Releasing Grasp

“Father, let me be weak that I might lose my clutch on everything temporal. My life, my reputation, my possessions. Lord, let me loose the tension of a grasping hand. Even, Father, would I lose the love of fondling—how oft I have released grasp only to retain what I prized by ‘harmless longing,’ the fondling touch. Rather, open my hand to receive the nail of Calvary—as Christ’s was opened—that I, releasing all, might be released, unleashed from all that binds me here. He thought heaven—yea, equality with God—not a thing to be clutched at…so let me release my grasp.” –Jim Elliot, July 11, 1948.

In the late night of my last day in Colorado Springs before heading back to SLO, I find myself caught up in the midst of change…yet again. In looking over recent times, it is interesting to note how there has always been change in some way or measure. It may not have been in every area of my life (most often not), but it is there in some way or another. One example of this would be that I have moved so ridiculously much in the last four years:

September 2005: Colorado Springs to SLO-Sequoia Dorms.
June 2006: SLO to Santa Monica, CA
September 2006: Basically Santa Monica to SLO-Cerro Vista, with a 2 week hiatus in Hollywood and a 3 week hiatus in Colorado Springs
June 2007: SLO-Cerro Vista to 1st house
June 2008: 1st house to Colorado Springs
September 2008: Colorado Springs to SLO-2nd house
June 2009: 2nd house to Colorado Springs
August 2009: Colorado Springs to 2nd house temporarily before 1st apartment

I give this example because it’s the most concrete out of all of the other changes. This comes from a girl who lived in the same five-mile radius in Colorado Springs her entire life, in 2 houses she remembers. And now…it’s a whole new story.

I didn’t use to like change very much. That is because it shatters any possession or perception of control. Yet, my college years have been full of change, and a LOT of it. Little by little, situation by situation, trait by trait, God’s been teaching me over the years to relinquish my control, and where I would put my trust in myself, to place it in Him instead.

It is funny to me now how easily people can fight for control in areas where they really have none. I can see this of myself too. There have been times this summer where I try to take control in areas where I shouldn’t, but I have been thankful to see progress on the long road of sanctification in this. God has been thorough in it, that’s for sure.

So, what are my thoughts as I head back to SLO once again, and to move yet again? They echo what Jim states in the passage above. It is so easy to cling to what is temporal, but in this change I need something, Someone more than that. Someone who is the same yesterday, today, and forever in the midst of a constantly changing reality. My life is temporal. Oh Lord, that I might cling to Thee and thee alone. And in this change, let me grow in not fondling-in not still remaining connected to things through a touch. There is no good in indulgence when things must be abstained from completely. Lord, that my heart and focus may be on You and You alone, experiencing the blessing that only comes from relationship with You.

They say the heart is the wellspring of life, and from a spring waters overflow. I pray that I be filled with Thee in order that You and all that is good and worthy of praise be manifested through me. As Jim also says, “out of a heart that is full of either sweet water or bitter springs, the fountain at my tongue and who or what I really am is at my heart. Clear out the source and fill it with Thy love that my speech may be sound and uncondemned—today!” –February 21, 1948

My life is not my own, and I must lay no claim to it. All that is good within it must spring forth a response of praise on my part to the Giver of it all. And all that is hard or difficult must also spring forth a response of praise and a choice for joy because in it, I know that through it, I may become closer to Him. Through the pain and difficulty, I may understand what it means to count all as loss for the sake of knowing Him-even all ideal circumstances in this temporal life on earth. If I am called to eternity, then my life be best to start living through His eternal perspective today…in the midst of change yet again that releases my grasp.