Disoriented

Disoriented describes lately the best of all the words I can think of right now...

I seem to get thrown curveball after curveball lately, when things are not what I expected at all. Things, at least in part, can be so prophetically clear yet so vague at the same time.

Since coming back to school in particular, I find myself in one of the hardest places I have personally ever been. Life seems so radically different in every way, with no constant except for God.

I see the things I do. I see the things I should do. I see so much more than I ever have before in my surroundings and in people. Yet at the same time, I find myself feeling completely blind and unaware of so much.

In my car tonight I was worshipping at the top of my lungs because God is so good, even in the midst of this disorientation and difficulties. During that time I was thinking about what I have grown in since coming back to school in particular.

And right now, I have no idea.

It feels like so much has changed yet so much hasn't. It seems I am living in two different worlds; what those are, I don't know right now. I really don't know what exactly I should be doing right now, yet I do.

God answers prayers in extraordinary ways. Ever since the second to last week of project, in which I prayed in earnest for God to do whatever He desired in me to bring me closer to Him, no matter how hard it would be, He has answered to the fullest. It's been a seemingly endless stretching with so many different things.

But here are the keys that I must remember tonight: God answers prayer in extraordinary ways. God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. God will never give me more than I can bear. God knows my inmost being and heart. God is faithful. God is a giver of extraordinary blessing. God weaves together things that I find myself astounded to see. God is...fully sovereign, as He displays it day in and out. And that's the thing...God just is. He is the I AM.

And I know that things have changed, I just can't see it yet. I know that in this disorientation, God is the constant. I know that this is achieving for me a glory that will outweigh these present "troubles."

And above all, I know that in this season, God is continually bringing me to a place where I can only rely on Him, and enter into a deeper, fuller, more abundant relationship with Him.

That is good.