“May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth” (Proverbs 5:18).
I would say that the last two months or so have been rather quiet in writing and thinking somewhat. God has been teaching me much about the heart—mine, His, and others’. In the quietness of late I have been learning to be still and simply be in His presence, without a multitude of thoughts running rampant through my mind. Though these can be edifying, they also have the potential to be distracting. I’ve been learning that my wisdom is not my own by any means; it is fully and completely from God. God has taken it away to an extent, and only at such times like tonight do I feel led to write. It is good to know that it is not of myself and only of Him. Because I am being led to write, I will do so. I pray these words are not of me and solely of Him.
For as long as I can remember, I have had such a desire and longing to be married to the man of my dreams. I am confident it is a God-given desire. However, for a long time also, I thought that once I was in a relationship or was married, there would be a completion to my life, to who I am. God brought John into my life last year in a complete yet utterly wonderful surprise. Our friendship grew quickly and deeply last year as well as our affection for one another. Towards the end of the school year, he voiced to me that God was leading him to pursue a relationship with me, and I echoed that sentiment. The timing of that I was blind to at the time and attempted to understand, for I was going on Summer Project with Crusade in Santa Monica for two and a half months, which meant I wouldn’t see him for that duration of time as well. Looking back I now understand that it was necessary for God to give me a glimpse of what was to come before one of the critical lessons He would teach me that summer.
That lesson is that I don’t need John. I don’t need him. What I thought would be this beautiful completion to my life actually happened apart from him. Through His beautiful ways, God showed me that He is abundantly more than I could ever want and need, and all my completion is found in Christ. The relationship with John that God was bringing is not the end of everything important in my life, because it is not the final puzzle piece put in place. Rather, it is the beginning of a life-long journey in which God chooses to provide in amazing ways through John and to mirror His own pursuit of us. If I chose or choose to look to John to provide in ways that only Christ can, he will crumble under the pressure and I will be left empty, for there are some things only Christ can do. Such is the necessity of living by the Spirit to determine these things.
After summer project and returning home, John voiced his intention to pursue me and the relationship that God was calling us to wait on until after project. And thus, “the relationship” began. Would I say that the past almost three months have been easy? I would not. God has stripped each of us bare of everything we have known individually, so we have been dealing with that and trying to build our relationship on top of that. There have been struggles, tears, and hard lessons seemingly piled on top of one another. But I look to it as the refining fire that God brings us through, in which the grass, chaff, and jewels are thrown in. The things that are temporary such as the chaff and grass burn away, but the jewels are refined and come out more beautiful than before. I’ve been seeing the beginning glances of jewels and it’s quite beautiful. And as hard as this time has been in a lot of ways, I remain in full praise for it. It is through this time that we have found Christ to be the foundation of both our individual lives and our life together.
Yet, it is still so interesting in what God chooses to teach in the midst of this. Many times before have I read Paul’s words about celibacy and have never understood them until now. Now that I am in a relationship, I do understand them.
“I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs-how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and Spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:32-35).
As followers of Christ, our only concern should ideally be how we can please Him. The last thing I would say is that I have displayed this at some point in my life, because I haven’t. As I said earlier, I have always had a longing to be married. But is it easier to be devoted to the Lord if you are single? I would say yes. In the time that I have known John, his presence in my life has increased, especially his presence in my mind and heart. I would even venture to say that that fact has been a bit scary at times. About a month ago, God strongly convicted me to be continually praying that my relationship with Him and my relationship with John would each have their proper places in my life. I am no longer single, and with that, my attention is divided between John and the Lord.
And I will be very honest here: I regret how I spent my time being single. I was consumed with the prospect of marriage long before I ever should have been. In the time in which I could’ve been solely devoted to the Lord and had an undivided interest in Him, I wasn’t. I was constantly consumed by what was to come in the future that I missed out on the level of intimacy I could’ve had with Him in the present. It also comes back to the seemingly unending struggle to embrace the current season and not to play the waiting game, looking to what is to come. I missed out. That isn’t something I can get back in the same way now.
But do I regret no longer being single? I don’t. Do I feel guilty for not being single? To that, no also. For as Paul also explains, celibacy is a spiritual gift, and few have it.
“I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: it is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am” (1 Cor 7:7-8).
Each man has his own gift from God, and sometimes celibacy is one of them, as Paul had. Yet it is not one that everyone, or even many people have. God calls few to a life of celibacy, for it requires voluntarily being single without regret and being able to serve the Lord without distraction. Paul also says that “each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him” (1 Cor 7:17). That means embracing what God has called us to do and the circumstances He has placed us in, and for me, that means a life with marriage. I praise God that I will one day be married, because I can’t imagine a life without a man, namely John, by my side. I am thankful I don’t have to go on this road alone. There is great purpose in me no longer being single. However, I am also thankful that God has allowed me to see what an unwavering devotion to Him should look like, and how there is so much truth in what Paul wrote.
In our society today, there is definitely a warped view of what relationships look like and are. So often I find myself grieving at these statements, beliefs, and actions, because what is not realized is how much is being missed out on. If God is the giver of greatest blessings, why don’t we wait on Him and allow Him to give when He sees it fit? If He knows us better than we know ourselves, why do we take the timing and people of relationships into our own hands, thinking that we can put a square peg through a round hole, and that somehow, it will work? I could go on and on about this, but I will refrain. Basically after seeing and experiencing how good a relationship is because it’s of God makes me grieve for those who don’t or aren’t willing to wait on Him. People let themselves be completely consumed by a significant other and make their entire world revolve around that person rather than Christ. So often it sets them up to fall and be scarred in the process. We are a dynamic people, called to do different things. As Christians, we must not neglect the ministry we have in our lives because we are looking to “a one” rather than “The One.” As I will explain later on, there is so much we can learn from the pursuit of one another in a romantic relationship, one leading to marriage. Yet, I would think that anyone would honestly say that they desire their relationships to be the best they can be, three-dimensional rather than two. I find that through my other relationships with people and the things I do apart from my relationship with John only teaches me more in how to love him and most importantly, point to Christ.
John and I continue to find our relationship contrary to the world, and that is what we desire.
“He who finds a wife finds what is good, and receives favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22).
This verse, along with so many others I have read, only solidifies the fact that this relationship is good. God did a major overhaul in both of us for us to accept and enter this relationship with one another. To put it simply, it is completely from and of God that we are together, and not of ourselves. It is good that we are together. I believe God is smiling upon it. When God is the consummation of our hearts, we are able to love each other more and most importantly, love Him more.
“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his flesh. This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (1 Corinthians 5:22-33).
Now here comes a verse in which I think possesses so much of God’s heart in human relationships. A male and female relationship is only to be a mirror of Christ’s relationship with His bride, the Church. As we submit to Christ, so women should submit to their husbands, for they are to be the head, just as Christ is the head of the Church. One thing I want to make clear in my study of this passage is that Christ’s relationship is not the mirror of our human relationships. He is the source, and all things come from Him and point back to Him, every aspect of our lives. One thing I know women have so much of a problem with is the aspect of being commanded to be submissive to our husbands. I think the thing that is missed so much in this passage is that we are to be submissive to them, but they are to love us as they love themselves and Christ loved the church. They are to give themselves up for us to make us holy and present us in that way. It goes both ways. I believe if we truly heed the Word and desire to do what it speaks of, we will find ourselves living the Spirit-filled life with extreme blessing. But, we must be willing. We must be willing to let the truth transform our hearts and lives, and rely not on what we see in the world and what other things we may think to be true.
And what a blessing it has been to begin to walk in this truth. For those of you who know me well, you know that I am a natural leader and am used to being strong or at least putting on the appearance of it. A huge thing I have been learning over the last few months is how to be truly vulnerable and submissive. It has been difficult to say the least, because I have been much more vulnerable to spiritual attack with that. I have been learning it in two different aspects; one with John and the other with Christ. They have been very closely parallel to one another. Yet all difficult things that are of Christ bring beauty, and I have been finding that with this lesson as well. It has been sweet to not be a leader for once and learn how to truly let Christ as well as John lead. I am a woman, and I desire that John may be won over by my “submission to him so that he may be won over without words by my behavior when he sees the purity and reverence of my life…when my beauty does not come from outward adornment but of my inner self, a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight” (1 Peter 3:1-4 paraphrase). I also pray that it is not just John who is “won” over by this in a sense, because those qualities are the ones of a Christ-filled woman. How great can her influence be to those around her, especially those hurting, perishing, or dying…and this has been a lesson of learning to not just be a Godly person, but a Godly woman... “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life” (Prov 31:10-12).
I praise God for being the consummation of my heart. His love is better than life! In the midst of this consummation I also find my love for John growing stronger. In many prayers for him and about this relationship I find myself praying that God will continue to teach me how to be submissive and how to serve John in the way that he needs. I pray that I will continue to learn and practice selfless love, and be the prayer warrior for him that he needs. One of my prayers for him has been that God would teach him what it is to be a leader in every aspect, and to take initiative in the way that Christ pursues us. Prayers for us include that we would learn so much more about Christ’s pursuit for us through our relationship, as well as every aspect of our relationship bringing others and glory to God.
See, I strongly believe the point of relationships is only to point back to the Creator. I can’t emphasize this enough. This proves the necessity of letting Christ ordain them. We are created for relationships in all aspects with other people, but most importantly, with Christ. Christ gives us a bigger picture of Himself through them, and we have the privilege of gaining an understanding of how He pursues us, if we are willing to fulfill those roles He has called us to do and created us to be. And as we embark on those relationships of all kinds, especially those leading to marriage, we must remember that we are all still human and fall short. There will be times we fail or are disappointed, and times that we cause hurt to another. Yet as Christ has covered us with His blood to cover our sin, He covers us with His love and pursuit over the wounds of the hearts. As beautiful as my relationship is and will continue to be with John, I will always remember this fact: Christ is our ultimate pursuer. In any area that we may fall, hurt, or fail one another, Christ fills. We look to Him for the ultimate pursuit, not to man. Our relationships with one another here on earth are just a fraction as good as the one with Him, our Savior and best friend.
“Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt. In that day, declares the Lord, you will call me my husband, you will no longer call me my master. I will bethroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord” (Hosea 2:14-16, 19-20).
I would say that the last two months or so have been rather quiet in writing and thinking somewhat. God has been teaching me much about the heart—mine, His, and others’. In the quietness of late I have been learning to be still and simply be in His presence, without a multitude of thoughts running rampant through my mind. Though these can be edifying, they also have the potential to be distracting. I’ve been learning that my wisdom is not my own by any means; it is fully and completely from God. God has taken it away to an extent, and only at such times like tonight do I feel led to write. It is good to know that it is not of myself and only of Him. Because I am being led to write, I will do so. I pray these words are not of me and solely of Him.
For as long as I can remember, I have had such a desire and longing to be married to the man of my dreams. I am confident it is a God-given desire. However, for a long time also, I thought that once I was in a relationship or was married, there would be a completion to my life, to who I am. God brought John into my life last year in a complete yet utterly wonderful surprise. Our friendship grew quickly and deeply last year as well as our affection for one another. Towards the end of the school year, he voiced to me that God was leading him to pursue a relationship with me, and I echoed that sentiment. The timing of that I was blind to at the time and attempted to understand, for I was going on Summer Project with Crusade in Santa Monica for two and a half months, which meant I wouldn’t see him for that duration of time as well. Looking back I now understand that it was necessary for God to give me a glimpse of what was to come before one of the critical lessons He would teach me that summer.
That lesson is that I don’t need John. I don’t need him. What I thought would be this beautiful completion to my life actually happened apart from him. Through His beautiful ways, God showed me that He is abundantly more than I could ever want and need, and all my completion is found in Christ. The relationship with John that God was bringing is not the end of everything important in my life, because it is not the final puzzle piece put in place. Rather, it is the beginning of a life-long journey in which God chooses to provide in amazing ways through John and to mirror His own pursuit of us. If I chose or choose to look to John to provide in ways that only Christ can, he will crumble under the pressure and I will be left empty, for there are some things only Christ can do. Such is the necessity of living by the Spirit to determine these things.
After summer project and returning home, John voiced his intention to pursue me and the relationship that God was calling us to wait on until after project. And thus, “the relationship” began. Would I say that the past almost three months have been easy? I would not. God has stripped each of us bare of everything we have known individually, so we have been dealing with that and trying to build our relationship on top of that. There have been struggles, tears, and hard lessons seemingly piled on top of one another. But I look to it as the refining fire that God brings us through, in which the grass, chaff, and jewels are thrown in. The things that are temporary such as the chaff and grass burn away, but the jewels are refined and come out more beautiful than before. I’ve been seeing the beginning glances of jewels and it’s quite beautiful. And as hard as this time has been in a lot of ways, I remain in full praise for it. It is through this time that we have found Christ to be the foundation of both our individual lives and our life together.
Yet, it is still so interesting in what God chooses to teach in the midst of this. Many times before have I read Paul’s words about celibacy and have never understood them until now. Now that I am in a relationship, I do understand them.
“I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs-how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and Spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:32-35).
As followers of Christ, our only concern should ideally be how we can please Him. The last thing I would say is that I have displayed this at some point in my life, because I haven’t. As I said earlier, I have always had a longing to be married. But is it easier to be devoted to the Lord if you are single? I would say yes. In the time that I have known John, his presence in my life has increased, especially his presence in my mind and heart. I would even venture to say that that fact has been a bit scary at times. About a month ago, God strongly convicted me to be continually praying that my relationship with Him and my relationship with John would each have their proper places in my life. I am no longer single, and with that, my attention is divided between John and the Lord.
And I will be very honest here: I regret how I spent my time being single. I was consumed with the prospect of marriage long before I ever should have been. In the time in which I could’ve been solely devoted to the Lord and had an undivided interest in Him, I wasn’t. I was constantly consumed by what was to come in the future that I missed out on the level of intimacy I could’ve had with Him in the present. It also comes back to the seemingly unending struggle to embrace the current season and not to play the waiting game, looking to what is to come. I missed out. That isn’t something I can get back in the same way now.
But do I regret no longer being single? I don’t. Do I feel guilty for not being single? To that, no also. For as Paul also explains, celibacy is a spiritual gift, and few have it.
“I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: it is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am” (1 Cor 7:7-8).
Each man has his own gift from God, and sometimes celibacy is one of them, as Paul had. Yet it is not one that everyone, or even many people have. God calls few to a life of celibacy, for it requires voluntarily being single without regret and being able to serve the Lord without distraction. Paul also says that “each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him” (1 Cor 7:17). That means embracing what God has called us to do and the circumstances He has placed us in, and for me, that means a life with marriage. I praise God that I will one day be married, because I can’t imagine a life without a man, namely John, by my side. I am thankful I don’t have to go on this road alone. There is great purpose in me no longer being single. However, I am also thankful that God has allowed me to see what an unwavering devotion to Him should look like, and how there is so much truth in what Paul wrote.
In our society today, there is definitely a warped view of what relationships look like and are. So often I find myself grieving at these statements, beliefs, and actions, because what is not realized is how much is being missed out on. If God is the giver of greatest blessings, why don’t we wait on Him and allow Him to give when He sees it fit? If He knows us better than we know ourselves, why do we take the timing and people of relationships into our own hands, thinking that we can put a square peg through a round hole, and that somehow, it will work? I could go on and on about this, but I will refrain. Basically after seeing and experiencing how good a relationship is because it’s of God makes me grieve for those who don’t or aren’t willing to wait on Him. People let themselves be completely consumed by a significant other and make their entire world revolve around that person rather than Christ. So often it sets them up to fall and be scarred in the process. We are a dynamic people, called to do different things. As Christians, we must not neglect the ministry we have in our lives because we are looking to “a one” rather than “The One.” As I will explain later on, there is so much we can learn from the pursuit of one another in a romantic relationship, one leading to marriage. Yet, I would think that anyone would honestly say that they desire their relationships to be the best they can be, three-dimensional rather than two. I find that through my other relationships with people and the things I do apart from my relationship with John only teaches me more in how to love him and most importantly, point to Christ.
John and I continue to find our relationship contrary to the world, and that is what we desire.
“He who finds a wife finds what is good, and receives favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22).
This verse, along with so many others I have read, only solidifies the fact that this relationship is good. God did a major overhaul in both of us for us to accept and enter this relationship with one another. To put it simply, it is completely from and of God that we are together, and not of ourselves. It is good that we are together. I believe God is smiling upon it. When God is the consummation of our hearts, we are able to love each other more and most importantly, love Him more.
“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his flesh. This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (1 Corinthians 5:22-33).
Now here comes a verse in which I think possesses so much of God’s heart in human relationships. A male and female relationship is only to be a mirror of Christ’s relationship with His bride, the Church. As we submit to Christ, so women should submit to their husbands, for they are to be the head, just as Christ is the head of the Church. One thing I want to make clear in my study of this passage is that Christ’s relationship is not the mirror of our human relationships. He is the source, and all things come from Him and point back to Him, every aspect of our lives. One thing I know women have so much of a problem with is the aspect of being commanded to be submissive to our husbands. I think the thing that is missed so much in this passage is that we are to be submissive to them, but they are to love us as they love themselves and Christ loved the church. They are to give themselves up for us to make us holy and present us in that way. It goes both ways. I believe if we truly heed the Word and desire to do what it speaks of, we will find ourselves living the Spirit-filled life with extreme blessing. But, we must be willing. We must be willing to let the truth transform our hearts and lives, and rely not on what we see in the world and what other things we may think to be true.
And what a blessing it has been to begin to walk in this truth. For those of you who know me well, you know that I am a natural leader and am used to being strong or at least putting on the appearance of it. A huge thing I have been learning over the last few months is how to be truly vulnerable and submissive. It has been difficult to say the least, because I have been much more vulnerable to spiritual attack with that. I have been learning it in two different aspects; one with John and the other with Christ. They have been very closely parallel to one another. Yet all difficult things that are of Christ bring beauty, and I have been finding that with this lesson as well. It has been sweet to not be a leader for once and learn how to truly let Christ as well as John lead. I am a woman, and I desire that John may be won over by my “submission to him so that he may be won over without words by my behavior when he sees the purity and reverence of my life…when my beauty does not come from outward adornment but of my inner self, a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight” (1 Peter 3:1-4 paraphrase). I also pray that it is not just John who is “won” over by this in a sense, because those qualities are the ones of a Christ-filled woman. How great can her influence be to those around her, especially those hurting, perishing, or dying…and this has been a lesson of learning to not just be a Godly person, but a Godly woman... “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life” (Prov 31:10-12).
I praise God for being the consummation of my heart. His love is better than life! In the midst of this consummation I also find my love for John growing stronger. In many prayers for him and about this relationship I find myself praying that God will continue to teach me how to be submissive and how to serve John in the way that he needs. I pray that I will continue to learn and practice selfless love, and be the prayer warrior for him that he needs. One of my prayers for him has been that God would teach him what it is to be a leader in every aspect, and to take initiative in the way that Christ pursues us. Prayers for us include that we would learn so much more about Christ’s pursuit for us through our relationship, as well as every aspect of our relationship bringing others and glory to God.
See, I strongly believe the point of relationships is only to point back to the Creator. I can’t emphasize this enough. This proves the necessity of letting Christ ordain them. We are created for relationships in all aspects with other people, but most importantly, with Christ. Christ gives us a bigger picture of Himself through them, and we have the privilege of gaining an understanding of how He pursues us, if we are willing to fulfill those roles He has called us to do and created us to be. And as we embark on those relationships of all kinds, especially those leading to marriage, we must remember that we are all still human and fall short. There will be times we fail or are disappointed, and times that we cause hurt to another. Yet as Christ has covered us with His blood to cover our sin, He covers us with His love and pursuit over the wounds of the hearts. As beautiful as my relationship is and will continue to be with John, I will always remember this fact: Christ is our ultimate pursuer. In any area that we may fall, hurt, or fail one another, Christ fills. We look to Him for the ultimate pursuit, not to man. Our relationships with one another here on earth are just a fraction as good as the one with Him, our Savior and best friend.
“Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt. In that day, declares the Lord, you will call me my husband, you will no longer call me my master. I will bethroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord” (Hosea 2:14-16, 19-20).
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