A quote from my Math teacher regarding answers on our first midterm:
"We have to know perfectly the reason for why our answer is correct--we must be able to defend it and state it clearly. Otherwise, what is the point of doing the work and not knowing why it is correct?"
I'm taking Calculus again this quarter because I didn't do so well last quarter and felt that I could improve by taking it again. Yet as I understand the material so much better than I did, my scores are still not significantly improving. It's been interesting because the professor I have this quarter is the exact opposite from the one I had last quarter, and God has made it clear from the very beginning of this quarter that there are going to be significant things He was going to teach me through my math professor--not about math though. Glimpses have been shown but one came so clearly today...I don't quite know why God has chosen my math professor as a person to speak to me through, but sure...He knows what is best.
As we go on pursuits of knowledge and understanding, there will often be times we are confused and for a long time it doesn't matter how hard we attempt to understand something it won't be clear. But still we push on and don't give up because we seek out the day that things become clear, that things begin to make sense. It is then that our eyes are lifted from the fog that we are in and we begin to say, "yes, it is becoming clear." Such has been calculus for me. Such has been my walk with Christ as well. Yet, it doesn't seem to matter how clear calculus becomes in my mind, if I can't execute it and show it on the test, then my grades reflect that and it comes back to the point of do I really understand, though I claim to? Is it really about the grades? Is it really about what kind of "mark" we get, that shows our status in relation to others? I think not.
Looking within myself and around the classroom today as midterms were handed back, I saw many downcast faces, faces engraven with disappointment as the studying they did didn't seem to produce any results. I saw one boy almost begin to cry. And we try and we try and we do all we can in order to achieve this "status" that says, "yes, you are good. You understand this, it is clear." But how often do we really understand things though we claim to? We claim to understand our faith and who God is in our lives, yet the mark still is low. As sinners we always will fall below the mark, for in comparison to God we are nothing. It's times like this that logic will reason, "well, what's the point then? If we can't ever do well and achieve the high mark, then what's the point?" But it is there that is the point that we miss all the time! The point is that we will never be enough, but still we try and strive and climb in order that we may gain that understanding and knowledge though the mark will always be cast low. It's not about the mark we receive, it's not about how good we are in comparison with others because we are nothing! Yet we have to press on every single moment because it is through that pressing on that our faith is developed and honed , and as that happens, we become more and more sure of it.
I think this is such a big reason why there aren't more Christians today or so many lukewarm. Either pride gets in the way, or then when the Gospel is presented, all they hear is that "I am a sinner, I can't get to Heaven by myself, Jesus died for me....so what's the point?" The point is the cross covered our blood and sin and allows us this blessing of a pursuit after Him! Yes we will never be enough but it is through His grace we are saved; we must never lose sight of this fact. So why keep trying when you don't see the mark improved? Because He is faithful and He rewards those who pursue Him. You seek answers? He has them. You seek love? He is love. You seek confidence? Then approach His throne with confidence and ask what you wish. You seek forgiveness? It is there, it is done, it is finished. You must receive it and not resign yourself to mediocrity.
So lift up your eyes, all you who are downcast and see what has been done for you on the cross! See that it is done and finished and it's there for you to receive. Continue to press on, press on towards attaining knowledge and wisdom and understanding because these hone our faith, though we will never be the righteous ones like we should be, the ones with high marks. And through this you will see and learn that we must "always be prepared to give an answer for the hope we have" (1 Peter 3:15).
"We need to know perfectly the reason for why our answer is correct. We must be able to defend it and state it clearly. Otherwise, what is the point of doing the work and not knowing why it is correct?"
We need to know the reason for why we choose Christ. We must be able to defend it and state clearly why He is the Lord of our lives, why we choose Him above all. Otherwise, what is the point of being a Christian and bearing the name when we don't even know why we do? Why should others receive Him? Forget about marks, seek out wisdom and understanding that will give you these answers. When you seek these out, seek GOD! He alone is the source and the center. The second time around...don't let it pass you by.
Monday, January 30, 2006
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Silence in the Midst of a Story
Silence in the presence of God is an amazing thing. Not really talking to people for almost an entire day can do wonders for the clarity of mind and the ability to hear God clearly. It was such a blessing because today was supposed to be so busy, and it wasn't, though I still got things done. There were things I was supposed to do, but I felt God calling me to push those aside for today and allow myself to decompress in a sense, and He totally blessed it. For the first time in a long time, I felt able to breathe. Able to sit still, drink in the plentiful sunshine and warmth, and sharpen my focus on Him, knowing that just as the oxygen around me is essential for me to breathe, His presence is essential to my life. It's not as if I don't know these things all the time, but I feel that in the midst of such craziness with school and all the other things we do, it's easy for it to become somewhat foggy and not so clear and because of that lack of clarity, it's not the first thing that jumps out at us. It's interesting as I write this because I look back on this past week and I see some days that were so amazingly clear as I communed with God the entire day, and others that weren't. I also got to read through my journal entries since the beginning of the school year--let's just say that took a while, I write a LOT--and it was amazing to see the different themes that lingered throughout this entire time. One of the prevalent things I noticed was how so often I cried out for God to give me so much more, how I needed Him in such a bigger way than I had at that present time. And so reading through those, I saw how God answered those prayers and how still it remained and remains a prayer of mine. It's such a mystery to me in some ways...how we can be so blessed and moved and lifted up by Him and because of that, it leaves us craving more. It's a pretty sweet paradox in my opinion, yet at times I have to keep it in check. I know that there are times I become down because I don't see Him clearly in the present because I want so much more than what is given at that time. There's this quote by Jim Eliot I love. It states, "Let not our longings slay our appetite for living." I have to keep coming back to this principle, because though there is much, much more in store for me and for others and this world in the future, we are in the present for a reason and called to such a time as this. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a fast forward and rewind button on our lives. We could fast forward to the future, see what happens, and then rewind back and see how prayers were answered and all that jazz. Well in this I forget about an important thing. Yeah we can fast forward and see amazing things happen, but then when we rewind...we rewind back to a present time that we previously skipped because we fast forwarded instead. And then it's not the same, because in that present time, you miss those opportunties to pray and receive what God has for you at that moment, and that makes the future so much less sweet. It's one thing to say in my mind and another to convince my heart. Still God remains faithful beyond belief and it is in that I place my hope.
As I was out downtown today, I was able to be silent and watch the people and events around me. This came as a result.
"What is this great story before us; this great story at hand? This story that You have placed me a part of, this role You have set before me? For all around characters are present to play a dynamic role in this story. The characters and setting are in place, we have yet to see the complete plot unfold. We are but mere tokens of Your grace, yet You move us still. How can one not smile at Your creation? And how can one not cry at the downfall of it all? How can one not find joy in the smile of a child? And how can one not see the pain in a homeless war veteran's heart? How can one not see the hopes and dreams of those so innocent and not desire to feel that same way? And how can one not see the shattered lives of those broken and downcast, their hopes and dreams gone? How can one not desire the pureness of a first love? And how can one not look at a failed marriage and not see how we can very well be in that state as well? How can one walk moment by moment and not see You? And how can one live day by day and not be moved by You? Here we are and here we stand. Your plot, climax, and resolution are at hand. Move in spirit, move in power throughout this land. Let Your story unfold, Dear Lord."
I pray that in the craziness of everyday life You will take the time and allow Yourself to be moved by God. And I pray that He will grant You the time to be still and rest, even just for a short time, as He has allowed me today. And I pray that as You continue to walk on His paths, seek first His righteousness, that all His blessings will be given to You as well.
As I was out downtown today, I was able to be silent and watch the people and events around me. This came as a result.
"What is this great story before us; this great story at hand? This story that You have placed me a part of, this role You have set before me? For all around characters are present to play a dynamic role in this story. The characters and setting are in place, we have yet to see the complete plot unfold. We are but mere tokens of Your grace, yet You move us still. How can one not smile at Your creation? And how can one not cry at the downfall of it all? How can one not find joy in the smile of a child? And how can one not see the pain in a homeless war veteran's heart? How can one not see the hopes and dreams of those so innocent and not desire to feel that same way? And how can one not see the shattered lives of those broken and downcast, their hopes and dreams gone? How can one not desire the pureness of a first love? And how can one not look at a failed marriage and not see how we can very well be in that state as well? How can one walk moment by moment and not see You? And how can one live day by day and not be moved by You? Here we are and here we stand. Your plot, climax, and resolution are at hand. Move in spirit, move in power throughout this land. Let Your story unfold, Dear Lord."
I pray that in the craziness of everyday life You will take the time and allow Yourself to be moved by God. And I pray that He will grant You the time to be still and rest, even just for a short time, as He has allowed me today. And I pray that as You continue to walk on His paths, seek first His righteousness, that all His blessings will be given to You as well.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Heart
Heart...oh heart. How I need my Lord to be the keeper of my heart!
I often wonder why exactly God created me with the heart I have. I know that it is in His perfect plan and I trust in that fact, but still I wonder...
I am probably one of the most sensitive persons one would meet, but I think very few know that. I don't show it easily or openly. It's been trampled on too many times that I am reluctant to show it or put it out in the open. Since I became a Christian 5 years ago, God has restored my heart in ways I still can't fathom. He's taken what has been broken and made it full again. Through His grace He has shown me what it is like to love purely, innocently, fully...He has given me a sliver of what we all should live and feel like every moment of every day. To feel things so intensely that literally you are paralyzed with emotion, because we as mere humans can't grasp it. To love those around us in ways they have never experienced before because it's Christ's love and then in turn, it changes us in profound ways as well.
I get scared at times at the intensity at which I feel, in which the heart that God has given me speaks to me so strongly. It seems like when I break down the walls and expose its beauty, I am rewarded by and see God in such profound ways, but as soon as that happens, the bitter enemy of my heart jumps in and gets his foothold in me in the things I hold so dear. I recognize this and know this, yet it's such an intense battle because it's that which is so precious to me, the heart my Father has given me. It's intense because it's such a pure and perfect thing of Him--our hearts are where He dwells--that Satan opposes it so severely. I really hate Satan because of this because I am so tired of him trying to take all that is good and twist it and distort it in his obvious attempt to get me to fall.
On a really good side of this, it's been amazing to see how God is using all of this in order that I may understand the girls on my floor, the ones so on my heart, better. I can remember where I once was and see how far I've come and know where they are coming from and in turn see where they can be. The heart is so central.
Why do I long for so much when it seems like I have so little? And why do I long for so much when I can't even handle what He does give me? Why has He created me with the intensity of heart that I have...the intensity in every aspect? Why are these walls still up; the ones that prevent me from showing my full character? And when these walls are down, why is it too much for me to bear? As God created me in His image, and it's too much for me to bear, for if my heart is created such as His, then how much more does His heart resonante and feel and break for us! It is all these questions that keeps me coming back to the fact that the Lord must always be and remain the keeper of my heart.
I often wonder why exactly God created me with the heart I have. I know that it is in His perfect plan and I trust in that fact, but still I wonder...
I am probably one of the most sensitive persons one would meet, but I think very few know that. I don't show it easily or openly. It's been trampled on too many times that I am reluctant to show it or put it out in the open. Since I became a Christian 5 years ago, God has restored my heart in ways I still can't fathom. He's taken what has been broken and made it full again. Through His grace He has shown me what it is like to love purely, innocently, fully...He has given me a sliver of what we all should live and feel like every moment of every day. To feel things so intensely that literally you are paralyzed with emotion, because we as mere humans can't grasp it. To love those around us in ways they have never experienced before because it's Christ's love and then in turn, it changes us in profound ways as well.
I get scared at times at the intensity at which I feel, in which the heart that God has given me speaks to me so strongly. It seems like when I break down the walls and expose its beauty, I am rewarded by and see God in such profound ways, but as soon as that happens, the bitter enemy of my heart jumps in and gets his foothold in me in the things I hold so dear. I recognize this and know this, yet it's such an intense battle because it's that which is so precious to me, the heart my Father has given me. It's intense because it's such a pure and perfect thing of Him--our hearts are where He dwells--that Satan opposes it so severely. I really hate Satan because of this because I am so tired of him trying to take all that is good and twist it and distort it in his obvious attempt to get me to fall.
On a really good side of this, it's been amazing to see how God is using all of this in order that I may understand the girls on my floor, the ones so on my heart, better. I can remember where I once was and see how far I've come and know where they are coming from and in turn see where they can be. The heart is so central.
Why do I long for so much when it seems like I have so little? And why do I long for so much when I can't even handle what He does give me? Why has He created me with the intensity of heart that I have...the intensity in every aspect? Why are these walls still up; the ones that prevent me from showing my full character? And when these walls are down, why is it too much for me to bear? As God created me in His image, and it's too much for me to bear, for if my heart is created such as His, then how much more does His heart resonante and feel and break for us! It is all these questions that keeps me coming back to the fact that the Lord must always be and remain the keeper of my heart.
Monday, January 23, 2006
Glory of God is Man Fully Alive
Some encouraging passages from John Eldredge's Waking the Dead.
"We don't see clearly because we don't see with the eyes of our heart."
"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full' John 10:10...When we hear the words eternal life, most of us tend to interpret that as a life that waits for us in eternity. But eternal means unending, not later. The scriptures use the term to mean we can never lose it. It's a life that can't be taken from us. The offer is life and that life starts now."
"The glory of God is man fully alive" (Saint Irenaeus). His happiness and my happiness are tied together? My coming alive is what he's committed to? That's the offer of Christianity? Wow! I mean, it would make no small difference if we knew--and I mean, really knew--that down-deep-in-your-toes kind of knowing that no one and nothing can talk you out of--if we knew that our lives and God's glory are bound together. Things would start looking up...The offer is life. Make no mistake about that. So then...where is that life? Why is it so rare?...By all means, God intends life for you, but right now that life is opposed....we are at war...The world in which we live in is a combat zone, a violent clash of kigdoms, a bitter struggle unto the death. Earlier in the Story, back in the beginning of our time on earth, a great glory was bestowed upon us. We all--men and women--were created in the image of God...We were crowned with glory and honor. WHy does a woman long to be beautiful? Why does a man hope to be found brave? Because we remember, if only faintly, that we were once more than we are now. The reason you doubt that there could be a glory in your life is because that glory has beeen the object of a long and brutal war. War is not just one among many themes in the Bible, it is the backdrop for the whole Story, the context for everything else. God is at war. And what is He fighting for? Our freedom and restoration. The glory of God is man fully alive."
"We don't see clearly because we don't see with the eyes of our heart."
"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full' John 10:10...When we hear the words eternal life, most of us tend to interpret that as a life that waits for us in eternity. But eternal means unending, not later. The scriptures use the term to mean we can never lose it. It's a life that can't be taken from us. The offer is life and that life starts now."
"The glory of God is man fully alive" (Saint Irenaeus). His happiness and my happiness are tied together? My coming alive is what he's committed to? That's the offer of Christianity? Wow! I mean, it would make no small difference if we knew--and I mean, really knew--that down-deep-in-your-toes kind of knowing that no one and nothing can talk you out of--if we knew that our lives and God's glory are bound together. Things would start looking up...The offer is life. Make no mistake about that. So then...where is that life? Why is it so rare?...By all means, God intends life for you, but right now that life is opposed....we are at war...The world in which we live in is a combat zone, a violent clash of kigdoms, a bitter struggle unto the death. Earlier in the Story, back in the beginning of our time on earth, a great glory was bestowed upon us. We all--men and women--were created in the image of God...We were crowned with glory and honor. WHy does a woman long to be beautiful? Why does a man hope to be found brave? Because we remember, if only faintly, that we were once more than we are now. The reason you doubt that there could be a glory in your life is because that glory has beeen the object of a long and brutal war. War is not just one among many themes in the Bible, it is the backdrop for the whole Story, the context for everything else. God is at war. And what is He fighting for? Our freedom and restoration. The glory of God is man fully alive."
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Overcome
I don't know if I have ever quite seen Satan personified as I did tonight or in the way I did tonight. I don't think I've ever seen Satan so visibly among people here as I did tonight. I'm not going to get into the details but basically he was walking and working in so many of the hearts and minds of the girls around me in my dorm and in my classes. Whether it be immorality, lust, rebellion, pride, suggestiveness, and more, I could see it and feel it and at first it left me disgusted and sad for the girls. But in the midst of this I know my God is stronger than Satan and in that I trust. In His name I pray that somehow all this will be eventually used for good. I am reminded of a friend of mine who I stayed up with while she recovered from a pretty heavy night of drinking and I remember the grace of God through the situation and our hearts. He overcame. And still He will overcome. Satan can do all he wants but he will not take over the lives of these girls I am surrounded by. By prayer, I won't let it happen. And I will do all I can to allow the grace of God to move through me once again. My God will overcome.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Caught up
Caught up in the sweetness of You
Giving my praise for it is ever so due
Caught up in the beauty of You
Giving my praise for it is ever so due
Flower blossoming, it opens its petals to reveal its beauty to the world
Sweeps the passer-by off its feet because of sheer luminance
Ever so shy but bold at the same time
Reflecting the work of the Creator and the splendor He’s shown
Caught up in the sweetness of You
Giving my praise for it is ever so due
Caught up in the beauty of You
Giving my praise for it is ever so due
In my heart a blossom are You O Lord
And a flower blooming You are making me
Let me be one to reveal the beauty You’ve set in me
Let me be one to sweep people off their feet because of Your light through me
Possessing an ever so quiet and gentle spirit yet the boldness to bring glory to Your name
Above all, as I am a work of Your hand, let me be one to portray Your splendor
I long to bring due praise to Your name
Caught up in the sweetness of You
Giving my praise for it is ever so due
Caught up in the beauty of You
Giving my praise for it is ever so due
Giving my praise for it is ever so due
Caught up in the beauty of You
Giving my praise for it is ever so due
Flower blossoming, it opens its petals to reveal its beauty to the world
Sweeps the passer-by off its feet because of sheer luminance
Ever so shy but bold at the same time
Reflecting the work of the Creator and the splendor He’s shown
Caught up in the sweetness of You
Giving my praise for it is ever so due
Caught up in the beauty of You
Giving my praise for it is ever so due
In my heart a blossom are You O Lord
And a flower blooming You are making me
Let me be one to reveal the beauty You’ve set in me
Let me be one to sweep people off their feet because of Your light through me
Possessing an ever so quiet and gentle spirit yet the boldness to bring glory to Your name
Above all, as I am a work of Your hand, let me be one to portray Your splendor
I long to bring due praise to Your name
Caught up in the sweetness of You
Giving my praise for it is ever so due
Caught up in the beauty of You
Giving my praise for it is ever so due
Monday, January 16, 2006
Grain of Sand
I am but a grain of sand washed by the water and waves
A speck in the grand scheme of things
It's easy to despair surrounded by so many unknowns
So I cast my cares upon the one who calls me as His own
An ocean so deep signifies His love for me
The waves beckon me to return home
A breathtaking composition is His creation
One that I, as a grain of sand, can belong
Chorus
I was meant to live for moments such as this
When I look into His infinite Holiness
Leaving me in a state of worship
Praising the Father for the good He's done
My cares are washed away by the swell of the waves
Bringing me home...there I belong
I wasn't meant to understand all He brings
For my lack of understanding leaves me on my knees
All of my days, there I must remain
Knowing He called me, a mere grain of sand, by name
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Ever So Clearly Now
My adoration be to the One I’m blessed to call my Father
The father who loves me, I am His own
And I see and feel just a sliver of His holiness
The veil upon my eyes is gone, cast aside
And I see things ever so clearly now
Chorus
So I Fall
And praise
And worship
I long to bring glory to His holy name
The allure of my Father beckons me into His arms
How can I hold back any exultation He deserves?
And I know and hold dear the promises He’s made
My heart swells with the fervor of the love He’s shown
And I feel things ever so clearly now
Chorus
Bridge
Beauty and splendor, justice and peace
Anger and righteousness, love that doesn’t cease
Holiness above all, glory be to His name
The father who loves me, I am His own
And I see and feel just a sliver of His holiness
The veil upon my eyes is gone, cast aside
And I see things ever so clearly now
Chorus
So I Fall
And praise
And worship
I long to bring glory to His holy name
The allure of my Father beckons me into His arms
How can I hold back any exultation He deserves?
And I know and hold dear the promises He’s made
My heart swells with the fervor of the love He’s shown
And I feel things ever so clearly now
Chorus
Bridge
Beauty and splendor, justice and peace
Anger and righteousness, love that doesn’t cease
Holiness above all, glory be to His name
Friday, January 13, 2006
Disturbing Beauty
Disturbing Beauty
Eyes unveiled
Beholding mystery
An enigma unraveled
Masquerades crumbling
Wallowing sorrow
Miry pit: source of beauty to come
Disturbing Beauty
Heart swells
Feelings of brokenness
Father’s anguish
Loving anger
Forceful rebuttal
Tender sweetness: sign of beauty to come
Offering one’s life to the cause
Only to be showered with blessings to come
Much reward but much loss
Knowing the heart of my Father, the One
Disturbing Beauty…
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Godly Sorrow that Lingers in Expectation
For once out of few times I am at a loss for words to fully describe why I am and have been so downcast today and all that is going on. Talking to my best friend, I think she put it best: God has given me His heart for His people; I do not feel things the same way as I used to nor do I see things the way I used to. He continues to take over in every way imaginable...that's really all I can elaborate on now. So I am going to let the word portray some important truths in my heart right now. 2 Corinithians comes to life tonight.
Chapter 1: 3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 6If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer...20For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God. 21Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, 22set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.
Chapter 2: 14But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. 15For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. 16To the one we are the smell of death; to the other, the fragrance of life. And who is equal to such a task? 17Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, like men sent from God.
Chapter 3:10For what was glorious has no glory now in comparison with the surpassing glory. 11And if what was fading away came with glory, how much greater is the glory of that which lasts! 12Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold. 13We are not like Moses, who would put a veil over his face to keep the Israelites from gazing at it while the radiance was fading away. 14But their minds were made dull, for to this day the same veil remains when the old covenant is read. It has not been removed, because only in Christ is it taken away. 15Even to this day when Moses is read, a veil covers their hearts. 16But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. 17Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18And we, who with unveiled faces all reflectF3 the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
Chapter 4: 7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. 12So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. 13It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken." With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, 14because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. 15All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. 16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
Chapter 5: 7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. 12So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. 13It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken."F5 With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, 14because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. 15All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. 16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
And finally: a cry of my heart as of late:
Chapter 7: 10Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 11See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done.
Chapter 1: 3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 6If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer...20For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God. 21Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, 22set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.
Chapter 2: 14But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. 15For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. 16To the one we are the smell of death; to the other, the fragrance of life. And who is equal to such a task? 17Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, like men sent from God.
Chapter 3:10For what was glorious has no glory now in comparison with the surpassing glory. 11And if what was fading away came with glory, how much greater is the glory of that which lasts! 12Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold. 13We are not like Moses, who would put a veil over his face to keep the Israelites from gazing at it while the radiance was fading away. 14But their minds were made dull, for to this day the same veil remains when the old covenant is read. It has not been removed, because only in Christ is it taken away. 15Even to this day when Moses is read, a veil covers their hearts. 16But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. 17Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18And we, who with unveiled faces all reflectF3 the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
Chapter 4: 7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. 12So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. 13It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken." With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, 14because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. 15All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. 16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
Chapter 5: 7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. 12So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. 13It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken."F5 With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, 14because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. 15All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. 16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
And finally: a cry of my heart as of late:
Chapter 7: 10Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 11See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Hungry
I'm not doing too well lately and it's hard to put my finger on it. Last week was a difficult one and it got better over the weekend; God was so faithful. Yet I find myself retreating back into that in a sense, but in a different way. Last week I was so discouraged and now I feel so hungry. I barely ate at all today because I didn't have time to and finally at 11 P.M., I had my first meal of the day. And through this time of very little food, it just reminded me what I feel and desire of God right now. My stomach didn't just growl, it clawed at me because it needed so much to make it content for the time being. Yet though I knew I could eat to temporarily satisfy what I needed, it still wouldn't be enough, for a time would come shortly thereafter where I would be hungry again. It's like when I was an athlete and could eat anything in sight; my metabolism would burn it up so much that in spite of how much I ate I would still lose weight. I feel like that now spiritually; in spite of what I am filled with my body just needs so much more and wants so much more. I can eat all the time and never feel full.
I find myself praising God ever so much more but as that happens I find myself less and less satisfied. He is working in every single second, I can't really put it into words, there are some things I must be silent about for now. But yet it's still not enough. I don't just want more, I NEED more. I don't quite know what it is, but I pray He will “search me, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24). And I know that “the lamp of the Lord searches the spirit of a man, it searches out his inmost being” (proverbs 20). As God strips me of so many different things I find He is building me up in His image, which is such an answer to prayer. Still, it brings such a paradox. because I have come so far yet have so infinitely far to go. In the midst of all of this He is revealing and giving me spiritual gifts that I don't quite understand yet, but am seeing the fruit of. It's hard for me to understand why He has put me in the position He has but I know I can't handle it by my own strength; I must handle it by His. And I know the deeper He draws me the more difficult and the more rewarding it will be.
I need God in the midst of this madness. Though I feel His breath upon my face I need Him so much more. I need Him in such a significant way that I can't even describe. I need to know and experience the things that I can't fathom at this time, but will later...
I find myself praising God ever so much more but as that happens I find myself less and less satisfied. He is working in every single second, I can't really put it into words, there are some things I must be silent about for now. But yet it's still not enough. I don't just want more, I NEED more. I don't quite know what it is, but I pray He will “search me, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24). And I know that “the lamp of the Lord searches the spirit of a man, it searches out his inmost being” (proverbs 20). As God strips me of so many different things I find He is building me up in His image, which is such an answer to prayer. Still, it brings such a paradox. because I have come so far yet have so infinitely far to go. In the midst of all of this He is revealing and giving me spiritual gifts that I don't quite understand yet, but am seeing the fruit of. It's hard for me to understand why He has put me in the position He has but I know I can't handle it by my own strength; I must handle it by His. And I know the deeper He draws me the more difficult and the more rewarding it will be.
I need God in the midst of this madness. Though I feel His breath upon my face I need Him so much more. I need Him in such a significant way that I can't even describe. I need to know and experience the things that I can't fathom at this time, but will later...
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Cardboard and Glue
Cardboard and glue...related back to God...hmm too much time spent doing architecture projects. But as I work on this model I find a lot of parallelisms to different things...
These models call for precision, and that means cutting, measuring, drawing, doing everything to the exact specifications it calls for. The glue must not be showing but rather be holding everything together being apparently invisible. And it all calls to fit within a shadow.
Lately I have been reminded of and am learning the fact that God creates us in precision. He doesn't just slap together a couple of pieces and say, "yeah, this looks good enough." Rather He labored over every detail to make sure we were created in His image, that his work reflects the Creator. But because of our sinful flesh, we don't bear His image in the way that we should. In His faithfulness He continues to create us and perfect us into His likeness, so that we can represent our Creator.
And He is the glue that holds us together. I break without Him to sustain me and it baffles me how people live without Him. He is the one who keeps me together; He is the source of life.
And I dwell in the Shadow of the Almighty...I fit within His presence, though I don't understand why I am worthy. I praise Him for loving me ever the same, and praise Him for allowing me to be in the place that sustains me, in His presence.
So architecture models can still teach us about God...just have to be looking for it. I love how God speaks to me even through trivial things such as cardboard and glue...:-)
These models call for precision, and that means cutting, measuring, drawing, doing everything to the exact specifications it calls for. The glue must not be showing but rather be holding everything together being apparently invisible. And it all calls to fit within a shadow.
Lately I have been reminded of and am learning the fact that God creates us in precision. He doesn't just slap together a couple of pieces and say, "yeah, this looks good enough." Rather He labored over every detail to make sure we were created in His image, that his work reflects the Creator. But because of our sinful flesh, we don't bear His image in the way that we should. In His faithfulness He continues to create us and perfect us into His likeness, so that we can represent our Creator.
And He is the glue that holds us together. I break without Him to sustain me and it baffles me how people live without Him. He is the one who keeps me together; He is the source of life.
And I dwell in the Shadow of the Almighty...I fit within His presence, though I don't understand why I am worthy. I praise Him for loving me ever the same, and praise Him for allowing me to be in the place that sustains me, in His presence.
So architecture models can still teach us about God...just have to be looking for it. I love how God speaks to me even through trivial things such as cardboard and glue...:-)
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Scars and Strangers
There are many scars that occur in and as a result of a battle. Some appear to be surface wounds while others appear much deeper and life threatening. We look at those with the deep wounds and wonder how they are surviving and wonder how they still live with such a deep affliction. We wonder how these deep scars occurred and how they are affecting the person today, though they may have occurred long ago. Some wear their scars with pride, saying, “look at who I am and what I have been through. I am right to feel and act the way I do because I bear the mark of hurt.” And there are others who wear their scars in shame, saying, “I am ashamed to have been what I have, and I bear the mark of hurt and this will always be branded on me, why should I change? Obviously I deserved to have this happen to me so I might as well live the life of shame.” There are others who ignore it still, and say, “What? This scar you ask? I don’t remember it, don’t ask about it” when really they remember it so vividly and how it occurred and the pain it brought. In doing this they prevent themselves from ever receiving healing.
And there are the ones who have the surface wounds that don’t appear to be much. I remember as a kid that often the tiniest little cuts, the ones that you wouldn’t think hurt much, often bled the most. You couldn’t get it to stop bleeding though the source of hurt was so small. Though the wound and scar appears small the impact was long lasting. There are many people who have these surface wounds, these little scars all over themselves rather than just one severe wound. These are the times they have been hurt over and over again in different ways, and though it may have not been as severe as one life-threatening wound, it still had a long impact and is memorable. Think about all these little scars and the blood that poured out of them. That’s a significant loss. It is these people who remember lots of the little things that hurt and bear little scars from all of the different events, but lumped together they are often as significant or more so than one severe wound.
You walk around today and see these scars that people bear. Often times they tell a life story. Look into the eyes of people around you; I mean, REALLY look into the eyes of those people. You won’t see someone who has it all together, but I can almost guarantee that almost every single person you come across you will see as broken in some way. You will be able to see their scars, whether one deep wound or several little ones. I know that the ones with the deep wounds are easier to recognize because they wear it out more openly than others do; they aren’t able to hide it as well. But we must not forget those ones who seem to be okay, the ones with the little wounds all over because they will be hurting just as much if not more so. It is easier for them to put on a façade that things are really okay when they are not.
These people are in a battle. We all are. And through this battle people suffer wounds and bear the scars as a result. It is only through the power of Christ that we will find healing. It is only when the Holy Spirit moves that we will be restored. It is only when we seek Him out completely broken that He can redeem His people. And though it’s extremely difficult to feel other people’s burdens and pains, I pray that you will. I pray that you will see other people through His eyes and see the scars they bear. I pray that you will allow yourself to be a vessel for the Holy Spirit to show the love of God and the healing He can bring through you. And I pray that though we are in this battle, you can look ahead and see the beauty He will bring as a result.
Isaiah 8:11-14: “The Lord spoke to me with his strong hand upon me, warning me not to follow the way of this people. He said: ‘Do not call conspiracy everything these people call conspiracy; do not fear what they fear, and do not dread it. The Lord Almighty is the one you are to regard as holy, he is the one you are to fear, he is the one you are to dread, and he will be a sanctuary.”
Hebrews 11:8-10: "By faith-Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, though he did not know where he was going. By faith he made his home in the Promised Land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God."
A stranger in the land that’s yet to be the promised one
Place my tent upon the rock
For He is surely to be higher than I
Cast away the comforts I hold so tightly in my hands
In a land unbeknownst to where I am
The call to go resonated deep within the soul
As to where and when, I count these things but loss
For my inheritance rests solely in the Lord
Chorus
You have called me to go so here I am
No matter what the cost, here I stand
For I know I am a stranger of this world
A heir to the promise so everlasting
I long for the heavenly kingdom to come
You are my God, this I hold dear to my heart
Prepare the way to the city of You
And there are the ones who have the surface wounds that don’t appear to be much. I remember as a kid that often the tiniest little cuts, the ones that you wouldn’t think hurt much, often bled the most. You couldn’t get it to stop bleeding though the source of hurt was so small. Though the wound and scar appears small the impact was long lasting. There are many people who have these surface wounds, these little scars all over themselves rather than just one severe wound. These are the times they have been hurt over and over again in different ways, and though it may have not been as severe as one life-threatening wound, it still had a long impact and is memorable. Think about all these little scars and the blood that poured out of them. That’s a significant loss. It is these people who remember lots of the little things that hurt and bear little scars from all of the different events, but lumped together they are often as significant or more so than one severe wound.
You walk around today and see these scars that people bear. Often times they tell a life story. Look into the eyes of people around you; I mean, REALLY look into the eyes of those people. You won’t see someone who has it all together, but I can almost guarantee that almost every single person you come across you will see as broken in some way. You will be able to see their scars, whether one deep wound or several little ones. I know that the ones with the deep wounds are easier to recognize because they wear it out more openly than others do; they aren’t able to hide it as well. But we must not forget those ones who seem to be okay, the ones with the little wounds all over because they will be hurting just as much if not more so. It is easier for them to put on a façade that things are really okay when they are not.
These people are in a battle. We all are. And through this battle people suffer wounds and bear the scars as a result. It is only through the power of Christ that we will find healing. It is only when the Holy Spirit moves that we will be restored. It is only when we seek Him out completely broken that He can redeem His people. And though it’s extremely difficult to feel other people’s burdens and pains, I pray that you will. I pray that you will see other people through His eyes and see the scars they bear. I pray that you will allow yourself to be a vessel for the Holy Spirit to show the love of God and the healing He can bring through you. And I pray that though we are in this battle, you can look ahead and see the beauty He will bring as a result.
Isaiah 8:11-14: “The Lord spoke to me with his strong hand upon me, warning me not to follow the way of this people. He said: ‘Do not call conspiracy everything these people call conspiracy; do not fear what they fear, and do not dread it. The Lord Almighty is the one you are to regard as holy, he is the one you are to fear, he is the one you are to dread, and he will be a sanctuary.”
Hebrews 11:8-10: "By faith-Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, though he did not know where he was going. By faith he made his home in the Promised Land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God."
A stranger in the land that’s yet to be the promised one
Place my tent upon the rock
For He is surely to be higher than I
Cast away the comforts I hold so tightly in my hands
In a land unbeknownst to where I am
The call to go resonated deep within the soul
As to where and when, I count these things but loss
For my inheritance rests solely in the Lord
Chorus
You have called me to go so here I am
No matter what the cost, here I stand
For I know I am a stranger of this world
A heir to the promise so everlasting
I long for the heavenly kingdom to come
You are my God, this I hold dear to my heart
Prepare the way to the city of You
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Expectation
I find myself wanting so much more in everything. In everything. In my life, other peoples, this campus, this world, I want Christ to fill it to the fullest so it is brimming over with Him. I am not satisfied; I know there is so much more to Him. And I pray He will pour out both the good and the bad, because I know from personal experience, my entire life in so many ways, how so much good can come from the bad. But we must go through the bad first, because it is there we are humbled and stripped away of the things we hold so dear, in order to develop the kind of faith without reward. And through those times we persist and don’t see the light, we trust in knowing that the light exists. It’s like the earth at night, we don’t see the light for it is night, but we know it exists on the other side and is soon to come. I see this right now in so many things. I see this with my family and with my friends and this campus and so many other things. We aren’t seeing the light because He is on the other side, and so we wait in the darkness anticipating the light. So often have I been in that darkness, in that time of waiting and anticipating, knowing He is to come. And while the darkness brings much unexpected and often difficult, the dawn arises and light pours forth exposing everything, and often exposes much beauty; think of sunrises that create skies of splendor and purple mountain majesties. I feel as if we are in the night. Christ's light is on the other side, but it exists. We must go through the night of unexpectedness in order to see the beauty of the morning. I really experienced this last night as I came back to campus. It was a route I had been on several times before yet I didn’t recognize anything and found myself intimidated and unsure, yet as this morning came, I know the light washed away those things. Though pain is radiating in many ways, I still find myself with much joy and reverence. Such is the road He is bringing me on that I must trust Him in, and I know that through this many blessings will be bestowed. It takes the acts of God in order to advance the Kingdom, and that will come, I am sure of it. And that is the road I want to be on.
Sunday, January 01, 2006
Paralyzed
I don't know what to say. I don't know what to think. I don't know how to handle what I feel. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to respond. I don't know how to move. I stand here paralyzed as I am so gripped by my Heavenly Father. Being in the secret place overwhelms me beyond anything I could have ever imagined. I can't handle it...I am moved beyond comprehension and I can't speak. He is so great and I am so small; yet His love grips me in a way I don't deserve and don't understand. I don't know what to do except stand still before Him and offer everything I am, everything I have, and everything I will be. And still it won't be enough to worship Him in accordance with what He deserves...I am paralyzed before my Lord for never have I been in this place before. I gasp for the living breath of life for I know He is the only thing I need, and oh, how I need and want so much of Him!
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