Marvelous Light

I rearranged my room the day I got back to SLO from winter break. It is much improved than before. It just feels different, better. What does this have to do with anything, one might wonder? It is strange because I find it is a symbol for what has been happening over this last week.

This quarter is completely different than last quarter in so many ways. It would take forever to explain it in its fullness. I've been struck by a couple things, however. Part of the rearranging my room was moving my bed to a different wall. When I wake up in the morning, I am greeted with the view of the hill outside my room, illuminated in the precious morning light. I woke up on Friday in one of the most worshipful states I have woken up in and it was sweet beyond belief. The light shining in my room seemed to be warmer, richer, brighter, and the sky a deep, vivid blue in contrast with the bright tufts of green grass beginning to emerge from this hill.

The hill in its physicality has not changed, though it is becoming greener. The sky is still the same and the same sun rises every morning. Yet, I view it completely different this quarter. Last quarter this scene would've brought me probably either anxiety or dread at the prospect of getting up for another day. I so miserably failed to see the beauty in each day and realize that God is fully in it and sovereign.

I think it also comes in the wake of Christmas break and waking up to a 5 foot drift of snow next to my window every morning and being met with the harsh elements. Obviously, the weather is a little bit better here.

But it's so much more than that. If I were to leave it at that, I would do God such injustice at what He has done. He has rearranged my life in more ways than one and melted away the snow that left me unable to move. There is a newfound hope and joy He has brought, much like the green grass emerging which brings way to spring. There's been a lot of shifting in my heart, one so difficult but so good. And now the light that once brought anxiety brings hope and a rememberance of His promises. He is beyond good. He is the light, and in Him there is no darkness. The closer I get to Him as I allow Him to pursue me, the harder it is to find any darkness.

Today John and I took a little day trip to Paso and then over to Cambria and then to the shores of Cambria. Oh how evident God is in His creation! I found myself in a rekindled love for the ocean and the hills and all that surrounds me. It spoke to my heart again, and God asked me the question, "Will you always look to me?" Last quarter I didn't. I looked away from Him because I feared Him for all the wrong reasons. Now I realize that there is no way I can't look to Him, for He is my light, my strength, my salvation, the source of love! How can I not look to Him when He surrounds and He is the very breath I breathe out of my mouth, the air that fills my lungs, the joy in my heart?!?

And oh, how amazing it is to not have any anxiety about the future for the first time in a long time! I was planning the classes I need to take over the next three years and was at Spring of 2010, hopefully when I will graduate. Oh, where will I be then? I can only imagine at where God will take me in that time and what He will do! I can't wait! I was sitting with John today and thinking that the best is yet to come...that is hard to believe! Oour mini-adventure gave me a craving for more today, I crave for more of His adventure. It's a journey unlike any other, full of surprises and trials and blessings and lessons and so much more. It will not always be easy but it will always be worth it!

"My lovingkindness I will keep for him forever,
And My covenant shall be confirmed to him.
"So I will establish his descendants forever
And his throne as the days of heaven.
"If his sons forsake My law
And do not walk in My judgments,
If they violate My statutes
And do not keep My commandments,
Then I will punish their transgression with the rod
And their iniquity with stripes.
"But I will not break off My lovingkindness from him,
Nor deal falsely in My faithfulness.
"My covenant I will not violate,

Nor will I alter the utterance of My lips.
"Once I have sworn by My holiness;
I will not lie to David.
"His descendants shall endure forever
And his throne as the sun before Me.
"It shall be established forever like the moon,
And the witness in the sky is faithful."

Psalm 89:28-37