t cost as much. And when they try it, they think it is wonderful because it was expensive and is supposed to be as good as the other one, but how do they know, because they haven’t tried the premium wine? So they fool themselves into thinking they had this premium wine for it cost so much yet they really had a knockoff and completely missed out on the experience of the premium. And they won’t know this until they try the premium, but after having the “supposedly premium,” why would they have any reason to try the more expensive stuff if it’s exactly the same? Following Christ costs so much because He has called us to lay our lives down for Him. But as we pay that price, we experience the fruit of Him and His abundance and know that it was worth it to pay that price. Nothing else is close to the same level as Him. Yet often times we try the cheaper brand that claims to be of the same quality and if we don’t experience the high quality, we never know what we’re missing out on. And so as messengers of the Word, with the power we have in the Holy Spirit, it is very possible for us to present the “comparable quality” God instead of the real thing. This is what we do when we speak and act without it being rooted in the word of God. We have authority as Christians, authority God given, and people look to that and see it. They will take what we say to be the real thing because how do they know otherwise? And so when we speak and act without it being rooted in the word of God, we are in a sense presenting them with the cheaper brand of God that is supposedly comparable and because they don’t know any better, they take it to be the premium and don’t see reason to seek more or don’t even know that there is so much better. We don’t want them to experience the knockoff, we want them to experience Him to the fullest.
So we must make sure that we are rooted in the word in everything we say and do. We don’t want to lead people astray because we lack the Word when it’s right there in front of us. We need to present the gospel to the fullest, and not water it down and say that it’s all going to be easy and life will be perfect and everything, because that’s presenting them with a lesser God. We need to be true to the word, and one of the most critical things about the Gospel I believe is in Matthew 16:24-25: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.” We must die to our lives in order to come after Christ and that’s not going to be easy. It’s a road that few fully go on, but one that reaps rewards beyond anything we can comprehend. So in presenting the Gospel out of truth and in the word, we are showing them how though it will be difficult, it will be more than worth it. This is just one example of how we talk to people and can use it for either harm or good. We must be extremely careful as to what we say and profess and make sure it is of Him. It is better to be silent than to say false words that will lead people astray.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Less than a Drop in the Bucket yet Known by Name
Could it really be?
That the Lord of all the earth has my name engraved on His palms?
That within all of his infinite Holiness He knows me by name?
Could it really be?
That the Creator of the universe--His image I bear?
That despite my sinful flesh He’ll mold my heart to His?
To my knees I fall as You move me to tears in this place so intimate
Beyond words and comprehension, Your love never will I understand
My hands and heart lifted in worship, sheer worship that will last all of my days
Groanings I cannot express, I cry out endless praise
You surpass anything I can comprehend
I worship You
I am less than a drop in the bucket yet You know that drop by name
You are holy beyond belief yet You love me the same
Hold me close to Your heart like the lambs You gather in Your arms
So perfect is Your adoration of Your creation Holy Father are You
I'm so incredibly amazed at my Heavenly Father, my Savior, my everything. I will never be able to get my mind around the perfect love He shows and the infinitude of Him, and that is why I worship...I'm blown away because He doesn't need us yet we are still here; He created us out of love and we are called to worship Him, for every good and perfect gift is from Him. The nations, all the nations in the entire world are a drop in the bucket compared to Him (Isaiah 40:15)and all that we see done in this world, whether it be for good or for bad, those are all a drop in the bucket compared to God and what He can do. Out of this I find myself in extreme reverence and extreme fear, for all of the good we have seen of this world, He is far, far above that, and then all of the bad we have seen of this world, such as the most horrible wars and diseases, He can bring much, much more than that. And what a tender, passionate lover He is…He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart…could it really be? Could it really be that He has called me by name and has my name engraven on His palms? I don’t understand how such a good and perfect Lord could love me as much as He does… and I’m moved to tears. He is such an intimate, personal God and it blows me away how much He moves me and speaks to me. It blows me away how I can never get enough of His love and I keep running into His arms for it. It amazes me how much He has thoroughly blessed me and how I’ve only received a taste of what He has to bring. It amazes me that He still calls me by name and is raising me up to do things beyond my comprehension and understanding. And because He is good and perfect, He created us all with free will. Yet as Tozer said, giving up our lives to Him is not giving up our free will, it is exercising it by giving our lives to Him, to one who understands us far better than we understand ourselves. And so I am exercising my free will and giving my life to Him, for He understands me far better than I know myself. All of these things deep within my heart that I cannot express He knows full well, for He is the bearer of those things. I am less than a drop in the bucket yet He knows that drop by name, and He loves that drop far beyond any understanding. I worship You, Lord. I worship You.
Monday, December 26, 2005
Tears
Tears of brokenness
Tears of redemption
Tears of praise
Tears of humility
Tears of awe
Tears of fear
Tears of wonder
Tears of anger
Tears of love
Tears of sin
Tears of purity
Tears of desolation
Tears of joy
Tears of pain
Tears of healing
Tears of exhaustion
Tears of rest
Tears of meekness
Tears of confidence
Tears of adoration
Tears of beauty
Tears of peace
Tears in reverence
Tears in worship
Tears freely fall
My tears on Your heart, O Lord
Tears of redemption
Tears of praise
Tears of humility
Tears of awe
Tears of fear
Tears of wonder
Tears of anger
Tears of love
Tears of sin
Tears of purity
Tears of desolation
Tears of joy
Tears of pain
Tears of healing
Tears of exhaustion
Tears of rest
Tears of meekness
Tears of confidence
Tears of adoration
Tears of beauty
Tears of peace
Tears in reverence
Tears in worship
Tears freely fall
My tears on Your heart, O Lord
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Saturday, December 24, 2005
A Welcome Invasion
To put it in my friend Colin's words, my life has been invaded. I found myself astounded yet again this morning when I woke up, because somehow, through the Holy Spirit, I am even praying while I am sleeping...and I'm somewhat conscious of that and then I wake up and see how these prayers are being answered...It's really difficult to explain because it's still so new to me, but it's incredible. Even in my time of slumber, God has invaded my life. It's like in Romans 8:22-27: “We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves who have the first fruits of the Spirit groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For it is in this hope we were saved…In the same way the Spirit helps us with our weakness. We do not what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit intercedes for us with groans our words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.”
Reading that blows me away because I am seeing this being fulfilled in my life....the Holy Spirit intercedes for me in such ways I can't explain.
Every single moment of every day is accounted for by Him. I can’t help but dwell on His goodness and His promises and what He is doing in and through me and others. I find myself living in the fruit of His spirit, His word on my tongue, my mind focused on His blessings and challenges. And being in this position He is pouring out abundantly His wisdom, knowledge, and grace; I find myself completely overwhelmed and there is no way I can take it all in. I praise Him for these precious gifts He is giving me and fulfilling His purpose for me in spite of who I am, in spite of my weaknesses and sinful flesh. He has overcome the world and He has consumed me. I find myself humbled before Him that He would call me to so much. But as He consumes me second by second, I see that it is no longer me but Him taking over. 1 Cor 6:19-20 states, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own, you were bought at a price.” I feel as if I am not my own because it’s Him completely. It’s a surreal place to be in so many ways. Even now as I type this, it’s surreal…
Last night as God continued to speak to me both in Spirit and through the word, He really spoke through a chapter of Tozer. He explained what and why what happened in the last year before college did. I know this will be a long chapter, but I must share it with you.
“The Ministry of the Night,” That Incredible Christian, Tozer
“If God has singled you out to be a special object of His grace you may expect Him to honor you with stricter discipline and greater suffering than less favored ones are called upon to endure. And right here let me anticipate the objection someone is sure to raise, that God has no “specials” among His children. The Holy Scriptures and Christian history agree to show that He has. Star differs from star in glory among the saints on earth as well as among the glorified in heaven. Without question the differences exist, but whether they are by the decree of God or by His foreknowledge of the degree of receptivity He will find among His children, I am not prepared to say with certainty, though I would lean strongly to the latter view.
If God sets out to make you an unusual Christian He is not likely to be as gentle as He is usually pictured by the popular teachers. A sculptor does not use a manicure set to reduce the rude, unshapely marble to a thing of beauty. The saw, the hammer, and the chisel are cruel tools, but without them the rough stone must remain forever formless and unbeautiful. To do His supreme work of grace within you He will take from your heart everything you love most. Everything you trust in will go from you. Piles of ashes will lie where your most precious treasures used to be.
This is not to teach the sanctifying power of poverty. If to be poor made man holy every tramp on a park bench would be a saint. But God knows the secret of removing things from our hearts while they still remain to us. What He does is restrain us from enjoying them. He lets us have them but makes us psychologically unable to let our hearts go out to them. Thus they are useful without being harmful. All this God will accomplish at the expense of the common pleasures that have up to that time supported your life and made it zestful. Now under the careful treatment of the Holy Spirit your life may become dry, tasteless and to some degree a burden to you.
While in this state you will exist by a kind of blind will to live; you will find none of the inward sweetness you had enjoyed before. The smile of God will be for the time withdrawn, or at least hidden from your eyes. Then you will learn what faith is; you will find out the hard way, but in the only way open to you, that true faith lies in the will, that the joy unspeakable of which the apostle speaks is not itself faith but a slow ripening fruit of faith; and you will learn that present spiritual joys may come and go as they will without altering you spiritual status or in any way affecting your position as a true child of the heavenly Father. And you will also learn, probably to your astonishment, that is possible to live in all good conscience before God and men and still feel nothing of the peace and joy you hear talked about so much by immature Christians.
How long you continue in this night of the soul will depend upon a number of factors, some of which you may be able to later to identify, while others will remain with God, completely hidden from you. The words ‘the day is thine, the night is also thine’ will now be interpreted for you by the best of all teachers, the Holy Spirit; and you will know by personal experience what a blessed thing is the ministry of the night.
But there is a limit to man’s ability to live without joy. Even Christ could endure the cross only because of the joy set before Him. The strongest steel breaks if kept too long under unrelieved tension. God knows exactly how much pressure each one of us can take. He knows how long we can endure the night, so He gives the soul relief, first by welcome glimpses of the morning star and then by the fuller light that harbingers the morning. Slowly you will discover God’s love in your suffering. Your heart will begin to approve the whole thing. You will learn from yourself what all the schools in the world could not teach you—the healing action of faith without supporting pleasure. You will feel and understand the ministry of the night; its power to purify, to detach to humble, to destroy the fear of death, and what is more important to you at the moment, the fear of life. And you will learn that sometimes pain can do what even joy cannot, such as exposing the vanity of earth’s trifles and filling your heart with longing for the peace of heaven.
What I write here is in no way original. This has been discovered anew by each generation of Christian seekers and is almost a cliché of the deeper life. Yet it needs to be said to this generation of believers often and with emphasis, for the type of Christianity now in vogue does not include anything as serious and as difficult as this. The quest of the modern Christian is likely to be for peace of mind and spiritual joy, with a good degree of material prosperity thrown in as an external proof of the divine favor. Some will understand this, however, if the number is relatively small, and they will constitute the hard core of practicing saints so badly needed at this serious hour if New Testament Christianity is to survive to the next generation.”
I am an unusual Christian. Amazing grace. A welcome invasion.
Isaiah 46:8-13: “Remember this, fix it in mind, take it to heart, you rebels. Remember the former things, those of long ago; I am God and there is no other, I am God and there is none like me. I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say: My purpose will stand, and I will do all I please. From the east I summon a bird of prey; from a far off land, a man to fulfill my purpose. What I have said, that I will bring about; what I have planned, that I will do. Listen to me, you stubborn-hearted, you who are far from my righteousness. I am bringing my righteousness near, it is not far away; and my salvation will not be delayed. I will grant salvation to Zion, my splendor to Israel.”
Reading that blows me away because I am seeing this being fulfilled in my life....the Holy Spirit intercedes for me in such ways I can't explain.
Every single moment of every day is accounted for by Him. I can’t help but dwell on His goodness and His promises and what He is doing in and through me and others. I find myself living in the fruit of His spirit, His word on my tongue, my mind focused on His blessings and challenges. And being in this position He is pouring out abundantly His wisdom, knowledge, and grace; I find myself completely overwhelmed and there is no way I can take it all in. I praise Him for these precious gifts He is giving me and fulfilling His purpose for me in spite of who I am, in spite of my weaknesses and sinful flesh. He has overcome the world and He has consumed me. I find myself humbled before Him that He would call me to so much. But as He consumes me second by second, I see that it is no longer me but Him taking over. 1 Cor 6:19-20 states, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own, you were bought at a price.” I feel as if I am not my own because it’s Him completely. It’s a surreal place to be in so many ways. Even now as I type this, it’s surreal…
Last night as God continued to speak to me both in Spirit and through the word, He really spoke through a chapter of Tozer. He explained what and why what happened in the last year before college did. I know this will be a long chapter, but I must share it with you.
“The Ministry of the Night,” That Incredible Christian, Tozer
“If God has singled you out to be a special object of His grace you may expect Him to honor you with stricter discipline and greater suffering than less favored ones are called upon to endure. And right here let me anticipate the objection someone is sure to raise, that God has no “specials” among His children. The Holy Scriptures and Christian history agree to show that He has. Star differs from star in glory among the saints on earth as well as among the glorified in heaven. Without question the differences exist, but whether they are by the decree of God or by His foreknowledge of the degree of receptivity He will find among His children, I am not prepared to say with certainty, though I would lean strongly to the latter view.
If God sets out to make you an unusual Christian He is not likely to be as gentle as He is usually pictured by the popular teachers. A sculptor does not use a manicure set to reduce the rude, unshapely marble to a thing of beauty. The saw, the hammer, and the chisel are cruel tools, but without them the rough stone must remain forever formless and unbeautiful. To do His supreme work of grace within you He will take from your heart everything you love most. Everything you trust in will go from you. Piles of ashes will lie where your most precious treasures used to be.
This is not to teach the sanctifying power of poverty. If to be poor made man holy every tramp on a park bench would be a saint. But God knows the secret of removing things from our hearts while they still remain to us. What He does is restrain us from enjoying them. He lets us have them but makes us psychologically unable to let our hearts go out to them. Thus they are useful without being harmful. All this God will accomplish at the expense of the common pleasures that have up to that time supported your life and made it zestful. Now under the careful treatment of the Holy Spirit your life may become dry, tasteless and to some degree a burden to you.
While in this state you will exist by a kind of blind will to live; you will find none of the inward sweetness you had enjoyed before. The smile of God will be for the time withdrawn, or at least hidden from your eyes. Then you will learn what faith is; you will find out the hard way, but in the only way open to you, that true faith lies in the will, that the joy unspeakable of which the apostle speaks is not itself faith but a slow ripening fruit of faith; and you will learn that present spiritual joys may come and go as they will without altering you spiritual status or in any way affecting your position as a true child of the heavenly Father. And you will also learn, probably to your astonishment, that is possible to live in all good conscience before God and men and still feel nothing of the peace and joy you hear talked about so much by immature Christians.
How long you continue in this night of the soul will depend upon a number of factors, some of which you may be able to later to identify, while others will remain with God, completely hidden from you. The words ‘the day is thine, the night is also thine’ will now be interpreted for you by the best of all teachers, the Holy Spirit; and you will know by personal experience what a blessed thing is the ministry of the night.
But there is a limit to man’s ability to live without joy. Even Christ could endure the cross only because of the joy set before Him. The strongest steel breaks if kept too long under unrelieved tension. God knows exactly how much pressure each one of us can take. He knows how long we can endure the night, so He gives the soul relief, first by welcome glimpses of the morning star and then by the fuller light that harbingers the morning. Slowly you will discover God’s love in your suffering. Your heart will begin to approve the whole thing. You will learn from yourself what all the schools in the world could not teach you—the healing action of faith without supporting pleasure. You will feel and understand the ministry of the night; its power to purify, to detach to humble, to destroy the fear of death, and what is more important to you at the moment, the fear of life. And you will learn that sometimes pain can do what even joy cannot, such as exposing the vanity of earth’s trifles and filling your heart with longing for the peace of heaven.
What I write here is in no way original. This has been discovered anew by each generation of Christian seekers and is almost a cliché of the deeper life. Yet it needs to be said to this generation of believers often and with emphasis, for the type of Christianity now in vogue does not include anything as serious and as difficult as this. The quest of the modern Christian is likely to be for peace of mind and spiritual joy, with a good degree of material prosperity thrown in as an external proof of the divine favor. Some will understand this, however, if the number is relatively small, and they will constitute the hard core of practicing saints so badly needed at this serious hour if New Testament Christianity is to survive to the next generation.”
I am an unusual Christian. Amazing grace. A welcome invasion.
Isaiah 46:8-13: “Remember this, fix it in mind, take it to heart, you rebels. Remember the former things, those of long ago; I am God and there is no other, I am God and there is none like me. I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say: My purpose will stand, and I will do all I please. From the east I summon a bird of prey; from a far off land, a man to fulfill my purpose. What I have said, that I will bring about; what I have planned, that I will do. Listen to me, you stubborn-hearted, you who are far from my righteousness. I am bringing my righteousness near, it is not far away; and my salvation will not be delayed. I will grant salvation to Zion, my splendor to Israel.”
Friday, December 23, 2005
Enter this Place
Isaiah 61:3, Matthew 5:45
A wildfire blazing through the parched land
The land that needed water so desperately but failed to drink
And so ablaze, the flames burn
Scorch the grains that ceased to grow
Only ashes remain
Holy Spirit burn, be an all consuming fire
Smolder the things not of You, let it fall into ashes,
fall into ashes, so a crown of beauty can be bestowed
Chorus
Holy Spirit, come, come, come, enter this place
A downpour of rain drenches the weary land
The land swallows it whole, still unsatisfied, looks the other way
And so damp, the rain falls
Floods the desolation and rejection
Washes away the sin
Holy Spirit, rain, pour out Your grace
Wash away the things not of You, let it flood this place,
Flood this place, so righteousness can be restored
Chorus
Holy Spirit, come, come, come, enter this place
From the broken ground seed be brought forth
The land produces fruit made in the likeness of good
And so thriving, oaks grow
Display of splendor and majesty
Planting of the Lord
Chorus
Holy Spirit, come, come, come, enter this place
A wildfire blazing through the parched land
The land that needed water so desperately but failed to drink
And so ablaze, the flames burn
Scorch the grains that ceased to grow
Only ashes remain
Holy Spirit burn, be an all consuming fire
Smolder the things not of You, let it fall into ashes,
fall into ashes, so a crown of beauty can be bestowed
Chorus
Holy Spirit, come, come, come, enter this place
A downpour of rain drenches the weary land
The land swallows it whole, still unsatisfied, looks the other way
And so damp, the rain falls
Floods the desolation and rejection
Washes away the sin
Holy Spirit, rain, pour out Your grace
Wash away the things not of You, let it flood this place,
Flood this place, so righteousness can be restored
Chorus
Holy Spirit, come, come, come, enter this place
From the broken ground seed be brought forth
The land produces fruit made in the likeness of good
And so thriving, oaks grow
Display of splendor and majesty
Planting of the Lord
Chorus
Holy Spirit, come, come, come, enter this place
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Grip of Eternity
This is a long one...beware.
Opposition has been such a central theme of late. Never before have I faced so much opposition personally and have heard of fierce opposition going on in my brother and sister’s lives as well. God is moving with us and showing us each so much and Satan is so unhappy with that. With me, there were so many different things that happened. Basically praying with power for my family started so much opposition because I know how God is going to use them in HUGE ways when they turn to Him and Satan opposes that bitterly. I know how much God can use me through that and I’m seeing that…never before have I seen my mom seeking what I have so earnestly; God is beckoning her and it’s coming soon, I know this. Then God has really been leading me to change my major and it’s been a long process, but I finally figured out what I am supposed to be doing (which still has to happen, but I know God will work it out), and basically it’s going to be a bachelor in fine arts with a concentration in graphic design and then a minor in graphic communication. It’s kind of hard to explain exactly how this all will work and apply to my life with what God wants me to do…this I can’t completely divulge right now, but as soon as this was decided, the attack started on me like I have never experienced before and from that I know God has some absolutely amazing plans in this that Satan is so unhappy with that he had to bring me down as hard as he could. I was sick and I couldn’t move or get out of bed, every time I stood up I almost passed out and it was such a battle…my mind was sharp because I knew that this was his attempt to bring me down and after the very beginning I wouldn’t let him have control of my mind so he had to try to bring me down with my body. My flesh is so weak, I hate it, but my God is stronger still, and fought for me He did and is. As I was laying in bed and couldn’t move, God brought me to Isaiah and spoke to me in such sweet, amazing ways…God’s given me two very specific visions with the Cal Poly campus and the last one showed how what happens at Cal Poly will spread out to the world, that last part I’m not exactly sure of how yet, but God confirmed those visions with His word. It was Isaiah 59:19: -“From the west, men will fear the name of the Lord, and from the rising of the sun, they will revere his glory. For he will come like a pent-up flood that the breath of the Lord drives along.” Over this entire break I have been praying that while Cal Poly is slumbering, God will enter it in a way He never has before and completely consume it. As a result of these prayers God gave me two visions of what will happen, and it’s so intense yet so beautiful…I came face to face with my Lord as a result and was sobbing in sheer emotion, every kind of emotion you can imagine. So that was amazing to see how God fought for me and showed me so much even in the midst of so much opposition. And God brought me out of it, my Lord fought for me like He promises He will, and He is always faithful. I am still experiencing the warfare in some dimension rather constantly because God is calling me and showing me so much that Satan will always be opposing that. Tozer states that “The Spirit-filled life, as many might suppose, is not a life of peace and quiet pleasure. It is likely to be viewed as something quite opposite,” and this is so true. But never will I trade it. Never will I give it up, and I pray you won’t either. We have tasted and seen what is good, and why should we ever return back to what isn’t, no matter what the sacrifice we must make shall be? And there were other passages in Isaiah that uplifted and encouraged me, along with one specific passage stating God’s purpose for me in so many ways…but that is something I must let Him continue to cultivate within me.
It’s weird because this is my first time being home in 3 months, this is where I was born and raised, yet I haven’t liked being home, and I couldn’t figure out why for the longest time. But it’s clear now. Basically the last 9 or so months I was here was an extremely dry period for me and though God still prepared me and was faithful, I hated being in that position and don’t ever want to go back. Going to SLO I have experienced the abundant river of life in every way, fashion and form, and so coming back here reminds me of that stagnation I had in so many ways and it just kind of left a bad taste in my mouth. God brought me to SLO for so many reasons, reasons I know now and many I have yet to see. But that doesn’t mean that when I am home that I must return to that stagnation. I was really convicted last night talking with a good friend of mine from high school. Looking back I really see now how God was able to use me in many ways with people in high school, for God allowed me to love them and be there for them in ways other people weren’t. And I saw this last night with my friend. It’s a really really long story about who she is and what she’s been through, but basically she’s been raised Mormon, so she has some good beliefs and some off the wall beliefs. She was engaged and now is not though plans remain to be married to this guy in Iraq. He just left a couple of weeks ago for his second tour, and God has been breaking Dani and convicting her how she hasn’t been living the life she should be and how she wandered so far from God. It was amazing to see how God placed me before her in this exact time, for I was able to speak to her about brokenness and the beauty of our Lord in healing that, and also speak of my own experiences in that very thing. She knows she needs to be right with God before anything with her “fiancée” can happen. We talked some about Mormon doctrine, and though I disagreed with so much of it, more so last night than ever I realized how the gospel MUST be a gospel of love. I know that is why my parents aren’t Christians today, because the gospel was never spoken to them out of love, but rather out of fear and anger. And though there were things I strongly disagreed with in the doctrine, that wasn’t what was important. What was important was showing her God’s love and being honest with her that things aren’t always going to be easy, and especially this time of brokenness and conviction won’t be, but how God is always faithful to it. It was amazing to see the Holy Spirit at work in this two and a half hour conversation because we were both near tears and she almost broke because God was using me in so many ways to convict her and show her hope and love, and it was an amazing place to be. We are called to speak the truth out of love, and if we don’t do this, then all we do is push people away. I am experiencing this more than ever, because God are placing so much love for others within me, and I’m able to speak the gospel to them so much more because of the love being shown, and they are so much more receptive to it. We must be messengers of love. And it might seem like I’m saying that out of this presenting the gospel of love, we’re watering it down so that it’s not the full gospel being presented. But it’s so far from the truth. Look at how God has completely captured us with His love and peace and everything, and how our lives drip with that. Though we face so much opposition, our lives drip with those fruits of the spirit, and that’s what we are presenting the Gospel out of. We let those things overflow into other people’s lives so that through us, they can experience what knowing You is all about because they see who You are in our lives. And because of seeing that and seeing how we are genuine, which is so critical, they want that for themselves too and it challenges them and makes them think and seriously ponder what it is all about.
I just got done watching this ABC news special about different views of Heaven, from different perspectives and religions. New Life, a church 5 min from my house, was on there, with Ted Haggard and the Furnace and then Joel Osteen’s church and then the Dali Lama and an Islam head and then other various people as well. I got so frustrated as I watched this because I’m so tired of seeing truth being so distorted and it really saddens me to see that God is being reduced to so little, such as scientists claiming that our spirituality is due to a gene mutation within us. Why do we, the world, accept such fiction as fact, when Our God is an ever-present God and He is the very source of life? Even in Islam, their view of heaven is paradise, which is the most worldly thing I’ve heard of. If you are a martyr, then you receive 72 virgins when you go to paradise to enjoy, and there are streams of milk and honey and everything so you can fulfill your desires of the flesh. What kind of heaven is this? What is the point of heaven if it’s that worldly? My heart breaks for the people who believe this because they are missing out on so much. There were atheists talking about how we didn’t exist before we were born and we won’t exist after we die, this life is all that we have and we might as well make the most of it. But in that, all they receive is the satisfaction of fulfilling the desires of the flesh and pursuing a world that is wandering so aimlessly and we know that never will they be satisfied. The Dali Lama talked about how we must be good. The purpose of life is to be good, so you will be reborn and reach Nirvana eventually. I don’t know about you but I want more than good. I want more than a worldly heaven. I want more than just spiritual experiences that are contributed to a supposedly “mutant” gene within me. I know my God and I know who He is and I know He can be that and so much more to everyone, and it breaks my heart that they don’t know that. I get this sick feeling because so much of the world is so blind to who He is and it’s so sad to see how He is going to have to break them in order for them to acknowledge that yes, He is God and He possesses all wisdom and power and glory. And it’s weird that I’ve been exposed to so much doctrine and religion over the past two days, starting with a Mormon friend last night and continuing on to tonight. It’s saddening and sickening to see the focus of this world so distorted to what it should be. God has created us in His image yet we are so far from that. People are uncomfortable with the truth because it requires humility and brokenness and fear and because they don’t want to face that, they are creating their own versions of truth or following one that makes them comfortable. And I don’t know about everyone else but I am so tired of being comfortable. I want to be face to face with my God and His Glory and power and if it strikes me dead because it’s too much to handle, so be it. But there is nothing else I want and I don’t want a watered-down God, I want God in the fullest way, in His full presence and glory. I want all of the power he has to bestow upon us. And I want this world to wake up and see God for who He is, and I don’t care how uncomfortable it makes people. It’s time to be uncomfortable. It’s time to fear, it’s time to be broken, because no longer can we go on in the ways we are. There’s so much more I can say that God has risen up in me, but that’s sufficient for now. So I pray in Christ’s name that He will arise the nations, cast them down to a point of brokenness so they see Him and then have them fear Him and turn to Him. I’m crying as I write this because it saddens me so much that we are at this point as a world, and that people are going to have to go through this, but I know my God is greater and that His purpose is eternal. Therefore, I pray He will do whatever it takes to restore these people back to Him.
God is amazingly beautiful at what He does with everything. I am seeing this in my life especially as He’s clarifying so many things in my life and really cultivating what my testimony is. I am seeing how He plucked me from the miry pit, from the depths of near hell, and has been unbelievable in bringing me to where I am today. Though I have so far to go and still hate my flesh, I know God will complete His good work in me. And I pray He will capture you all in the same way and take you deeper and higher and farther than you’ve ever been before, even in the midst of opposition, because there’s no better place to be.
Grip of Eternity
Here I am in the grip of eternity
No longer in the grip of the one who tries to pull me down
Never again blind to his foolish schemes
You have called me by name and that’s who I’m going to be
In Your arms will I stay
In Your arms will I be
Knowing Your touch tangibly
Will I go? Will I stray?
No, never, because I know that’s a price too heavy to pay
So forever here will I be, in the grip of eternity
Nowhere else I’d rather be
The power You have given I receive
The power You’ve given isn’t fully for free
There’s a price to pay and myself I lay
For your fire to consume me
Every sacrifice to make, there I will be
In the grip of eternity
Opposition has been such a central theme of late. Never before have I faced so much opposition personally and have heard of fierce opposition going on in my brother and sister’s lives as well. God is moving with us and showing us each so much and Satan is so unhappy with that. With me, there were so many different things that happened. Basically praying with power for my family started so much opposition because I know how God is going to use them in HUGE ways when they turn to Him and Satan opposes that bitterly. I know how much God can use me through that and I’m seeing that…never before have I seen my mom seeking what I have so earnestly; God is beckoning her and it’s coming soon, I know this. Then God has really been leading me to change my major and it’s been a long process, but I finally figured out what I am supposed to be doing (which still has to happen, but I know God will work it out), and basically it’s going to be a bachelor in fine arts with a concentration in graphic design and then a minor in graphic communication. It’s kind of hard to explain exactly how this all will work and apply to my life with what God wants me to do…this I can’t completely divulge right now, but as soon as this was decided, the attack started on me like I have never experienced before and from that I know God has some absolutely amazing plans in this that Satan is so unhappy with that he had to bring me down as hard as he could. I was sick and I couldn’t move or get out of bed, every time I stood up I almost passed out and it was such a battle…my mind was sharp because I knew that this was his attempt to bring me down and after the very beginning I wouldn’t let him have control of my mind so he had to try to bring me down with my body. My flesh is so weak, I hate it, but my God is stronger still, and fought for me He did and is. As I was laying in bed and couldn’t move, God brought me to Isaiah and spoke to me in such sweet, amazing ways…God’s given me two very specific visions with the Cal Poly campus and the last one showed how what happens at Cal Poly will spread out to the world, that last part I’m not exactly sure of how yet, but God confirmed those visions with His word. It was Isaiah 59:19: -“From the west, men will fear the name of the Lord, and from the rising of the sun, they will revere his glory. For he will come like a pent-up flood that the breath of the Lord drives along.” Over this entire break I have been praying that while Cal Poly is slumbering, God will enter it in a way He never has before and completely consume it. As a result of these prayers God gave me two visions of what will happen, and it’s so intense yet so beautiful…I came face to face with my Lord as a result and was sobbing in sheer emotion, every kind of emotion you can imagine. So that was amazing to see how God fought for me and showed me so much even in the midst of so much opposition. And God brought me out of it, my Lord fought for me like He promises He will, and He is always faithful. I am still experiencing the warfare in some dimension rather constantly because God is calling me and showing me so much that Satan will always be opposing that. Tozer states that “The Spirit-filled life, as many might suppose, is not a life of peace and quiet pleasure. It is likely to be viewed as something quite opposite,” and this is so true. But never will I trade it. Never will I give it up, and I pray you won’t either. We have tasted and seen what is good, and why should we ever return back to what isn’t, no matter what the sacrifice we must make shall be? And there were other passages in Isaiah that uplifted and encouraged me, along with one specific passage stating God’s purpose for me in so many ways…but that is something I must let Him continue to cultivate within me.
It’s weird because this is my first time being home in 3 months, this is where I was born and raised, yet I haven’t liked being home, and I couldn’t figure out why for the longest time. But it’s clear now. Basically the last 9 or so months I was here was an extremely dry period for me and though God still prepared me and was faithful, I hated being in that position and don’t ever want to go back. Going to SLO I have experienced the abundant river of life in every way, fashion and form, and so coming back here reminds me of that stagnation I had in so many ways and it just kind of left a bad taste in my mouth. God brought me to SLO for so many reasons, reasons I know now and many I have yet to see. But that doesn’t mean that when I am home that I must return to that stagnation. I was really convicted last night talking with a good friend of mine from high school. Looking back I really see now how God was able to use me in many ways with people in high school, for God allowed me to love them and be there for them in ways other people weren’t. And I saw this last night with my friend. It’s a really really long story about who she is and what she’s been through, but basically she’s been raised Mormon, so she has some good beliefs and some off the wall beliefs. She was engaged and now is not though plans remain to be married to this guy in Iraq. He just left a couple of weeks ago for his second tour, and God has been breaking Dani and convicting her how she hasn’t been living the life she should be and how she wandered so far from God. It was amazing to see how God placed me before her in this exact time, for I was able to speak to her about brokenness and the beauty of our Lord in healing that, and also speak of my own experiences in that very thing. She knows she needs to be right with God before anything with her “fiancée” can happen. We talked some about Mormon doctrine, and though I disagreed with so much of it, more so last night than ever I realized how the gospel MUST be a gospel of love. I know that is why my parents aren’t Christians today, because the gospel was never spoken to them out of love, but rather out of fear and anger. And though there were things I strongly disagreed with in the doctrine, that wasn’t what was important. What was important was showing her God’s love and being honest with her that things aren’t always going to be easy, and especially this time of brokenness and conviction won’t be, but how God is always faithful to it. It was amazing to see the Holy Spirit at work in this two and a half hour conversation because we were both near tears and she almost broke because God was using me in so many ways to convict her and show her hope and love, and it was an amazing place to be. We are called to speak the truth out of love, and if we don’t do this, then all we do is push people away. I am experiencing this more than ever, because God are placing so much love for others within me, and I’m able to speak the gospel to them so much more because of the love being shown, and they are so much more receptive to it. We must be messengers of love. And it might seem like I’m saying that out of this presenting the gospel of love, we’re watering it down so that it’s not the full gospel being presented. But it’s so far from the truth. Look at how God has completely captured us with His love and peace and everything, and how our lives drip with that. Though we face so much opposition, our lives drip with those fruits of the spirit, and that’s what we are presenting the Gospel out of. We let those things overflow into other people’s lives so that through us, they can experience what knowing You is all about because they see who You are in our lives. And because of seeing that and seeing how we are genuine, which is so critical, they want that for themselves too and it challenges them and makes them think and seriously ponder what it is all about.
I just got done watching this ABC news special about different views of Heaven, from different perspectives and religions. New Life, a church 5 min from my house, was on there, with Ted Haggard and the Furnace and then Joel Osteen’s church and then the Dali Lama and an Islam head and then other various people as well. I got so frustrated as I watched this because I’m so tired of seeing truth being so distorted and it really saddens me to see that God is being reduced to so little, such as scientists claiming that our spirituality is due to a gene mutation within us. Why do we, the world, accept such fiction as fact, when Our God is an ever-present God and He is the very source of life? Even in Islam, their view of heaven is paradise, which is the most worldly thing I’ve heard of. If you are a martyr, then you receive 72 virgins when you go to paradise to enjoy, and there are streams of milk and honey and everything so you can fulfill your desires of the flesh. What kind of heaven is this? What is the point of heaven if it’s that worldly? My heart breaks for the people who believe this because they are missing out on so much. There were atheists talking about how we didn’t exist before we were born and we won’t exist after we die, this life is all that we have and we might as well make the most of it. But in that, all they receive is the satisfaction of fulfilling the desires of the flesh and pursuing a world that is wandering so aimlessly and we know that never will they be satisfied. The Dali Lama talked about how we must be good. The purpose of life is to be good, so you will be reborn and reach Nirvana eventually. I don’t know about you but I want more than good. I want more than a worldly heaven. I want more than just spiritual experiences that are contributed to a supposedly “mutant” gene within me. I know my God and I know who He is and I know He can be that and so much more to everyone, and it breaks my heart that they don’t know that. I get this sick feeling because so much of the world is so blind to who He is and it’s so sad to see how He is going to have to break them in order for them to acknowledge that yes, He is God and He possesses all wisdom and power and glory. And it’s weird that I’ve been exposed to so much doctrine and religion over the past two days, starting with a Mormon friend last night and continuing on to tonight. It’s saddening and sickening to see the focus of this world so distorted to what it should be. God has created us in His image yet we are so far from that. People are uncomfortable with the truth because it requires humility and brokenness and fear and because they don’t want to face that, they are creating their own versions of truth or following one that makes them comfortable. And I don’t know about everyone else but I am so tired of being comfortable. I want to be face to face with my God and His Glory and power and if it strikes me dead because it’s too much to handle, so be it. But there is nothing else I want and I don’t want a watered-down God, I want God in the fullest way, in His full presence and glory. I want all of the power he has to bestow upon us. And I want this world to wake up and see God for who He is, and I don’t care how uncomfortable it makes people. It’s time to be uncomfortable. It’s time to fear, it’s time to be broken, because no longer can we go on in the ways we are. There’s so much more I can say that God has risen up in me, but that’s sufficient for now. So I pray in Christ’s name that He will arise the nations, cast them down to a point of brokenness so they see Him and then have them fear Him and turn to Him. I’m crying as I write this because it saddens me so much that we are at this point as a world, and that people are going to have to go through this, but I know my God is greater and that His purpose is eternal. Therefore, I pray He will do whatever it takes to restore these people back to Him.
God is amazingly beautiful at what He does with everything. I am seeing this in my life especially as He’s clarifying so many things in my life and really cultivating what my testimony is. I am seeing how He plucked me from the miry pit, from the depths of near hell, and has been unbelievable in bringing me to where I am today. Though I have so far to go and still hate my flesh, I know God will complete His good work in me. And I pray He will capture you all in the same way and take you deeper and higher and farther than you’ve ever been before, even in the midst of opposition, because there’s no better place to be.
Grip of Eternity
Here I am in the grip of eternity
No longer in the grip of the one who tries to pull me down
Never again blind to his foolish schemes
You have called me by name and that’s who I’m going to be
In Your arms will I stay
In Your arms will I be
Knowing Your touch tangibly
Will I go? Will I stray?
No, never, because I know that’s a price too heavy to pay
So forever here will I be, in the grip of eternity
Nowhere else I’d rather be
The power You have given I receive
The power You’ve given isn’t fully for free
There’s a price to pay and myself I lay
For your fire to consume me
Every sacrifice to make, there I will be
In the grip of eternity
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Amazing Grace
God told me to take a drive last night and so I obeyed and let His Holy Spirit lead me. How abundant were His rewards! I'm beyond words so this is an attempt to show how simple obedience is and the power of His rewards.
Go. Keys. Drive. East. North. Praise. North. Pray. North. Still. Stop. Enter. Drink. Gaze. Stars. Think. Listen. See. Hear. Breathe. Moon. Ablaze. Stunned. Heard. Turn. Look. Gasp. Whispers. Love. LOVE. LOVE. Radiant. Tears. Stream. Flow. Unceasingly. Worship. Sacrifice. Road. Broken. Glory. Revealed. Simple. Faith. Amazing. Grace. Amazing. Grace.
Go. Keys. Drive. East. North. Praise. North. Pray. North. Still. Stop. Enter. Drink. Gaze. Stars. Think. Listen. See. Hear. Breathe. Moon. Ablaze. Stunned. Heard. Turn. Look. Gasp. Whispers. Love. LOVE. LOVE. Radiant. Tears. Stream. Flow. Unceasingly. Worship. Sacrifice. Road. Broken. Glory. Revealed. Simple. Faith. Amazing. Grace. Amazing. Grace.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
May You?
May the price of following You cost so much?
May the sacrifices we give be reaped?
May the choices we make not hurt?
May the ideals we hold be rewarded?
May the longings of our hearts be fulfilled?
May the gift of Heaven surpass this temporary world?
May the fear of You let us revere You still?
May the grace of knowing You set us free?
Yes.
Abba Father.
I BELIEVE.
May the sacrifices we give be reaped?
May the choices we make not hurt?
May the ideals we hold be rewarded?
May the longings of our hearts be fulfilled?
May the gift of Heaven surpass this temporary world?
May the fear of You let us revere You still?
May the grace of knowing You set us free?
Yes.
Abba Father.
I BELIEVE.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Fear
I’m gripped with fear before You for I see the things You must do
To return these people so blind to who You are
No longer will You allow them to think themselves higher than You, our Creator
And so humbled and broken they must be
Your justice be poured out accordingly
Return this world back to the Only One we should obey
Put us, make us fall on our knees and grasp the lowly position, let us be meek
Let us be restored to Your Glory
I fear You because I know that sometimes so much beauty can only come from so much pain
But it’s necessary, this I understand and leave in Your hands
Because my cry and my prayer is that no longer will this world deny Your existence
The existence that is the very reason that I live
No longer will they be blind to who You are
Though I fear, may Your wrath be poured out accordingly
And purify a people that are Your very own
To return these people so blind to who You are
No longer will You allow them to think themselves higher than You, our Creator
And so humbled and broken they must be
Your justice be poured out accordingly
Return this world back to the Only One we should obey
Put us, make us fall on our knees and grasp the lowly position, let us be meek
Let us be restored to Your Glory
I fear You because I know that sometimes so much beauty can only come from so much pain
But it’s necessary, this I understand and leave in Your hands
Because my cry and my prayer is that no longer will this world deny Your existence
The existence that is the very reason that I live
No longer will they be blind to who You are
Though I fear, may Your wrath be poured out accordingly
And purify a people that are Your very own
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Strip Away
Strip away the things I hold so dear
I come before You seeking Your answer to this prayer of mine
Letting go of everything
I know my life can’t and never should be in my hands
Nothing am I O Lord, except in You I pray I find my worth
Cast away my flesh that keeps holding me down
In Your likeness, in Your presence You have called me
Dear Lord, let that be where I am found
Chorus
I want everything You have to give and nothing more of me
For it is through Your grace I am finally free
There…let me be
Fulfill these plans You have in store, Your treasure may You pour forth
Upon me, I’m willing to receive
The blessing and burden of knowing You Lord, for You are everything
Everything to me
I come before You seeking Your answer to this prayer of mine
Letting go of everything
I know my life can’t and never should be in my hands
Nothing am I O Lord, except in You I pray I find my worth
Cast away my flesh that keeps holding me down
In Your likeness, in Your presence You have called me
Dear Lord, let that be where I am found
Chorus
I want everything You have to give and nothing more of me
For it is through Your grace I am finally free
There…let me be
Fulfill these plans You have in store, Your treasure may You pour forth
Upon me, I’m willing to receive
The blessing and burden of knowing You Lord, for You are everything
Everything to me
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Infinite
God moves in so many ways beyond our understanding....
Down I look at my hand, seeing one not of my own
between the fingers is One so intertwined
that in every movement of His I correspond
And as I look into His holiness, wonderfulness, radiant majesty
I see One so infinite beyond belief
Never will I fully understand
A surrendered heart uninhibited, not mine but fully His
Responds to the movement of the spirit by power and grace
An offering at the altar, for all of me shall be given to Him
And as I look into His holiness, wonderfulness, radiant majesty
I see One so infinite beyond belief
Never will I fully understand
As if looking in a mirror, He's shining back at me
Brimming with the spirit, His temple may I always be
In every act of life may I be poured out for His glory
Down I look at my hand, seeing one not of my own
between the fingers is One so intertwined
that in every movement of His I correspond
And as I look into His holiness, wonderfulness, radiant majesty
I see One so infinite beyond belief
Never will I fully understand
A surrendered heart uninhibited, not mine but fully His
Responds to the movement of the spirit by power and grace
An offering at the altar, for all of me shall be given to Him
And as I look into His holiness, wonderfulness, radiant majesty
I see One so infinite beyond belief
Never will I fully understand
As if looking in a mirror, He's shining back at me
Brimming with the spirit, His temple may I always be
In every act of life may I be poured out for His glory
Friday, December 02, 2005
Stranger of this World
Psalm 119:17-20: "Do good to Your servant, and I will live; I will obey Your word. Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in Your law. I am a stranger here on earth; do not hide Your commands from me. My soul is consumed with longings for Your laws at all times."
It was really interesting today because as I watched this unbelievable sunset on campus, one of the best I have seen in a long time, I found myself feeling such loneliness and longing within my heart. I feel as I'm the author of the above Psalm in so many ways. As I've just started to feel comfortable here in SLO and at Cal Poly, God chose to rip me away from that, and it's been good as I've been reminded that I am a stranger of this world; my citizenship isn't of here but of Heaven, I am called Heavenward in Christ Jesus. And through this, He's making it more clear than ever why He's calling me to the ends of the earth, because it is only when I'm out of my comfort zone in ways more than I could possibly reason or bear, He is able to work through me to the fullest because I'm solely relying on His strength. In our most vulnerable places, God's able to show His glory and beauty in ways beyond comprehension because it is there that we do not rely on ourselves but cry out for the living God instead.
It is only God who satisfies, but yet, as He satisfies, I only find myself longing for more because I know there's no limit to our God and who He is and what He has in store. I continue to pray that God will not hide His commands from me, because I am a slave bonded to Christ Jesus and there's no other person I'd rather be. And in the Tozer book I'm reading right now, he wrote, "in God's presence [the Christian] feels overwhelmed and undone, yet there is nowhere else he would rather be than in that presence." Though I feel overwhelmed and undone, there is no place I'd rather be.
It’s been interesting walking around campus with a heightened sense of awareness, in a sense, seeing things as if by the eyes of our Father. He's been doing that so much since I got here, and I find myself at such unrest because there’s an outward appearance of peace and calm on the campus, people content and happy, while it’s so far from the actual reality. And so often I find myself praying to Him to wake up this generation and have them fall on their knees and revere Him, for Him to open their eyes and capture their hearts like never before. I’m sick of watching people satisfy the flesh and following the aimless ways of this world, even Christians on campus do this too. How long are we going to be blind to His presence and His glory and purpose? How can we be blind to it? I continue to pray He will wake them up and arouse their spirits to see that this world has nothing to offer them, but He has everything to offer them, and they must turn to Him to receive that.
It’s also been interesting to see how instead of being on the inside with ministry here on campus, such as being more intimate with people and friendships, so often I find myself on the outside because God has placed me there. Even the people he's placed before me, though I still play a role, it’s a different role than I expected. I’m still praying He will reveal that to me, because it’s not very clear right now. Right now I’ve really seen how He's put the passion within me to discipleship and raise up leaders, and I wonder if that might be part of His purpose for me on the outside, to see the situation as a whole and do what needs to be done accordingly to His will. But God is faithful, this I know full well, and He will reveal it to me as He wishes.
I urge you though, don't sit back any longer. Take hold of our God, strong and mighty in power yet a tender lover at the same time. See and understand the abundant life He's called you to. Because I promise you, once you've experienced it, you too will find there's no other place you'd rather be.
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