Hmm...skydiving on Saturday seemed a fitting end to last week. It was yet another one of those things that God used to show me how He is leading me on rather uncharted paths. I've always wanted to go skydiving despite the ironic fact that I'm not scared of heights if I know I can't fall...yet I was freefalling while skydiving. There are so many times we have to let go of our fears and just jump out into faith that the unknown will cradle us. With skydiving, I didn’t know what to expect and there was definitely that few seconds that I was terrified out of my mind, in particular, as I fell out of the plane. I found something interesting in my freefall though: the air “supported” me, even though I was falling at over 120 miles an hour. The unknown can be scary because we don’t know what to expect, but God always provides, often in those ways we don’t expect. For me, it was the air “cushioning” me as I fell so I felt like I wasn't falling, and it provided a sense of security that the ground was nothing I needed to worry about. It was interesting because I wasn’t very scared at all on the ride up; I actually found the ride rather soothing, just knowing that God was there in the beauty of it all and that He was going to protect me. Yet when I was finally confronted with that open door and having to jump out, that’s when I was the most terrified. I had the choice to stay on the plane. We can choose to stay on the plane or just jump out and trust in God's provision and ways, and as I found, we will find there isn’t much to be terrified of. We can’t let that split moment of fear paralyze us from taking that leap. We will miss out on so much if we do.
I noticed something on the drive down to skydiving though. The hills which were so vibrantly green here a couple of weeks ago are now drying up after what seems such a short time. I thought about Colorado and why it’s never green there; it’s because it takes so much moisture to be that green, and Colorado simply doesn't get enough. It rained so much here in order for it to become as green as it was, but as soon as the rain ceased, the hills start to dry up. I think often times we complain about this rain. We don’t realize the necessity it possesses in order to bring forth life. It’s so often this in our lives; we don’t wish to be diligent and make the effort in order to live the fruitful life, and then we wonder why it dries up. Yet, when it does become dry, we have to evaluate why it is becoming that way. Often times it is because we are not right in our walks. Granted, there are seasons in which God pours out the rain abundantly and the blessings and life come, and we don’t have to do much or anything but receive it.
"I will make a covenant of peace with them and rid the land of wild beasts so that they may live in the desert and sleep in the forests in safety. I will bless them and the places surrounding my hill. I will send down showers in season; there will be showers of blessing. The trees of the field will yield their fruit and the ground will yield its crops; the people will be secure in their land. They will know that I am the LORD , when I break the bars of their yoke and rescue them from the hands of those who enslaved them. They will no longer be plundered by the nations, nor will wild animals devour them. They will live in safety, and no one will make them afraid. I will provide for them a land renowned for its crops, and they will no longer be victims of famine in the land or bear the scorn of the nations. Then they will know that I, the LORD their God, am with them and that they, the house of Israel, are my people, declares the Sovereign LORD . You my sheep, the sheep of my pasture, are people, and I am your God, declares the Sovereign LORD .' " Ezekiel 34:25-31
This time as of late has definitely been a time of me jumping out of the plane, God pouring out the rain and me just walking in it and receiving it. I'm so astounded and in such a worshipful mood because of what He has done. I have seen Him answer prayers in ways I didn't think possible, give me some of the desires of my heart, and tend to me with such gentle care. Throughout this year I found myself questioning my heart and wondering if it was distracting or deceiving me. With an amazing man, God made it clear to me in the beginning that this was of Him and I just needed to let Him work. I was so scared to take things into my own hands like I have done in the past, that often times my heart was not still in the way it should've been. Yet, through prayer, it became more and more clear to me that things with me and him were completely of God, but in that, also bore much more opportunity for spiritual attack. I found a quote by Elisabeth Eliot to be very true, that "the greater potential for good, the greater potential for evil." There have been times I've wrestled with some rather intense attacks, both realizing the potential in the love I bear, but also that I was putting myself in a vulnerable place that I wasn't meant to be at that time. God must always be the protector of my heart, and I praise Him for continuing to teach me so!
There came a point in which God brought me to a little while back. I had to be willing to accept the fact that nothing may come of anything between me and him, and be okay with that. I needed to surrender not just to what God was doing, but also what God could possibly not do. It wasn't an easy time, but God completely provided, and that was just one of the key elements in getting me to walk fully on the path of freedom. Since then, I've remained in prayer about this relationship, and as I saw it grow, praying that God would be working in his heart in the same way He was in mine. In this time, a beautiful thing has happened within me: God has calmed and quieted my heart in this matter, while still being reverent with love. I find myself content in such a way I haven't been in quite some time. I found this statement from Tozer to be so true over the last week in particular: "Why does it take so long to put our complete trust in God when He has made it so simple and so rewarding to yield what we are to Him?”
And rewarding He is...how rewarding He is! God answered and is answering my prayers and pouring out blessings like I can't believe. How good it is when two hearts fully submit to Him and allow Him to work. I praise Him that our conceptions of what is to happen are so mediocre compared to what He actually does! I found there was nothing I needed to be worried about, for God has been working in his heart very much in the same way, and I praise God that he is taking it upon his shoulders to lead and initiate the relationship that God has brought and one I've seen and anticipated for some time. I praise Him that we can receive the blessings that honesty brings--in being honest with one another with how He is leading us in what to do and say. I praise Him that He is making it clear to both of us as to where we stand for the present and where He's leading us for the future.
Nothing like I’ve ever experienced before, my eyes are opened in a new way
And my heart bursts forth with the beauty You’ve shown
As two hearts beat as one in the reverence of You, Lord.
Never before have I fully seen
The beauty of You revealed in one placed right before me
Your love is oh, ever so consuming and it spills over to him.
Harmony flows in such tangible ways because of Your presence between us both,
So much beauty, so much glory, so much majesty You’re showing me through him
And I fall to my knees, pray and praise for Your spirit working in this place
Thank You for this precious gift You’ve given me.
As the fields must be tended to and rain poured out in order for them to flourish, I know this time is coming with this summer. I know this summer is going to be incredible, to see what God is going to do, as hard as it will be at times to be away from this man and to be stretched out of my comfort zone. I am going to have to be much more diligent in seeking the rain and making sure I am flourishing in a way that I am developing into the woman I need to be for God and for him. Yet, as the tender shepherd God's been, I know He'll tend to me with care. At the same time however, I know God loves me too much to leave me where I am at, and He will push me in ways that will be uncomfortable. I count it all as loss for the sake of knowing Him. I give everything to Him that He may be glorified.
Here I am to say that He's my God.
He's altogether lovely.
He's altogether worthy.
He's altogether wonderful to me.
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