Silence in the presence of God is an amazing thing. Not really talking to people for almost an entire day can do wonders for the clarity of mind and the ability to hear God clearly. It was such a blessing because today was supposed to be so busy, and it wasn't, though I still got things done. There were things I was supposed to do, but I felt God calling me to push those aside for today and allow myself to decompress in a sense, and He totally blessed it. For the first time in a long time, I felt able to breathe. Able to sit still, drink in the plentiful sunshine and warmth, and sharpen my focus on Him, knowing that just as the oxygen around me is essential for me to breathe, His presence is essential to my life. It's not as if I don't know these things all the time, but I feel that in the midst of such craziness with school and all the other things we do, it's easy for it to become somewhat foggy and not so clear and because of that lack of clarity, it's not the first thing that jumps out at us. It's interesting as I write this because I look back on this past week and I see some days that were so amazingly clear as I communed with God the entire day, and others that weren't. I also got to read through my journal entries since the beginning of the school year--let's just say that took a while, I write a LOT--and it was amazing to see the different themes that lingered throughout this entire time. One of the prevalent things I noticed was how so often I cried out for God to give me so much more, how I needed Him in such a bigger way than I had at that present time. And so reading through those, I saw how God answered those prayers and how still it remained and remains a prayer of mine. It's such a mystery to me in some ways...how we can be so blessed and moved and lifted up by Him and because of that, it leaves us craving more. It's a pretty sweet paradox in my opinion, yet at times I have to keep it in check. I know that there are times I become down because I don't see Him clearly in the present because I want so much more than what is given at that time. There's this quote by Jim Eliot I love. It states, "Let not our longings slay our appetite for living." I have to keep coming back to this principle, because though there is much, much more in store for me and for others and this world in the future, we are in the present for a reason and called to such a time as this. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a fast forward and rewind button on our lives. We could fast forward to the future, see what happens, and then rewind back and see how prayers were answered and all that jazz. Well in this I forget about an important thing. Yeah we can fast forward and see amazing things happen, but then when we rewind...we rewind back to a present time that we previously skipped because we fast forwarded instead. And then it's not the same, because in that present time, you miss those opportunties to pray and receive what God has for you at that moment, and that makes the future so much less sweet. It's one thing to say in my mind and another to convince my heart. Still God remains faithful beyond belief and it is in that I place my hope.
As I was out downtown today, I was able to be silent and watch the people and events around me. This came as a result.
"What is this great story before us; this great story at hand? This story that You have placed me a part of, this role You have set before me? For all around characters are present to play a dynamic role in this story. The characters and setting are in place, we have yet to see the complete plot unfold. We are but mere tokens of Your grace, yet You move us still. How can one not smile at Your creation? And how can one not cry at the downfall of it all? How can one not find joy in the smile of a child? And how can one not see the pain in a homeless war veteran's heart? How can one not see the hopes and dreams of those so innocent and not desire to feel that same way? And how can one not see the shattered lives of those broken and downcast, their hopes and dreams gone? How can one not desire the pureness of a first love? And how can one not look at a failed marriage and not see how we can very well be in that state as well? How can one walk moment by moment and not see You? And how can one live day by day and not be moved by You? Here we are and here we stand. Your plot, climax, and resolution are at hand. Move in spirit, move in power throughout this land. Let Your story unfold, Dear Lord."
I pray that in the craziness of everyday life You will take the time and allow Yourself to be moved by God. And I pray that He will grant You the time to be still and rest, even just for a short time, as He has allowed me today. And I pray that as You continue to walk on His paths, seek first His righteousness, that all His blessings will be given to You as well.
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