As of late...

Lyrics/poems I've written in the past couple of weeks

To My Sister
In the emptiness that lays within my room
A side vacant, one left behind
The silence that remains
The silence so different than before
Memories come of my sister
The blessings You have poured forth through her, O Lord
Her gentleness and carefree nature
The laughter that rings so true through her smile
Her heart of gold that has touched more than she knows
I praise You for my Sister in You, O Lord
The one who has been so good to me
For Your deliberateness in bringing us together
In quietness we both seek
I pray to You for my sister, O Lord
That You will open her eyes to Your passionate pursuit
Enraptured in Your love will she become
While always remaining genuine and true
I pray to You for my sister, O Lord
That You will bless her beyond her dreams
In the same way You have with her for me
That in earnestness, all of her days, You she will seek
In the emptiness that lays within my room
A side vacant, one gone forth
The love that lingers
The love so different than others
Memories come of my sister
The blessings You have poured forth through her, O Lord.

Look
Lord, I look to my feet and see the way You lead me
Lord, I look to my legs and see the way You make me walk
Lord, I look to my hips and see the way You make me turn
Lord, I look to my arms and see the way You make me stretch
Lord, I look to my hands and see the way You make me serve
Lord, I look to my head and see the way You make me think
Lord, I look to my eyes and see the way You make me look
Lord, I look to my body and see a life laid down, crucified
Lord, I look to my heart and see a love beating, resonating
Lord, I look to my life and see You set apart in me
Lord, I look to You and see myself complete
Be everything to me
Be everything for me
Be everything in me
Created in Your likeness let me be.
It’s You I see
It’s You I seek
Let no fears remain.

Break the Silence Now
Here in the quiet of Your presence
A mere glimpse of who You are
I’ve stilled my soul
Found You, my Lord
Found something more
Something worth living for
In this life I find
I fall to the floor

Visions they come
Promises I see
Of the faithful One
Whom I seek
So much in store
Yet I ask You, Lord

Chorus
Break the silence now
Come and speak of the things I see
Of what is to become of me
Break the silence now
I cry out desperately
Want Your everything
No matter what the price be
Break the silence now
Come and speak to me

Revelations they come
People I see
Far from the faithful One
Whom I seek
So many cast away
Your people have strayed
I ask You, Lord

Chorus

And the clock says 2:46 AM...

Yeah...it does. I'm done with architecture for the year and still I am up. It's amazing how though I've been consumed with this seemingly 200+ hour project, God speaks to me during that time I am working.

There have been a lot of different things that have been raised in the last week but I don't have infinite time to blog. I'm going to speak about those things God is putting on my heart right now....

Over the last week I was resenting the summer coming in a lot of ways, for here I am in a routine of sorts and though God constantly brings new surprises, I have a level of comfort here...yet as soon as I develop any comfort, God rips me out of that. I used to resent it all the time, but now I am seeing how it is so necessary and good. I jump straight into summer project the day after school is out and after I say goodbye to all here and it's no transition at all. Praise God for how He's breaking me and challenging me in that way. God renewed me and brought a new passion to me last night, in that all I really live for and desire to live for is to be His ambassador, to spread His name and love to the nations, and to do whatever He wishes me to do. Why was I resenting this summer so much? It is only a huge step in where He is calling me to be and do...I get to spend an entire summer devoted to serving and growing in the Lord 24/7, and out of that I know God will further develop me to do this 24/7/365, even in the midst of 200+ hour projects. Oh how I long for the day in which God will call me out in missions...this passion is burning so strongly now. This is who I was made to be and this is who I long to be: an ambassador of Christ. During this time in which I am in school and doing other things, I need to realize that God has placed me here for a time such as this, and this is a huge thing he wants me to take part in as well as use this as a training ground for the future. There's a quote by Jim Eliot I love: "Let not our longings slay our appetite for living." Lord, let this be my creed. Though I long for the day You call me to leave these borders, let not my longing slay my appetite for living, for what You have in the present.

As a kid I hated peas. My mom and dad always told me they were good for you, and that they tasted really good (my dad). Yet, every time I saw these dented green mushy balls on my plate, I hated the fact I was expected to eat these, and I didn't care if they were good for you or tasted good; the fact was that they didn't look appetizing. My mom persisted in serving me these peas and still does to this day. There were many times they forced me to eat my portion and I did so with disgust. My mom has given up on trying to get me to eat them, but they still remain on my plate, in case I might change my mind.

How often do we as Christians try to feed these peas to people who simply don't want them, who have no appetite for them? We can't force feed people. Yes, we may want the best for them, and know that these tokens of nourishment we place before them will only bring them closer to God and help them grow stronger, but if they don't want them, we can't force them. The more we try to force God and our perceptions of things, the more we strengthen their dislike for what we feed them. If they are not ready to receive, what good do we do in making them open up and take a good bite out of what they don't desire? We do no good. Our hearts can be in the best of places, but we must understand the needs of others and respond accordingly. All we can do is give these people their peas, in hope that one day they may try a bite and develop a taste for them, leaving them hungering for more. Let us be faithful in serving those around us their peas, but love them enough to let them make their own decisions. Let us not do more harm than good.

We (people in the dorm) had our last planned prayer and worship night of the year tonight. I had been so excited for this so we could go out with a bang and fully offer ourselves to God before this summer. We needed to praise HIm in the way He deserves from all He has done this year. There was an overflow in my heart and still is, but where was the passion tonight? I still don't get why people don't understand that when you offer your time and yourself to the Lord and go and worship Him, He will totally provide. Time is not the issue, neither are projects at hand. What the issue is is where the passion lies. Are we truly seeking the Lord earnestly or are we just making that 200 yard walk, sing a couple lines, mumble a couple prayers, and check it off our list of either "things I need to do to be a good Christian" or "things I need to do so I don't feel guilty"? This may sound harsh, but I feel the need to be blunt. Have we not seen this year how much He has provided? Why turn our backs on that now? We must run after the fire that consumes us ever more every day. It can't wane. I'll be honest. I was disappointed tonight. I don't know what needs to be done, but this summer, it's largely out of my hands. Like I said earlier, I can't force feed these peas, but I pray that those Christians who have tasted these peas and know the benefits will return to consuming those. It's a long, lonely, dry life without it. I honestly don't see a whole lot in the body around me right now...I'm not seeing the passion that I have at times.

As for me, I'm running after the Lord...I want Him to be my source of passion and my only consummation....

Walking in the Light

I've been thinking a lot about the contrast of the dark and the light, and wondering why in so much light there also seems to be so much dark. Consider a shadow. A shadow is only present in the presence of light, and the stronger the light, the stronger the shadow. I've been seeing this so much as of late in my walk with God, that the more I walk in the light, the stronger the shadows become, and the more severe the attacks Satan will try to war on me. Yet, when I encounter different things in the light, there will always be a shadow. I can choose to either dwell in the shadow or walk past it, recognizing it for what it is, and continue on my journey in the light.

I had a wonderful talk with my best friend here about the "waiting game." We talked about how we always seem to be in this "waiting game," in waiting for what is to come. We often get so ahead of ourselves that we miss out on the present. I was thinking about how when you're a kid, you want to grow up and be an adult, and then when you become one, you wish you were a kid again. Why the dissatisfaction and lack of contentment in where we are at the present? The time we are in will only come once, dare we get ahead of ourselves that we miss what is in store for us at the present? What joy would our lives possess if we were able to recognize those blessings as they occur, instead of looking back and seeing what happened?

And in this lack of contentment, I think I often find myself in the practice of getting things done for the sole purpose of getting them done. What has happened to my joy in what I do and putting forth my best effort in it? It's interesting for me looking back on high school in which I did so many different things and was so successful as a result. Yet here, I am not doing the same thing. I've held back in getting involved with too many things. Is it out of an attempt to do everything with excellence, as John says, or is it out of laziness or weariness? What is the appropriate price one must pay in order to achieve success without spending oneself as a result? I know that's what I did in high school, and I paid a price heavy for that, for I was doing too many things and took my focus off God as a result. I played soccer today for the first time in a long while, and it was so fun. It was something I did for so long, something that used to bring me much joy, but it became a chore after a while. It was because of my perspective and nothing else. I chose to allow it to become a chore. It is up to me to make sure I find the joy in what I am doing. Out of this joy I find will only give me more reason to worship God. I must allow God to lead me to do those things that He wishes me to do and not get involved or do things just for the sake of doing them. I've been down that road. It doesn't get me far.

I'm going to walk in the brilliant light and step past those shadows that come along my path. I know they will come, but I choose to look to the light.

Unleashed

I really hate Satan and all that he tries to do. I've been reminded today of why I hate putting myself in a vulnerable position, for it seems he always comes and attacks me when I'm there. In the past, I've been able to recognize what it was that was causing me to be attacked and so I wouldn't put myself there. I knew in that time I wasn't supposed to be there. The question I've been wrestling with today is how do I battle Satan's attacks in those vulnerable places when it is God who is calling me to go to those vulnerable places? How do I take those steps out in faith and remain strong to the end, even when arrows fly in an attempt to knock me down? I know the Christian life is hard, but is it supposed to be this hard with this much opposition? I think I know the answer and that has me scared tonight. Why with much blessing comes so much attempt to sour it?

I feel so mediocre and small, and in this I know nothing I have is my own. But these blessings I've received, how do I cling to them and offer them up to God without letting Satan have any piece of it? How do I let go of my fear in fully realizing my capacity for love? How do I unleash what God has given me, who God has created me to be, in order to pursue Him with a relentless passion in which all things overflow?

What God spoke to me tonight is that once I fully let go of all my reservations, of all my inhibitions, of all my doubts and fears and everything holding me back and unleash my capacity for love, will come a life revolutionized and beyond set apart for Him. Through that life things I never could imagine will happen and will start happening soon...God has huge plans for me, and like the bird in the picture above, I must let go of my branches and fly, fulling displaying the splendor of my Creator.

But where do I begin? Ever feel like you've gone so far only to end back at square one? That's me tonight.

I don't want to hide behind a facade anymore. I think that I often push these things away or water them down in an effort not to deal with it myself or burden others with it. That's not the way it's supposed to be. God has created me to be real and that is the cry of my heart, to be who God has created me to be...and I can't hold myself back anymore. To all those around me--if you get a part of me, you're now getting all of me, and if that intimidates you, that's the way it is. I'm not going to deny myself any longer. I'm not fully worshipping my Savior if I do.

To You, O God, I'm crying out...let me be unleashed.

Invitation to Embark

Trunk by trunk stands in an order disarrayed
Tainted beauty caused by the tangling of roots
And that which pulls one down to the ground
Numerous attempts to flee from what brings one down

Here we stand in Your presence, O Father God
Away from the trees that caused much uncertainty
The trees that caused the muddle of our past
And here we join one another
Away from what once was

Sunlight starts to break through the midst of the trees
Light penetrates to push away shadows of doubt
Ray by ray enters and glows, in perfect harmony
Bringing light of what is to come

Here we look to You, O Father God
To the One who brought us endless grace
We stand and receive the light that shines upon us
Seeing the beauty of Your glow
In worship of You alone

A piercing and a flood of glory comes
As the road becomes illuminated leaving all shadows behind
Outlines defined, no clarity is lacked
Inviting one to embark

Here we prepare to journey on Your road, O Father God
Together You have brought us and together we will remain
We walk in the paths of Your righteousness
Living our lives to bring glory to Your name
We will never again be the same

Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, "Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you." Then will the eyes of the blind be opened and the ears of the deaf unstopped. Then will the lame leap like a deer, and the mute tongue shout for joy. Water will gush forth in the wilderness and streams in the desert. The burning sand will become a pool, the thirsty ground bubbling springs. In the haunts where jackals once lay, grass and reeds and papyrus will grow. And a highway will be there; it will be called the Way of Holiness. The unclean will not journey on it; it will be for those who walk in that Way; wicked fools will not go about on it. No lion will be there, nor will any ferocious beast get up on it; they will not be found there. But only the redeemed will walk there, and the ransomed of the LORD will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away." Isaiah 35:3-10

Flourishing Fields

Hmm...skydiving on Saturday seemed a fitting end to last week. It was yet another one of those things that God used to show me how He is leading me on rather uncharted paths. I've always wanted to go skydiving despite the ironic fact that I'm not scared of heights if I know I can't fall...yet I was freefalling while skydiving. There are so many times we have to let go of our fears and just jump out into faith that the unknown will cradle us. With skydiving, I didn’t know what to expect and there was definitely that few seconds that I was terrified out of my mind, in particular, as I fell out of the plane. I found something interesting in my freefall though: the air “supported” me, even though I was falling at over 120 miles an hour. The unknown can be scary because we don’t know what to expect, but God always provides, often in those ways we don’t expect. For me, it was the air “cushioning” me as I fell so I felt like I wasn't falling, and it provided a sense of security that the ground was nothing I needed to worry about. It was interesting because I wasn’t very scared at all on the ride up; I actually found the ride rather soothing, just knowing that God was there in the beauty of it all and that He was going to protect me. Yet when I was finally confronted with that open door and having to jump out, that’s when I was the most terrified. I had the choice to stay on the plane. We can choose to stay on the plane or just jump out and trust in God's provision and ways, and as I found, we will find there isn’t much to be terrified of. We can’t let that split moment of fear paralyze us from taking that leap. We will miss out on so much if we do.



I noticed something on the drive down to skydiving though. The hills which were so vibrantly green here a couple of weeks ago are now drying up after what seems such a short time. I thought about Colorado and why it’s never green there; it’s because it takes so much moisture to be that green, and Colorado simply doesn't get enough. It rained so much here in order for it to become as green as it was, but as soon as the rain ceased, the hills start to dry up. I think often times we complain about this rain. We don’t realize the necessity it possesses in order to bring forth life. It’s so often this in our lives; we don’t wish to be diligent and make the effort in order to live the fruitful life, and then we wonder why it dries up. Yet, when it does become dry, we have to evaluate why it is becoming that way. Often times it is because we are not right in our walks. Granted, there are seasons in which God pours out the rain abundantly and the blessings and life come, and we don’t have to do much or anything but receive it.

"I will make a covenant of peace with them and rid the land of wild beasts so that they may live in the desert and sleep in the forests in safety. I will bless them and the places surrounding my hill. I will send down showers in season; there will be showers of blessing. The trees of the field will yield their fruit and the ground will yield its crops; the people will be secure in their land. They will know that I am the LORD , when I break the bars of their yoke and rescue them from the hands of those who enslaved them. They will no longer be plundered by the nations, nor will wild animals devour them. They will live in safety, and no one will make them afraid. I will provide for them a land renowned for its crops, and they will no longer be victims of famine in the land or bear the scorn of the nations. Then they will know that I, the LORD their God, am with them and that they, the house of Israel, are my people, declares the Sovereign LORD . You my sheep, the sheep of my pasture, are people, and I am your God, declares the Sovereign LORD .' " Ezekiel 34:25-31

This time as of late has definitely been a time of me jumping out of the plane, God pouring out the rain and me just walking in it and receiving it. I'm so astounded and in such a worshipful mood because of what He has done. I have seen Him answer prayers in ways I didn't think possible, give me some of the desires of my heart, and tend to me with such gentle care. Throughout this year I found myself questioning my heart and wondering if it was distracting or deceiving me. With an amazing man, God made it clear to me in the beginning that this was of Him and I just needed to let Him work. I was so scared to take things into my own hands like I have done in the past, that often times my heart was not still in the way it should've been. Yet, through prayer, it became more and more clear to me that things with me and him were completely of God, but in that, also bore much more opportunity for spiritual attack. I found a quote by Elisabeth Eliot to be very true, that "the greater potential for good, the greater potential for evil." There have been times I've wrestled with some rather intense attacks, both realizing the potential in the love I bear, but also that I was putting myself in a vulnerable place that I wasn't meant to be at that time. God must always be the protector of my heart, and I praise Him for continuing to teach me so!

There came a point in which God brought me to a little while back. I had to be willing to accept the fact that nothing may come of anything between me and him, and be okay with that. I needed to surrender not just to what God was doing, but also what God could possibly not do. It wasn't an easy time, but God completely provided, and that was just one of the key elements in getting me to walk fully on the path of freedom. Since then, I've remained in prayer about this relationship, and as I saw it grow, praying that God would be working in his heart in the same way He was in mine. In this time, a beautiful thing has happened within me: God has calmed and quieted my heart in this matter, while still being reverent with love. I find myself content in such a way I haven't been in quite some time. I found this statement from Tozer to be so true over the last week in particular: "Why does it take so long to put our complete trust in God when He has made it so simple and so rewarding to yield what we are to Him?”

And rewarding He is...how rewarding He is! God answered and is answering my prayers and pouring out blessings like I can't believe. How good it is when two hearts fully submit to Him and allow Him to work. I praise Him that our conceptions of what is to happen are so mediocre compared to what He actually does! I found there was nothing I needed to be worried about, for God has been working in his heart very much in the same way, and I praise God that he is taking it upon his shoulders to lead and initiate the relationship that God has brought and one I've seen and anticipated for some time. I praise Him that we can receive the blessings that honesty brings--in being honest with one another with how He is leading us in what to do and say. I praise Him that He is making it clear to both of us as to where we stand for the present and where He's leading us for the future.

Nothing like I’ve ever experienced before, my eyes are opened in a new way
And my heart bursts forth with the beauty You’ve shown
As two hearts beat as one in the reverence of You, Lord.
Never before have I fully seen
The beauty of You revealed in one placed right before me
Your love is oh, ever so consuming and it spills over to him.
Harmony flows in such tangible ways because of Your presence between us both,
So much beauty, so much glory, so much majesty You’re showing me through him
And I fall to my knees, pray and praise for Your spirit working in this place
Thank You for this precious gift You’ve given me.

As the fields must be tended to and rain poured out in order for them to flourish, I know this time is coming with this summer. I know this summer is going to be incredible, to see what God is going to do, as hard as it will be at times to be away from this man and to be stretched out of my comfort zone. I am going to have to be much more diligent in seeking the rain and making sure I am flourishing in a way that I am developing into the woman I need to be for God and for him. Yet, as the tender shepherd God's been, I know He'll tend to me with care. At the same time however, I know God loves me too much to leave me where I am at, and He will push me in ways that will be uncomfortable. I count it all as loss for the sake of knowing Him. I give everything to Him that He may be glorified.

Here I am to say that He's my God.
He's altogether lovely.
He's altogether worthy.
He's altogether wonderful to me.

Overflow

I haven't written in like a week on here, which is somewhat unusual for me...but I need more time to assimilate my thoughts and be able to articulate them fully. All I have for right now is that God is beyond good and I am blown away by what He's done as of late!

To Do Lists, Spilled Ink, and Wind-up Bunnies

In the midst of many to-do lists which I found myself worshipping over these past couple of days, I heard God speaking to me in the process of spilled ink and a wind-up bunny.

I've been unbelievably stressed out with wrapping up this last month of school and starting summer project the day after school ends. I usually handle stress well, as long as I am productive and feel I am accomplishing something.

Yet as the work "seems" to pile up, the time diminishes.

Funny how time becomes such an issue when one isn't worshipping God ahead of to-do lists...

There's this one quote I love by Elisabeth Eliot that states "when one is in tune with God, one can tell the difference between a harmony and a conflict." And as I've been doing this architecture project, I have felt that the project and class has been the conflict.

What I didn't realize is that I was the conflict...

Praise be to God who through this architecture project, is showing me what I truly love, and loves me too much not to let me struggle and cease to grow. I don't need to resent the class or project, I need to resent myself.

After all, I truly am nothing without Him. This week has shown me that. Do I truly need to try to prove to myself or others who I am?

No, that's why He has covered me with endless grace. And grace I need.

I'm not going to spin my wheels like this wind-up bunny I was playing with today, taking all of these random paths and walking in circles with no clear direction. I need to wind down.

And like the spilled ink all over my project I've spent so much time on--it's time to spill my heart to the One who knows me better than anyone, who loves me despite all my shortcomings. And like the ink I washed off my project, so will my sins be gone, my sins of worshipping my idol of to-do lists rather than my altogether worthy Savior.

Things may be crazy, but never will they be crazy enough to keep me from my Lord. A wound-up bunny I will be no more.

To you...

My brothers and sisters,
What you are about to read is the result of God working and speaking to my heart in recent times. I’ve been convicted that I am holding back my words and in turn, holding back His glory, and I am not going to do that anymore. In a lot of ways, this could be different than things you have read from me before. But in this, I choose to be God inspired and allow Him to speak through me, and because the character of God bears many attributes, this entry may bear different tones. These are not my words, but rather His; I am but a mere vessel for these words. Know that I am a woman continually being shaped by Christ and I have flaws of my own. I come to you in humility but also in earnestness to implore you to allow God to speak to you. All I desire out of this is two things: one, that I will do what God is calling me to do in releasing these words to You, and two, that God will speak to you through this. If you wish to talk to me about anything, I am here, just let me know. Know I am praying for you all and it is out of love that I say these words.
In His Power,
Elise

Seeking the Better Way
“As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all of the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!’ ‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42

Mary sought the better way. She remained at Christ’s feet for she knew that was where she belonged. All of these gifts we have been blessed with are nothing if we aren’t willing to surrender them for His doing. As Martha was so busy with distractions, though she was operating out of her gifts, she wasn’t choosing the better way. She wasn’t allowing God to flow through that gift; instead she allowed herself to become frustrated with others things. We should not worry and become upset, for we choose the better way. It must be this in our lives.

Jealous God
“Do not worship any other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God.” Exodus 34:14

In the relationship we have with God, there is no room for selfishness on our part, only obedience and worship. All the glory and honor is unto Him and all we do is out of obedience and reverence to Him. For what would this relationship be if each were jealous? We submit to God because He is God. We worship Him because He is God. He is intolerant of unfaithfulness; this is shown all over the Old Testament. “The Great God Almighty that fills the universe and overflows into immensity can never be surrounded by that little thing that we call our brain, our mind, our intellect—never, never, never! Never can we rise to face God by what we know and by what we are, but only by love and faith are we lifted thus to know Him and adore Him!” (Tozer) Therefore all selfishness and self must flee on our part because there’s no room for it in loving Him. The only thing we seek and desire is Him and in that, all other things will come.

Blessings
The LORD will establish you as his holy people, as he promised you on oath, if you keep the commands of the LORD your God and walk in his ways. Then all the peoples on earth will see that you are called by the name of the LORD, and they will fear you. The LORD will grant you abundant prosperity - in the fruit of your womb, the young of your livestock and the crops of your ground - in the land he swore to your forefathers to give you. The LORD will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty, to send rain on your land in season and to bless all the work of your hands. You will lend to many nations but will borrow from none. The LORD will make you the head, not the tail. If you pay attention to the commands of the LORD your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top, never at the bottom. Do not turn aside from any of the commands I give you today, to the right or to the left, following other gods and serving them. Deuteronomy 28:9-14

The things I hold onto the most are the blessings God has given me. Yet He is telling me that blessings do not come in place of Him and His plan; rather, they accompany it. We must step out in faith and when we do so, we will be blessed beyond anything we could ever imagine. To be “selfish” we must be unselfish. To receive the blessings that are of Him and more sweet than we could ever imagine and the ones we desire so much of, we must be unselfish in our response to Him. We must be unselfish in how we live our life and let it always be an offering to Him.

Sacrificing All
“Then he said to them all: ‘If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self? If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels. I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the kingdom of God.” Luke 9:23-27

“Our fathers worshipped in this mountain; and ye say, that in Jerusalem is the place where men ought to worship. Jesus saith unto her, Woman, believe me, the hour cometh, when ye shall neither in this mountain, nor yet at Jerusalem, worship the Father. Ye worship ye know not what: we know what we worship: for salvation is of the Jews. But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him. John 4:20-23

The times are changing, and it’s up to us how we choose to respond. Revival is beckoning, and we can choose whether or not we want a part. This revival that is coming is different than anything we will ever know. It will shake the heavens and its power will be unleashed upon this world. Such is God’s desire for His people to know Him, and He will do anything it takes to bring His people back. With the power of the Lord comes great things, such as large multitudes of people being saved and baptized, people being healed, and our entire schema of the world changing before our eyes.
After reading reports about the revival happening at UCLA, God was asking me tough questions I either needed to answer or remember my answer to. The following is from a journal entry of mine that I wish to share with you.
“After reading these reports by Jaeson Ma of revival at UCLA, something stirred inside me that I haven’t felt in a long time, or ever. As he talked about this dying generation that is so stuck in rituals and the church game, and how we must take it by force, for the Kingdom of Heaven suffers violence, I knew this is what You’ve been needing to break through to me for quite some time. As I read this, I was uncomfortable, for it scared me in some ways. Lord, this revival coming is different than anything we will ever know. It will shake the heavens and its power will be unleashed upon this world. Such is Your desire for Your people to know You, and You will do anything it takes. At UCLA, people were being healed and saved, and Lord, I know this is Your plan, but do I really believe it? Do I live and breathe it every moment of every day that it literally becomes the source of life on which I depend? Do I not only rest solely in Your presence and on Your promises, but have the bold faith to know that You will fulfill those in ways unimaginable to the mere human mind? Lord, we’ve been talking about how we can pray and pray and pray for revival, but unless it comes as a result of the heart desperately seeking and crying out for revival, it won’t do much. I say I want revival, but You are convicting me of whether or not I am willing to sacrifice ALL for it. But as You say in Your word, whoever seeks his life will lose it, but whoever loses it for Your sake will find it. Everything I have is Yours, but am I willing to give it all back to You if You so call me to do so? Everything I am, everything I do, everything I have? Such is the cost that is so necessary to reach a dying generation, O Lord, and if I am to be a chosen one, I must decide what I am going to choose. In everything I do, will I make the sacrifice necessary at the given time, to die to self and desires, to die for the sake of knowing You? You are leading me into uncharted territory, Lord, this I know, and this scares me. More so than ever I feel this now.

But as I came to You in the quiet yet raging depression I was stuck in five and a half years ago, You renewed me, restored me, called me as Your own. It was there I found life and found something worth living for. I found a God who gave me purpose, One who would fight for me, One who loved me in the way I had been seeking all my life. It was there I found myself, there I knew I was a chosen one of You. It was there I found something worth living for. But here I am at the point of finding someone worth dying for. Am I willing to die to myself, to all the things I know, all the things I cling to, all my ideas, hopes, and dreams in order that Your kingdom be advanced on earth, that this dying generation will come to know the One who gave me life? It’s not a choice I make and change day after day, it’s a life modeled after the One who showed me how to live, it’s a journey of attaining wisdom from the Giver of knowledge, it’s a pursuit of a love more fulfilling and tempting and sweet than ever thought possible, and it’s a walk in the dangerous side, for You are not safe and we are in a battle for not only our hearts but all the souls of men.


Falling Away
“Here is my servant, whom I uphold, my chosen one in whom I delight; I will put my spirit on him and he will bring justice to the nations. He will not shout or cry out, or raise his voice in the streets. A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out. In faithfulness he will bring forth justice; he will not falter or be discouraged until he establishes justice on earth. In his law the islands will put their hope. This is what God the Lord says—he who created the heavens and stretched them out, who spread out the earth and all that comes out of it, who gives breath to its people and life to those who walk on it: I, the Lord, have called you in righteousness; I will take hold of your hand. I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people and a light for the Gentiles, to open eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison, and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness. I am the Lord; that is my name! I will not give my glory to another or my praise to idols. See, the former things have taken place, and the new things I declare; before they spring into being, I announce them to you. Sing to the Lord a new song, his praise from the ends of the earth, you who go down to the sea, and all that is in it, you islands, and all who live in them. Let the desert and its towns raise their voices; let the settlements where Kedar lives rejoice. Let the people of Sela sing for joy; let them shout from the mountaintops. Let them give glory to the Lord and proclaim his praise in the islands. The Lord will march out like a mighty man, like a warrior he will stir up his zeal; with a shout he will raise the battle cry and will triumph over his enemies. For a long time I have kept silent, I have been quiet and held myself back. But now, like a woman in childbirth, I cry out, I gasp and I pant. I will lay waste the mountains and hills and dry up all their vegetation. I will turn rivers into islands and dry up the pools. I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them. But to those who trust in idols, who say to images, ‘You are our Gods,’ will be turned back in utter shame. Hear you deaf, look you blind and see! Who is blind but my servant, and deaf like the messenger I send? Who is blind like the one committed to me, blind like the servant of the Lord? You have seen many things, but have paid no attention; your ears are open, but you hear nothing. It pleased the Lord for the sake of his righteousness to make his law great and glorious. But this is a people plundered and looted, all of them trapped away in pits or hidden away in prisons. They have become plunder, with no one to rescue them. They have been made loot, with no one to say ‘send them back.’ Which of you will listen to this or pay close attention in time to come? Who handed Jacob over to become loot, and Israel to the plunderers? Was it not the Lord, against whom we have sinned? For they would not follow his ways, they did not obey his law. So he poured out on them his burning anger, the violence of war. It enveloped them in flames, yet they did not understand; it consumed them, but they did not take it to heart.” Isaiah 42

Something that’s greatly been disturbing me as of late is how so many Christians are falling away as a result of going into the world unequipped. Instead of pulling others up to their level and being the leader, they go down to the other level and accept the fact that it’s easier to meet the other where he/she is at instead of bringing him/her up to where they are. Then, they remain in that lower level. There is a time for going to meet people where they are at, but it must not come at the price of our relationship with Him! Look at Christ with His ministry…it was only for three years. There was so much time beforehand in which He was being prepared for the three years in which He ministered. In order to go into the world, one has to be so strong not to be of it. Why are so many people not at this point? Why are so many people going into the world without any good sense and then coming out so blindly, having lost their first love and purpose for whom they live? It can’t be like this! I’m tired of seeing people “falling away” from Christ, thinking that in time, they will return. NO! The time is NOW to be with Christ and if they are fully in His presence, there’s no way they can escape. By becoming a Christian, they were accepting the gift of salvation that is free to us, but it came at a price. In becoming a Christian they are saying that they will leave their old ways behind and follow after Him. This is the sacrifice that so few make. How can one who has tasted and seen the ways of God live among the world and not see its fallen nature and be disgusted with it? This shows that so few Christians have had the encounter with Him that we so desperately need, for when we are completely captured by Him a passion will burn out of that, so as long as we dwell in Him and the Holy Spirit, it should never wane. Out of ourselves and this world, we can do nothing, but out of Him and His kingdom, we can do everything, for “the Christian who goes out without faith in ‘wonders’ will return without fruit. No one dare to be so rash that as to seek to do impossible things unless he has first been empowered by the God of the impossible. The power of the Lord was there is our guarantee of victory!” (Tozer). We must realize that we can no longer live by the ways of the world if we wish to truly live!

Choices
“When all these blessings and curses I have set before you come upon you and you take them to heart wherever the LORD your God disperses you among the nations, and when you and your children return to the LORD your God and obey him with all your heart and with all your soul according to everything I command you today, then the LORD your God will restore your fortunes and have compassion on you and gather you again from all the nations where he scattered you. Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach. It is not up in heaven, so that you have to ask, "Who will ascend into heaven to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?" Nor is it beyond the sea, so that you have to ask, "Who will cross the sea to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?" No, the word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so you may obey it. See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. For I command you today to love the LORD your God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess. But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods and worship them, I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess. This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.” Deuteronomy 20:1-3, 11-19

The other day I was walking through the UU and I had been for a couple of days looking to that corner in which we prayed during our prayer week and wondering why there was no one there anymore, wondering why everyone was gone. Why are we so quick to leave what we experienced that week and move on, treat it as a lost memory? I know in a lot of ways it was a preview of what is to come, but still, more than ever, we must carry that with us in every moment. If we forget how God brought the body of Christ together and how we united in prayer and how sweet our worship was, we have lost sight of the essential part of the revival. We have lost sight of the church gathering in the temple courts, the church of Acts, the church of believers, that when they came together God was able to use them in ways unimaginable to add thousands to the number saved daily. I’ve been discouraged in this fact, not just in others around me, but also in myself. Why am I so quick to leave and move on? We must always be pressing forward, yes, but we can’t lose sight of the vision. For if we are trying so desperately to always move forward to attain the vision, we get so close that we lose sight of what the vision is and get ahead of ourselves, get ahead of God. And another possibility is if we are trying to move forward, we can get off on the wrong path, thinking we are where we need to be, when in actuality, we’ve strayed and also lost sight of the vision in a different way. God has set before us life and prosperity and death and destruction. What path are we currently on? Which will we choose?


Lack of Mediocrity
Are all these words to go unanswered? Is this talker to be vindicated? Will your idle talk reduce men to silence? Will no one rebuke you when you mock? You say to God, 'My beliefs are flawless and I am pure in your sight.' Oh, how I wish that God would speak, that he would open his lips against you and disclose to you the secrets of wisdom, for true wisdom has two sides. Know this: God has even forgotten some of your sin. "Can you fathom the mysteries of God? Can you probe the limits of the Almighty? They are higher than the heavens-what can you do? They are deeper than the depths of the grave -what can you know? Their measure is longer than the earth and wider than the sea. "If he comes along and confines you in prison and convenes a court, who can oppose him? Surely he recognizes deceitful men; and when he sees evil, does he not take note? But a witless man can no more become wise than a wild donkey's colt can be born a man. "Yet if you devote your heart to him and stretch out your hands to him, if you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil to dwell in your tent, then you will lift up your face without shame; you will stand firm and without fear. You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by. Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety. You will lie down, with no one to make you afraid, and many will court your favor. But the eyes of the wicked will fail, and escape will elude them; their hope will become a dying gasp." Job 11

I know that when I became a Christian, I didn’t sign up for a mediocre thing to do; rather I decided to seek after the One who so passionately sought me. In this comes great sacrifices, but when one truly looks at it from a Godly perspective, they will see that all these things they have seemed to have “lost” actually brings so much gain. For no longer do we have these things of the world holding us back, but rather we are being crucified from the inside out, allowing ourselves to be identified with Christ. It is there we walk in the path of life. So no more mediocrity! No more stating, “this is the way things are because that’s how they are”! No more saying “well things will change in time, but for right now…” No! If one wishes to live the life passionate (passion meaning whatever a person is willing to suffer for), it starts here and now, with them coming to Christ seeking Him out fully and completely, for “outward circumstances may hinder for a time, but nothing can long stand against the naked power of God!” (Tozer). It is time for us to take up the power of the Holy Spirit and dwell in that, allowing it to dictate everything we do and everything we say. “One of the reasons we exhibit so little spiritual power is because we are unwilling to accept and experience the fellowship of the Savior’s sufferings, which means acceptance of the cross. How can we have and know the blessed intimacy of the Lord Jesus if we are unwilling to take the route in which He has demonstrated? We do not have it because we refuse to relate the will of God to the cross” (Tozer). I think often times people are content to live in passivity. Okay then- you want to just let things happen as they wish? Well I can guarantee that if one lives this way in the world, he/she will be swallowed up whole before they ever knew what hit him/her. The only way to live in safe passivity is to be active in our pursuit of God. We must get our life into accord with his. “Are we willing to hear the voice of God and obey His bidding and do what He wants us to do?” (Tozer). After this question is answered with a resounding yes and our lives are in accord with His will for us, then we can live in a sense of passivity, for we will be completely surrendered in every single aspect to what He wishes to do. Nothing will have a hold on us anymore. Yet, so few really reach that place. There always seems to be something holding us back. It is so dangerous to think that we are in the right place and therefore we can be passive about who we are and what we do. It is so dangerous to claim “spiritual perfection.” Can anyone fully claim this on this earth?

Radical Obedience
This is what the LORD says- he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, who drew out the chariots and horses, the army and reinforcements together, and they lay there, never to rise again, extinguished, snuffed out like a wick: "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
The wild animals honor me, the jackals and the owls, because I provide water in the desert and streams in the wasteland, to give drink to my people, my chosen, the people I formed for myself that they may proclaim my praise. Isaiah 43:16-21

It is time for some radical obedience on our parts as Christians. We must be willing to give up everything we have, everything we know, everything we are. If we truly want life and Christ, we must lose everything for that sake. If we truly want Him and His revival we must be so in tune with Him that our hearts beat the same as His, our hearts must hurt in the same way as His does for these people surrounding us. We must be moved to power as He moves in power, determined that through Him we will reach this dying generation. “The power of God is at our disposal, waiting for us to call it into action by meeting the conditions which are plainly laid down. God is ready to send down floods of blessing upon us as we being to obey His plain instructions.” (Tozer). Clear? Uncomfortable? Oh yeah. But worth it? A thousand times yes. As Tozer states, “[he] earnestly believes that God is trying to raise up a company of Christians in our day who are willing to be completely separated from all prejudices and all carnal desires. He wants those who are ready to put themselves at God’s disposal, willing to bear any kind of cross-iron or lead or straw or gold or whatever—and to be the kinds of examples He needs on this earth. The great question is: Is there a readiness, an eagerness among us for the kind of cross He wants to reveal through us?...As individuals we often say that we want revival to come. Revival will come to us and within us when we really want it, when we pay the price. Have you come to the place of heart-searching, of travail in the Spirit, the place of blessed pain and trouble for Jesus’ sake?”

I love you all too much to allow you to remain in the state you are currently in. It is now that I implore you to truly seek after the One who seeks you and leave everything behind! Stop making excuses, do what He has called you to do, starting right this very moment!!! I wouldn’t be the true sister in Christ to You if I just patted you on the back and said, “it’s okay, I’ll pray for you, hopefully it’ll get better in time.” I’ve done that far too long. I am going to be real with you and in this I am going to take hold of God’s power and call you to leave this state that you are in! Quit being satisfied with where you are at! There’s so much more than we can ever imagine and you are limiting yourself and not receiving His blessings by holding yourself back. You are a crucial part of the body of Christ and we cannot function without you. You’re not just hurting yourself, you’re not just grieving God, but you are crippling the body of Christ by holding yourself back. Be released from your chains of bondage. No longer will you be a slave of this world, but only a slave for Christ! You want a life of purpose? You want a life of blessings? You want a life of passion? Well GO! Seek it out NOW! Don’t waste any more time sitting around thinking it’ll come one day! THE TIME IS NOW! COMMIT YOURSELVES FULLY TO THE LORD AND TAKE HOLD OF HIS AWESOME POWER!

YOUR LIFE IS NOT YOUR OWN!
YOUR LIFE IS SOLELY FOR HIS GLORY!
HE WANTS TO USE YOU IN WAYS UNIMAGINABLE!
But will you?
The choice is yours…

“Let it be remembered that no one ever received the Holy Spirit’s power without knowing it. He always announces Himself to the inner consciousness. God will pour out His spirit upon us in answer to simple faith, but real faith will be accompanied by deep poverty of spirit and mighty heart yearnings, and will express itself in strong crying and tears” (Tozer).

Forever in Love with You

I'm enraptured by the beauty You've shown

As time elapses it increases evermore

For I see what You do in the hearts of men

And this heart of mine beats fervently

Your breath has come upon this place

To Your love we awake

Chorus

How can I fully sing my praises to You?

Give You all the glory that is due?

I will live my life in awesome wonder

Captured by Your splendor

Forever in love with You

I sit still in the silence of You

Hear Your voice calling to me

For I'm consumed by Your promises foretold

And I wait in eager anticipation

Your presence has come upon this place

To Your reverence we awake

Illusion of Beauty

There's a lot I could say and talk about now, but much needs to be developed between God and me before I say anything about those, but there is one thing in particular God's calling me to share.

Lately I've been struck by the concept of beauty, in many different ways, but here I will focus on that of women. Looking around me, especially at school in the spring, I see the concept of beauty and its understanding of it so warped. It saddens me so much to see girls dressing the way and acting the way they do. Do they not realize how beautiful they are, and how the clothes they choose and their actions only tarnish that beauty? I heard recently that when you think someone ugly or unattractive, you are only insulting God's creation, and it's so true. If we can find beauty in everyday things, then how much more should we in everyday people, for God's incredibly beautiful design is revealed so much in people. This is why I've made it a mission of mine this year to tell the girls around me, even those I don't know well, how incredibly beautiful they are.

I had the chance of hearing one of my sisters in Christ pray this past week...and I haven't been moved by the beauty that comes from the heart in such a long time. She allowed Christ to break her as she prayed and she confessed her sins before her fellow sisters and before the Lord, and in that vulnerability, she displayed a beauty far beyond anything this world could display. It has been amazing to see her grow this year, but the most precious thing of it all is how much more beautiful she becomes every moment as she seeks after the Lord with all her heart. There is a beauty that can only be found in Christ alone, the beauty of the heart.

This afternoon I helped another friend of mine get ready for a formal she had. I love getting ready and especially getting friends ready for fancy events, for it's always so much fun to dress up and have the excuse to. My friend is absolutely gorgeous on the outside but she has had some wounds on the inside, that Christ is in time healing, but the scars remain. As I did her hair and makeup in the time of two hours, I saw her natural beauty being accentuated, yet I saw something more. I saw the little girl inside of her who is longing to be beautiful and be told she is beautiful, the innocent one pretending she is a princess and in turn is valued. The scars didn't exist in that world, for she hadn't been wounded. Yet in contrast now, she is one of those girls I talked about earlier.

In my Bible Study this past Monday, we talked about the first chapter of Song of Solomon, and it brought up something I hadn't noticed before. The beloved worked in the fields, so she was deeply tanned and strong. Well in that time, the concept of a beautiful woman was one that was fair-skinned and delicate. Yet she comes to her lover and tells him that this is who she is and the tan is part of her, and the lover delights in that beauty, once stating she is a lily among thorns. What would it be like if the girls and women in this world realized they were beautiful in the way God intended them to be and fully embraced it? What would it be like if they came before people and stated this is who I am and if you will love me, you must love me the way I was created?

So often we are narrow minded in our definitions of things, and I think beauty has been one for far too long. We need to look at it from a different angle; we need to look at it from God's. I encourage my sisters in Christ to love our fellow sisters and delight in their beauty, spurring one another on in Christ because that is where our ultimate beauty comes from. I encourage my brothers in Christ to make princesses out of the women around you, make them feel beautiful and show them this in the purest way. I think we will find our concept of beauty redefined.

Source of Life

I hiked up to the P tonight in a solemn retreat of mine and found myself in the midst of abundant life, and so I picked off various blades of grass and other plants that are prospering, wanting a memory of tonight. Yet as I hiked down I realized these blades of grass will only be green for a short time before they will wither away and die, for they are away from their source of life. I am these blades of grass, without my source of life, Christ, I wither away...and as I head into uncharted territory in just about every realm, how much more necessary is it that I remain rooted to Christ, my source in only whom life I can find...

I’m wondering why no matter how hard I try
To seek and find the fullness of life
It always leaves me unsatisfied
And there I lift my eyes and seek
The One, in His presence, leaving me meek
Falling on my knees, in silent tears I weep

In all this wondering my heart cries out for more than I’ve seen
More than I know, more than all I need
I realize that no longer can this world satisfy me
For I am a chosen one, a Daughter of the King
His abundant blessings I must keep
And there the fullness of life I will find

In the Midst of Tears

A prayer of mine..

"Dear Lord, I come before You on behalf of those who don’t know You. As the tears fall down my face I know Yours are numerous, for Your heart breaks for those who have turned away. Lord, though I don’t understand their actions, self-destructive patterns, or sins, I know that You who created me is the same God who created them and loves them ever so. I pray that they will allow themselves to be enveloped in Your grace and see how Your love is better than life, than anything they have ever known or ever will know. I know that often times people must come to You in pain and though it breaks my heart to see that, I take rest in knowing Your purpose will always be realized in the only way You intend, the best way.

I pray that I will not become stagnant but always will seek You passionately to the end of my days. Let Your light shine through me before men here, O Lord. As You have placed me here among these people, I pray You will use me in ways I can’t even comprehend. I pray for those I am in contact with and those I have yet to have contact with. I pray that my heart will always be in the right place in order that they may receive from me the gifts You have given me. Let them see the full measure of joy through me that only comes from You. Lord, I pray that I will not be selfish and hold myself back in their lives, that I will dive in regardless of the obvious consequences, and love in abandon in the way You love us. I know that people of this world will always disappoint me in one way or another, but I am not here to get my reward on earth, for I seek my reward in Heaven. You are the only One that can truly satisfy. Let Your name be fully engraven upon me that all who see me may know that I am Yours.

Though my heart breaks for all those who don’t know You now Lord, I know You are working in the midst of my discouragement, for I only see a fraction of the picture. Lord, that they may come to know You even more intimately than I do…that is the cry of my heart. Let me see Your beauty revealed as they repent. ‘Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know you have sent me. I have made You known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them’ John 17:25-26."

Musings

The Time has Come
Do you see the movement of sinners turning to repent?
Open your eyes for you’ve been gone too long
Away from this world that’s holding you down
Lift up your hands and come back to the only love You’ve known

Do you see the consuming fire ablaze in this place?
Open your heart and allow it to burn inside
Give an offering to the one who paid the greatest price
Lift up the name of the one who deserves your praise

bridge
For the time has come in which we no longer wait
There’s a movement of revival in this place
It requires your all, are you willing to give
Finally die so you may find that you can truly live?

chorus
Let your love flow uninhibited
Surrender all to the feet
Of the One whom we meet
In mercy at his throne
Receive his power without restraint
Go out to the nations to declare His name
For your time has come
Yes, the time has come
There’s a revival in this place

You see the spirit of the One
As the spirit flows through this place
A beauty untainted, pure
The movement of a sweet sweet song
As we surrender all
They come to His name


Quiet Strength
She moves uninhibited
An air of confidence and grace
Radiant with beauty
Her smiles fill the place
A gentle heart increasingly pure
Eyes lifted to the Lord
Every word off her tongue intentional
Filled with praise forevermore
All those around captured by her presence
For quiet strength is her song

In the Refiner’s fire
Consumed by only One
Clay in the Potter’s hands
Form begins to take shape
The layers of a petal pulled away
Revealing the blossom within
To fear the Lord
Is where one must begin
In the grip of grace
Singing praises all the day long
I evermore look to His face
For quiet strength will be my song.

One by One

From here
Right now
Your Cross
Carried out
One by one
They come to raise
Lift up Your name
In everlasting praise
See them gather, hear them sing
To join the cause of the One whom we see
And here it starts
And here it begins
The rushing of a pent-up flood
That brings sinners to repent
One by one they come
Gather in Your name
To take up Your cross
Leave behind their shame
One by one they come
Strip away burdens, leave them behind
Hearing Your call screaming "You are mine"
And one by one they come
Men who fear Your name
To take up Your cross
Carry it out to the land

And one by one
The tears fall down my face
As I remember what You revealed
Beautiful glimpses now reality
O Lord of prophecies
Who am I that You allow me to see?
One by one I offer these words
Give You all the glory!

Revival

Voices harmonizing
Single breath in song
Hymns of loudest praise
Offering as one
See the beauty in our hearts
Spirit of God in this place
All we have we bring
All we are we give
Sacrifice upon the altar
Die so we may live
Lay our lives down
For the sake of knowing our King
Yet still, we are called to more
To bring our everything
Countless souls wandering
Hidden from His face
Prone to wander, still they run
Rejecting the merciful grace
Will we come? Seek Your face?
Sacrifice all for Your praise?
O Spirit of God, move in this place
Revival bring glory to Your name!

Dwelling in Words

This is kind of an addendum to what I wrote earlier...that was rushed and hurried and so I'm wiping the slate clean and starting over.

"We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. No, we speak of God's secret wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him" but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words." (1 Corinthians 2:6-13)

God's been teaching me today especially that words have no purpose if they are not edifying or positive in some way. Words shouldn't be spoken just to be spoken. So much of communication in this world is of a worldly spirit that can only further the flesh. Yet, as Christians, we have received the Holy Spirit in which all words should flow from. We speak in an edifying manner. I was presented with the stark contrast between conversations that contain this manner with the manner of worldly conversation in our study lounge this week. i had the choice to partake or not to partake in conversations occuring there. So often I did not. Who are we to think we have the right to blaspheme others? If we are speaking out of the Spirit, in words taught by the spirit, I know God's kingdom will be advanced in ways we never thought possible.

"My heart is stirred by a noble theme as I recite my verses for the king; my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer. You are the most excellent of men and your lips have been anointed with grace, since God has blessed you forever." Psalm 45:1-5

I've been looking back to hymn writers and reading their words, finding that I crave what is being spoken for the hymns contain such purity and beauty, and I've been wondering why we don't see that more today, even with myself as a writer. In society today we have so many resources and means to communicate with the seemingly limitless media and freedom of expression we experience. Yet in this, I think this is where we have lost the purity and beauty of words. These aformentioned hymn writers wrote out of the fullness of the Spirit and it is through that power that those words still move people today. I think about how many books I've read over the years and thinking about how many I actually remember. Not many. Just because one has the ability and means to communicate does not mean one should. I think society gets too caught up in the “practice of communication” that we have lost sight of the “art of communication.” When one thinks about the word art, it implies something that has taken shape over time, with many iterations and deliberateness, intention and vision, that eventually comes out to be something that evokes emotion or opinion, and the best art is often one that challenges people to look at life in a different way or see newfound beauty or gain inspiration. Why shouldn’t communication be the same?

Do we ever sit in silence anymore? I found myself yesterday with a half hour of time before meeting some friends and I was searching for someone to talk to or something to do, when all I needed to do was be still. Out of this seamless praise flowed because it was the result of allowing the Holy Spirit to move. There's such a beauty in allowing our hearts to be stirred by a noble theme as we recite our verses for the King...

"She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue." Proverbs 31:26

God continues to refine me and in that He's been teaching me a lot about myself lately, things that perhaps I didn't think were relevant to the time I am in now. I'll only speak of one area here, and that is how I need to return back to my roots as an encourager. Back home I was known as the "sweet one" who was the one who everyone went to talk to about whatever needed to be shared, for God's given me the ability to listen and grace that goes along with it. God's changed me a lot this year, but there are things He has created me to be that I must not leave. I want to be a vessel of encouragement, for I don't think I've been doing that near my capacity at all. I want to be intentional with my words and things I say to others, in that they may contain wisdom and faithful instruction.

With all of this I am reminded of the conversations I have and treasure with my brothers and sisters in Christ for they are so edifying and God uses them so much. As we are real and open with one another we see the grace of God move through it. I see a glimpse of what meaningful communication is and should be...and I pray that it will become such that through our words hearts are lit on fire by the Holy Spirit, for the words of the Holy Spirit being spoken through us are piercing their hearts. And it is also my prayer that I will be intentional with my words, not speaking just to speak, but with purpose and intention behind it. Let "my lips be anointed with grace, since God has blessed me forever."

Delight

How good it is to delight in God...in His time, I will write more about what this has all entailed, but I wanted to share some powerful works from Gerhard Tersteegen, a 18th century poet/hymnist. These words express everything far better than I can.

Hidden in God’s Heart
How good it is, when weaned from all beside
With God alone the soul is satisfied,
deep hidden in his heart!
How good it is, redeemed, and washed, and shriven,
To dwell, a cloistered soul, with Christ in heaven
Joined, never more to part!

How good the heart’s still chamber thus to close
On all but God alone—
There in the sweetness of His love repose
His love unknown!
All else forever lost—forgotten all
That else can be;
In rapture undisturbed, O Lord, to fall
And worship Thee.

No place, no time, neath those eternal skies
How still, how sweet, and how surpassing fair
That solitude in glades of paradise
And, as in olden days, God walking there.
I hear His voice amidst the stillness blest
And care and fear are past
I lay me down within His arms to rest
From all my works at last.

How good it is when from the distant land
From lonely wanderings, and from weary ways
The soul hath reached at last the golden strand,
The Gates of Priase!
There, where the tide of endless love flows free
There, in the sweet and glad eternity
The still, unfading Now.
Ere yet the days and nght of earth are o’er,
Begun the day that is forever more—
Such rest art Thou!

Within the Holy Place
His priest am I, before Him day and night
Within His holy place
And death, and life, and all things dark and bright
I spread before His face.
Rejoicing with His joy, yet ever still,
For silence is my song
My work to bend beneath His blessed will
All day and all night long
Forever holding with Him converse sweet
Yet speechless, for my gladness is complete

The Royal Priesthood
The race of God’s anointed priests
Shall never pass away
Before His glorious face they stand
And serve Him night and day

Though reasons rave and unbelief
Flows on, a mighty flood
There are, and shall be until the end
The hidden priests of God

His chosen souls, their earthly dross
Consumed in sacred fire
To God’s own heart their hearts ascend
In the flame of deep desire
The incense of their worship fills
His temple’s holiest place
Their song with wonder fills the heavens
The glad new song of grace.

At the Foot of the Cross

Walking in the fields of green when something gleams
Taken aback I turn around and see
Your cross stretched out, fallen upon the ground

No longer in its full glory

Over the fence I climb, stretching to reach
The grace upon which I stumbled so greatly
Moved by love I was compelled
To take up Your cross once again

Lifting it up, glimpses of Simon of Cyrene
Appalled by the weight of which You bore
In the midst of excruciating pain
How was this cross carried that day?

Not by my own strength but Yours
The cross was lifted up from the floor
And crucified You were again
For me my sins You bore

Up in its full splendor, never have I been so moved
To hug the cross so dear to me
Looking to where Your ankles bound
To where Your pierced hands lay
To where Your head bowed
In the midst of excruciating pain
Love of the Father present still
At the foot of the cross I lay

Barbed wire pierced my hand
Like the nails You bore
A drop of blood, a single tear
At the price You paid
Ever still I stumbled upon a coil of wire
The crown of thorns You wore
What did You go through for me, my Dear Lord?

The fence broken through
Gates open wide
The door to heaven remains
A gift to those who accept the price He paid
Released from all bondage still
A free and released soul
In the presence of Our Dear Lord

Walking in the fields of green when something gleams
Taken aback I look up and see
The love of the Father, shining from the sky
The price He paid in all its full glory

Promises

I've been realizing something as of late in regards to words and mine never fully being able to praise God in the way He deserves. Last night in my Bible Study we talked about the Bible being the promises of God. As I read the Bible in this way last night, a new vitality was brought to my thirst for His word and what He speaks through it. Though I know God has given me a gift with words, I am so thankful that I can turn to His word and know it gives such an accurate representation of Him. I'm struck by the beauty of the Psalmnists, the words of wisdom from the prophets, the amazing testimonies by historians, and the encouragement and commands of Paul, John, and others. More and more my eyes are being open to His incredible promises, and it leaves me with a thirst like no other.

"Then God said to Noah and to his sons with him: 'I now establish my covenant with you and with your descendants after you and with every living creature that was with you--the birds, the livestock and all the wild animals, all those that came out of the ark with you--every living creature on earth. I establish my covenant with you: Never again will all life be cut off by the waters of a flood, never again will there be a flood to destroy the earth.' And God said, 'This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature to come: I have set my rainbow in the clouds and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life" (Genesis 9:8-15).

"Praise be to the Lord, who has given rest to his people Israel just as he promised. Not one word has failed of all the good promises he gave through his servant Moses. May the Lord our God be with us as he was with our fathers; may he never leave us nor forsake us. May he turn our hearts to him, to walk in all his ways and to keep the commands, decrees, and regulations he gave our fathers. And may these words of mine, which I have prayed before the Lord, be near to the Lord our God day and night, that he may uphold the cause of his people Israel according to each day's need, so that all the peoples of the earth may know that the Lord is God and that there is no other. But your hearts myst be fully committed to the Lord our God, to live by his decrees and obey his commands, as at this time" (1 Kings 8:56-61).

"Remember this, fix it in mind, take it to heart, you rebels. Remember the former things, those of long ago; I am God and there is no other; I am God and there is none like me. I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say: my purpose will stand, and I will do all I please. From the east I summon a bird of prey; from a far off land, a man to fufill my purpose. What I have said, that I will bring about; what I have planned, that I will do" (Isaiah 46:8-11).

Passionate

“Where can we go? Our brothers have made us lose heart. They say, “the people are stronger and taller than we are; the cities are large, with walls up to the sky. We even saw the Anabites there.’ Then I said to you, ‘do not be terrified, do not be afraid of them. The Lord your God is going before you and he will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the desert. There you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place” (Deuteronomy 1:28-31).

How the Lord spoke to me through this passage this weekend. It’s interesting because as I go off to a new place or something unfamiliar, I find myself in fear for I don’t know what to expect, even if it’s just for a couple of days. I relate this back to what God has for me and realize that these little “weekends” are nothing compared to what He has in store for me. In the fear I feel, I want to cling to what is familiar and what I know. There are times when I find myself clinging to the little idea of home that I have left, to eventually find that really, I have no home anymore except for in Christ. This is the way it should be, however foreign the idea may be at the present. As Christians we are called to be strangers of this world and that resonates more and more in my life daily. So as I no longer belong to this world, I cling to Christ, my Lord, and there I find rest.

I learned about fear in two other ways this weekend as well. As I sat and talked with other girls this weekend at the retreat, over and over again I saw their heart to know God intimately and embrace who He has created them to be, yet fear has seemed to paralyze them from moving. I was so moved by this fact that I had the opportunity to get up and share this with the group of about 150 girls. I have been in that place where fear paralyzes you from moving closer to God, and it leaves one in the state of passivity. It is my heart’s cry that those He has called by name will hear His call and simply run to Him, leaving all fears behind. We can’t be so afraid and uncertain of the things God is doing and will do that we remain paralyzed; instead, we bring that fear to Him. Boldly we approach the throne with confidence. But, we approach. As the passage from Deuteronomy states, God goes before us and He fights for us, yet at the same time, He carries us in His arms. We have a remarkable God on our side! Will we allow Him to be that God in our lives? Will we fully realize that God has not given us a spirit of fear?

“The Lord did not set his affection on you and choose you because you were more numerous than other peoples, for you were the fewest of all peoples. But it was because the Lord loved you and kept the oath he swore to his forefathers, that he brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the land of slavery, from the power of Pharaoh, King of Egypt. Know therefore, that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations to those who love him and keep his commands” (Deuteronomy 7:7-9).

The last way I am learning about fear is true fear of the Lord. His power is so unbelievably great and honestly, the plans He has for me scare the heck out of me at times. For a long time I struggled with the fact of what it meant to truly fear the Lord. I thought that it seemed to be such a contradiction with what everything else said; such as God loves you, He wraps you in His arms, etc., etc., and then we are to fear Him? Why do we fear someone we love? I’m finally starting to realize that fearing is being in total reverence and awe of His power, knowing full well that He is God and will do whatever He wishes. It is the fear of Him that brings us to the foot of His throne, not away from Him.

“You hem me in-behind and before, You have laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain” (Psalm 139:5-6).
On somewhat of the opposite spectrum of fear, I find myself in a place I’ve never been before. Never before do I remember being so passionately in love with the Lord my God and having it consume me. He has brought me so far yet I know I haven’t seen anything yet and that is something I can’t comprehend. For how can my life be more blessed? How much closer to Him can I be? His thoughts are much too lofty for me! I am stunned and remain in this constant state of worship. After all that has happened over the last two weeks, I felt as if things were finally going to spill this weekend, all of my words and emotions and everything. I had a three hour block of time on Saturday in which I sat on a wooden suspension pedestrian bridge over the river in the midst of a redwood valley, just drinking in the sunshine. How sweet was that time, in which I could pour out my heart fully and uninhibitedly to Him…yet at the end I felt no more “spilt” than at the beginning. I’ve always been able to express myself and what is going on fully in words, and I’m now in the place where I can’t. I am experiencing what it is like to have life to the full, and in that, all this that dwells in my heart will always be brimming over. I pray that will never cease, because it is in this state that I remain in true, constant worship of Him! In the place where I am at a loss of words yet so full of praise that I never have enough time to fully praise Him. In the place where I can’t stop letting Him pour through me and teach me. In the place where a smile never leaves my face and I never cease to be moved by Him. In the place where I so beautifully see Him in every single moment. In the place where I know He has me in the grip of His hand and He has called me by name. In the place that I never want to leave because I want to remain in His presence all the days of my life!


This consummation that burns inside my heart
The flames ablaze, Your passion runneth over
I have never been so moved by You
So deep in love with You
And my heart can’t contain

This love song arising from my heart
This love song scripted in my soul
This love song from my lips depart
This love song that has captured me still

Crucified

The Lord Jesus Christ was sent to die
All may count their sins as loss
Nailed to a cross, He was crucified
Always in step with the Father's will
We live because of the sacrifice
Walking by the purpose that
The glory of God is man fully alive
Here I am...

Chorus
Be crucified in me
Be crucified through me
Waking me up so I can see
I am free, I am free
Your sacrifice allows me to be
Caught up in Your beauty
I am free, I am free
I am free

The cross testifies of grace
When we survey the splendor still
For one man died to take our place
An act of love difficult to comprehend
Overcoming the world of hate
In doing so He raises us up
On His promise He commands us to wait


I've wanted to write so much over the last few days but I simply haven't been able to because of lack of words. There are no words close to adequate enough to express what God is doing and thus my quiet. Coming from a writer like me, I think it says a lot when I can't even find the words to say. That's what God's doing and that's who He is. He's bigger, much bigger than anything anyone could ever say. And for now, I am going to drink it all in. In time I will write more. See the beauty of God, my friends. Allow Him to reveal Himself to You and then be astounded.

Escape these Borders

I had the blessing of having a conversation with one of my best friends and accountability partner here today and it was amazing. Can I just say how much of a blessing you are to me? You know who you are, and I love you to death!

God has been lacing His love through every moment and I've seen it so much today. In this He's showing me my desires that are coming from His heart. I'll only speak of one here, and that is how I don't want to be in the United States for much longer; I know I'm probably here for 5 years at least though. As I get more distant from the culture, the closer I get to Him, and I know there is so much more He can do with me and through me if I am away from the United States.

I know I need to be in prayer about this, but frankly I am tired of the attitudes we "privileged" Americans have. I wonder why in a country blessed with so many resources such as money, we use it so poorly. I wonder why with all of the media we have, we continue to see it portray more and more worthless and sinful messages. I wonder why with all of the information we have, especially with Christianity today, why there aren't many, many more souls turned over to Christ. I keep coming back to the fact that this is a nation riddled with sin and pride, far from the roots the Founding Fathers had. I'm reminded of Jesus in the marketplace/temple area and how He threw over tables and told the people there that His house is a house of prayer (Matthew 21:12-13). At this point, I know there is going to have to be a lot of God's wrath shown in order to bring this country and its people to repent for denying the God of existence.

And though I know God will use me here in whatever time He wishes me to be here, I want to share the Gospel to the ends of the earth...it's a longing difficult to put into words. I want to escape these borders and escape the box that this country puts on God. I want to go to those countries that have next to nothing because they realize they have so much more to gain in Christ, for "how hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!" (Luke 18:24).

There is much to be seen and much to be done in the time I am here in the United States, but how I do long for the day in which I can leave these borders.

Psalm 24
The earth is the LORD's, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it; for he founded it upon the seas and established it upon the waters. Who may ascend the hill of the LORD ? Who may stand in his holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to an idol or swear by what is false. He will receive blessing from the LORD and vindication from God his Savior. Such is the generation of those who seek him, who seek your face, O God of Jacob. Lift up your heads, O you gates; be lifted up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in. Who is this King of glory? The LORD strong and mighty, the LORD mighty in battle. Lift up your heads, O you gates; lift them up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in. Who is he, this King of glory? The LORD Almighty- he is the King of glory.

Universal Need

God is on the move and nothing can get in the way of that, a fact in which we can rest contently in. After Crusade last night and having lunch with my next door neighbor and various conversations with people, He continues to show me that there is no stopping the movement of the Holy Spirit here. It's truly remarkable how not just on a college campus that is diverese with different types of personalities and people, but also in the world, how there is a common thread that runs through each of us. We all have a longing for and to know our Creator and Savior, whether it is apparent or not. This remains universal no matter what position of life or any circumstances that have come about.

I find myself smiling because though some people around me may not see it in themselves quite yet, God is revealing it to me. It's incredible to see where they are at now and where God will bring them to. Such is my next-door-neighbor. There's a lot of anger and resentment that determines her actions and mood. However, deep down inside, she is longing for that all to be stripped away, to find the joy that comes only from knowing the One who passionately loves her when everyone else fails her.

And once again forgiveness and freedom was brought up again, this time at Crusade last night. I can't even begin to imagine what it is going to look like when these souls and hearts are released from their bondage holding them back and they begin to walk in freedom and righteousness. Again, it comes back to the universal need.

God is on the move and I can't wait to see what will happen!