Passionate

“Where can we go? Our brothers have made us lose heart. They say, “the people are stronger and taller than we are; the cities are large, with walls up to the sky. We even saw the Anabites there.’ Then I said to you, ‘do not be terrified, do not be afraid of them. The Lord your God is going before you and he will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the desert. There you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place” (Deuteronomy 1:28-31).

How the Lord spoke to me through this passage this weekend. It’s interesting because as I go off to a new place or something unfamiliar, I find myself in fear for I don’t know what to expect, even if it’s just for a couple of days. I relate this back to what God has for me and realize that these little “weekends” are nothing compared to what He has in store for me. In the fear I feel, I want to cling to what is familiar and what I know. There are times when I find myself clinging to the little idea of home that I have left, to eventually find that really, I have no home anymore except for in Christ. This is the way it should be, however foreign the idea may be at the present. As Christians we are called to be strangers of this world and that resonates more and more in my life daily. So as I no longer belong to this world, I cling to Christ, my Lord, and there I find rest.

I learned about fear in two other ways this weekend as well. As I sat and talked with other girls this weekend at the retreat, over and over again I saw their heart to know God intimately and embrace who He has created them to be, yet fear has seemed to paralyze them from moving. I was so moved by this fact that I had the opportunity to get up and share this with the group of about 150 girls. I have been in that place where fear paralyzes you from moving closer to God, and it leaves one in the state of passivity. It is my heart’s cry that those He has called by name will hear His call and simply run to Him, leaving all fears behind. We can’t be so afraid and uncertain of the things God is doing and will do that we remain paralyzed; instead, we bring that fear to Him. Boldly we approach the throne with confidence. But, we approach. As the passage from Deuteronomy states, God goes before us and He fights for us, yet at the same time, He carries us in His arms. We have a remarkable God on our side! Will we allow Him to be that God in our lives? Will we fully realize that God has not given us a spirit of fear?

“The Lord did not set his affection on you and choose you because you were more numerous than other peoples, for you were the fewest of all peoples. But it was because the Lord loved you and kept the oath he swore to his forefathers, that he brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the land of slavery, from the power of Pharaoh, King of Egypt. Know therefore, that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations to those who love him and keep his commands” (Deuteronomy 7:7-9).

The last way I am learning about fear is true fear of the Lord. His power is so unbelievably great and honestly, the plans He has for me scare the heck out of me at times. For a long time I struggled with the fact of what it meant to truly fear the Lord. I thought that it seemed to be such a contradiction with what everything else said; such as God loves you, He wraps you in His arms, etc., etc., and then we are to fear Him? Why do we fear someone we love? I’m finally starting to realize that fearing is being in total reverence and awe of His power, knowing full well that He is God and will do whatever He wishes. It is the fear of Him that brings us to the foot of His throne, not away from Him.

“You hem me in-behind and before, You have laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain” (Psalm 139:5-6).
On somewhat of the opposite spectrum of fear, I find myself in a place I’ve never been before. Never before do I remember being so passionately in love with the Lord my God and having it consume me. He has brought me so far yet I know I haven’t seen anything yet and that is something I can’t comprehend. For how can my life be more blessed? How much closer to Him can I be? His thoughts are much too lofty for me! I am stunned and remain in this constant state of worship. After all that has happened over the last two weeks, I felt as if things were finally going to spill this weekend, all of my words and emotions and everything. I had a three hour block of time on Saturday in which I sat on a wooden suspension pedestrian bridge over the river in the midst of a redwood valley, just drinking in the sunshine. How sweet was that time, in which I could pour out my heart fully and uninhibitedly to Him…yet at the end I felt no more “spilt” than at the beginning. I’ve always been able to express myself and what is going on fully in words, and I’m now in the place where I can’t. I am experiencing what it is like to have life to the full, and in that, all this that dwells in my heart will always be brimming over. I pray that will never cease, because it is in this state that I remain in true, constant worship of Him! In the place where I am at a loss of words yet so full of praise that I never have enough time to fully praise Him. In the place where I can’t stop letting Him pour through me and teach me. In the place where a smile never leaves my face and I never cease to be moved by Him. In the place where I so beautifully see Him in every single moment. In the place where I know He has me in the grip of His hand and He has called me by name. In the place that I never want to leave because I want to remain in His presence all the days of my life!


This consummation that burns inside my heart
The flames ablaze, Your passion runneth over
I have never been so moved by You
So deep in love with You
And my heart can’t contain

This love song arising from my heart
This love song scripted in my soul
This love song from my lips depart
This love song that has captured me still