Spiritual Warfare

I’ve been reeling and recovering from this spiritual attack of last night and today. Lord, You are so much stronger, I praise and thank You so much.

I’ve been thinking today and asking myself why was this one so intense? It was one of the most intense ones I have had in some time…not just at the time of the attack but its effects afterward. There were a lot of things that set it off, such as me reading through my journals of this past summer and seeing what gains have been made in my walk with You. I think after reading those journals I also saw what happens and is happening when I begin to truly take hold of the power that is of You. Extremely significant things happened this summer, from what You did and what You have been teaching me. As a result of this I am so much more confident in what You have done in me and who You are shaping me to be.

Yet there is a bitter, bitter enemy to my heart and soul. I stepped into dangerous territory last night, into the realization of what is happening as I embrace and fully surrender to You. There’s some damage happening in the kingdom of darkness because of this. Satan will do whatever he can to pull me away from doing such. And so often, Satan pulls me back to the beginning of where I was, in making me feel inferior and unworthy, bringing me back to the darkness I once knew before knowing You and in my earlier years.

I find it interesting in the fact that I struggle so much with pride with You, O Lord, and that Satan attacks me on the opposite spectrum, making me feel so inferior. I wonder why it is that Satan is attacking me to make me feel the opposite of my struggle? Somewhere in the middle there is a humility but confidence. I pray You will continue to lead me there.

I’ve been thinking about something John said a while ago in one of our conversations. We were talking about spiritual warfare and he said something such as “I imagine it will only get harder from this point forward.” I’ve been thinking about that a lot, O Lord, and what that means. I believe there will be harder and more intense battles as advances are made in our spiritual walks with you, but I also come back to the fact that we have Your power at our disposal if we choose to take hold of it. Do these battles always have to happen? Luke 10:19 states that “I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you." You have given us authority, O Lord, and I believe that we can overcome all the power of the enemy.

However, believing and putting it into practice can be two different things. Lord, I am so weak and powerless myself, You know that full well. Sometimes I am drained and exhausted that I have a hard time fighting these battles, and I know You have to step in. You do. Show me what is within my control to ward off these battles.

As I somewhat slept late this morning, I had all of these vivid dreams…my sleep has been so weird lately. I think for once I am seeing the battlefield in which I am entering in letting the Holy Spirit move me in reaching this world for You. I see all of these lost souls in the background and I try so hard to get to them, but I have this horrendous devil screaming in my face, doing whatever he can to deter me. Lord, it wasn’t pretty and it was daunting…but that is a reality. This is what I will continue to encounter as I become more and more like You.

On a bit of a sidenote, I also remember Venice from this summer, O Lord, in what I think my closest encounter to a living Hell truly is. On the surface, Venice is a really interesting and neat place, lots of culture and a variety of people and some amazing artistic endeavors. But when we went there the first time, I truly saw it through Your eyes and saw a living Hell. I have never seen Satan have such a strong presence in one place and in so many people, and for the first time, I saw the devil in one lady. It was intense to say the least. That day I walked smack up to the front line of the spiritual battle, completely unprepared. Needless to say, I was chewed up and spit out, spiritually broken as a result of that day. I remember sitting on the beach and weeping at the sight before me and seeing how people were angry at the fact they were confronted with a God who loves them. Never before had my heart truly broken for the lost. But You taught me something crucial that day, O Lord. You taught me the necessity of being prepared for the battleground in which we walk. You reminded me of the necessity of prayer and Your word in fighting these battles.

And I felt You calling me to go back there before project was over. I really didn’t want to, but knew I needed to. For a few weeks I pondered this. On the day I was to go, I went back and forth between going and not. But Lord, I went and had a long quiet time with You, asking You to prepare me for going back there, and how You did! Your Word was so living and active in that. Isaiah 51 and 52 told me of how I was to not fear what mortal men could do to me for I am Yours, and for this world to wake up and come to You, among much else. It was such an incredible quiet time, O Lord. And so we went back to Venice and it was a night and day difference. I was prepared, and able to allow Your Holy Spirit to flow through me, revealing its power. I was on the front line of the battlefield once again, but this time, I was participating in fighting it. How amazing was that, O Lord, and what an example of the necessity of being prepared for battle.

In addition, the chosen path, seeking after You, is not the easiest one, but by far the most rewarding. For how would we understand the necessity of salvation if Hell weren’t real? How would we understand the brilliance of Your light without being captured by the darkness? How would we understand grace without seeing how filthy we are in our own sin? We wouldn’t without the duality that exists between You and Satan, with a battle to escape the darkness and remain in Your marvelous light.

And I find myself tonight in such earnest thanks to You O Lord. I thank You for making hell so real so I can begin to truly understand the wonderfulness of Your love and Kingdom! And Lord, though today has been such a hard day, I realize the need to remain persistent. To walk in the path You have laid out before me pretty much guarantees spiritual warfare, but I walk on that path to YOU, to seek out Your will, Word, and power. That’s where advancements for the Kingdom are made, when I count the consequences as loss and truly lift my eyes to You. My Dear Lord, You have overcome everything, must I fear anything? I also finally realize how I have been struggling to understand how much I have grown over this summer and year, and through this, I see now. I am changed, Dear Lord. I am no longer the same. I am a threat to the Devil, one much more than I ever have been before. I pray I will begin to consider these spiritual attacks as blessings, for they show me where I have been, where I am, and the gains made. But above all, let me always take hold of Your power!