Breath. Breathe. Deeply. In. Out. Repeat.
I underestimate the profundity of this simple act; this appearing simple thing.
It’s in those moments when I’m living far beyond my own means and strength, reminded of the need to breathe deep, that I remember the concept of breath. These past 10 weeks of school exemplified this. Never before have I been in relatively “ordinary” life circumstances that were as exacting as they were, requiring the necessity of relying solely upon the strength of my Lord. I was far beyond my personal limits, and outside of those bounds, I found something beautiful. It is the Lord’s rest and sustenance in chaos, the Lord’s strength indwelling.
It seemed with every breath this quarter I needed to take Him in…living in each moment and each day on the manna He provides. Each breath I took reminded me of my own human frailty and how, if I were to hold these circumstances on my own, they would all surely break. Each breath reminded me that He is infinitely greater to supply what I need. Each breath taught me that God is in the simple and seemingly mundane, and within it, He makes His name known.
Each breath I took reminded me that I am finite, and He is infinite.
Each breath I took displayed how I am the one in need, not Him. He lacks nothing.
Each breath taught me that nothing depends on me. He is omnipotent.
Each breath was a practice of living out a life that is nothing of myself, and all of Him.
And when it came to the end of the 10 weeks, there was a deep breath. There was not a collapse like there usually is-a collapse that comes as a result of me living on my own strength throughout the quarter and it being spent entirely. Rather, in the midst of some physical fatigue, my soul is refreshed and anew. I find myself at rest, within a peace I seldom know in these circumstances. I find myself in His arms, because somehow, I’m learning to remain there.
At the end of every quarter I like to take a drive to either someplace I haven’t been before or on a route I’ve never taken. I prefer the really off the beaten path routes so I can pull over at will and take photos. These trips soothe my soul, are a blissfully quiet time with God, and prove invaluable at helping me to see where I’ve been and where I’m going.
I planned Wednesday a couple of weeks ago. I wanted to have a long day away with the Lord when school was over, and Big Sur was tugging at my heart again.
And this time, I had never seen anything before quite like I did that day.
The Almighty God spoke creation into existence with a breath. Creation as seen through some of the following pictures, and my reflections upon them:
“Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few” (Matthew 7:13-14).
There are times when it is difficult to find the straight and narrow on the midst of a wide road. Throughout this quarter, I have been attempting to understand the purpose of walking a different path than my peers, because sometimes it seems like the very things that I know God has me to do and the circumstances He has placed me in limits ministry. Normally I get frustrated with these facts; yet this time I tried to quietly ask and discern. Why am I only close with a few? I know part of that answer resides in my lack of pursuing others and establishing relationships with them, but I’ve come to understand another large part of it comes from the deep desire for my life and actions to minister to others deeply. I was not aware of any fruit coming of it until the last couple weeks. Within those, I had words spoken to me that reassured me of God’s purpose in where I am at and who I am. Somehow through me, God has ministered to others. I so desire deep authentic relationships with people, and I believe that is a fundamental way God has created me. With that comes a limit of how many people I can truly engage and deeply minister to. Yet, I find within me a passion for the few—if somehow, through my relationship with them, they can be deeply changed, then I believe that will ripple much further than more shallow interactions. It is as in the picture above…the narrow path leads to a tree of immense substance. I pray that I can be that “tree” in people’s lives-that through me, they see the Creator and Savior that loves them, and they are forever changed as a result.
The world is an incredibly vibrant one. There was a discussion in my environmental psychology class about the use of media to influence people’s perceptions of nature. There was a slideshow that showed professional photographs of nature settings (usually retouched) compared with photographs the average joe would take of nature. The argument my professor made about this was that when people are out in nature, they see nature in the ways shown like the photographs taken by the average joe, not the media’s depiction of it. He stated that we are too influenced by the media’s depiction of nature, and it creates a seeming reality that doesn’t really exist.
I cannot fully describe the passion that arose in me during that discussion. I wanted so much to counter argue against the average joe view. What is a world without inspiration? We surely can take things at face value, what we see on the surface, but oh, how much depth we lack at envisioning more! What of emotions, of passions, of dreams, of seeing the world through different eyes than looking at things casually?
As a photographer, I see a privilege to inspire. I see a privilege to depict creation, whether it be the natural or the human, to reflect the very glory of God within it. And that means with every photo I take and retouch, I am not attempting to deceive people of the true appearance of reality. I am attempting to get them to see beyond the surface and be inspired by the glory of God within it. I edit photos based on what I see. I’ll treat photos with black and white so we can see the beauty of created forms and the distinct values within it, a pair of simplicity and complexity. I’ll desaturate photos to have a hint of color to serve the purpose much like the black and white, but to also have a hint of the very thing possessing beautiful life. I’ll enhance the color, much like the photos above, to reflect the richness and pure emotion found in observing such a place or thing. The shallow depth of field I often use is to hone people’s eyes on one thing they may have not seen before…often looking at one thing leads to a greater comprehension and appreciation of the whole. I see this world in vibrant color, rich contrast, in simplicity and complexity, on multiple levels, and as a photographer I wish to enable people to see the world differently, deeply. Every piece is distinct and beautiful on its own but comprised of a much greater whole than we can ever comprehend.
We should dream and imagine. We should look and wonder. It is very likely we will come face to face with a reality that there is a Creator more glorious than we can ever comprehend. Photography serves this purpose-it does not hinder people as my professor suggested; it is not creating a superficial reality (with the exception of fashion…).
What is it to remain perfectly still, whether in the midst of calm circumstances like the looking glass of water with leaves under its surface, or to remain in place with surging water rushing over you? The times of complete and utter stillness are beautiful. You not only get to see things as they are, but you get to see even more reflected in those circumstances. The picture of the looking glass water is a dammed off section of a river, and it was right next to the rushing water. In the midst of a rushing river quarter, there were moments of complete stillness within it, and they were utterly beautiful. Those moments, much like this one right now, overwhelmed me with the greatness of God, His strength and grace. Through this quarter, somehow God taught me to remain still and intact with rushing water and circumstances all around me. I can say with confidence that I am the most at peace as I have been in a long time; perhaps ever. That peace has remained—resting on the promise that the Lord gives peace—but not as the world gives. The peace comes from the knowledge of who He is.
Oh, how I could go on forever and list His attributes, praising Him for who He is! Yet the greatest thing I gained from these times was the understanding that He is everything apart from anything I do and anything I am. He is not dependent upon me for anything; instead, He delights in our weakness because then He can display His full strength. He can make Himself fully known in any circumstance. Even in sitting by a window at LAX, His presence overwhelms…
And what does one gain from following after the Lord? It is a journey unparalled to any other. On my drive, I took a very rural county road through the forest that had a summit of about 3,000 feet. On one side was the vast forest, with trees immensely tall, lush vegetation, and crevices deep. On the other was the Pacific Ocean, more vast and grand than I had ever seen on land before. The horizon was not in the bottom quarter of my view as it usually is when I am on shore; here it was over half. How vast the ocean…seemingly infinite. There is such a deep resonator within my soul when I see the ocean in these ways, as it reminds me of my deep and vast passions. The beauty of this view was the open gate before me with a trail down the hill for a better vantage point. As with this pre-established path…
I know the Lord has gone before me. It is with that confidence that I walk into so many unknowns with a changing reality before me…six months of college left, and married within two weeks of college ending. The roads and paths have already been determined, the Lord has walked before me in them all, and there is such an excitement about venturing into the unknown. The Lord is there.
I am reminded of this on these mini-adventures I take. This route I took this particular day on the surface was honestly pretty sketch, but it was so worth the seeming apparent risk. The Lord was fully there as always, and He was gracious to reveal Himself and immense beauty that took my breath away.
It is worth the “risk” to follow hard after Him, to faithfully pursue the passions He has given and to use them all for His glory.
And sight after sight, panorama after panorama, brings life to my soul and a reminder of the very reason I breathe, and the source and reason for my existence.
He has filled up these dry bones of mine with breath. The very act of constant breathing to sustain my existence reminds me of my Almighty Creator who is able to sustain me with just one breath of His own. It is effortless to Him. I am reminded of my great need for Him, and it is a joyful thing to be with One beyond yourself. It is an adventure unlike any other.
And all of this profundity comes back to a single thing—the heights and depths, the width and breadth, the strength and grace, mercy and love, all found in perfect existence within my Creator—
It all takes my breath away.
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! -Psalm 150:6
