Yeah...it does. I'm done with architecture for the year and still I am up. It's amazing how though I've been consumed with this seemingly 200+ hour project, God speaks to me during that time I am working.
There have been a lot of different things that have been raised in the last week but I don't have infinite time to blog. I'm going to speak about those things God is putting on my heart right now....
Over the last week I was resenting the summer coming in a lot of ways, for here I am in a routine of sorts and though God constantly brings new surprises, I have a level of comfort here...yet as soon as I develop any comfort, God rips me out of that. I used to resent it all the time, but now I am seeing how it is so necessary and good. I jump straight into summer project the day after school is out and after I say goodbye to all here and it's no transition at all. Praise God for how He's breaking me and challenging me in that way. God renewed me and brought a new passion to me last night, in that all I really live for and desire to live for is to be His ambassador, to spread His name and love to the nations, and to do whatever He wishes me to do. Why was I resenting this summer so much? It is only a huge step in where He is calling me to be and do...I get to spend an entire summer devoted to serving and growing in the Lord 24/7, and out of that I know God will further develop me to do this 24/7/365, even in the midst of 200+ hour projects. Oh how I long for the day in which God will call me out in missions...this passion is burning so strongly now. This is who I was made to be and this is who I long to be: an ambassador of Christ. During this time in which I am in school and doing other things, I need to realize that God has placed me here for a time such as this, and this is a huge thing he wants me to take part in as well as use this as a training ground for the future. There's a quote by Jim Eliot I love: "Let not our longings slay our appetite for living." Lord, let this be my creed. Though I long for the day You call me to leave these borders, let not my longing slay my appetite for living, for what You have in the present.
As a kid I hated peas. My mom and dad always told me they were good for you, and that they tasted really good (my dad). Yet, every time I saw these dented green mushy balls on my plate, I hated the fact I was expected to eat these, and I didn't care if they were good for you or tasted good; the fact was that they didn't look appetizing. My mom persisted in serving me these peas and still does to this day. There were many times they forced me to eat my portion and I did so with disgust. My mom has given up on trying to get me to eat them, but they still remain on my plate, in case I might change my mind.
How often do we as Christians try to feed these peas to people who simply don't want them, who have no appetite for them? We can't force feed people. Yes, we may want the best for them, and know that these tokens of nourishment we place before them will only bring them closer to God and help them grow stronger, but if they don't want them, we can't force them. The more we try to force God and our perceptions of things, the more we strengthen their dislike for what we feed them. If they are not ready to receive, what good do we do in making them open up and take a good bite out of what they don't desire? We do no good. Our hearts can be in the best of places, but we must understand the needs of others and respond accordingly. All we can do is give these people their peas, in hope that one day they may try a bite and develop a taste for them, leaving them hungering for more. Let us be faithful in serving those around us their peas, but love them enough to let them make their own decisions. Let us not do more harm than good.
We (people in the dorm) had our last planned prayer and worship night of the year tonight. I had been so excited for this so we could go out with a bang and fully offer ourselves to God before this summer. We needed to praise HIm in the way He deserves from all He has done this year. There was an overflow in my heart and still is, but where was the passion tonight? I still don't get why people don't understand that when you offer your time and yourself to the Lord and go and worship Him, He will totally provide. Time is not the issue, neither are projects at hand. What the issue is is where the passion lies. Are we truly seeking the Lord earnestly or are we just making that 200 yard walk, sing a couple lines, mumble a couple prayers, and check it off our list of either "things I need to do to be a good Christian" or "things I need to do so I don't feel guilty"? This may sound harsh, but I feel the need to be blunt. Have we not seen this year how much He has provided? Why turn our backs on that now? We must run after the fire that consumes us ever more every day. It can't wane. I'll be honest. I was disappointed tonight. I don't know what needs to be done, but this summer, it's largely out of my hands. Like I said earlier, I can't force feed these peas, but I pray that those Christians who have tasted these peas and know the benefits will return to consuming those. It's a long, lonely, dry life without it. I honestly don't see a whole lot in the body around me right now...I'm not seeing the passion that I have at times.
As for me, I'm running after the Lord...I want Him to be my source of passion and my only consummation....
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