Likewise

It’s funny. I was reading John’s blog entry from today and it puzzled me a bit at first. I wasn’t sure why he was speaking of this new journey, as I haven’t really been aware of a new one starting with him, but rather one that has continued on in depth. But now as I have been journaling, I now understand why he wrote it. And by that, I don’t mean that I understand what his new journey is completely, but I do mean that I understand the principle of a new journey, as I realize that is what God is bringing me into as well.

I write this at the end of a day in which my flesh has surely dictated me. There has been such a lack of discipline and of patience, and I’m sure there are many other aspects of the Spirit that should be present in me as I live in Him. It has been funny (not in a “ha ha” way) to me to look back on this day and see this lack of contentment and frustration with everything in general, as it has not been something I’ve been struggling with lately. Rather, it’s been the latter that God has been teaching me and giving me so much grace in, as I am learning to be content in the present moment and move as the Spirit leads accordingly. But I’m realizing why this has been so throughout today…

One is that things are changing greatly in many different ways. This includes the time of life I am in, different relationships I have, the way I handle things, the way I view and treat God, and how I experience Him and life, amongst many other things. A week or two ago I was realizing how I generally thrive on change and even look for it to some degree. It is an interesting change in itself in me. I have been learning to take change head on and not let it faze me, which is contrary to how I used to be. But I think the other is very much tied with that, and it is that I am seeing and realizing the lessons that are coming about as a result of this change, and realizing that my flesh very much doesn’t want to learn them. The spiritual mind of myself knows the importance and blessing of those lessons, as it is my prayer that God “have His way through me.” Yet my flesh contradicts that very prayer greatly.

I am to learn the aspect of longsuffering, in waiting and in love. I am to learn what it looks like to pour into people who don’t pour anything back and do it because the love in my heart from Jesus compels me to do so. I am to learn what it means to relate to the people around me that I have the most difficulty in doing so. I am to learn what it means to “be still in the midst of moving.” I am to learn what it means to truly die to self in every single way. I am to learn these things and so many more that I don’t know of right now. My flesh sees these and sees a steep learning curve it’d rather not go on. But my heart and my mind know that this is the better way in which I must embark.

Because I think the thing I am missing overall is that there is still a level of deeper surrender that I haven’t reached. I still haven’t gotten completely out of the way in order to let God have His way completely and thoroughly through me. And for what God has in store, I must learn this lesson…I sense it is of an importance so dire it can’t be put into words. I need to get to the point that when God appears to me, I can look Him directly in the face, rather than being of the nature as the Israelites were to Moses, asking him to intercede for them because they thought they would surely die otherwise.

And I understand this “new journey,” as God is leading me on one as well. May my flesh surely die and the Lord win, because the cry of my heart is that He be glorified in me and that I may learn what He has accordingly, not that I would governed by my flesh. That will continue to remain my prayer. These things that I know or understand not right now I know God will bring into light at the proper time. But seek Him I must. And seek Him I will.