“Lord, thou hast said that the believer should enter a land where he would be as a fountain flowing, a land which is crossed on a narrow way. Lead me on in it I ask, for Jesus’ sake.” –Jim Elliot
I’ve been reading a lot of different things lately. I’ve been watching a lot of different things too. In the last couple days, I realized the need to step back to objectively assess what it is I am taking in, how it is influencing me, and why.
My parents were joking last night that my generation is going to develop some kind of thumb disorder due to the amount we use them-in texting, video games, computer, and more. It was a different angle of an observation made by the older generation upon my own—we are inundated with media and technology, and it raises the question of how beneficial or detrimental it all is. I understand my place well in this-I’m on my computer a heck of a lot, doing everything from working, communicating, life’s chores, and more. I would say about 3/4s of the day yesterday was devoted to my computer. Everything I had to do I had to do on that. And of course I’m in the texting generation—more out of need than want, I think. Being home in the summertime with the parents lends itself to more TV than desired…and makes me thankful I don’t have cable at school.
My mom had taped a Bachelorette “After the Final Rose” special. I’ve never really been much to watch that show, but I know how popular it is among non-believers and believers alike. As I watched it with my mom, I can’t tell you how many problems I saw with it. The girl was to pick the person she wanted to marry, and then once she did, then he would get down on one knee and propose. Wow. Talk about putting the man in a passive and submissive position. On either the Bachelor or Bachelorette, they go on all kinds of dates with all the potential suitors. The Bachelorette last night stated that because of these circumstances, she feels like she has already been through life with her now fiancé. Really? It’s a “reality” TV show, and reality TV shows these days are pretty far from reality. Last major observation-there was a question from the audience asking the now engaged Bachelorette and her fiancé how things were going in the bedroom and if there were any complications. Um, strike three. A relationship based on that…?
Perhaps I sound cynical, but I would rather run that line than be one to blindly accept these views as okay. This is just one example of countless things surrounding us that we allow to influence us in a detrimental way. The more we expose ourselves to these things without a sound and objective mind, the more we begin to settle and lose sight of what is truly holy and pure.
To be perfectly honest, I think there has been some frustration in me this summer with the culture I live in, as I know and truly desire to be counter-cultural, but in being inundated in it have felt myself confused as to what is good and what is not. I’ve been confused with myself, my decisions, who I am, what I should be doing. It has led to a time of ridiculous indecisiveness. I realize that as I get older, the world seems a bit more gray. However, what is easy to forget is that gray (in its pure form) is the product of black and white mixed. And that means that those two extremes must exist for gray to be possible. I think the problem lies in that it is easier and more palatable to accept a world that is gray, because we too, can “mix” our own destiny, decide what shade of gray to be, and satisfy our desire to be at least a “little bit distinct” when in reality, we barely differ from the norm.
I can remember my color theory project in which we had to reproduce a gray scale. To get a very light gray, you had to use a TON of white and a teeny tiny bit of black. To get gradually grayer, continue increasing the black. In doing this, I can say from experience that black is a heck of a lot more potent than white. Continuing with the earlier analogy, as Christians we are called to be pure (white). But, it is easy to dabble in sin (black), whether that be in the mind, soul, body, or spirit. It makes the white gray. And once that gray starts, it’s easy to continue adding a teeny bit of black at a time, because it seems like it won’t make that big a difference. But after a while, you’re at the complete dark gray near black. The reality is that once that black gets in, you can never get it fully white again. The only way to do that is to scrap the paint and start over with a new batch of white. Thankfully, we have that promise of redemption through Christ in which He promises to make our sins as white as snow. Yet, we should never take grace as an excuse to keep on sinning.
But we do. And our culture deems it acceptable. We, as believers, have allowed ourselves to buy into the philosophy that we choose our own standards and way. We start to settle for the fact that being radical (white) is hard, and we don’t really have to shoot that high.
I’ve been wrestling with the gray for a while, in wondering how can the extreme of white and black be possible and visible in our culture. We do not want to call sin “sin,” and we set the bar lower for purity than what it actually calls for and requires. I’ve been wondering how in the world I am to be and model these extremes, and in a world of gray, I was honestly wondering if it is really possible…
Yet I’ve also been reading some books. One is The Journals of Jim Elliot, another is Finding God at Harvard, and I recently finished Crazy Love. Ecclesiastes has been a solid comfort to me. In reading things that nourish my spirit and soul, I am reminded again of one of the greatest challenges to me as a believer, and that is what it is to live a radical, counter-cultural life while still engaging the culture around me fully. To do that involves testing our minds and hearts of everything we allow to come in. In a media-inundated culture, it proves a challenge, but not an impossible one…and I think one of the important steps is testing what we see and read against what we know to be true, good, and holy.
I’ve also received letters and emails from friends by whom I am greatly encouraged. One, upon finishing a year of ministry abroad, stated that her hardest lesson this year was learning that God often cares more about our holiness than using our gifts. I cried upon reading that statement because it was nourishment to my thirsty spirit. There was so much truth in that statement and also, what I felt like for the first time in a while, a shared understanding and fellowship in striving after what the Lord asks and requires.
I still have so many thoughts to process through…but in the meantime, what I am coming to remember and understand are these things: our world and culture is so much further gone and in need of redemption than it could ever possibly realize on its own; there is a necessity to objectively test and observe what it is we read, see, and think about against what we know to be true, good and holy; that we are called to be white in a world of gray and we have no excuses not to be; and most of all…
I am not alone in this quest and thirst for God’s holiness not just in my life, but in this world. There are countless others who share the same passion, and thankfully, others who have gone before and led a life in such a way that God has used them tremendously. I am not alone or naïve in hoping for such things, because He who is holy is with me and desires it more than I do. And lastly, all my striving, questioning, seeking, and doing is nothing if not fully surrendered to Him and Him as the source and driver of it all. It is not up to me to do or to be; it is up to me to seek, and let all these things be added as well. He must become greater and I less.
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