Below this entry is a photojournal of various birds I have taken pictures of over the last year and a half. I wanted to go back and remember those times in which I took those pictures and the various ways God has spoken to me through those. Unfortunately I do not have pictures of my famous pet goose from last week, but what I have will suffice.
In different seasons of my life God chooses to speak to me through different things. Last year it was through scenes of His creation. I was able to live in two places throughout the year, Colorado, and for the first time, California. Each has its own beauty and majesty and for the first time in my life, I came to truly appreciate it. Last year...there is not just one adjective that can capture all it entailed, but if I truly had to pick one, I would say majesty. Over and over God surrounded me with His majesty, whether it be the sunset at the beach in California, or a mountain range in Colorado, or a canyon with a waterfall in Hawaii. God blew away all of my perceptions in a huge way last year. All of my life's plans that I had coming into college pretty much completely changed. My plans were too small for my God. He has much bigger ones. He is beyond anything I can wrap my mind around, and last year I was met with that for the first time. Last year was one of taking pictures and embarking on this new hobby of photography, one in which I could capture and remember these great scenes God created for me. Last year was one in which words poured forth from my fingertips and mouth, in which I found God in so many ways. I would say that last year was a banner year in a lot of ways in my adventure with God.
And as the years go on, the change continues. As I said before, each season brings different things and different lessons. This year is my quiet year, in which God has chosen to rework and mold my heart in ways never before. This year is when I'm discovering what the sacrifice of true love really is. This year is one in which I find it difficult to do external things like last year because it's not the season God has me in. This season has me retreating from my position I've always entailed as a leader and entering into my Savior's arms and surrendering. This season is one in which God is creating me as a new wineskin in order that He may pour forth new wine into it and have it ferment into something better and sweeter. My words have been so few as of late, a strange thing for a writer such as me. But again and again, I find my words so inadequate for this time. I can't put into words what God is doing in my heart and I can't give Him justice through my words. I can't pour forth effort into something that doesn't require my all, and that's how writing has been as of late. My God, my Savior demands my all and that is where I need to be. For the first time in my life, I need to let my quietness speak instead of any words I can pour forth. I need to hear His whisper to my heart and let Him speak to those around me far better than I ever can.
As for what God has chosen to speak through to me this season, it has been through birds. How captivated I have been with them...a kindred spirit of sorts I have found. Growing up, if I was asked the question what animal would I want to be, it was always a bird. I am beginning to understand why...
The birds that I am surrounded with here in SLO, especially on the hills outside my apartments, possess a majesty like few I have encountered. They soar effortlessly through the air, letting the wind caress their wings and direct their paths. They are not ones to make obnoxious noise but they rather embrace the silence that lies all around them. How sweet is it to let one's words be few...to feel the wind beneath one's wings, knowing all one has to do is incline them in order to soar...
It's such a simple life that the birds have. As I was walking to work today, I saw these two ducks swimming in this ditch full of water by the path. They frolicked about among the moss and then decided to pick up and leave, flying right over my head dropping water on me as I walked underneath. They don't have any cares or worries.
They see the most majestic of sights. They bask in every sunrise and sunset. As the clouds change form above them, they are able to seek the light, for they see it and can obtain its grasp. If only I were able to see the light that clearly and strive for it every moment I live and breathe...if I could fly and somehow reach it, how sweet that would be.
I was watching hummingbirds in the courtyard of my apartments yesterday and for the first time actually saw a hummingbird not flap his wings but rest on a tree branch. The frenzied pace that was so normal to him he forsaked for a while. Sounds pretty familiar to me.
And so few are attached to one place, for they know that being attached to one place means it can be uprooted at any time. Instead, they fly around not having roots. How true does this ring in that this is not my true home. I have one waiting for me that is far better. I shouldn't get attached.
There's even a companionship that I have found in these birds that I long for. Last Saturday I went to the lake in town to sit in God's presence and somehow found myself in the company of a big fat goose for an hour. God had much to teach me through this goose. I was scared of this goose for quite a while because I didn't know what the heck he wanted and why he was right by my side. I wasn't sure if he was going to bite me or what. I had to learn to trust him that he wasn't going to hurt me and so the goose also had to learn I wasn't going to hurt him. It took some time but how sweet the results were...I was able to caress its soft neck and stroke its feathers and watch him fall asleep at my side...such a strange encounter with a goose. This goose also pursued me in a concrete way I hadn't experienced before. He swam out of nowhere in the water and walked out of it right up to my feet. He looked at me and honked at me for a bit waiting for me to get up and follow him. I followed him shortly from my bench and sat with him as he ate the grass surrounding me. I started singing some worship songs quietly to myself and he began honking so loudly! After a while I went back to my bench and he ran after me until he was right back at my side. We spent some more time together until I decided to make my way back to my car. He continued to run after me, and then just walked me to my car almost all the way. Three remarkable things happened in this. I was petting him on the back of his head as we walked and he was nuzzling into my leg because he enjoyed it so much. The second was that three other adults saw the experience I was having with the goose and decided to try and pet him too. He, well, viciously attacked them only to return right back to my side. As I was almost back to my car, he decided to stop going. I stopped for a second and looked at him and he looked at me, and then with a grand finale, he stood up as tall as he could and began to flap his huge majestic wings all while remaining on the ground. An incredible sight. This goose longed for my company and would stick by my side, not letting me go. This goose who was vicious to others learned to trust me and fell asleep in my presence. This goose showed me that he wasn't going to hurt me and I just needed to be in his presence. He delighted in me, longed for me, wanted to teach me. This is my God, the One who pursues me...how sweet it was in a rather amusing occurence of a goose.
And today I have found myself realizing there is still a bit more to be learned from these birds...there is still a bit more to this season I am in. For the first time in my life, I am not going to rush the time I am in. It is far too critical for what God has in store. For if my heart is not molded and shaped by my Savior now, how will I be able to rest secure in His love for me and be able to sacrifice all at the same time for what He has for me to do? I won't be able to. It will be like pouring new wine into an old wineskin and having it burst because it wasn't able to stretch any more. It would be lost.
I could look to future things and lessons that God has in store, but why would I want to miss this time now? It has been one of the most difficult seasons of my life, but one of the most rewarding. God is showing me who He is and wrapping me up in His presence. Why would I ever want to escape?
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