No one but Him

I've been so incredibly scattered and seemingly out of it lately. I even sit here tonight unable to fully grasp where I am and what I am doing. I am fully unable to sustain myself; instead, I am being sustained by the Sustainer of life. There's a newfound simplicity amidst newfound complexity right now...a paradox I am unable to explain at this time.

The end of the year is upon me and I sit here in my room just as I am before my Creator. I sit here and realize there is much I am not supposed to grasp just yet. I can't take it all in...

But what I can take in is that I am to be in the presence of my Father all the time...He beckons me into His arms. I come to somewhat of a harsh realization tonight in realizing that it has been no one but Him that has brought me through this year and taught me what I've learned. There is no other credit or praise due to anyone but Him. He has been the ultimate ordainer, but above all, the preserver of my heart...

No one but Him knows what I've been through. No one but Him knows fully what I've been taught. No one but Him knows fully my desires; He created me with them. No one but Him fully knows what's best for me. No one but Him fully understands what it is I am doing. No one but Him knows what refining and reworking in my heart has happened this year. No one but Him fully knows my struggles and pulls me out of them when I am unable. No one but Him knows every single tear I've cried, for He's counted them all. No one but Him knows what fully brings me joy, for He's the creator of such.

No one but Him fully knows me, fully understands me...

I say this not to minimize the people He's placed in my life, but to magnify His presence in my life. Without Him, there is nothing...I am nothing. I sometimes wonder why I try so hard to explain who I am, my struggles, my desires, my thoughts, etc., when there is no one but Him who will fully understand. I know the reason that I attempt to explain is that I desire for people to know me, to dive into who it is I am that God has created, to discover the mystery He has placed within. I know there is no one but Him who has placed the levels of depth within me as He has. Those levels within even daunt me at times. But I wonder what it will look like when/if someone attempts to discover what lies within...

There's no one but Him who has made me who I am today. There's no one but Him who will refine me into who I will be.

And I wonder if we often avoid levels of depth with people because we are afraid to get a bigger picture of our Creator's deeper workings, more intricate refinings and shapings...

But until that question is answered, I will rest in this...there is no one but Him in whose presence I can fully reside; who knows me full well, and sees me for who I am and what I will be and displays His love all the same. Simply...

There is no one but Him.