The Ordinary rather than Extraordinary

I was driving up I-25 today and was hit with a medley of profound thoughts as to what God has been leading me and teaching me as of late…

I am so used to the extraordinary. My life has been full of it in many different aspects. I’ve been reminded so much of something John said to me at the end of the summer in that I expect the extraordinary out of every moment when some moments are just meant to be ordinary. And it’s so true. I could get into some examples of that, but I won’t tonight.

With that, I think I have been focused on reaching the ends of the earth before fully reaching my Jerusalem, Judea and Samaria. And part of that has been for a purpose. I believe over the last quarter God opened my eyes to what it looks like to go to the ends of the earth and did a heck of a lot of character refinement in me in order to bring me to the end of myself and to a point in which I willingly say “yes” to whatever God has in it. I needed to learn what it looks like to be willing to forsake all comfort purely for the sake of the Gospel and serving my Lord simply out of the overflow of my heart’s love for Him. I needed to learn what His exclamation of “if You love me, You will obey my commands” truly looks like.

But as of late, I find a new question God is asking me, and that is am I willing to serve Him in the ordinary? I’ve been learning so much about this over break especially in serving my family in the little things. It is something I struggle a lot in as I am so independent and want to do my own thing, but I prayed last week that God would give me a servant’s heart towards my family. It has been one of the sweetest things…my brother has been in and out of the hospital with bad kidney stones and in the midst of holidays, there was certainly a lot to do. And at times I wondered what the purpose of it was.

I was reading the last chapter of The Pursuit of God and Tozer talks about how we so often separate the spiritual from the secular when it should not be so. He talks of how things should all be spiritual, as we can glorify God in everything we do, even the most common of things. Certainly there are things in life that are more important than others and that should be taken into consideration, but if we drive ourselves to divide spiritual from secular, we miss the point. I’ve been so thankful for this chapter and book over the last 3 months as God has spoken largely through it…

And with the serving my family thing, I realized that the best thing I could be doing this week was baking the cookies for my mom, wrapping the presents under the tree, cleaning the house, picking up my aunt, all of those little things that I always used to pass over. I didn’t realize how much of a blessing it was to her until God broke me of my selfish nature and poured through me allowing me to do such things. The ordinary has so much to teach me…so much…

I’ve always been the one doing the latest and greatest thing, and I think it’s become something that I have come to expect of myself and others expect of me. However, this should not be. The only expectation I should have is to simply follow the Lord and allow Him to lead as He wishes. And I think it’s an interesting time the Lord is bringing me into, and that is simply being in the ordinary. That means doing something most people will probably not quite understand, while others will understand greatly. That means that instead of going abroad to serve the Lord sometime in the next year, I may perhaps be going home to CO and simply being there. That’s the ordinary, not the extraordinary…but that doesn’t mean something is to be overlooked…

See, God is doing a great work in my heart in breaking it for my family. As my brother was in immense pain Sunday night, I was with him and stroked his head in an attempt to calm him down, and my heart broke for him for the first time. For the first time I saw him through God’s eyes and not my own. God is so gracious to allow us the opportunity to begin a relationship that we have never had before. I feel such a strong pull towards my dad, and I know God is doing a revolutionary work in his heart, which is far too complicated to explain here. I see my mom’s curiosity and growth in the Lord which needs someone to walk alongside in. And I see myself and how for the first time I feel a strong pull towards my family instead of away from it in my independent nature. I simply broke in this as I was driving in Denver today, and realized it’s a change only God can do…I realized that there is a role in my family that God has placed me in that only I can fulfill. And perhaps it’s time to accept the common thing and walk into it.

John was showing me the back of his new book today and it mentioned something that stood out to me tremendously, as I know I do this. It spoke of something to the effect that in our worship of God we completely neglect those around us. It’s like our worship to God and focus on Him becomes an excuse not to open our eyes to our surroundings. It’s so true, and I’m thankful God’s opened my eyes to this.

I say this all tonight not as a declaration of what God is going to do and how He is going to lead, for I do not know such things. I say this as an observation of what God has done and perhaps where He may be leading based on Scripture and what He’s done in my heart. The only declaration I dare make is that God is on the move, and His spirit will blow in the direction He chooses, regardless of whether I know it or not. What is required of me is a willing obedience to do whatever it is He has.

And for me at least in this time, it’s to do the common thing. It’s to live in the ordinary rather than the extraordinary.

Not of Conformity

When we are immersed in our culture to the point where we can't see creation anymore, then we must have an incorrect view of God. We forget that our God is a God of creation and not a God fabricated by culture. He will not conform Himself to the world's ways, but rather makes the world conform to His. There is such a danger of being blinded by our culture that we lose sight of who God really is. We must be in the world but not of it, as we belong to the Kingdom of Heaven. We must remember that He is faithful in every way, a God of longsuffering love.

Understanding an Act of Three Years Ago

I look at the wall of my room right now where I placed a huge white cross on the wall covering up all of my sports photos. That came at a time my senior year of high school in which I had just quit my final sport, basketball, in final obedience to what God had been calling me to do for so long. It took me several months to finally obey God in what He had told me to do for so long, and when I did, I felt like I had lost everything. Because at that time, I had. My entire identity was found in that I was Elise, the athlete, and I seemed to live for the next game or practice or newspaper article and stats which could feed my pride in a way it didn’t need to be, as it was surely hungry enough already. I remember the night I put that cross up. I was wrestling so much with God and myself in this ‘lost’ identity I had suffered. In my heart I knew I wanted and needed Christ to reign supreme, but as I looked at all of the photos of 8 years of sports, my life, it left such a bitter taste in my mouth and I was grieving. I knew I had to do something in order to bring about change and remind me daily of why I had made that decision. So I grabbed the roll of paper that had been in my closet for several years, got my chair, and made a cross the entire height of my wall, the center covering up the first athletic letter I received playing basketball. It was a tangible way to remember every single time I looked at that wall, that though I didn’t understand why God had me make such a decision, it was purposeful and I had to learn to trust Him in it. It still remains up to this day. I have never taken it down, and have never been able to fully do so.

But as I sit in my room tonight, I am so thankful for such a reminder. That time in my life has come up so much over the past couple of months as I remember that what I thought was eventual obedience to God was really disobedience. I inflicted so much upon myself that didn’t need to be. God is not one to be bargained with as I thought at that time. He has surely far more sway than I ever will. Who was I to make my life my own when He is the source? Who was I to wrong God in that way? But through that process, I remember, and I am not so casual with my obedience to God as I was then. I am learning the importance of what it truly means to heed the Spirit the instant it changes direction. I am learning what it means to make my yes be yes and my no be no. I am learning that I must never possess anything, for nothing is mine to possess. I could so easily say I have learned these things already, as God has taught me a great deal already. Yet I won’t. For for me to say that would be saying I’ve already reached the goal and received the prize. My journey is not yet done. There are still lessons I continue to learn and will be refined in over time, and even still, new ones will always come. But I am thankful that God brings these stepping stones along the way, so I can remember what happened then so I may choose a different way now. I’m thankful that nothing is lost in His sight, but that every single incident in our life is purposeful. It’s been over 3 years since I put up that cross. In a lot of ways, it has taken 3 years to understand its purpose.

I understand it now. And for that I am eternally grateful. Praise be to my God who ordains all things…!

Put in my Place

I think so often I look for or expect the profound in every moment...that somehow I will continue to unearth the deep mysteries of God and myself and His movings. I think that as of late as my words and thoughts have been few, I feel I'm not learning or growing in a way that I should be. I've been forgetting that perhaps the reason why I feel so blind as to what is happening is that God's been directing my focus to Him. And in that gaze, I realize that His ways are inscrutable (Rom 11:33).

I don't want to be in a place where I am complacent and not seeking Him in the way I should. Yet I think I see that in my searching for what results are coming from my seeking after the Lord, I miss that the means really are the results. One example is worrying about not being complacent shows that I am not complacent, otherwise it wouldn't come across my mind. In so many ways, the season God has me in now is so contrary to who I am and have always been to some degree, and I try to measure this season based on last season's standards. Yet in this time, the standard is different. The Lord is doing a new thing, and I must choose to acknowledge that, whether or not I perceive it yet. Things are surely changing, as God is on the move...it's pretty exciting! Despite the excitement, it is my prayer that I don't miss out on what God is doing in each moment.

Things will come and go, but God will always remain; He is the true constant.

I guess I've been put in my place if you will; that God is God in heaven and I am here on earth. Therefore I will let my words be few (Ecc 5:2).

He is surely good!
(I took these pictures over Utah/Colorado when I was flying home for break)

New Life! (and not just the church either...)

I've been wanting for a couple of days now to write my thoughts on what God has revealed to me in the midst of what many would call tragedy at New Life Church in Colorado Springs. For those of you who don't know, I was born and raised in Colorado Springs, and this church is less than 5 minutes away from where my parents live and where I lived in high school. I've been to many of their services over the years; in particular, their student services, and I still have many, many friends and people I know that belong to this church. News from there hits pretty close to home. When the news of former pastor Ted Haggard hit over a year ago, I wrote these thoughts on it which you can find at this link:


And over a year later and a shooting occurring at that church last week, God has once opened my eyes to what He is doing in it, and also what He has been doing over the last year. It amazes me what these things are, but even further still, it amazes me that what I see only scratches the surface.

I was still in San Luis Obispo when the shooting happened and heard about it from John and also my best friend at home who is heavily involved in this church. It was interesting because if I had been on a normal holiday schedule for coming home, I probably would've been at that church that day. However, I wasn't, and I do understand some of the reasons why now, but those I won't get into. When I arrived home last Wednesday, I was hearing things firsthand from people and also was placed into the environment in which this event happened. But it really wasn't that clear until I was driving to do some holiday shopping one day and drove by another church, on which they had their marquee "New Life, we are praying for you!"

I broke into tears when I saw that, completely overwhelmed at it and it came to me that God is uniting the Body of Christ in this event. It's not just in Colorado Springs, but so much further than that. I think in our human tendencies as American churches we get caught up in pride and identify ourselves with the name of a church and the things that are happening there, when above all, we should be identifying ourselves with the Body of Christ. The Body of Christ surpasses all church walls and all divisions that we impose upon it. I see that happening with this, and it's an incredible thing to see.

As I meditated on this, I realized something else. What many would consider a tragedy, I believe God is using it as restoration for a wound suffered a year ago by the falling of Pastor Ted. After that event, New Life was thrust into the limelight not for what it truly is, a part of the Body of Christ that looks to Him alone as a leader, but rather another American church that had a leader doing immoral things, showing hypocrisy. Sure, people seemed to give praise to how the church staff handled it, but for the past year, that is largely what New Life has been known for. The shooting that occurred last week seemed to begin to thrust that out of the limelight, and the press has something else to focus on. Yet God remains sovereign over all, and in the midst of all of this press coverage, people are seeing a church that truly seeks out Christ and Christ alone. People are seeing something real, not a religion that tries to act or hide, but a people deeply in love with their Savior and looking to Him alone. They are seeing a humble leader in the new pastor, Brady Boyd. They are seeing a people respond by praising and forgiving, not out of fear or hatred towards the event.

And as I spoke with my Godmother who attends this church about this, she said that the theme of the church over the last year has been "Overcome." God has laid this on their hearts for quite some time, and they are overcoming in tremendous ways.

I went to New Life on Sunday with John and found myself taken away by the presence of God in that place. This church and this part of the body of Christ are overcoming because they are and have been looking to the One who overcame first, the One who says that we would have troubles in this world but to take heart for He has overcome it. Surely He reigns supreme! I believe that Christ has made Himself and is the center of that church, and with that said, all glory be to Him!

I strongly encourage you to watch this, at least the first 5-10 minutes of it. It is a video of the service on Sunday and reeks of the Spirit. Witness for yourself what God is doing and who He is!
Glory be to Him!

A Greater Thing Unseen

I think I’ve seen so much
The things that come or go or stay
All linger with my Creator’s touch
That the moments I experience
I drink deeper from the fount of love
Because my eyes open and I see
The intricate workings of my God

For what can I say of the beauty of it all?
Of the great things seen, a redemption of the fall
The hearts of men come into tune and respond
To Your grace and love of You Holy Lord, the Unspeakable One

But a deeper drink from the fount
Leaves an unquenched thirst
And then my mind wonders of the
things unseen and my heart comes
to sing of the mystery
that I haven’t seen anything yet

For what can I say of the beauty of it all?
Of a greater thing unseen, a further display of your love
The hearts of men come into praise to worship and fall
into Your grace and love of You Holy Lord, the Unspeakable One

For what can I say of the beauty of it all?
Of a greater thing unseen, the intricate workings of my God?

Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways! For WHO HAS KNOWN THE MIND OF THE LORD, OR WHO BECAME HIS COUNSELOR? Or WHO HAS FIRST GIVEN TO HIM THAT IT MIGHT BE PAID BACK TO HIM AGAIN? For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever. Amen. Romans 11: 33-36

Pause...

Remembering...it is something that always happens around this time of the year and at the end of the quarter, that it seems almost a natural occurrence. It didn't come as naturally for me today as it has in the past, but it came.  Earlier on this week I decided that I would take a drive up Highway 1 sometime before I went home to Colorado for Christmas.  I needed to get away from the things that have seemed to numb my mind as of late and be stimulated once again...and be ushered into the presence of God that surrounds me constantly, whether I am aware of it or not...

It was a beautiful day, starting out mostly cloudy making for the most spectacular light over the ocean.  Time ceased to exist as I drank in the sights I saw around each bend.  I got out from time to time to take pictures, and with each opening of the car door I was greeted by a strong wind and a smell of freshness and abundance that brings new life to the soul.  It was a cold day on the coast, except up high on the cliffs where I was sheltered from the wind and warmed by the sun.   I drove for three hours barely thinking, just listening to worship music and living fully in the moment.  

My turnaround point I had made for myself before I started so I wouldn't drive past what I could handle in one day by myself was the town of Big Sur.  I approached it and drove through it, and it was as if I were in a foreign land compared to where I'd been for the past couple of hours.  The ocean vanished from view and I was surrounded by greenery and trees that touched the sky, a beautiful sight, but one completely unexpected.  I was intimidated by it because it changed so drastically, but then I remembered the words of David, saying "surely You are in the valley and I knew it not."  I was comforted by that fact and my fears ceased because my God is there from the highest of heights to the depths of the sea, from the mountain tops to the valley low.  There is nowhere I can go or flee from His presence. He is everywhere I will ever be...it is my choice to allow Him to manifest His presence to me that I may not only know that truth, but experience it in every moment.

I went back to the cliffs and pulled off the road and stopped to eat lunch I had made that morning.  I simply sat and watched the water move.  For a long time, I have loved the ocean because it's so vast yet intimate at the same time with the waves crashing on the shore beckoning us into its presence.  It has long been a personal metaphor of my relationship with God, in how there's level of depths I have yet to see and understand, but He pursues me relentlessly with the waves always coming onto shore, beckoning me to go in.  But I saw something else with it today.  I've never been that close to the ocean and that high up at the same time.  The ocean is constantly moving, and there's an order and rhythm to it that is seldom seen because of the perspective we have as humans.  Our sight is so limited because we are the ones on the shore.  We see the waves one, maybe two or three at a time, and we only understand each wave and what it entails as it develops.  We didn't see what swelled it up under the surface or exactly how hard or soft it will crash.  Based on past observations, we may be able to guess, but each wave is as unique as each grain of sand on the shore.  And we don't know what is coming much farther out than two or three waves at a time.  Yet, they are ordained, and they are in the perfect order they need to be.  God is constantly on the move in a scale bigger than we can comprehend.  We must know that, whether we can see it or not.  It is a necessity.

After lunch, I got back in my car and started my way back, or more so, the second half of my journey.  I started praying out loud, mixed with singing, mixed with laughter, mixed with tears...mixed with so many different things that only the presence of God can bring.  And I remembered that He is the One who has softened this heart of mine in such a way that the tears come so effortlessly now.  This girl who could barely cry a year and a half ago has been changed.  It's been done only by One.  There is only One who can raise me to the heights He does, to cause the tears flow as He does, to move me in the way He will.  And as the waves have carved away the cliffs of the rugged California coast, so it has been with me...my walls are down.  My defense is gone.  What has taken so long to be stripped away is finally leaving.  God beckons and calls me deeper still.  

And surely the God of which I saw today is capable of doing majestic things within me!  They must be so small in His eyes, yet I make it so big.  I found myself remembering that He doesn't make promises He doesn't intend to fulfill.  He will, and He IS.  I remembered that He doesn't need me to get His will done here on the earth, but I found myself praying that I may take a part in it.  May He be glorified in me in every way, intimately and powerful. 

I find myself in a peace and rest I haven't had in some time now.  I find myself fully resting and praising God for the fact that He simply IS.  I don't have to know or understand the deep truths of everything to simply worship Him because He IS.  May I recognize what is before me and praise Him accordingly.  But above all, may I see how every aspect of my life has been a pursuit of me created according to my needs, who I am, and who I need to be.  My Lord knows me.  He knows every part of me.  He knows when I rise and fall, what is in my heart and my mind before I speak. He knows me, and He loves me the same.  That is surely enough reason for praise.  I praise Him.  

Glory in the highest.  

A Stranger in Stranger's Shoes

It's taken a while for the words to flow, and still to some degree and in some aspects, they don't. I've been realizing that's fully where I was supposed to be. I would say that silence has been my song, and will continue to over the next week. Sometimes I feel like when I don't have anything to say or can't write, then that means I am being apathetic...and sometimes that is the case. But in this, things have changed so much that I don't have the words to describe it. Things are different to the extent I feel like I need a new language invented. I've had the concept of the above picture in my head for a couple of days now because it's the idea that I'm bringing myself into focus. I can see myself in the mirror and I know I am there, but it simply doesn't look like me. I have to allow the new lighting conditions and environment to create this new picture of myself, and then when it's fully in focus I can see it for what it truly is.

Redefining the gaze could be a good way to describe it overall. Over the past few months, circumstances changed drastically in different ways in that God could shape my character through it. There's been a refining after the chaff has been burned away to bring me to the person I am today...and I don't recognize that person at all. It seems so often I am looking a stranger in the mirror or thinking a stranger's thoughts because I feel so detached from who I am. Yet at the same time I know that the air I breathe is the same, the eyes I see through are the same, and these hands that type are the same. Nothing physical on the outside has changed...but that even seems impossible when I am understanding the magnitude to which everything else about me has changed or at least shifted.

Or perhaps it's finding the raw essence of myself. Perhaps all of the fluff and masks and words and activities I used to hide behind have been stripped away. Perhaps my armor and self-defense is finally gone in such a way that only God alone can shape me and I am able to respond. How can one fight a battle when he or she has no weapons of self-defense and has placed them all in the One who stands before him/her? It is greater than simply losing the battle, but choosing to lose it by giving up the weapons possessed. It is recognizing the fact that there is One before self that is far greater and not one we are to conquer; instead, the other is supposed to conquer us. It's the Other that brings the light that allows us to finally see ourselves for how ridiculous we are and how big we have made ourselves to be. It's the Other's shield in which we can see the reflection of ourself for how small we really are. It's in the presence of the Other that we realize it's truly been a battle against ourself and not choosing to surrender in the presence of something greater.

I see now that I've been coming before my God in this way as of late...and I simply surrender at the presence of something greater. No words need to be said...I am simply to lay down my fight and acknowledge the One who is greater...for He will always be.

The battles I used to wage are far gone now, because I know those battles are not my own. They never were. Even the battles I used to wage against myself are gone because I know now that there's simply no point in fighting my Creator's grip. I know not what to do or what to say or how to live, all of that is lived and breathed by the Spirit alone. He is my guide and source of life, dare I heed it? I dare say I will...

Because though I feel a stranger in stranger's shoes, I know that it is still myself, and I am created in the way my Father knows I ought to be. My understanding is frail and small and will always be. I am a finite creature, and God is doing an infinite work within me. That will never change. I must simply respond by laying down my armor and seeing the light of One who is far greater than myself. There is nothing else I need to know about myself other than I am His. He has conquered me.