Revelation!

I come to write this tonight and I can't contain myself, more accurately, I can't contain the Spirit of the Living God who flows through and around me so! Oh goodness, my words are going to do such injustice to what has happened and what I see, but I feel so compelled to write, in greatest hopes that you get at least a glimpse of what God has done and is doing!

I see, I finally see and understand! I understand the questions that I have had for so long, and I understand why I have gone through the things I have this year, and I not only see the immediate purpose in it, but God's greater glory! And I find myself amazed that it was never about the questions, but the journey that my heart would take in the process of not knowing the answers. Would I choose to trust and obey, even when the refining was painfully difficult? Would I still choose to love and be wholly devoted to my Lord my God, every moment of every day, knowing that nothing is mine but everything fully His? And I finally came to that place over this past weekend after one of the lowest points I have ever had spiritually. Jesus said to the lame who He had healed to get up and walk, because he had been made well. I haven't been making that choice to get up and walk, because I have been healed and redeemed. But I knew that after this weekend I could remain lame no longer. I saw the depths of my soul in anguish with Satan's lies wrapped around it ever so, and never want to be back there again.

But how much greater is my God, the One who overcame and always overcomes! He is my redeemer, not just from this weekend, but always! He is so incredibly more than enough, and all that I have I do not deserve. How I have been holding Him back and been selfish by holding onto things so tightly, not being willing to surrender them to Him and see Him bestow them back in a greater way imaginable.

And as I have read over some of my journals from key time periods over this past year, I find myself utterly stunned. I don't want to give it all away yet as I want it to be mine and God's little secret for a little bit, but I understand and see so clearly now! I see what He took away and what He has brought and taught me, but now the former has returned and the two have merged. Each of the lessons in their own strength are now put together in such a beautiful piece that I can't even begin to fathom what God is going to do with it!

Oh that my Lord refines me and redeems me, not just in the past, but in the present and future! Oh goodness, how I can't even imagine what is to come....!!!!!