It's always interesting to see where God takes the course of my day or night when I allow Him to do so. It's been such a blessing to have an entire day when there is nothing I HAD to do. It's been incredibly restful and needed...
Tonight I sat down with the intention of writing my parents a letter about God's leading in the future and the shaping and desires for such. However, that did not come. Instead, I ended up reading old blogs for about an hour. There are times I will go back and read through my journals, but I don't read through my blogs very often. I thank God for providing them in tonight's time, for there is something so beautiful about reading and remembering all that He has done and who He always is. I can't write about the future in its fullness until I see and remember God's fullness in the past and present. There is such a need to reflect and remember...
And I am blown away by it all. Could I really be here, 21 years old, in my third year of college, in the position I am in now? My roots are ever so present yet they are incredibly distant at the same time. Was it over 2 years ago that I started college and so many things began? And even still, college was not the beginning of my life. My Creator has had my days ordained before I ever came to be. Could it be that this year is a transition year in a lot of ways? I think perhaps, but more so after reading tonight, I think that in so many ways it is a new beginning, a new walking upon truths I am finally beginning to grasp. It may be a transition more so in the place I am. I find myself amazed that ever still I will come upon new mysteries of my God of which He gives me in order that I may constantly probe my faith to make it stronger and deeper. I praise Him that He will continue to take my breath away in so many moments...
Like today at the beach. My good friends from the dorm 2 years ago and I got together to play volleyball for a post-humus birthday celebration. It was raining quite a bit at the beach, but we didn't let that stop us. I was blessed tremendously by it for so many different reasons. One was that I was able to look upon these people I have known for over two years now and see the ways in which we have grown up..such a strange reality but one nevertheless. As we played the rain streamed steadily down and from time to time we shook our hair and wiped our brows. But the presence of God was ever there. And lastly, I found myself completely taken aback by the birds taking flight all at once, hundreds, maybe thousands, rising up. It was breathtaking. I can't even wrap my mind around what my heart wants to say in response to that...
Perhaps I am taken aback in the passing of time and what it brings. It seems like yesterday that that same group that gathered today to play volleyball in the rain gathered during WOW week our freshman year to play volleyball at the rec center. How incredibly different we all were and still are; yet there's a bond of friendship that has kept us coming back together over the years. These aren't my closest friends, but they are some of my most treasured. No matter how long it has been since we have seen one another or talked or anything, we still come back together. It is a friendship that is unconditional on time...
How God is incredibly unconditional on time...regardless of where I have been or where I am at, He has met me there. He has led me and taught me according to what I could bear, no matter how long the time would take. And though it's natural to classify things into years and ages, it is also sweet to see it as a big picture. God has been shaping me and leading me since before I was born.
My name was picked by my parents off of an 80's tv show they liked. When it was picked by them, they had no idea what the meaning of the name was: "consecrated to God." God has named me not for who I originally was but for who I would become and am becoming. Just as Jesus renamed Peter for that same reason, so God has done so with me. How incredibly beautiful that is...and how true it resounds over the years as God has knit me more and more into the folds of His arms and heart that I may be consecrated to him in every way...I love that word and am excited to see what other ways it will come into play later on in my life.
I am thankful that God has brought me back to remember before I pursue the future. The letter, among with so many other things, will come in time, but there's such a necessity in remembering the preparation of heart that God has done in the past for such things in the future. And upon the reflection as of tonight, I am clearly seeing that He certainly directs paths we are unaware of, and in His beautiful timing He makes them straight and clear. I have seen so much...yet it's nothing in comparison for what will come. That is my God, fully Himself in every way...unspeakably beautiful.
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