In my first entry in a long while involving written thoughts and words not in a poem form, I realize why I have gravitated towards writing poems over the last couple of months. It is largely because there is such an infinite amount to write about, it seems. A poem, with carefully selected words and structure, can convey so many different things all in one. Writing like this, however, requires more clarity of thought and communication for me to effectively communicate to the reader.
When you’ve been in a time where the words, thoughts, lessons, tasks, and emotions just come and ebb at a frenzied pace, it is difficult to sort through what to focus on for the present, let alone write about it so that others may understand as well. I can’t even begin to state how many things have crossed my mind and heart over the past couple of months that I wanted to write more on, but the time was not given. I pray that time is returning a bit now with summer being here, God willing.
This last week condensed so many experiences, lessons, thoughts, emotions, and tasks all into such a short time. Looking back on the week, I find myself amazed at how one week seemed to perfectly show so much of what my life consists of lately. I’m still in the middle of processing and praying through that, and hope to blog on it soon.
In the meantime though, I wanted to share something on my heart.
Tonight I was driving home with my mom from a wedding in Estes Park. It was the sixth consecutive day of driving over 3 hours. I left that wedding tonight completely over simulated and overwhelmed due to the amount of things that has happened over this week, and the things that remain to do and be seen. I was overwhelmed, yet again, with the need and desire for Jesus. I looked forward to finally getting home again so I could have some down time. Yet, on that drive, I remembered I have the blessing of Him in the present, and I needed not wait…
Once again, His arms were open wide awaiting me to come and rest. It needed not matter the situation or where I was; driving home on I-25 was as good a place as any. There, He calmed me, quieted me, restored my soul…and I found this song running through my heart.
“What a friend I've found…Closer than a brother…I have felt your touch…More intimate than lovers…”
In the time of quiet I remembered the blessing of His presence that never escapes me, never leaves me, is always faithful. I remembered this last week and how, in every circumstance He was there, teaching me, refining me, loving me, carrying me. He was by my side as I slept alone in a casino in Nevada for the night. He was giving me strength to enjoy the creation of His hand in Utah during the midst of stomach trouble. He guarded my heart while allowing it to grow in love and submission for and to John. He was walking alongside me as I walked down a freeway ramp to go to the bathroom, and moreso, calm down and gain perspective while awaiting AAA to come tow my car that broke down on the highway and finally died. He gave me patience in spending time with a family member that is not always easy to spend time with. He loosened my hands to help me to surrender to not being in control, but simply go with the flow and let Him provide. And oh, His provisions…I can’t even list them as they are too numerous…I feel incredibly humbled by how He looks out for His children. He provided time for me to serve and bless a few. He was opening my heart to be vulnerable to hear His voice speaking, or to simply come and rest in His arms.
At the end of this week, I stand in recognition of the fact that God works with those who desire to be worked with. There are so many new things and situations in my life now that leave me overwhelmed, but deep down, I know without a doubt that God has placed me in these situations because He knows I can trust Him with it all, and He surely is enough for it.
And “what a friend I've found…Closer than a brother…I have felt your touch…More intimate than lovers…”
Jesus, Jesus
Jesus, friend forever.
