Felt led to post journal from tonight...may it bless you as it did me.
Dear Lord,
I praise You for this day though it has been an interesting one. I’m reminded so much of where the attitude and practice of thanksgiving comes into play and how it affects my view upon things. I think so often I forget that thanksgiving needs to not be just a time, but an attitude of life. The tide of lessons being learned and refining in the process will always be about, but You are always constant. You are always the same, true to Your character and every aspect about You. I can easily forget that and think that thanksgiving comes in the times when I see You move, or when something good or amazing happens, or when I simply feel like being thankful. In that, I neglect that I have been bought at a price that You didn’t deem too heavy to pay, and because of that I am constantly in Your arms. That alone is more than enough to be thankful for.
I think that in the times of this steadiness and resilient faith You have been bringing me through as of late, I tend to forget. I tend to forget that I can shout for joy or weep. I tend to forget that I can stand to lift my hands up high to You or bow down low to kneel at Your feet. I tend to neglect showing emotion when it comes to You, though my heart is so moved inside. I tend to forget that I can respond in the way that comes most natural to me at the given time, because in that, I glorify You by acting according to the way You have created me. I am the work of Your hand, and may I never be ashamed or reserved about that. May every aspect of this personality and heart that You have shown come forth.
I was reminded of that tonight in which we had a time of encouragement at our servant team meeting. I realize that I am very transparent with a smaller number of people, and it’s amazing to see how God uses that. Yet, I feel the call to be transparent with more. We hid under paper bags tonight as we wrote encouragement to one another. May I not hide my light under a paper bag. Lord, it is one thing to boast in myself; it is another to boast in who You are and what You are doing. My life is not my own and the things You are doing in it I must never claim possession of. It’s like this picture I am drawing for class, in which a little girl is holding the tail of a butterfly that is much larger than her. The head of the butterfly becomes a flower and a section of the wing opens up to a view of the ocean. The premise of the drawing is basically how all of creation is connected, though we may not see it or it may not make sense. That being said, I am connected to the people around me in some way or another, regardless of whether I see it or not. But if I don’t see it, let me not neglect what I could share with them, because who knows how You could use it.
I told John tonight that I felt tired and ready for things to come in its fullness; particularly with my hearing. At times I feel weary in the race. In that, I forget simple things. I forget to do what it is that You have asked me to: to listen and surrender. The process of growth of any kind cannot be carried fully or even partially on my own shoulders. I cannot handle the load. But thanks be to You whom I can present my requests to, knowing You hear them full well. And tonight was yet another reminder of that. Tonight I heard louder once again. Today is just one step in the process. This time is a refining of my faith and trust, and facilitates a time in which I can lean upon and love You more than ever before. This time is a process. There are easier days and harder days. But again, You are the constant. Again, You never change. And always, You are faithful, regardless if I choose to recognize it at the present or not.
Lord, may I realize I do not run this race on my own strength or alone. Lord, may I realize that You are faithful to carry me when I grow weary. May I remember that as I wait upon You, You renew my strength. May I remember simply to wait upon you. You will surely carry me in every way until the day I return home and see You face to face. And that is a promise upon which I can surely wait.
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