Dwelling in a Strength that's not my own

“There’s far more to this life than trusting in Christ. There’s also suffering for him. And the suffering is as much a gift as the trusting.”
Philippians Ch 1, The Message.

In the midst of the past 3 weeks or so, I've felt pretty lousy physically...a lot of different things have been going on, but I find it amazing that I can still be doing so good as a result, the result of God in my life and working in all of my circumstances. And in how I feel, I am constantly blown away by how He continues to strengthen me, because trust me, it's His strength, not my own. I'm still doing well with just about everything, which is such a paradox. However, I've come to learn that the Christian faith consists of so many paradoxes and this is just another.

I’m thinking about why I must feel so icky and exhausted and I think a part of it is God continues to do this so I will not rely on my own strength but rather His. It’s so weird because I think I do this and to a point I do, but how much more I need to, especially with what is to come? How much pride and stock do I take in myself that I still rely on myself somewhat? But how amazing is it to see Him carry me through…And still with this, if I can rejoice in my sufferings and praise Him all the while, that will be worth it, worth the cause. Whatever I go through, let it bring glory to His name. Though on the outside I don’t like feeling like this, on the inside I know it’s exactly where I need to be and I trust Him in it. And there is so much more to this life than trusting Him. While that is all well and good, there’s so much more depth than that. And I think it’s in the sufferings that He brings us through that allow us to experience and know Him on such a deeper level. Yes, one can trust a person for what they say on face value and have that surface level relationship, which is a bond, don’t get me wrong, but when you suffer with one another, it is there you realize and see the love, self-sacrifice, barriers down, everything. The mask comes off. And still I think mine is coming off. Let people see I don’t have it all together. I don’t. But even more, let them see that I praise Him as a result, and always will.

And though I may not see directly who this may be affecting, it is my prayer that God will use this for His glory, somehow, in some way. Though I may not see clearly at the present, I eagerly anticipate when it will all become clear, because I know, I know that all of what I'm going through will seem so small in comparison to what He does, and beautiful it will be...it always is.