Lessons of the Palm

I remember my first day and night at the Palm Motel this summer. Before I got there, I didn’t think it would be too bad; after all, I had lived in a dorm for a year, right? Well, Lord, I was wrong. When we first drove in we were greeted by a large band of pigeons that I had never been acquainted with in such a small area before. There were cats everywhere and I saw that paint was largely covering a multitude of sins within the structure and condition of that building and its rooms. I got out of the car and was greeted by Mike Berk, who then told me about the pigeon coop, which was this owner’s retreat in the middle that had been taken over by the birds. At this point, O Lord, I was wondering what I had gotten myself into.

I remember our first drive to the church quite well. We passed a lot of areas that I hadn’t experienced in depth before. First there was the cemetery right across the street that was about 3 blocks long and wide. Next there was the highway, then a lot of warehouses, car dealerships, and gas stations, and then, finally, we started to enter what my definition of a “nice” neighborhood was. The church left me with a sigh of relief, for it was somewhat what I expected.

I remember unpacking that night and not wanting to walk around barefoot too much on the carpet because it was…questionable. Same goes for outside. I remember placing the plastic bags in which I packed things underneath my suitcases just for that extra “security” if you will. Spending the night with Amber in a very small bed the first night wasn’t easy.

Lord, it took me a while to adjust and be able to call the Palm “home.” As Mike said the first day we were there, the Palm was a place for people who are just above being homeless. It was humbling being there, but so good, O Lord. Through this summer, I learned that I really don’t need much in the area of basic comforts. We are so spoiled and privileged as an American society, especially the middle and upper class, that we forget what poverty is really like.

And for so long I never fully grasped the meaning or application of understanding that You are more than sufficient for my every need and desire. I have long since clung onto what I thought were my basic human “rights” and needs, but all of those are rubbish. What is it that truly makes me live, O Lord, that makes me wake and breathe and serve and praise? Only You, my Dear Lord, for I find without You I cease to live, that I am dead, living a life with no purpose or meaning. I don’t need people, I don’t need 300 thread count sheets, I don’t need a roof over my head, all, and I mean all I need is You. Why should I ever think I can claim rights to myself or the things I think I need, when above all, I have You, and I don’t even deserve that? If You are the provider of all things, I must worship You and leave my life and needs and wants in Your hands, and trust that You will provide me with what You wish.

How sweet is it to be broken of the reliance upon these worldly things on which we so often find ourselves possessing! How sweet is it to come to Your very feet and find it is You who satisfies and fulfills more than anything on this earth! How sweet it is to know and experience with You a life broken of these things that I so often relied on and to find a love more tempting and sweet and fulfilling, beyond anything I could’ve ever dreamed! O Lord, You fulfill my every desire and every need! You are sufficient and You are more, so much more, than enough.

Dear Lord, a lot comes with this that You have been developing for a while and something I find myself in now as well. You know what a transition it was for me to go from being in the dorms to the Palm in less than 24 hours, and now going from the Palm to Hollywood to home to SLO in about 6 weeks. Lord, I will never be able to put down “roots” that I am used to in one place ever again, I don’t believe. College will be a temporary place, but You have that call on me for missions which will come after that. But Lord, I am finding that my roots are not meant to be put in earthly dwellings, not even temporary ones. Not for a long time, and not for a short time either. I’ve been grasping this for a while, but I think for so long I have felt like a tree pulled up from the ground with roots bare, wondering where it is I am supposed to put my roots. See, like a tree, the roots are the source of its survival, where it is placed in the solid ground, able to take its water and nutrients in order to flourish. Lord, I’ve been wondering where it is that I am supposed to put these roots because I feel so bare without a solid ground.

I find myself so stunned at the fact that You are our solid ground, of which we place our roots into, and we find a flourishing life beyond anything we could imagine. You are the one who bears my roots, Dear Lord, You are my source of life and everything I could desire or need. No longer must I scurry about attempting to settle down or find a rooting place, because I am rooted. I am rooted in Your grace, Your redemption, Your truth, and Your love. That is all I need and that is something I will carry with me for the rest of my life, for all eternity!

Now what is it that I am to do in the coming future O Lord? I find myself longing to be home so much right now because it has been so long and there’s so much there for me. Lord, I have been experiencing a contentment in my surroundings and situation like I have never experienced before, not in this way. My spirit has been quieted and stilled. It’s incredible. Yet though I am content knowing I will be here for a week and a half, and am so excited for what You will do in that time, I can’t wait to be home.

But even my concept of home is changing and is so different. What is it that I should call home, O Lord? Should I call it the place where I was born and raised, Colorado Springs? That’s what I have been. Yet I think this is ignoring the eternal perspective and living in the temporal. When my life is over and passed or when You return, Colorado Springs will cease to be my home. Shouldn’t it cease to be my home now? Shouldn’t I fully embrace being a citizen of Heaven and know that that is my home above all else? If You are everything to me, shouldn’t I embrace Your dwelling place as where I should be? I believe I should.

If I am living for eternity…I should embrace this truth from 2 Peter 3:
Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be? You ought to live holy and godly lives as you look forward to the day of God and speed its coming. That day will bring about the destruction of the heavens by fire, and the elements will melt in the heat. But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, the home of righteousness.

I should also embrace this truth spoken by Paul in Philippians 3: For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.

I think for so long I have allowed this world to define everything for me, even what my relationship with You should be like. How often do we go to other people and books and other things in an effort to be Holy, to be with You? Why don’t we go directly to You? If it is truly You we are seeking out and desire to get closer to, we should no longer attempt to get You by any other means, but instead come into Your presence and ask! You are the giver of all things, You are above all and in all! What would my walk with You be like if I sought You and Your word out only and above all else? It would be richer and more fulfilling than anything I could ever imagine! What would my life be like if I was fully surrendered to You and living for an audience of One; You alone? It would be one doing serious damage for the Kingdom of Heaven!

Lord, continue to change my heart in this! Let me take all that I have learned this summer and put it into practice with this theme of no longer having any rights to myself, and knowing You are the solid ground upon which I place my roots! Lord, I desire to be branded by You alone and when the world looks at me, I desire for everything I am to scream out to them, “I am the Lord’s, and there is no other!”