"But Not Yet"

“But not yet.”

I’ve been pretty frustrated the past couple of days. It’s been more of an internal frustration coming from finally having the chance to be still, being somewhat frustrated with that itself, and fighting against what the stillness can bring. I’m again amazed at what stillness can reveal. There were/are some pretty pertinent things I need to work out with the Lord and lies I need to dispel. Yet, tonight, the Lord is good to reveal where my primary frustration lies.

“But not yet.”

To retrace my steps a bit, God’s had me in this season of waiting for a long time. It’s been probably over a year now. It’s been an incredibly valuable and fruitful time to teach me of what it means to be in the present moment and allow Him to move and work in it. That’s a really broad statement for all this has contained, but it’ll suffice for now.

And now, this season of waiting is changing and on the brink of ending. Some of these timetables I know; others I don’t. Elise has been gone for close to a year now. I’ll get to see her and live with her in about a month and a half. I’ve been largely content in where each one of us has been in this year, but now that the time is closer “but not yet” here, it brings about an impatience that wasn’t previously there. I’ve finished four years of college, and feel ready to move on, “but not yet.” I still have a year to finish. John and I are closer to the future and all it brings than we ever have been, “but not yet,” we are not yet there either. There’s a lot of things coming up in the near future to either start or complete; those too, “but not yet.”

I realize now that waiting is a pretty constant reality. John can testify to this. The “but not yet” is a changing reality. It implies that something is coming, but is not yet here. It’s being stuck in the middle of the transition. I find it interesting that this frustrates me more.

I’m remembering who I am at nature, specifically in my childhood. I can’t think of certain examples, but I remember being told “not yet” would just make me want to start or do it even more. “Not yet” is like a challenge to me, one of which my stubbornness wants to fight against. It’s like I take that “not yet” and try to turn it into “well why not now? Let me try.” I am a person that very rarely responds with passivity; I respond with passion instead, and whether that passion is constructive or not depends on the situation.

My flesh so desperately wants to do, wants the change to “just happen already,” but the Lord is reminding me, “but not yet.” In searching for that phrase within the bible, I see how there were so many times in Jesus’ ministry and life the times of “not yet” were still purposeful. It’s in the times of “not yet” that it’s really hard to see the purpose because it’s easy to gravitate towards what is to come or what is to happen, but in retrospect, the “not yet” times are necessary.

Tonight, as I feel so stuck in the transition, I need remember that the Lord will and is using this time of “but not yet.” I may not see it now because the sight of what is to come often overshadows it, but I can trust Him to be purposeful in it. And, I can pray that He soften my heart to learn to embrace these times of “but not yet,” just as He did so in my long season of waiting.