Nine

Today is my ninth birthday in the Lord. God was good to remind me of the day last night, as last year it passed me by rather quickly with me not remembering. I don’t have a lot of profound thoughts tonight, but I did want to write…

I spent the last two days with my mom up in the mountains. It was a mini-vacation for us. Over the last couple of weeks particularly, I’ve been thinking about the relationship I have with my parents and how ridiculously blessed I am by them. They may not understand who I am perfectly, but they understand me pretty darn well for parents. I’ve been thinking as to why that is. I think part of it is attributed to how intentional and well my family communicates. It’s part of the reason I talk and process a lot! But with that, they also listen incredibly well. Even if they do not understand, they make the effort to try to understand where I am coming from and why.

It is incredible the impact that our relationships with our parents have on us. I won’t go into all the different ways why here. On my end, though the Lord was so gracious to pursue me to bring me to be the first in my family that came to know Him, the Lord was also gracious in providing me with the parents He has. In part, I believe that my relationship with the Lord is what it is because of the parental influence I've had. Even in the midst of so many times of brokenness in our family, love, grace, and forgiveness have always prevailed. They modeled so many facets of my Heavenly Father and Savior without fully knowing Him--I still don’t understand it. God’s grace in them has been tremendous.

I realize I am in the minority. I don’t think there’s a lot of people out there that have what they would call great and fulfilling relationships with their parents. Yet, over the years, my parents have remained steadfast in so many of the things they did well in my childhood-supporting me, believing in me, caring for me, being a constant presence, etc. And more so, they’ve grown into some of my greatest friends. I am deeply humbled and thankful for them.

In my high school years particularly, I was incredibly blessed with a “second family,” Christine’s family. Her parents really became my spiritual parents in rearing me up in the Lord. I developed a very close relationship with her mom during that time because she is so full of God’s wisdom, grace, and humility. She was able to be there in a way my parents weren’t able to at the time. There was a lot going on with my brother that my parents were more occupied with. God provided for my greatest need at the time with her. I know that relationship with her was hard for my mom at times, because while she was thankful for that relationship, she wondered why I couldn’t have that same relationship with her.

Three years ago, my mom came to know the Lord. It was a huge answer to prayer and praise. Over that time, I’ve been cautious in how I pursue the spiritual relationship with her because I want her to be fully in love with Jesus first and foremost. I didn’t want her to seek a relationship with the Lord in an attempt to gain a closer relationship with me. I want her to be able to stand upon Him now and forever because I am not a constant. There has been a lot of prayer over the last three years. In ways where I’ve wanted to pursue, or thought I should pursue, God’s held me back. That was hard sometimes.

But over the past two days, I realize there is a shift that has happened…a beautiful, subtle, but profound one. I found my mom and I conversing so freely about so many things, and I saw and felt the connection and mutual understanding in her fellowship. The same spirit that has dwelled in me the last nine years dwells in her now too, and the Holy Spirit forms bonds that cannot be broken. What a blessing fellowship in the Lord is. What a blessing to have a dear God who pursues the hearts of men and changes them from the inside out. And what a blessing it is to receive this blessing as no result of myself. I am deeply humbled and grateful for His work and answered prayers in my mom and her life. What a gift on the day of the ninth year.