Time

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to give away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace…He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end…I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him. Whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before, and God will call the past into account...I thought in my heart, God will bring to judgment both the righteous and the wicked, for there will be a time for every activity, a time for every deed.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, 11, 14-15, 17.

I’ve been pondering time a lot lately, especially since You put it on my heart today. I was thinking about how fast summer project went by, when at the beginning it went so slow. I was thinking about the time I have left here in Hollywood before the time I go home. I was then thinking about the time at home and then the time going to school. I thought about what I would do in the time of today. And altogether, I realized I spend way too much time thinking about time…I only said that word eight times (now nine) in the last paragraph...can I say it’s a bit of an obsession of mine at times?

Ah Lord, it’s hard to break free from it. Lord I find it interesting that my concept of time is changing so much, as I give it up to You. The above passage from Ecclesiastes was one You used a lot over this summer, O Lord. The first thing that jumps out to me is in the first verse, saying that there is a time and season for everything under heaven. I believe this to mean time is ordained by You, by the Heavens. In all of this time, we cannot fathom all You have done, because You have set eternity in our hearts.

I think I am finding the more Your Holy Spirit is moving within and around me the faster time goes. That time can’t be measured accurately by a clock or a calendar, because You don’t fit within that system. And also, as this time of “silence” and intense focus only on You begins to change, I keep thinking, “oh gosh, I have to make sure I am finished” when in actuality, I need to remain in tune to Your Holy Spirit and how it’s moving. It will be done when it’s supposed to be done. Besides, is it ever truly finished? No, because on this earth, we will always be in the process of sanctification, of becoming like you! There will always be more to learn and do. I can’t keep putting myself on the timetable of this world. I am not of the world, so I shouldn’t define my time the way the world does.

Time is not measured by the ticking of a clock, the passing of a day, or by the weeks or years of a calendar. I believe time is measured through You, through Your Holy Spirit. There are times that Your Holy Spirit moves quickly and rapidly, such as it did this summer, and there are times it moves slower. Lord, You are sovereign, and that includes time! I must always look to You for everything.

Another aspect of time that I’ve been dealing with is my selfishness with my “own” time. When I have things I need to do or want to do, it’s very hard for me to deal with and accept any form of interruption. I’m focused, and at times too focused. I subconsciously resent people taking my time when I am busy. However, when it’s on my schedule, I have really no problem offering my time to them, and enjoy doing so. But how possessive I am of my own time, when in actuality, time is not mine! Nothing is, Dear Lord, everything is of You! I need to be willing to live a life of interruptions. I can’t be so rigid in my own schedule and things to do that I miss out on when Your Holy Spirit is moving because I make myself blind to it!

I found this yesterday with Jessica coming over. We agreed on around 1. I was thinking that this would be perfect because then we could hang out for a few hours and she could head home before traffic got too bad, and then I’d have the rest of the night to myself. Yet she ended up getting here around 3 o’clock. Around 2:30 or so I was about ready to forget the whole thing because it was too late. I became frustrated and agitated, when that was so dumb! Lord, You have placed her in my life so I can minister to her and lead her back to You. Yesterday was a blessing in the fact we were able to meet one on one away from school and enjoy the summertime. Yet, I viewed it as an inconvenience. How retarded is that?? That I would take one of Your blessings and put that spin on it? There’s a major change that needs to go on and is happening there. I found myself asking the question “is it really a big deal that she is late and will probably stay later?” The answer was no. Once I let go of my claim to time and allowed You to move through it, it was so much better. We spent 5 hours together yesterday, which was amazing and so wonderful. For the first time I really felt that I enjoyed her, because I viewed her through Your eyes and not my own and allowed You to dictate the time. Now that’s the way to receive a blessing.

As I head into the school year soon and things become busy, I can’t forget the importance of being available and living a life of interruptions. Lord, You are sovereign, and that is over all things, even small things such as me and the things I think I have to get done. When I come before You in Heaven, what will matter more-the fact that I was efficient and accomplished a lot, or the fact that I lived a life fully surrendered to You, allowing Your Holy Spirit to move me at whatever whim? I know it’s the latter. I also know that this is the life of fulfillment, because it comes from You. What a blessing it is to participate in Your Kingdom coming down. How trifle are the things I think I’m productive and efficient in.

Lord, I pray You will continue to teach me that time is ordained by You, and not by the world. I pray You will continue to break me of any claim I believe I have to it, when in fact, I have none! Break my rigid schedule and let me move on a whim…Lord, that’s going to be hard for me, but let me let You move me whenever and wherever You wish!