Beauty from Ashes

It’s for your glory that the pain may linger
To show the healing power of only Your hand
When hearts are broken and fallen before You
It’s only in Your strength again they will stand
And the beauty that will come from the ashes on the ground
Transcends all doubt and pain
Because out of the dirt flowers come pushing forth
And bring them to worship You once more

May these tears that have been shed be wiped away
And joy be reborn in circumstance
It is You alone who sustains all things
And will sustain them still
The refining is painful and smarts ever so
Let them in their sufferings be closer to Your heart
And know that You are the Creator God, personal and intimate
And your plans have been there from the start
Be near to them still, in this hour of pain
That the night may end and morning bring new light

"For Your Glory"

There is a time to live, there is a time to die
There is a time to laugh, there is a time to cry
There is a time to dance, a time for joy's embrace
And in all seasons God we humbly seek Your face

This is our offering to you
This is our offering

Everything I am is for Your glory
Everything I am for You alone
Everything I am is for Your glory
Everything I am for You alone

There is a time to sow, there is a time to reap
A time for victory, a time to claim defeat
A time to be renewed, a time to be reoborn
And in all seasons God we bow before Your throne

This is our offering to you
This is our offering

The earth stands still without You
And we could only move because You made us to
The world is nothing without You
And we could only love because You made us to

Written by Matt Maher, Performed by Phillips, Craig and Dean

Winds of Change

It has been some time since I wrote last, and there is no way I will be able to capture what has happened in that time since. The picture above is a not so great picture of the baby birds (4) that we have outside of our apartment door in our light fixture. These birds have brought me great joy because one, I like birds, but moreso, they bear a symbol of sorts for me right now. They are newly emerged from the shell of growth, where they are beginning to open their eyes and see the world around them. They continue to wait on the daddy to feed them and the mom to comfort them until the time comes in a couple of weeks that they will begin to learn how to fly. It will be difficult for them at first, seeing as how they are pretty scrawny right now, but they will learn in time...

Oh much change and growth within me has occured, and I have finally reached the point where I have been able to open my eyes and understand what it is that God has been doing in me over this last year. It's been such a painful refining and reworking of my heart, something that He has never touched to this extent before. But now I see and understand, and it's such a beautiful thing. My wings have come as my Daddy has taught me and I am beginning to trust those which He has developed and begin to fly.

And I am continually struck by how much change has happened...things are so different. In the light of His wonderful power, strength, and grace, my eyes have changed. It's like how it was last year but even more so, as I have learned significant lessons on top of that since that time.

I don't really have anything profound to say lately because I believe the profound thing is God and who He is...the shaper and changer of hearts. If we look and see who He is and what He does, we will be left with nothing but the realization of how profound He is, and how He transcends all things. That's pretty amazing...

And as I was out and about exploring new places today, I watched the winds blow through the grass and felt the breeze through my hair. I couldn't help but think it was a conclusion to the change that has happened and a beginning for what is to come. Something's changing and coming, and I can feel it...I wonder what it may be. His time will reveal it if need be.

It feels good to fly again...to trust these wings of mine that God has given and created me with and wants me to use. Surely more heights and depths will be reached with this new method of discovery! Praise be to Him who is so good!

Revelation!

I come to write this tonight and I can't contain myself, more accurately, I can't contain the Spirit of the Living God who flows through and around me so! Oh goodness, my words are going to do such injustice to what has happened and what I see, but I feel so compelled to write, in greatest hopes that you get at least a glimpse of what God has done and is doing!

I see, I finally see and understand! I understand the questions that I have had for so long, and I understand why I have gone through the things I have this year, and I not only see the immediate purpose in it, but God's greater glory! And I find myself amazed that it was never about the questions, but the journey that my heart would take in the process of not knowing the answers. Would I choose to trust and obey, even when the refining was painfully difficult? Would I still choose to love and be wholly devoted to my Lord my God, every moment of every day, knowing that nothing is mine but everything fully His? And I finally came to that place over this past weekend after one of the lowest points I have ever had spiritually. Jesus said to the lame who He had healed to get up and walk, because he had been made well. I haven't been making that choice to get up and walk, because I have been healed and redeemed. But I knew that after this weekend I could remain lame no longer. I saw the depths of my soul in anguish with Satan's lies wrapped around it ever so, and never want to be back there again.

But how much greater is my God, the One who overcame and always overcomes! He is my redeemer, not just from this weekend, but always! He is so incredibly more than enough, and all that I have I do not deserve. How I have been holding Him back and been selfish by holding onto things so tightly, not being willing to surrender them to Him and see Him bestow them back in a greater way imaginable.

And as I have read over some of my journals from key time periods over this past year, I find myself utterly stunned. I don't want to give it all away yet as I want it to be mine and God's little secret for a little bit, but I understand and see so clearly now! I see what He took away and what He has brought and taught me, but now the former has returned and the two have merged. Each of the lessons in their own strength are now put together in such a beautiful piece that I can't even begin to fathom what God is going to do with it!

Oh that my Lord refines me and redeems me, not just in the past, but in the present and future! Oh goodness, how I can't even imagine what is to come....!!!!!

Giver and Satisfier of my heart

God is so good...!!!

At a loss for words, my mouth can hardly speak
That You whom I’ve doubted has come closer to me
The troubles that have weighed me down have now been set free
My Lord God, my redeemer, ever so precious to me

Have you given me any reason to doubt who You are?
Have I ever seen my heart run away so far?
But now here I am and You’ve wrapped me in Your arms
I see You as the giver and satisfier of my heart

Oh the goodness of a heart that beats, a heart that feels, a heart that thinks,
Cause through that I further identify with your suffering
I’m raised up to the heights of Your love, finding the full satisfaction of above
And Lord, I come to feel and find again that You are more than enough
You are my everything, everything to me

This surrender has set me free from the flesh that has held me down
The lies of Satan that flooded my mind and made me drown
Oh let praises ring to my rescuer who pulled me out of the depths
My Lord God, my redeemer, who has never left

Let me set my eyes on the things of You
Let my heart resonate only with what is true
Cause now here I am and You’ve wrapped me in Your arms
I see You as the giver and satisfier of my heart

"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, 'sureley the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,' even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you" (Psalm 139:7-10).

A Meaning of Guarding Your Heart

I've been thinking about something my friend Brittany and I were talking about this weekend a lot lately. She was speaking of how she is reading the book Captivating. In that book, the author speaks of how we as women are to be vulnerable yet guard our hearts at the same time. I remember the both of us half laughing at that statement because it seems so impossible at times, an apparent paradox. Yet we both know it is something we are to do.

But how?

I started putting together bits and pieces of this lesson that God has been teaching me as of late. Remembering Brittany's and my conversation seemed to put the final puzzle piece in place as to what God is teaching me. In my bible study we were talking about forgiveness, and I was thinking of different examples in my life. I know that I struggle with expecting people to bear the same traits or qualities as I do, and then when they don't, I feel like they let me down in some way. I choose to magnify my strengths and their weaknesses, rather than looking to their own unique strengths. I have to embrace individual people and what they bring, not expecting them to be like me.

Continuing on from this, I hold the people close to me to a pretty high standard. There are very few people in my life (I can count them on one hand) that I hold this standard for. It's a level of expectation and dependence on those people to fulfill the roles that God has placed them in in my life. As I know I have stated many times before, I am learning that I do need those other people in my life, because God has appointed them as such. It is not good for man to be alone. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 states this well. My life will be fuller as a result, because I have to learn to not only trust those people in my life, but also trust God that He is doing it for my own good.

But the key part of this lesson I finally understand. Being dependent is one way of showing vulnerability, but guarding your heart means knowing that Jesus is the only constant, the only one who will never disappoint. Guarding your heart means letting Jesus cover those disappointments that people cause, guaranteed to happen in our lifetimes. It means understanding that people will always disappoint us and being okay with that, because we know He is far greater.

It's a lesson in process for me. For the first time in my life, this year I have begun to truly let people in. It's so sweet to see what God is doing with that and how my relationships with people have blossomed as a result. My standards are still pretty high for those people closest to me...and perhaps that's something I need to reevaluate with God. But when I am disappointed, I am learning to run to Jesus...

Run to Jesus...

Grace for the Moment

The Lord has given me grace for each moment, for each day...I am to receive it as such. It is not about the amount of things I have to do or the amount I can get done, but about the question, "is God in this moment, am I choosing what He has?" Am I living in accordance with what God has for me to do at the present time?

It's a reminder that excellence doesn't come in the form of a test grade or teacher's approval. Even further still, it's a reminder that there's always going to be more I can do. I've been holding onto what I know I am capable of, but God is choosing to stretch me past it. I find myself humbled yet refreshed tonight that I truly am capable of so little...but through Him so much can be done.

And I must ask myself in those times when I feel conflict or stresses, "is this what God has for me in this moment? Or am I forcing something that doesn't need to be?" I am to live by the moment that God has given, not looking ahead, but seeing His glory in the present.

I won't get everything done, at least not to the level I would personally like it to be. But that's not what matters in the big picture of things. What really matters is whether or not I am seeking out God in every moment and worshipping Him accordingly. When looking back on each day, this week, this quarter, this life, it is my prayer that I can say that I allowed God to be in every moment. Life is much fuller that way.

The Lord has given me grace for each moment...and that is more than enough.

Look at His handiwork!

The One that Overcomes

This is the path less taken where the numbers are few
Like passing through the eye of a needle to get to where I need to be
You said the path would not be easy and the gate is small
Good and evil war against to become the stronger one
The one that overcomes

The words are heavy and they penetrate me still
That it is You who has come so I may live to the full
You said that I may live in You because You live
The realization of who I am comes and tries to be
The one that overcomes

Where my treasure is, it is there my heart lies
Whenever I leave You, it is then my heart sighs
You said that I may knock, seek and find
Your love that resides inside to become the force that pulls
The one that overcomes

My ransom has been paid by Your blood
Peace will come like a rushing flood
You said I would know the truth and it will set me free
I may take heart and hold to who You are
The one that overcomes

The snakes and the scorpions slither still
Wrap themselves around to try to pull me down
You say to me authority has been given
All the power of the enemy will cease as I can be
The one that overcomes

And the peace comes like a rushing flood
That all that needs to be done has been done
For now I know I have been bought by Your blood
And You are and always will be the One, the only One
The one that overcomes

Matthew 6:21, 7:7, 7:14, John 8:32, 14:19, 14:27, 16:33, Luke 10:19

I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear. But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. He will bring glory to me by taking from what is mine and making it known to you. All that belongs to the Father is mine. That is why I said the Spirit will take from what is mine and make it known to you. "In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me." Some of his disciples said to one another, "What does he mean by saying, 'In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me,' and 'Because I am going to the Father'?" They kept asking, "What does he mean by 'a little while'? We don't understand what he is saying." Jesus saw that they wanted to ask him about this, so he said to them, "Are you asking one another what I meant when I said, 'In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me'? I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. In that day you will no longer ask me anything. I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete. "Though I have been speaking figuratively, a time is coming when I will no longer use this kind of language but will tell you plainly about my Father. In that day you will ask in my name. I am not saying that I will ask the Father on your behalf. No, the Father himself loves you because you have loved me and have believed that I came from God. I came from the Father and entered the world; now I am leaving the world and going back to the Father." Then Jesus' disciples said, "Now you are speaking clearly and without figures of speech. Now we can see that you know all things and that you do not even need to have anyone ask you questions. This makes us believe that you came from God." "You believe at last!" Jesus answered. "But a time is coming, and has come, when you will be scattered, each to his own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me. "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:12-33