Kites After 21

I tried to fly a kite alone today. It didn’t really work.

The conditions seemed to be favorable. A steady wind was blowing and I was at the top of Perfumo Canyon at sunset. I had panoramic views all around me of the hills, the ocean, and the evening fog rolling in from the bay into the valley. It was so warm that I was happy in shorts and a t-shirt, which is a rarity of Central Coast nights.

I have long wanted to fly a kite again, especially at the beach. I was at the grocery store today and they had their random clearance boxes out. In them was an assortment of cloth kites, mostly Barbie and Princess kites, marked down to $2.50. I elected for the butterfly kite instead and was excited about my purchase. I left it in my car today thinking that sometime soon I might get a good chance to fly it.

I was doing homework this afternoon when I got the inkling to go up to Perfumo Canyon. It’s been a special place for me largely because of the two different people I shared the discovery with last year, but I haven’t been back since. I waited until about 45 minutes before sunset to drive up.

It was a beautiful drive. I had my camera and bible in tow and was greatly looking forward to the opportunity to enjoy my God’s creation and His presence. I stopped at the top where one can see Morro Bay and basically have a 360-degree view. I got my camera and bible out and went to go sit on the top of my car when I saw my kite in the back, and with the wind, I got really excited. Flying a kite at the “top of the world” (at least in SLO county) seemed amazing. I crossed the road into an open field and started my many attempts.

Like I said earlier, it didn’t really work. The butterfly kite was suspended in the wind, but was tossing about and turning, usually just a couple of feet above the ground. It kept turning backwards and fighting the wind rather than having its wings open and letting the wind suspend it. I tried a couple of different ways to set it off myself, but they didn’t work.

I knew it pretty much from the beginning—that I wasn’t going to be able to fly it alone—but I tried it for a while anyway. I didn’t want to waste such a beautiful night and not try.

But there are just some things that can’t be done alone.

I was talking to Kate today and she talked about lives merging. She was saying that in coming together, things are not the same as one was as an individual. But she said that there is a different happiness found in the merging, that some things get cut out, but the end result is incredible.

It reminded me of the necessity and benefit of sacrifice in relationship, not just with people, but with my dear Lord.

After my failed attempts, I drove down the hill a little ways and watched the remainder of the sunset from the top of my car. I talked to God during it, and found myself in amazement in how so many things have changed. Life is incredibly different now. I turned 22 yesterday, which is odd for many different reasons. As I sat on my car and thought about these things and more tonight, I firmly realized I am not a kid at all anymore. In some ways, I’m really not the same person I have been in the past, as I’ve “grown up.” I find myself increasingly thankful for the unchangeable character of God in the midst of so much changing circumstance.

There is so much I don’t understand.

There is so much that I have no idea how it will come about.

But I know the hope that I cling firmly to…and that outweighs it all.

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God (Psalm 62:5-7).

(Sur[real)ity]

I’m not sure why I am writing on a night in which my brain is fried (for a multitude of reasons), but perhaps it gets it out of the way to allow my heart to do the speaking instead.

This morning I got an email from the Art Department informing me (and all the other art students) that I needed to complete my annual advising, filling out a contract for the next 5 quarters of the classes I plan on taking. I’ve done this the past 2 years, and so it’s been familiar.
However, as I opened it this morning, it took me by surprise. It listed the next 5 quarters, as always, but the last quarter listed was the Spring of 2010, which is also my time of graduation.

That occurrence brought a new, stark reality to life—that graduation is actually, for the first time, in sight. It coupled with the fact that time has been flying by in a brazen, somewhat frenzied pace lately, and time seems to continue to speed up.

I’ve had a few discussions with friends of mine about the fact that our entire lives, up to this point, have consisted of only faint views of adulthood and what it looks like. It was always the prospect of the future, but one far off, intangible, and one that seems like it will never come. Yet, now, for the first time in our lives, it is no longer a prospect, but now a reality. And it’s the reality for the rest of our lives.

The days of innocence and carefree bliss that we associate with childhood are passing. Our eyes are coming into a truer view of this broken world, and we wonder and ponder what God’s role for us in it is. The aspect of going home one day to our Father is more and more enticing—perhaps, because there, we could avoid the realities that are seeming to plummet upon us.

I’m not trying to make this out to be a bad thing. Because it’s not, really. We are to move on from the elementary ways and onto the mature, and that is good. Even though we want to be Peter Pan and never grow up, growing up is good. It means many of the long held, highly regarded dreams of our youth can come into fruition now. Just about every girl has long dreamed of her wedding day and walking down the aisle to her groom. Just about every girl “couldn’t wait” to have kids of her own, even if she was 8 at the time. I know boys have dreams of this nature, though their content I do not know. I think we are coming to understand that though life isn’t the fairy tale we always dreamed it would be, in slow motion and with beautiful panning shots and a vignette blur around the edges, we understand that God has a far better story written. We’ve been walking in it from day one of our lives, but now just seems more real and tangible, because now, these things can actually happen, and are happening to those we know.

But I’ve had a strange occurrence in the midst of this stark reality…and that’s that life seems surreal to me. It doesn’t feel like I am fully here. My appetite for things is changing to some degree. I’m longing more and more the presence of my Lord rather than the blessings He’s given on this earth. It’s surely a lot of prayer answered, as I used to struggle otherwise. But it reminds me ever so, that this life, is transitory. That though, God manifests Himself tremendously on this earth, there still must be more than this.

A passage from the book The Shack talked about Heaven, stating “our final destiny is not the picture of Heaven that we have stuck in our heads, the image of pearly gates and gold stuff; instead, it’s a new cleansing of the universe” (pg 177).

Whatever Heaven may be, I do not know, but I eagerly await. This earth that I reside on now is my lot that God has cast. I attempt to embrace it wholeheartedly, as I am coming to understand that not just this present reality and the lessons with it, but also all of the future ones as well, are just preparation for that day I return home. As for now, may I become more and more like my Savior, resemble the image of my Creator, and live by the Holy Spirit indwelling within.

Male and Female

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them" (Genesis 1:27).

I've been thinking about a book I read lately that has an important truth to be remembered. It refers to the above verse and talks about how male and female were created in God's image. With that being said, each gender bears specific attributes of God that the other does not. God is a multifaceted being and has not limited a resemblance of himself in one part of his Creation.

That being said, in seeking to know and understand not just ourselves and our own gender characteristics, but also those of the opposite gender, we should consider it a blessing to enter in and understand attributes of God that we do not possess. When we journey into understanding the opposite gender, we also journey into understanding aspects of God that we may hear of, but do not necessarily understand.

Though it's complex and difficult, it is good, because there's much more purpose than just trying to understand the opposite gender. The creation of male and female is yet another example of a providence given by God on this earth to journey to understand the divine mysteries of Him Himself. That is purposeful and good, and surely worth journeying on.